They’re endless, “about me,” all that matters, and the reason Ohio’s “Family Court” system and the “Child Support” Enforcement Agency (CSEA) are as they are.

They truly believe their situation to be unique, the most important of all, and deserving of mine and others immediate attention. They promise everything and in nearly every case deliver nothing. They scream the loudest, believe that they should be heard, and that because they’re situation is “different.”

Who are they? They are predictable, make the same empty promise, are not to be believed in most cases, and contact me daily via emails that have the same two worn-out lines; “what can I do to get involved” and “please help.” The first is an insincere offer that only serves as an introduction to the latter which is the real motive behind their email.

“What can I do to get involved” is  truly a head fake that’s really a false cover for “my case is unique, I’m being abused, and I therefore deserve your undivided attention and unlimited resources, all for free of course. “Please help” is really why they’re contacting those that they are.

Am I being uncaring, cold, and flippant? Nope, only truthful in stating why “the System” is so anti-father, anti-noncustodial parent, and why things don’t change.

If many of those who’ve approached me over the last four years had the attitude of serving others instead of looking to better their own case by using others, things might very well be different today.

Understand that there are millions out there who fire off emails every day to some father’s rights (or the like) organization who seek only to help themselves and not others. That therein is the very problem that allows the present lunacy and contempt for noncustodial parents and their children by “the System” to perpetuate.

Nearly every noncustodial mom and dad has their own visitation and child support horror stories and they’re indeed truly sad. Some are incredibly heartbreaking, while others are downright disturbing and unnerving.

However, even more sad in some cases is the fact that so few are willing to chart their own (and their child’s, especially those with sons) course by getting involved so as to change the course of theirs and their child’s future. Why is that so? Simply because those very same people are those who are desperately needed in a vast mutiny to force the necessary change.

So to those who are always pleading “I need help” I ask, do you, and more importantly, do you really mean that? If you did, you would get involved as that’s the best way to help yourself. Things will continue to be as they are until you decide enough is enough and finally become active in fighting against this.

But so it is and will be; millions will continue to ask for help, while only a few of the same will get actively involved. Worse is that they don’t realize that getting involved is to help both themselves and others, who’ll in turn do the same. When that happens we’ll see great changes for the better, and such will truly be in the best interest of the children.

There’s a new organization currently being formed on a national level that will make a significant difference and will surely be a force to be reckoned with. The domain is in place, the charter is being written, a trademark is in progress, the web site is under construction, and Board members under consideration. Are you interested? I’d like to see a million members join and believe that’s easily attainable given what we’ll be standing for.

To those who’re presently assisting with that, I want to say “thank you!” Especially you “M!” In truth, you’re the first person I’ve met who possesses the same tenacity, fire and compassion as do I!

To those who read what I’ve written and say, “I don’t have time,” I ask, is that so? If you don’t have time to join and get involved, then please don’t complain nor ask others to help you as that makes you a hypocrite. To me at least, because your lack of doing so is precisely why you’re in the very position that you find yourself in as you expect others to help you? Who are you helping?

Additionally, there are those working in excess of 70 and 80 hours a week who are assisting and getting involved, so I ask you this, “do you really think that they ‘have the time?’” They have full-time jobs, children to tend to, court hearings etc etc and yet they choose to get involved because they don’t want to pass this ugliness on to their own children.

Think about it; the “child support” and Family Court juggernaut has moved forward unfettered for decades. It continues to leave in its a wake, a huge path of destruction that has decimated the lives of so many innocent and precious children who don’t have a voice in this. Their lives have been very hatefully and contemptuously waylaid in a very wanton and disgusting manner by the very system that purports to only be acting “in their best interests.” No, not true; that system only acts out of its own best financial interest which is only attainable at the expense of the children’s best interests as the two are mutually exclusive.

I believe that it’s every parent’s (especially noncustodial parents) responsibility to be an advocate for their children and thereby be one of those voices that’s working to change this very broken system as that same system is acting against the children.

Don’t believe me? How does incarcerating a child’s father for failing to pay child support after he lost his job through no fault of his own in the worst economy since the Great Depression help the child? How does suspending the same fathers drivers license so he can’t drive and “visit” his child help the child? How does suspending his professional license so he can’t go out and find a new job to start paying his “child support” help the child? Now tell me it’s all only “in the best interests of the children.”

That system operates as it does today because of those who think to themselves, “I don’t have time to assist, I don’t know how to assist,” or “others will assist so I don’t need to assist.” That thinking (all of it) couldn’t be further from the truth, and changing it begins with a simple yet very sincere, “how can “I” help?”

I do recognize that there are yet others who due to emotional and or mental problems can’t assist and that’s okay. But for those who say they’re “too stressed,” please trust me when I say you’ll truly find great relief, peace, and satisfaction in the helping of others, especially those who can’t help themselves.

Finally, donations are needed now to assist with web hosting fees and domain name purchases. Therefore, if you’re willing to assist on behalf of yourself, your children and or others, please contact me at the email below and advise as to how your willing to do so, and be that with your time, skills, financially,  all three, or “how can I help?”

Remember, change in this area is not going to come willingly by the State of Ohio, as there’s too much money (through their “child support” profits) involved for them to willingly change. Especially, in this economy. The State of Ohio has a budget too, and it doesn’t look good either.

Therefore, the hundreds of millions of dollars Ohio earns annually through statewide “child support” collections is not a sum of money that the State is going to willingly give up. Kim Newsom-Bridges and the legally sanctioned “rings of thievery” (as I refer to them, they aren’t so legally, but are so in spirit in my humble opinion) that are otherwise known as the Ohio “Child Support” Directors Association and the National “Child Support” Enforcement Association, will fight tooth and nail to keep earning their “child support” profit off not only the backs of broken families, but most importantly, off the backs of the innocent and precious children of those same families. You know them,  they’re those whom said agencies claim to only be “acting in the best interests of;” they are your beloved children.

Sincerely,

Tony Fantetti
Ohio Council for Fathers Rights
Email: tony.fantetti@ocffr.org

Click on pen to

The lawsuit below was filed by Matt Dunlop of Ohio. If you believe that the bond between parent and child must be protected at all cost, and not broken and infringed upon so states like Ohio can “earn” a profit off of the backs of Ohio’s innocent and precious children through “child support” collections, then we implore you to please join ACFC today and get involved today, as the children need your help.

Ohio’s “child support” system is indeed in disrepute when the State of Ohio not only profits off of broken families, but in fact publicly rejoices in doing so while also simultaneously demonizing good and loving noncustodial (NC) fathers and mothers in the process. Understand that such demonizing is required so the State of Ohio can keep their profiteering hidden from public view.

Said profits to this day continue to be earned by the State, and out of nothing more than the Ohio Department of Jobs and ‘Family Servcies’ (ODFJS) promoting Ohio’s best financial interests above and beyond the genuine best interests of Ohio’s precious children. Even more deplorable and despicable than that, is that such can only be attained at the emotional expense of Ohio’s entirely innocent and very vulnerable children as both interests are mutually exclusive.
END NOTE
__________________________________________________________

When I first learned that Dunlop v ODJFS (L0290829)was in the making and that the Ohio Department of Jobs and Family Services was to be named as a Defendant, I was far beyond elated. In all truthfulness, my mood immediately elevated as my mind shifted to that of dreamlike state where I was basking in nirvana.

Admittedly, I can be quite lively in my depictions of things at times. But make no mistake, after I learned of the nature of the Complaint, I truly felt as I’ve described.

Even more fulfilling, is seeing “DOES 1 through 300, inclusive, Defendants” listed under ODJFS in the above-referenced complaint, and I eagerly anticipate seeing Kimberly Newsom-Bridges name occupying one of those DOES slots.

Ms. Newsom-Bridges is in my own humble and untrained legal opinion one of the ringleaders in what I refer to as Ohio’s “Legalized Ring of Thievery” that’s otherwise euphemistically known as Ohio’s “Child Support” Enforcement Agency (CSEA).

Personally, I prefer to use the acronym Ohio CSEA to described what it really means, as well as what they truly stand for, and that’s the Ohio Child Support Extortion Agency. Rest assured that they will forcefully, and under a very dark color of law, shakedown anyone that they can get their filthy, greedy, “88-county hands” on. Included in said extortion are those innocent victims of paternity fraud whereby it’s proven in Court that said fathers cannot possibly be the parent of the children that they’re ordered to pay “child support” for.

And the CSEA couldn’t care less about the truth in that matter, as they care only about the profit they extract from those “fathers” who are extorted by the Ohio CSEA under the constant threat of arrest, incarceration, liens, bank account/security accounts and asset seizures for “support” for children that aren’t theirs. Don’t forget now, that Ohio’s CSEAs claim that their actions are “in the best interests of the children?” Really??? Just how is seizing the money of someone who’s known to NOT be the father “in the best interest of the children?” Please, do tell? Perhaps I’ll email Ms. Kimberly Newsom-Bridges, Director of the OCDA, President of the NCSEA and ask her?

Back to my state of mind when I was informed of the impending suit, and to continue from where I left off above; I was enamored with a blissful sense of justice for the first time in about seven years when I first learned of MPP’s intent to file the complaint. Those seven years have been a very long and horrific span of time that began after Ohio’s “Child Support” House-of-Horrors opened its doors and forced me in so as to partake in their ongoing freak-show. Said inclusion was effected via the strong arm of the Domestic Relations Court whereby to this day it extracts my continual albeit unwilling participation. You must understand that you can’t just “quit playing,” as to quit, eventually ends in incarceration for those who no longer want to play.

I will forever and very vividly remember the heightened and overwhelming sense of positive emotions I was feeling while participating in discussions and learning for the first time that the complaint was to be filed. I can only begin to describe it from the perspective of one who’s been given another chance at life after having experienced years of very exacting (both emotionally and financially) and monumental continual failures that were not caused by their own actions, but by those associated with, “the system” and with unjust blame for such being placed squarely at the innocent’s feet.

More specifically, failures such as a painful and forced separation from one’s children, bankruptcy, loss of driver’s license, homelessness, loss of employment, ruined credit, being unemployable. Those and other ills that were waylaid upon good and loving fathers (and noncustodial mothers) by Ohio’s “child support” system. Such is done by those who are tasked with the destructive duties of destroying the lives of noncustodial parents (NCPs) in their abusive efforts to bleed those loving parents dry in their efforts to “get blood from a turnip.”

Next, you were wrongfully and very publicly humiliated as a “deadbeat dad” on TV, billboards, pizza boxes and via other very public means, after the State of Ohio and her many CSEA minions destroyed your life, and in turn the lives of your innocent children. That, because those now very confused and frightened little Ohio children had their entire lives and worlds very hatefully and inhumanely turned upside-down as a direct result of those contemptuously willful CSEA and ODJFS actions. Just picture little toddlers pointing at the TV and screaming hysterically, “MOMMY WHY ARE THEY TAKING DADDY AWAY???” as they watched in horror as said terrifying pandemonium played out right before their eyes in the swirl of flashing red and blue lights on the TV in front of them.

That was done so the State of Ohio can “profit” off of the backs of Ohio’s precious and innocent children by using them to shakedown their NCPs and in many cases bankrupting them. That allows Ohio to maximize its “share” of the Federal Government’s Title IV-D Section 451 Federal Incentive Match that we as taxpayers fund through our Social Security payroll tax, and as described in Title IV Part D Section 451 of the Social Security Act.

So what about this civil action lead to my immediate escape into a Utopian dreamworld after I learned of it? It’s simple; justice. This case is proof positive of what I’ve been saying for years, and that being, “Ohio’s increasingly abusive and punitive “child-support” collections efforts have nothing to do with the old worn-out (only in the sense that the the State of Ohio uses it and what they mean by it) phrase, “it’s in the best interests of the children.”

Ohio and her 88 county collection’s agents otherwise known as the “Child Support” Enforcement Agency care nothing about the children they purport to “collect on behalf of” and instead have used those very same children for decades to demonize alleged “deadbeat dads” and thereby distract the public from the following very inconvenient truth; Ohio has “earned” hundreds of millions in dollars in “profits” off of “child support” collections over the years. In truth, I suspect that number is closer to one billion dollars.

The motive behind their decades-long and increasingly hateful and abusive campaign whereby they’ve wrongfully maligned (and ruined) many innocent good and loving noncustodial mothers and fathers, can be easily exposed with Ohio’s own statutes as read here where they state in part in ORC 3119.07:

“(A) Except when the parents have split parental rights and responsibilities, a parent’s child support obligation for a child for whom the parent is the residential parent and legal custodian shall be presumed to be spent on that child and shall not become part of a child support order, and a parent’s child support obligation for a child for whom the parent is not the residential parent and legal custodian shall become part of a child support order.”

Please allow me to elaborate on two things in that statute. First, the word “shall” in a legal sense means “you must,” and it’s important to comprehend what that really means.
For example, the Judges and Magistrates of the Courts as well as all CSEA personnel must assume that every dollar of every “child support” payment made to the custodial parent (CP) is in fact spent on the children of that order.

Said otherwise, and from a legal perspective (and not from one of reality), there is no legal mechanism to think otherwise and therefore said statement is accepted as an incontrovertible fact. Additionally, it would still be so even if the custodial parent were to stand up in open court and declare under oath, “I don’t spend a dime of that money on my children!”

So with all of the aforementioned persons/institutions being instructed by Ohio statute to “think a certain way”, simple logic and reality dictate otherwise; the fact that in most cases, “child support” dollars are NOT spent on the children of that order and are in fact spent by the custodial parent to support their own lifestyle.

And please, don’t comment here and say, “but they have to pay rent or a mortgage, provide clothing for the child, food, pay auto insurance etc etc etc” because so does the noncustodial “child-support” paying parent (aka the Obligor of an order) who in addition to what’s enumerated, must also provide health insurance that is some cases in nearly $1,000/month or more.

I personally have seen many “Child Support Moms” swipe their Ohio e-Quickpay “child support” debit card at the checkout line to purchase beer, cigarettes, liquor, and a host of other items that one could reasonably assume aren’t for a child. Not only that, those same debit cards can be used in bars, restaurants, casinos, strip clubs, to book travel, airfare and anywhere MasterCard is accepted.

Next, I read a study a couple of years ago that I unfortunately can’t locate that was undertaken by a third-party without any outward biases. Said study overwhelmingly concluded that no more than 30-35% (and that was considered a generous number) of “child support” payments were in fact spent on the children of the order. The rest of the money was spent to support the CP’s lifestyle.

Also, factor in that there are many known and documented cases where the children of a “child support” order are living with the noncustodial father, and that, while he makes “child support” payments to the custodial mother. Remember, ODJFS clamors that this is “in the best interest of the children.” Really? How?

The point I’m leading up to is this; how can the State of Ohio, ODJFS or Ohio’s CSEAs even begin to claim that they’re acting “in the best interests of the children” in effecting their abusive “child support” collection methods whereby they bankrupt, humiliate and incarcerate good and loving noncustodial mothers and fathers, when in fact they have no idea whatsoever where, or on whom, those “child support” dollars are spent?

Remember, they’re instructed by statute to take the position that the monies (all of it) are in fact spent on the children of the order, when in truth not only do they not know, they don’t even care! All ODJFS cares about is collecting as much money as possible (annually, since the match is based on annual collections) given that the amount of their Federal Incentive Match is directly proportional to their annual statewide “child support” collections. Now do you understand why Ohio regularly over-collects as well as collects from some who don’t even owe?

Moreover, not only does statute “tell them how to think” in regard to money spent, Ohio’s “child support” statutes have no provision whatsoever that even allows the Courts or CSEAs to demand to know where the monies are being spent. Said otherwise, no one save for God and the custodial parent knows, or for that matter is allowed to know, where those “child support” dollars are spent.

Using simple logic, and given that Ohio’s CSEAs claim to only be acting “in the best interest of the children” in their abusive and draconian collections efforts that lead to the filing of the lawsuit, how can they possibly be making such a claim without even knowing where those billions of dollars they’re collecting are being spent?

I’ll answer that; they can’t, they know they can’t, and most importantly they don’t care that they can’t, because they have only one goal and one alone: Maximize Ohio’s annual statewide “child support” collections, and at any cost. That, only so they in turn can maximize Ohio’s share of the Federal Government’s annual Federal Incentive match that’s described in the link above to Title IV Part D Section 451 of the Social Security Act.

If you doubt the claims I’ve made with regard to the reasons regarding how abusive Ohio’s CSEAs have been and continue to be, and you are therefore suspect of me, then ask yourself this; did you even know that the State of Ohio “earns” a profit off of each and every “child support” payment that’s made in Ohio? If not, then why not?

Additionally, the reason I almost always put quotes around the words “child support” is because I do live in a reality where I recognize that a LOT of custodial parents are making a lot of money via “child support” off the backs of their own precious children and not spending even a dime of it on those same children whose very lives have been destroyed by it. That said, I refuse to call “child support” what it’s not-“support for the children.”

Sincerely,

Tony Fantetti
Ohio Council for Fathers Rights
Email: tony.fantetti@ocffr.org

Despite having been aware of the possibility (for quite some time) of “The Age of America” coming to an end, I’m still somewhat surprised to see this being reported by the media. Additionally, and since I saved this post to a draft days ago, other stories foretelling the same, have come out as well.

I generally refrain from discussing politics (as both Republicans and Democrats with respect to their policy are both very anti-father); nonetheless, I felt that what’s discussed in the aforementioned link is worth discussing here.

First, and to you naysayers and those with their heads in the sand, I say “good luck, because I believe at this point that you’re really going to need it.” That aside, there’s a much bigger issue at stake that’s exponentially more important; that being, how will this affect the children of “fatherless” families. More specifically, families where the father has been kicked out of the children’s lives by their “single mom by choice”  mothers utilizing their strong-arm tactics otherwise known as the “Family Courts.”

It’s no secret that more and more people are living in RV parks, are homeless and even living in shanty towns similar to those erected during the Great Depression. So when the US economy crashes as a result of the US Dollar being replaced as the world’s reserve currency (some put this even five years out, but I believe we’ll possibly experience this in 2012 or 2013 at the latest), the fallout from said scenario will be very swift, and very ugly. In short I suspect that there will be complete pandemonium and to a lesser extent anarchy as a direct result. That, at least until the IMF steps in to “stabilize” the situation.

After that occurs, we’ll be left with rebuilding what once was, but perhaps to a lesser degree as a country as a whole. Said otherwise, I doubt (at least in my lifetime) that America will ever be again what it once was. Admittedly, I’m not an Economist, but I at one time was a very active (and quite successful) investor. To such an extent that if I still had the assets I once did, I’m certain that I would’ve made a considerable amount of money since this “recession” began and would thereby be looking forward to retirement, but on account of the reality of what’s described herein.

That said, it’s my humble opinion that after America’s credit rating is downgraded (our debt already has been) and the dollar loses its status as the world’s reserve currency, we’ll experience various degrees of anarchy that I believe will be driven in part by a lack of food and basic necessities. And that, is where the protection and provisioning of a father will surely be missed, and to a greater extent desired by the children of the so many mothers who in many cases and for self-serving and utterly selfish reasons only, unilaterally decided that “their” children would grow up without a loving father who’d otherwise have been actively (and with unfettered access) engaged in their lives.

In a sense, but not without true regret and a heartfelt regard for how terrible things may end up getting for the children involved, I suspect that many fathers would welcome such a scenario, albeit with a highly ambivalent sense of deliverance. One that’s driven by an insatiable desire for justice, and that for the many wrongs and injustices that for years have been committed against them by those “mothers” who while wielding their “Family Court” war-hammers, forcefully ejected said fathers out of their children’s lives.

To get more to my point, when and if there are gangs of unchallenged and out-of-control street-roving thugs who through threats and acts of violence take what’s not theirs, and when and if food is in short supply, who’ll be there to protect and provide for the children?

Is mom going to do it? This is not a question of desire, as I believe that 99.9% of moms would sacrifice their lives (as would dads) in a heartbeat for their children.  But rather, this is a question of “can” they protect and provide for their children as could a father in such a scenario? My answer to that question is a very emphatic “NO!”

Do I state such because I’m a misogynist? Absolutely not; I speak that for what it is, and despite what were told by the media and father-hating feminists. It’s so simply because it’s because of how God wired us as the polar opposites that we are, and it’s therefore and incontrovertible fact in my humble opinion.

Men/fathers by design can kill, protect and provide in ways that most women can’t and would find repulsive, and save for those ladies who’re the exceptions to that rule, most men discharge said duties more effectively and efficiently than do most women. Do I also recognize that women/moms contribute equally unique skills and abilities and discharge those attributes to much better degree than do men/fathers? Of course I do.

I saw a very interesting study within the last year that delved into how men and women respond to an immediate physical threat. I wish I had it to link to, but was only able to find what appeared to be the feminist driven crap that says they, “respond the same” or “women respond better.” That aside, said study looked at how men and women responded to a situation whereby there’s an immediate threat of physical harm.

I believe the study indicated that the female response geared more towards exiting the situation as quickly as possible and thereby escaping the threat, while the male response was to the contrary, and was geared towards him immediately assessing the situation to determine how fast he should neutralize the threat. Both of course are very reasonable and equally valid responses, albeit they’re obviously very different in nature. In such a scenario, I’d say that most men can successfully effect either response. However, most women could not, as they simply do not possess the required necessary physical attributes to neutralize a threat should the situation require that it be done through physical strength alone.

Taking that a step further, and I suspect that criminal convictions and present jail populations would confirm this; a man is more likely to discharge deadly force than is a woman. Be that his reasons were justified or not is moot, as the fact remains that a man will kill much quicker, more often and in various situations than will a woman. Don’t believe me without statistics to back that up? Then just ask any feminist or the head of any Domestic Violence organization as they’ll satiate you with how “evil, hateful and equally dangerous “all” men are.”

In closing, and if the end of “The Age of America” indeed comes upon us in the manner I’ve described herein. And if mass anarchy in fact comes to life whereby protection and provisioning will only come to those who are willing and able to physically seize it; then please tell me who, and with so many court-ordered absent fathers in this country, will be there to defend and provide for the children if indeed the dawn of the end of “The Age of America” cracks in utter anarchy?

Click on pen to

Date: Thu, 21 Apr 2011 07:58:23 -0400 [04/21/2011 04:58:23 AM PDT]
From: Cathy Xxxxxx <XXXXXXXX@zoomtown.com>
To: tony.fantetti@ocffr.org
Subject: please help

Hi Tony,
I am writing to you for my son, he doesn’t know that I’m doing this but we
all need some help. First a little background:

My son went to prison for possession of cocaine, while in prison we found
out that he had a son by a woman he dated. He had to pay back child support
for quite a few months that he was in prison, while we’re not happy about
that portion, we do believe in paying support.

My grandson mother was pregnant with another child when we found out that we
had a grandson. My grandsons brother was in foster care due to the mothers
heroine addiction, neglect and abuse, when my grandson was born he also went
into foster care. My grandson was almost a year old when we found out that
he was our grandson. We started visiting with our grandson every chance we
could. A few months after finding out we had a grandson, children’s
protective service was ready to integrate him back into his mother’s home.
She informed me that she didn’t think she could care for a newborn and 2
young boys, we offered for him to come and live with us until she was ready.
We went to court and the court was informed that my grandson would be living
with us, we thought everything was fine. During the following 6 months the
mother would visit irregularly and when she did take him for a weekend, she
would bring him back with very bad diaper rash, once with bruises and
scratches on his upper arms (as if someone had grabbed both his arms). I
started talking with the foster parent and the great grandfather of his
older brother and heard horrendous stories. Eight months after my grandson
coming to live with us, his mother brought him home with diaper rash so bad
that he was bleeding. The anger I had cannot be described, I called her and
told her that she couldn’t see him any more, I know I shouldn’t have because
we did not have custody, I was angry and not thinking. I took him to the
hospital and it was confirmed that he had severe diaper rash, the mother
came to the hospital with police in tow and took my grandson. My son was
still in prison.

She took my grandson in August, my husband and I filed for visitation. We
were granted visitation in October 2007, we were able to visit on the 1st
and 3rd weekends of the month. My son was released from prison January 2008.
In the timeframe between August and October, the mother charged me with
stalking and tried to get a protection order against me, it was dismissed
because she didn’t show up for court.

Present day: My son has had to file for visitation. He didn’t file before
because he take our grandson for one overnight on the weekends that we had
him. I’m am in the process of a criminal charge, at first I was charged with
Child Endangerment because I disciplined my grandson while he was visiting
with us, the Child Endangerment charges were dismissed. I am now being
charged with Assault and have a protection order against me. The mother
tried in October 2010 to take away our visitation but it was denied, no
modifications were made to our visitation. She is now trying again to take
away our visitation. We paid the fee for our son to file for visitation, we
know that if he is granted visitation it will take away ours but we know
that he will let us visit with him. We also paid the fee to get our
grandsons surname changed to that of his fathers. He had to get the case
continued to get a lawyer because even though my son was willing to have a
hyphenated surname with his name, then her maiden name, she would not agree
to that. She wants it to be her married surname and then my sons surname, of
course he doesn’t want that.

Even though our visitation is still in effect and I have stated that I will
not be present, the mother has refused my husband picking our grandson up
for visitation. We have filed contempt charges per the court judges advice.
She is stating all kinds of false allegations and is stating that our
grandson is terrified to come to our house, that my son is not his father,
that he is just the sperm donor, etc.

My son is currently unemployed and we cannot keep paying his lawyer fees
along with ours and he really needs legal help. Is there someone you can
recommend that will act for him in the Name Change case that will do this
pro bono??

We live in Ohio, my grandson is 5 years old now, they were never married. I
don’t know what other information you need in order to help us but am
willing to provide any that you need.

Thank you,

Cathy
—————————————————————————————————————————–

Cathy,

I’m sorry to say once again that I’ve been unsuccessful in my efforts (for reasons described in part in the previous post) to locate any pro bono attorneys. There are those who are lucky enough to find one, but I suspect that they’re few and far between.

That said, and given the mother of your grandson’s propensity to to stir legal trouble up by making allegations against you, if I were in your position, I’d keep a digital recorder with me at all times when I’m dealing with her. And that applies to recording telephone conversations with her in accordance with State law.

As far as the name change issue, I believe she’ll have to go through Probate Court for that as she (to my knowledge) just can’t change your grandson’s name from what’s on his birth certificate. If you were told otherwise by an attorney, please advise.

Rest assured that your grandson’s mother will not change in her behavior, and I mean that in more ways than one. More specifically, and given she was addicted to heroine, I believe her chances of a relapse are strong.

Once an addict always an addict (absent certain faith in my humble opinion), but the decision to stay clean can be forever, if it’s made one day at a time. What I’m driving at is twofold; the first being, help and encourage (without criticism but using “tough love”) your son to stay sober if he is not.

If you get word that his ex is using again, an anonymous complaint can be made against her with “‘Child Protective’ Services”(CPS). However, be aware that if in fact they find her to be using and they once again take your grandson into State Custody, your son needs to be prepared to file a motion for Change of Custody either by obtaining counsel (which it sounds like none of you can afford) or doing so pro se. Especially if she’s in jail. Reason being, CPS most likely will not make any attempt to place your grandson in your son’s custody should the aforementioned occur. This is because CPS is as anti-father as are the courts, but they too, and just like the CSEAs realize that there’s a financial profit to be “earned” by separating fathers from their children.

That’s due in part to the fact that the State of Ohio also financially profits by breaking up families and placing children in foster care. They in turn can force the biological parents (but usually the father) to pay “child support” to the State, in order to reimburse it for the monies they pay to the foster parents. Additionally, the State of Ohio profits off of those “child support” payments that are made.

Said corruption runs deep within the State of Ohio and partially explains how that precious child Marcus Fiesel was placed into the “care of” and subsequently murdered by such heinous monsters that were said to be his “foster parents.” Please know that such is not directed at the many good and loving foster parents out there.

Why not wait until she motions the proper court for the name change and involve yourself with that matter (and retain counsel then assuming you have the funds) instead of initiating an action on your own?

If at some point down the road your grandson is once again taken into State Custody and the State is refusing to place him in your son’s custody assuming he is in fact clean, please contact me.

Finally, instead of paying an attorney to have her held in contempt (whereby she’ll likely be found not guilty or slapped on the wrist at best) why not divert those funds to fighting her against the name change?

Sincerely,

Tony

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Date: Tue, 26 Apr 2011 18:17:03 -0400 [03:17:03 PM PDT]
From: Txxxx Xxxxxxx <xxxxxx@gmail.com>
To: ‘Tony Fantetti’ <tony.fantetti@ocffr.org>
Subject: RE: Ohio Council for Fathers Rights website

Hi Tony,

Thanks for providing this informative site, organization, and your blog.I’m researching a possible appeal for a custody trial in Hamilton County that seemed mine to lose. xxxxxx xxxx xxxxxxxx xxxxxx xxxxx xxxxx, however I received a phone call this afternoon from my oldest son (xx) who was in tears and inconsolable, as his mother told him he and his brother and sister would be staying with her, and they would be seeing much less of me.

Of course, xxxx xxx xxxxxxxx xxxxxxxx xxxx, but if what my son told me is accurate, I am shocked. I had lies thrown at me during and before trial, unproven accusations of relations with a minor leveled at me by the mother and a neighbor of her’s (who’s sexual advances I rebuffed, hence her lies and accusations), and backed by no proof whatsoever other than allegation and misinterpreted email.

Meanwhile, the custody investigation came down strongly in my favor saying we should form a shared parenting plan; the kids should spend the majority of the time with me, and attend the local public school in my neighborhood. She accused me of doing drugs and she, herself was found to have drugs in her drug screen (and even admitted to the custody investigator she had done them – I tested clean), and had attempted to bring a strange man into the home one morning at 8am immediately after I dropped my daughter off, both very intoxicated and bringing in more alcohol – and a photograph of her attempting to bring the man into the home was presented as evidence.

Again, xxxx xxxxx xxxx xxx the mother was requesting
full custody, and I presented a shared parenting plan that reflected the suggestions of the court appointed custody investigator. What worries me is that my son told me ‘mom said we would be staying with her and won’t see you as much’…  I wonder, if what my son says is accurate, is this typical behavior of ‘family court’ judges to apparently disregard the recommendations of their very own court employees?  I’m sure the fact that the ex is an ‘artist’ and makes very little money has a great deal to do with a ruling that will keep me and my money wrapped up in the child support
system.

The magistrate (Newberry) we have seems to be fair – even lowering my initial support payments that were set far too high by a temporary magistrate when this all began. However, I certainly have my doubts about the ability of the judge to make a reasonable decision, again, if what my son says is accurate. The judge is brand-new to the bench (having been a magistrate prior to January), and the judge was switched mid-stream (from Panioto, who retired, to Sieve).

Depending on xxxxx xxxx   xxxxxxx, I may decide to appeal. My son is distraught at the thought of having to live with his mom – he and I are far too alike, and we both fear she will take out her animosity on him in the future.  And if I do appeal, I’m afraid I can no longer afford my attorney. I felt he made a good case for me, but I can’t afford to spend more money on
him if he is not thoroughly invested in my dilemma, which I suspect he may not be. I noticed in another post you referenced a list of ‘retain or refrain’ attorneys, but I could not find it on your site, other than one ‘refrain’. Also, any information on anyone willing to help me file my appeal inexpensively would be greatly appreciated. The ex had full control over our
finances, and did a spectacular job of ruining our credit, both jointly and my own personal credit, which I didn’t have an opportunity to rebuild, as I mentioned, she had full control over our finances.

I have been funding the divorce proceedings by borrowing money from my parents, who are on a fixed income, and can’t do so any longer. I myself am living in the good graces of my parents who are allowing me to stay in their old house so I am not destitute. At the end of my two-week pay cycle, I’m down to about $15 bucks, if I’m lucky.

Any additional money I have goes toward keeping groceries in
the house for the kids when they’re here, and buying them second-hand clothing from the thrift store, as she refuses to let them bring clothes (bought with money I earned when I lived there) to my home.

This sickens me, as I have always been very close to my children. I cooked dinner for the family virtually every night after work, when she sat on her rear and made ‘art’ which is too overpriced to sell in this economy. I put them to bed every night, took them to the park, the zoo, taught my boys to
ride their bikes, and took them to scouts and campouts.

She never attended any of those things. xxx xxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxx. You know what he asked the boys? He asked what they thought of March madness basketball. Never once asked them where they wanted to stay, where they wanted to go to school, whose home provides them more (they have their own rooms where I live now). He didn’t bother to ask
them who took them to their sports practices and games, or to scouts, or to sleepovers with friends. If he had, it would have exposed her lies about how she ‘did it all’. She didn’t – I don’t begrudge what she has done for them, but she lied on the stand (and had others do so too) and said I was never there for my kids. I have always been there for my kids – always.

Yes, I strayed from her in our marriage, but not in the way she accused me of, and I was always there for my children. But she wishes to use my love for my kids as a weapon against me.

I definitely feel there was bias on behalf of the judge, as in researching him, he is a catholic school grad. There’s nothing wrong with that, except for the fact that catholic school vs. public school is a major issue in this case, and the fact that we could never afford catholic school. Oh – did I mention she is on food stamps because she refuses to get a real job?

Well, sorry for my rant. Thanks for any information you can provide, and for the resources you’ve already provided here on your site. I wish I had found it months ago…

Regards,

Txxxxx

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“T”,

Thanks for taking the time to email me your story. Sadly, it’s replete with “more of the same” and another good example of why the mother in approximately 83% of cases nationwide, is awarded sole custody of the children.

I personally had Panioto as a judge and although in some respects felt he truly wanted to do the right thing, I’m convinced he had either dementia, the beginnings of Alzheimer’s, or was on a medication that adversely impacted his ability to sufficiently preside over trials, and therefore was incapable of properly discharging his duties.

Quite frankly, I was going to out him to the media for the terrible injustices he committed against my daughter in my most recent custody trial. And that, by completely disregarding her testimony and while knowing that she was coached (but not by me) and for routinely falling asleep on the bench during said trial. Those were the good parts. I will for now withhold the truly horrendous things he did as they truly continue to endanger my daughter’s life in a very real sense.

It was funny how the opposing counsel’s cross-examination of what I did in this organization was allowed as my attorney’s objection on the grounds of relevance was “overruled.” However, very pertinent testimony under cross on my daughter’s mothers part (and that was to my benefit) was silenced as her attorney’s objection on the grounds of relevance was sustained. Truth be told, I may day write a book and describe (in considerable detail) what happened then.

That said, how does it apply to your case? Well, I too now have Sieve presiding over my case, and if Panioto was bad, Sieve will be ten times worse and here’s why; I’m told (and ASSUMING it’s true, so in defense of him, I must point out that I’ve not verified this personally) that he did nothing but hear “Domestic Violence” cases in Domestic Relations whereby he rubber-stamped Protection Orders. Assuming that’s indeed a fact, there’s zero hope for any fathers in his court. Reason being, his attitude will be “All mothers are truthful and good, all fathers are liars and bad.”

As far as appealing the decision, don’t waste your money. The appellate judges in the decisions I’ve read have specifically stated that they “will not substitute their interpretation of the “best interests of the children” for that of the trial court. Said otherwise, the appellate courts feel that such a determination can only best be made by the trial court judges/magistrates as they are intimate with the details of the case. I even went so far as to get my own attorney’s opinion and he says it’s “extremely difficult” to have a custody ruling overturned.

However, he did say that he’s successfully had some custody decisions successfully overturned on appeals based on technicalities. Based on what you told me in a follow-up email, perhaps you might have a chance at being successful. His contact information can be found here if you wish to run it by him. I can tell you that between attorney’s fees, filing fees and transcripts, an appeal would probably cost you about $5,000 more.

I truly wish I knew of some attorneys who would be willing to work on a pro bono basis, but knowing how many indigent fathers are out there (and how many make requests of me alone) I think many attorneys would themselves be indigent if they took on pro bono cases. I’m sorry I don’t have anything better to offer on that front. I suspect that if I were at least a 501c, I’d stand a better chance of locating some attorneys who’d work on a pro bono basis on occasion.

You asked if it’s normal for a Court to ignore its own Custody Investigator’s (CI) recommendation, and I say, “absolutely.” There’s not a CI in Ohio that in my opinion can overcome the anti-father bias and prejudice that many judges have.

Although, there was a father in Butler County Ohio who not surprisingly was involved  in a very heated contested custody trial. A court appointed Psychologist interviewed both father and mother as well as all of the kids involved. He found (and wrote in his report) in part that, “the mother was psychologically unfit to parent the children, was attempting to alienate the children from the father, she was psychologically damaging to the children, and she was abusing drugs.” I personally read through the case documents myself.

Now, given the terrible circumstances involved in that case, you can probably take one guess at who got awarded “full-custody” of the children involved and be right. And if your guess was “the father”, you’re dead wrong. The “mother” was awarded sole custody.

I personally only know of one Hamilton County father with sole custody (that’s not to say there aren’t more) and I believe the only reason he was awarded custody was because the mother was an absent drug addict. And when the father filed repeated motions to have her held in contempt for not paying child support guess what happened? Judge Tolbert (Administrative Judge) threatened to throw HIM in jail, and numerous times!

This is what we as fathers are up against. A father emailed me a few months back complaining that his attorney “sold him down river” and “tricked him” into accepting a shared-parenting (aka joint custody) agreement. I was floored, and really need to post that one to the blog, minus his identifiable information of course.

T, you felt a bias was there with the judge, because it was there. For those of you out there reading this, if you know of any father-friendly judges, please contact me.

The stories of mothers lying on the stand and leveling false accusations of physically/sexual abuse is all to common and rarely punished by the courts when it’s discovered. And that, despite perjury being a felony that’s punishable by up to five years in prison.

The reason I believe that Judge Sieve didn’t ask your sons any pertinent questions and instead relied on questions such as their fondness of March Madness is because he couldn’t care less as his mind was made up. She was getting full custody and you were/are paying “child support.”

Additionally, he doesn’t care that she doesn’t work and collects welfare because “that’s her choice.” If a father as the obligor of a “child support” order makes the same choice, he goes to jail, no questions asked.

When I at one time was arguing pro se in front of Judge Panitio  regarding Objections to the Magistrate’s Decision I filed in response to a motion to reduce (“child support”) that was denied, I argued that I was bankrupted and couldn’t afford it, and it was true. You know what he said to me as he peered down at me from his high perch on the bench? “You’re wife (referring to my present wife) needs to go out and get a better job (she was an EMT at the time) so you can pay more “child support.”

I blew a gasket at that point. He and I already didn’t “click” because we’re both Italian, but after he uttered that filth, I unleashed a verbal tirade at him whereby I said in part, “I don’t care if you are a Judge, you WILL NOT talk about my wife in the manner that you are, and you can hold me in contempt and throw me in jail for all I care, because you’re out of line.” Surprisingly enough, he apologized.

I truly know how you feel right now. After my last custody trial whereby my legal fees have approached nearly $30,000 (that could have funded my daughter’s college education) since this all began, I felt like I’d been kicked in the stomach by a mule after that ruling. Reason being, all indications were that Panioto was going to rule in my favor, but he literally forgot how he intended to rule as he’d delayed issuing his final ruling until the end of Summer 2009.

I can still very clearly see that oblivious (and stupid) look on his face after he finished fumbling through all the trial notes and papers he had on the bench that pertained to my case and then looked up (and down at us) and asked out of utter bewilderment, “why are we even here”, I wanted to cry after my heart started beating again.

That said, let it go T. There’s no sense in replaying any of it in your head and playing the “what-if” game. Reason being, and truth be told, a father could have a video tape of a his ex attempting to murder his children, and I believe there are judges out there who would make excuses for her behavior and thereby grant such a mother sole custody in some cases. And as sad as it is, I’m not being facetious.

In closing, what I find most repulsive about this madness is how those feckless, wooden and perfunctory Ohio “Family Court” judges, and without any consideration for the “best interests of the children” whatsoever, will gleefully, proudly, and in some cases knowingly place the children into the sole custody of a “mother” who’ll out of her insatiable appetite for vengeance and spite will do nothing but use the children to punish the father.

Rest assured that just as the sun rises and sets each and every day, and so long as the father never bad-mouths the mother in front of the children (an act that is always inappropriate and wrong) the children will grow up and one day hate her.

As I’ve said before, mothers who are hell-bent on effecting their vengeance out of nothing more than their seething hatred for the men they chose to lie down with and create children, need to learn to love their children more than they hate the fathers thereof before they can even comprehend and thereby effect the “best interests” of those very children that they claim to love.

Sincerely,

Tony

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After my horrific introduction to Ohio’s “‘Child Support’ Extortion Agency” (CSEA) and Ohio’s Domestic Relations (aka “Family”) Court system, the kaleidoscope through which I viewed life was forever altered, and in a totally unchangeable way.

In truth, it’s extremely difficult for me to describe. My life at that point simply became surreal. As a person I existed, but as only a shell of what I once was. My ‘life’ was monotonous and very mundane, and I had only one goal each day as I dreadfully rolled out of bed, or wherever I found myself sleeping; put one foot before the other.

The reality and “awakening” of being dragged into the nightmare of playing the part of an unwilling actor in the double-featured horror show, otherwise known as Ohio’s “Child Support” Enforcement Agency and Ohio’s Domestic and Juvenile Relations (aka “Family”) Court system, can only be best described by me as told in the forthcoming.

You’ve lived your life as it were for 20, 30, 40 or so years. During that time, you’ve acquired and formed your morals, norms and mores, and developed your own healthy concept of what life is both in your own personal sense, as well as that of being a United States citizen who “has Constitutional rights.” Rights that can in no way be abridged or infringed upon, as you and society as a whole agree that they are both God-given and inalienable. Or so you thought; then comes the day  you’re served with a civil action and thereby are introduced to Ohio’s CSEA and in many cases “Family Court,” as the insanity only just begins.

If you were “fortunate” enough to have retained counsel, your initial shock is somewhat minimized. But only in a minuscule way, and just because someone else can speak for you so you therefore don’t have to. That, as you’re slumped in your chair in some legal meeting or court hearing, and while merely existing at that point in a quasi-conscious state whereby you ponder ever so deeply how it is that your view of reality itself could have been so utterly faltered and delusional as it was…and is. “My God!!!” only begins to describe your profound shock and your equally extensive unbelief and trepidation.

I can think of no greater shock or disillusionment than that exact moment at which you realize that the statement, “I’m an American, this can’t happen to me” has absolutely no meaning. And that to such an extent that not only does it ring hollow, said statement is sadly quite comical within the “Family Court” theater.

However, that makes perfect sense when one grasps the finality of the statement, “the ‘best interest’ of the child trumps all.” In short, you’ve just been introduced to a parallel universe that in most cases only comes to life and thereby into existence at a specific and very precise point in time; the birth of your first (and absolutely precious) child.

Although said universe comes into existence at that very moment and ever so closely parallels your existing life, it never collides with your sense of reality until in the case of fathers, the mother of your child determines that she know longer wants you not only in her life, but most importantly, in your child’s life.

However, said parallelism exists as such, and the worlds so close, that the line of separation defining both is as close as bone is to marrow and therefore unseen. Moreover, it is never, nor can it be, breached until said collision occurs. And that very destructive collision is always only one thought away. It’s at that very moment, when she unilaterally decides that “you’re out”, and although unknown to you at the time, the said parallel universe replaces your aforementioned sense of reality, and in a very emotionally violent manner.

And the incredibly turbulent, life-altering and increasingly destructive impact of those two worlds colliding will be felt by you for the first time, when you realize either via your attorney, or the Court or CESA through an order, that you’ll lose EVERYTHING you’ve spent a lifetime building. But most importantly, you’ll lose unfettered access to your children, as well as your God-given right to parent them.

Now, the court and the mother of your child will decide if, when and how you’ll see or talk to your children. And that, and for those who don’t know, is so the State of Ohio and her 88 County “Child Support” Enforcement Agencies can “financially profit” on the seemingly never ending destruction that will rain down upon you and yours lives for the next 18 to 25 or more years, as you’re subjugated and enslaved to a financially unbearable “child-support” order that by its very design, may put you behind bars for many years to come.

The absolute worst, most important, and heart-wrenching part of what I’ve described herein is this; all of that life-altering and utterly horrendous destruction that’s experienced by the father will also be experienced and felt ( but in a magnitude that’s exponential in nature) by the innocent and precious children involved. Those very children whom the State of Ohio, the Courts, and Ohio’s CSEAs claim to be only acting ‘in the best interests of’, and who have absolutely no say in the matter, and didn’t ask that their world be turned upside-down in the very hateful and self-centered manner whereby just that will be done.

And for what purpose is such ugly decimation and destruction heaped upon not only you, but more importantly your children? Simply because you made a choice to become a father. And it’s for that reason, coupled with the fact that I too grew up without a father, that I have this inexplicable compulsion to expose the unconscionable double-featured horror show that’s euphemistically known as Ohio’s “Family Court”system and it’s increasing punitive financial arm known as the Ohio “Child Support” Enforcement Agency (CSEA).

Tony Fantetti
Ohio Council for Fathers Rights
Email: tony.fantetti@ocffr.org

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