14 Year Old Boy Raped by 20 Year Old Woman is Ordered to Pay his Rapist Child Support

This story was first reported a few days ago, and aside from the anger it causes me right now, I can only say it really doesn’t surprise me.

Another thing I’d like to point out is the fact that they AREN’T naming the female rapist who raped Olivas when he was only a child at the age of 14. So once again, we see how men and women are treated differently by the media, the police, prosecutors and the entire judicial system. They also name the victim of a sexual assault, and in this case, a statutory rape; Nick Olivas, but they don’t name the woman who raped him? WHERE IS THE OUTRAGE??? WAKE UP MEN, and PARTICULARLY YOU FATHERS!!!

Additionally, Why aren’t they prosecuting this woman for the rape that she’s committed? Normally, I’d say “allegedly” but since she has named Olivas as the father of her daughter whom was conceived when Olivas was only 14 or 15 at most, shouldn’t she now be arrested for statutory rape? I suspect that Arizona’s criminal statutes allow for the prosecution of a rape six years after the fact assuming that the state has enough evidence to bring forth a case. And a child is very strong, irrefutable and incontrovertible evidence of such a crime so shouldn’t criminal charges now be brought forth against the unnamed female perpetrator?

We have an unnamed woman, who presumably has signed a sworn affidavit under oath that names a 14 year old boy (at he time of the rape) as the father of her child, and this woman now has the audacity and unmitigated gall, as a sexual predator, to demand child support from the victim of her crime and the State of Arizona obliges her INSTEAD of indicting her for rape?

My God, where is the outrage in this? Those talking heads in the media discuss this and defend the statutes and the state’s case instead of demanding that Olivas’ rapist be named and brought forth on criminal charges rather than financially rewarding her for her sexually deviant crime via child support? Even more disgusting, is that some of those media idiots are deflecting blame from the woman who raped Olivas by saying there’s an innocent child (Olivas’ daughter) that’s a victim in this because she isn’t getting “child support.”

Really? What about that innocent child named Nick Olivas who was statutorily raped at the age of 14 by a 20 year old woman, isn’t he a victim? Nope, not to the State of Arizona nor most of the ignorant talking heads in the media discussing this. In fact, it’s quite to the contrary, Olivas is now considered to be a criminal deadbeat! And yet, I hear crickets. The silence is deafening.

To those who are so ignorant and blinded and whom believe that child support actually goes to the child and is spent on the child; PLEASE…PLEASE wake up and cease in your ignorance and acting as the other sheep. That’s NOT the case in the majority of child support situations. Such monies are shown to enhance the lifestyle of the custodial parent in MOST cases.

To those of you reading this, the day will come for many of you where you, or a son, a brother, uncle, nephew, brother-in-law or some other male who is close to you will be affected by yours and most people’s lack of action when one of the aforementioned gets ensnared in the “child support” system.

Moreover, look at which “crime” the State of Arizona is more concerned about, is it the crime of not paying child support, or the crime of statutory rape of a 14 year old child, a boy, by a 20 year old woman? Why the crime of not paying child support of course. That is beyond despicable and is both reprehensible and misandrous, as there’s no concern for the rape victim given he’s just that, “a he.” This clearly shows that the State of Arizona and most states couldn’t care less about the “bests interests of a child” (Olivas was a child when he was raped), and that they only care about their own best financial interest. For the unknowing in that regard, every state earns a profit off of child support payments. And it’s the quest for that very profit that has driven the State of Arizona to order Olivas, a victim of a rape as a child, to pay his rapist child support.

Can you imagine the outrage if the sexes were reversed here and a 20 year old man had raped a 14 year old girl and then she (the victim of a statutory rape) was ordered to pay him child support? NOW and every other feminist and misandrous organization from coast to coast would not only be demanding the immediate prosecution of the rapist, they would also be demanding that the Director of the Arizona Department of Security, which oversees child support in Arizona, resign for having dared to bring a child support case against a rape victim as they’ve done here.

There are more details in this article, to which I’d like to point out the following; 1. This is NOT and aberration, and I can guarantee that we will see many more cases such as this in the future, and 2. despite being the victim of a statutory rape, Nick Olivas is representative of what MOST fathers are; good and loving dads who want to play a meaningful role in their children’s lives.

Another thing that truly makes me irate is that a rapist has custody of a child that was the product of a statutory rape, and that’s reprehensible. Again, that would never be the case if a man was the rapist and the woman the victim.

In closing, ask yourself these three things; 1. Why is Nick Olivas being ordered to not only pay child support, but also interest to his rapist? 2. Why have they publicly identified Nick Olivas who was the victim of a sexual assault in the media, but they have not identified his female rapist? 3. Why has there not been a criminal indictment handed down against the sick and perverted 20 year old female rapist who statutorily raped Nick Olivas when he was only a child at the age of 14? Note that most, if not all, media organizations have a written policy against identifying the victim of a sexual crime, yet everyone discussing this case identifies Olivas and yet none identify the woman who raped him. So once again, we see a double-standard where privacy is only applicable to female victims of sexual crimes and not male victims. I’m, not saying that so in every case, but it clearly is here.

Now, after asking yourself questions 1-3 in the proceeding paragraph, if you are not in some way angry, disturbed or upset, then your own attitude is part of the problem regarding why men and particularly fathers, are so openly, brazenly and disgustingly discriminated against in our society.

Tony Fantetti
Ohio Council for Fathers Rights
Email: tony(dot)fantetti(at)ocffr(dot)org

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The Horrific Costs of the Balkanization and Pimping of Men by Pols and the Media

This post is really out of character for me. So much so, that I wasn’t going to post it. However I must, because the root of men’s problems (especially single or divorced father’s)  is found in the contemptible treatment of all men by pols, the media, advertising agencies, the courts, some police, many global corporations including Proctor and Gamble (P&G) and countless others. P&G by the way is as anti-father as they come in my opinion.I wrote about them in this piece.

The question we should ask ourselves is not why P&G, Pols, the Media, et al, are so anti-male and anti-father, that’s the smaller problem; the bigger issue in my opinion is why are they so BRAZEN about it? And I believe the answer, not to sound cliche, is that it’s because they can be.

Mozilla Firefox, a web browser, has a built in spell checker. Notice in the screenshot I’ve pasted below. I’ve typed the words “men’s” “misandrist” “misandry” “women’s” “misogynist””misogyny”  (in that order) as a test comment to an news article. Notice how “men’s””misandrist” and “misandry”are underlined in red, but “women’s”  “misogynist” and “misogyny” are not, why that’s so? It’s because according to the Firefox built in dictionary, “women’s” “misogynist” and “misogyny” are legitimate words. And those three relating to women were added to the dictionary by the Firefox developers as default options,  while “men’s” “misandrist” and “misandry” were not.

Firefox_Spellcheck

Am I being petty? Absolutely not, “men’s” “misandrist” and “misandry” are all valid and common words, yet the Firefox developers intentionally chose not to include them  in Firefox’s default version of their built in dictionary. Why? I can’t answer that, but it clearly demonstrates that men and misandry are not even an afterthought in the minds of those who created Firefox’s built in dictionary.

Here’s another one for you; Google the phrase “man in handcuffs shot by police” and notice how many hits you get linking to stories about men who were shot by police. If you Google the phrase “woman in handcuffs shot by police”, you find no such occurrences. Instead, there are links to men who were shot by police.

Before I continue, I want to clarify that I am NOT anti-police. And to those policeman (and fathers) whom I know, have spoken to, and have nothing but the utmost respect for, please do not take offense to what I’m writing here.  I’m merely illustrating how men and fathers are treated far differently than are women, and in some cases in very inhumane, shocking, and disturbing ways, and no one speaks out to our defense.

Back to my point, Google “police execute man” and some very disturbing, shocking and utterly horrifying videos are found. The most sickening of which is the killing of a mentally ill homeless man named James Boyd who what shot dead for illegally camping without a permit. I must warn you that what follows is a very disturbing so again, watch at your own risk:

I would like to add that after Mr. Boyd was shot in the back, the whistling noises heard in the audio are indicative of one or more bullets penetrating the lungs, and he is therefore having difficulties breathing. When someone’s lungs are bleeding, they can literally drown in their own blood. Additionally, if Mr. Boyd was hit in the spine, we was likely unable to “drop the knife” as he was commanded prior to being shot with a bean bag 12-guage shotgun and having the German Shepherd police dog sicced on him.

Another disturbing video of a man, this time handcuffed, named Daniel Rodrigo Saenz illustrates once again, the deadly violence that will so quickly be perpetrated against a man to such an extent his life is seemingly unjustifiably taken from him, and yet there’s no outcry at a wholesale level, and I ask, “why not?” At about 1:06 into the video below, Mr. Saenz is shot. My understanding is that the reason his body is shaking and convulsing so violently that his shoes are thrown off is because the bullet passed through his heart:

What I don’t want to do is add subjective commentary regarding the killings of Mssers. Boyd and Saenz as I clearly don’t know all of the facts regarding either incident, nor have I investigated the same. That being said, I do my best to always stick to truth and facts when I write. I will however say this; 1. You will never find such a sickening and repulsive video of a woman being killed as these men were, nor should you. 2. If a woman was shot and killed as either Mr. Boyd was or Daniel Rodrigo Saenz were, the Washington DC would be jammed packed with protesters, and rightfully so.

Before I continue, I want to reiterate that I AM NOT anti-police, not by any means whatsoever. I used the deaths of those two men to merely illustrate the lightening speed with which lethal force is used against men in situations where the justifiable use of the same is questionable at best, and murder and execution at worst. The difference between them lies within the minds of those watching the videos. Although I believe is fair to ask; why is it acceptable within the norms of our society, and it so easily and readily accepted as okay and justified, when a man’s life is violently and painfully taken from him under questionable circumstances?

To the title of this post, “The Horrific Costs of the Balkanization and Pimping of Men by Pols and the Media, what does the aforementioned have to do with that? My logic is this; think of women, what do you think of? A crowd of faceless women? Are they White, Black, Hispanic, Asian? Perhaps the answer depends on your own race. Now think of men, and what do you think of? Perhaps the same thing, men of your race. Perhaps you think of men of many races.

Here’s where I’m going to ask you to follow me as I take a leap. Think of news; news stations, news websites etc, and how they report. How do they report? Men are the subject of a lot of the news about people, and in the reporting of them, they are often balkanized by their races as news about them is reported the same way.

Examples are Asian males, Asian gangs, Black males, Black gangs, White males, White gangs, Mexican males, Mexican gangs, crime syndicates and drug cartels, the Mexican, Russian, Chinese and Italian ones. As you read through the various syndicates and drug cartels, what are you likely to think of? Men, and why is that? Women are members of, very active in, and equally violent in the various gangs and cartels I enumerated, and yet few people (media and pols included) associate women with them.

Day after day, week after week, month after month, and year after year, men are balkanized, degraded in various ways by the media, news organizations, and almost always in commercials. The man or father is ALMOST always portrayed as stupid, inept, incompetent, insignificant, childish and or lazy, and it’s supposed to be funny. I bet if the same were done to women and mothers, people wouldn’t be laughing then. Additionally, it’s mostly done so in negative ways and related to negative connotations. You don’t see the same type of reporting on women. And it’s that hateful denigration of men, that implicitly excuses and justifies the violent deaths of men like Mssers. Boyd and Saenz. People have been desensitized and unconsciously value the lives of women and mothers more than men and fathers. ALL LIFE is valuable.

When you hear of mass tragedy, the figures tallying loss of life and injuries is nearly always stated as “x number of women and children were killed when (fill in the blank.) And often times, the deaths and injuries of men go unreported because the underlying message is that they aren’t as valuable. Now, with that said, the lives of my wife and children are more valuable than is mine in my own eyes. I would lay down my life for theirs. However, I as a person can place the value on my own life. It’s when the media and others place value on the lives of others that it’s wrong.

On the political side of things, Democrats essentially pimp Black and Hispanic males by courting their votes, and in fact expecting them, then doing nothing to better the lives of either class. And Republicans pimp out White males buy using them for their votes, and also expect the votes of certain ones. No politicians however from either party do ANYTHING to further the interests and improve the lives of men, and specifically that of single and divorced noncustodial fathers. In fact it’s too the contrary. All pols cater to that imaginary war on women, and in doing so, degrade and denigrate fathers so as to portray themselves as “valiant defenders of women and women’s rights.” How many times have you heard the term “deadbeat dad.” And what a LIE that is. Yet it’s thrown around like candy on Halloween, and right on front of innocent children.

Studies incontrovertibly show that more WOMEN than men default on “child support” obligations when such is looked at as a percentage. In other words, more men than women pay “child support. But despite that fact, and on a percentage basis, more women than men default on “child support” orders. But what do you hear on the news and read in newspapers and on news websites? “Deadbeat dads.” I’ve never seen nor heard the term “Deadbeat mom.’ The truth is that fathers are beat dead by the system and dead broke because of it.

Do you remember those televised live “deadbeat dad roundups” that the State of Ohio used to have? I put and end to those. I hammered Ohio’s “Child Support” Enforcement (aka extortion) Agency (CSEA)and the Ohio Department of Jobs and Family Services (ODJFS) with multiple emails to them whereby I cc’d news organizations around the country and blasted the State of Ohio for the psychological damage they were inflicting upon children. And I did so shortly after I formed the organization.

And all I did was point out the obvious, that it was psychologically damaging for a child to see their father on TV, or live in person, being handcuffed by police and taken away. Add to that, the horrendous ridicule those poor innocent children would suffer in school when their classmates made fun of them because their father was arrested on TV. The state even used my own words, taken from the emails that I sent whereby I lambasted them for their actions, and stole my very words and used them as “their” reasons for ending the roundups.

I blogged about it my my original website which is now gone, however I likely still have the post and emails somewhere. I also pointed out that not every father whose behind on child support is behind intentionally. Some lost jobs, got cancer, had heart attacks etc, and I can tell you from experience that Ohio courts generally will NOT lower “child support” obligations under such circumstances. They just incarcerate the father after he’s released form the hospital.

That psychological torment and abuse was inflicted upon Ohio children for ten years before I said enough is enough and did what I explained. And the truly frightening part in that? During the course of an entire decade, not ONE PERSON working for the Ohio CSEA or ODJFS had the intelligence to point out the obvious as I did. And that’s not to pat me on the back, that’s to point out the mindset of the thousands of state employees who worked in those two agencies. And it’s those same types of people that noncustodial parents are forced to deal with, and whom are said to be acting only “in the best interests of the children.”

In closing, and tragically,AAt least one noncustodial father posted a comment to this blog then killed himself. Another dad, driven over the edge by the system, and who suffers the most because of it? His children. The children always pay, and the fathers are always blamed, for everything, and I’m damn sick and tired of it.

Tony Fantetti
Ohio Council for Fathers Rights
Email: tony.fantetti(at)ocffr(dot)org

Posted in Misandry, Miscellaneous, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Ohio’s Abuse of a Loving Father’s Daughter Via “Child Support”

The story below was posted as a comment by a father named Corey in April 2012.

Corey’s story is very moving and clearly illustrates how the State of Ohio’s draconian and very abusive “child support” tactics actually harm children. That’s no secret to the millions of fathers nationwide living the “child support” nightmare, however there are those “sheeple” who are both unknowingly and willfully blind to the lies, thievery, and injustices that drive Ohio’s “child support” system.

For those who don’t know, the reason I usually put quotes around “child support” is because studies have shown that it’s anything but in most cases. Mommy welfare and mommy support is what it really is. Unbiased studies have shown that at best, and in some cases, only 30-35% of “child support” is actually spent on the children. The rest of said payments actually support and in many cases, enhance, the noncustodial parent’s lifestyle.

Nationwide, 84% of noncustodial parents are mothers, and they are by far the greatest number of “child support” recipients. For those custodial fathers who wrongfully accept “child support?” Shame on you as well. There are some cases where “child support” is warranted. However, it’s not generally justified in the amounts warranted, regardless of how justifiable it may be.

It’s also worth mentioning that Ohio’s “child support” related statutes have changed somewhat in the past few years. Therefore, and for those who’ve not had a hearing recently and are either due one due to a qualifying change of circumstance, or the amount of time that’s passed (two years) since their last hearing, it may be worth it to go back and request a downward deviation for qualifying circumstances.

Corey’s story is below, and notice his living conditions as well as those of his daughter, and tell me; is that in his daughter’s best interests? Also, notice how his youngest child’s mom uses the child as a weapon by denying visitation to “punish” him for not doing what she wants and how his visitation time varies depending on the children’s mothers moods and needs. That’s a very common tactic and promotes Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS)

Also take notice of the sense of entitlement display by the youngest child’s mother. As soon as she gets word that Corey has purchased anything that betters his and his oldest daughter’s lifestyle, she demands more from him. Her arrogance and sense of entitlement is utterly astounding, especially given her own lifestyle which if it’s accurately described by Corey, is very comfortable, far more than is his.

What Corey stated here speaks volumes about the public’s deep-seated contempt for single fathers;

” gave her whatever I could when I had it, this was never enough and would use that fact that I had purchased these things as fact I could give her more. I’m sure some of you reading this would probably agree and start bashing me.

Although I don’t agree that he can or should give her more, the majority of the populace, especially child support moms, would agree and therefore bash him because he dares to “attempt” to better his and his daughter’s lives.

Finally, and before proceeding to Corey’s story, I’m quite certain that with regard to comments, the silence from the child support moms (I’m referring ONLY to those by choice and with no moral just cause for such) will be absolutely deafening;

“please all you self righteous deadbeat dad haters please tell me how I’m getting what I deserved for having kids. Tell me what a piece of shit dad i am. Please explain to me how this is all being done under the guise of what’s best in the kid’s interest.

The following is Corey’s story:

Hello, and welcome to my story.

I am a single father and have 4 kids with 2 different mothers. My oldest two with one mother and my youngest two with a second. With my oldest 2 I have full custody of our daughter and she has full custody of our son. She does not want child support from me because I am a good dad and despite our differences we have enough of a relationship that either of us have access to our children respectively and share in the raising of them. But because I am a working father and she receives SSI and state assistance the state reserved the right to come after me for child support. Since I was making less then my “expected worth” child support was based apoun what my “expected worth” was Totally ignoring the fact that I was also receiving support from the state in food stamps & medical (for my other 3 kids and GF that was a stay at home mom the entire relationship) since I was not making enough money to support myself and my children. I was ordered to pay support. I busted my ass to get this re looked into but since I had no money for a lawyer I was denied at every turn. I was forced to find a way to continue to survive and provide for all of my family.

A few years later my youngest kids mom decided that she wanted to sleep with my best friend after being together for 5 years…long story short, yet another split household (Me and my oldest daughter moved out and into low income housing and began to try and put our lives back together (again). We (the ex and I) were able to keep things “equitable” and verbally agreed that we shared 50/50 custody. I would take them one week, she the next. This continued on for a year or so until she moved in with her new BF and got married. This is when things started to get problematic and I would be denied time with the kids or “punished” for not being able to take our kids when she wanted. During this time I was laid off from my job with the federal government when the economy tanked. I was receiving unemployment, paying child support (still based on my “worth”), actively looking for work, fending off bill collectors, raising a daughter full time and staying active and involved with my 3 other kids (40 to 60% depending on the mothers moods and needs). When unemployment ran out I still could not find work (according to the national workforce centers I was in a group of unemployed Americans dubbed unemployable due to age, debt, economy and credit score!!). So I used my knowledge and experience as a computer tech and I opened my own computer repair business. I repaired computers from my home, subcontracted out to larger firms to do in home warranty repairs in remote locations. In no way was I living up to my “worth” but I was managing, I was holding it together, I was still a father doing the best I could with the cards I had. What little I got for tax refunds in that 3 years was purely based on EIC because I PHYSICLY had 1 child in the home (I used that money to try and stabilize my situation, make car repairs, went cloths shopping for all my kids, made up for b-days not properly celebrated and I did the unthinkable in one of my exes eyes…over those 3 years I bought a TV to replace my 10 year old one, a couch to replace my 14 year old one and a portable all-in-one washer and dryer). Once my youngest kids mom learned of this from that moment on she started to ask me for more and more money. I gave her whatever I could when I had it, this was never enough and would use that fact that I had purchased these things as fact I could give her more. I’m sure some of you reading this would probably agree and start bashing me. I also think it is rather important and enlightening to point out some facts.

During this time she is married and between them are making between 50-60K a year (gross) they have a house. In their garage they have ATV’s, snowmobiles, motorcycle and a boat. Over the last 5 years they have bought 3 couches (that I know of) and at least 1 TV, a new dodge charger, has a truck and a suv. They also have 4 kids in and out of the house. He has a daughter that lives with her mom and my ex has a daughter from a previous relationship and our two kids. They also enjoy regular road trips, vacations, concerts and date nights. Meanwhile I live in low income housing, I’m running my own business making 12-14k (gross), have a 97 Pontiac firebird (fully paid for), receiving medical assistance for my oldest daughter, and still managing to regularly have my kids and paying child support for my oldest son.

7-8 Months ago a friend referred me to a job opening as a home health aide; no experience necessary and they were in need. I had never done this, this was not my chosen “field” but a job is a job!!! So I applied and I GOT THE JOB!!! For the first time in 3 years I was looking at a dependable income. Not only was I now a full time employee but I was also working overnight shifts that were 1 week on 1 week off. Now I had a budget to work with and could try and put my life back together (again) and be even more available for my kids and dare I say it….I would be able to have a decent x-mass with my kids and b-day presents….yes these were things that were weighting heavy on me over those years and now I was going to be able to start to break even in life.

Until……She filed for child support on me and was asking the court for $450 a month. Shortly after that my car started to breakdown and the shop estimate would be 4k to fix. We went to court and the judged took her gross income and my gross income and combined and split down the middle. But because custody or visitation was never established by the court and despite the fact that I was able to prove over the last 6 months I have had the kids and have an active role in my kids lives she was awarded child support. The judge sighted that she was eligible to receive $411 a month but that he did not feel he could only leave me with $800 a month to live off of (which is almost $700 below the Federal poverty line for a house hold of 2). So he instead ordered me to pay $300 a month plus % of medical expenses and any child care costs she should incur (in the best interest of the kids). Effectively leaving me with $900 a month ($600 below federal poverty) minus whatever medical or child care expenses they incur since I will now be too broke to take care of them. Now it currently costs me $1400 a month for basic living expenses (rent, gas, insurance, utilities, and food). I will be $500 short every month.

While 3 of my kids are afforded the right to be financially supported by me and my time with them all but ignored my oldest daughter is afforded no such right. Because low income housing is determined by gross income my rent cannot be adjusted. Child support is taken out after taxes and there by dose not affect gross income. I was also told and I quote “Paying child support is not considered a basic living expense and is treated as a bill, something that can be ignored or not paid” Effectively making me pay %60 of my gross. I contacted food support and was told the exact same thing, child support dose not effect gross and I therefore make too much money to receive medical for myself or food stamps for my daughter and kids when there here (which by the way they don’t count as being in my house since the mother is presumed to have full custody).

With one stroke of a pen based on some ridiculous system I went from being an active father, full time employee and barely making ends meet to $600 behind on child support and next month I will not have enough money to pay for my BASIC needs and will be far enough behind on child support that I can be labeled a dead beat dad and taken to jail for failure to pay. Legal aid cannot help because they don’t do child support, I obviously cannot afford a lawyer and my future prospect is to lose my job because I cannot get to work, become homeless, go to jail for child support evasion and loose custody of my oldest daughter because I cannot properly support her in the eyes of social services. And as I am typing this my oldest daughter is standing behind me asking if there is anything to eat and my ex is asking me to find a babysitter for the kids (I have to work) so her and her husband can go out and celebrate……please all you self righteous deadbeat dad haters please tell me how I’m getting what I deserved for having kids. Tell me what a piece of shit dad i am. Please explain to me how this is all being done under the guise of what’s best in the kid’s interest.

There really is only one option, atleast maybe my daughter will have a chance at a decent life.

Posted in Child Support, The Voices of Others, This is in the "Best Interests of the Children?" | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Happy Fathers Day to all Dads

Happy Father’s Day to all of you dads out there!  Today is certainly a day to celebrate the many blessings that dads bring to their children as well as those blessings that they bring to us! Children and wives are what drive most fathers in their desire to succeed and thereby not only provide for, but to the extent we’re able to, “spoil” both our wives (or girlfriends) and children.

To you single dads who live in abject poverty due to a “child support” (aka mommy support) order, please consider what follows. I realize that because of the large sums of money that are extorted from you on a weekly basis, that many of you can’t afford to provide even basic necessities for your children. And the reason you can’t, is because you’re literally poor from paying ridiculously high amounts of “child support.”

To those of you whom that resonates with,  it’s imperative that you don’t shame yourselves nor think of yourselves as any less of a father due to your poverty, because you are not. How well we parent, how we’re viewed as fathers, and how much we love our children is not in any way defined by our incomes, possessions, or wealth. Rather, it’s defined by our hearts and our emotions, and with our children being “the judge” of how effective we were.

We all desire to give our children as much as we can. Especially those of us who grew up poor as children and went without, because we want so badly for our own children to have a better childhood than we did, and to have the things that we didn’t.

Sadly, and where parenting is absolutely the most valuable, the most critical, and has the most impact (lifelong at that),  we have a tendency to devalue it. And if not that, then we may at least be guilty of under estimating the criticality of it. I’m referring to emotional support. Along with that comes an emotional connection, and through that emotionally bonding with our children which is absolutely critical in order for them to proceed.

To digress for a bit; the reason the State of Ohio is incessantly clamoring about non-custodial parents paying “child support” (which really does little more than support the custodial parent’s lifestyle as many studies have clearly shown) is not because Ohio is concerned about the welfare of the children, rather Ohio in ONLY concerned about the profit it earns off of every “child support” payment.

But Ohio’s “Child Support” Enforcement Agency (CSEA) spokespersons and literature regularly use claptrap phraseology that equates supporting children entirely by merely paying “child support,” and it would be laughable if the subject weren’t so serious. That’s disgusting. To fully support children requires among many things, emotionally engaged parents. But emotional support and being deeply involved with your child emotionally is so critical that it alone can determine that child’s success or failure I believe. But the State of Ohio simplifies child rearing and sums it up in two words; “child support.”

Back to my point about how critical it is for parents to be actively engaged in their children’s lives on an emotional level, I can think of no other story that drives home the point that how we raise our children and how involved we are with them, and NOT how much money we have to raise them, is the childhood story of Dr. Ben Carson.

The story of Dr. Carson’s childhood is nothing short of phenomenal. He was raised by a single mom who couldn’t even read, but despite that, made all of her children read books regularly, at least one a week a week, and they’d have to submit a book report on it which she “reviewed and approved.” Dr. Carson joked in an interviews that she had to approve them all because she couldn’t read and therefore couldn’t fail a report.

So here we have Dr. Ben Carson, a world renowned pediatric brain surgeon (retired) who’s second to none, and was raised by a very poor single mom. If you’re interested in learning more about Dr. Carson’s story, then look up some of his YouTube clips, his story is nothing short of a miracle.

Another inspiring, uplifting and fascinating story is the life of single father Chris Gardner whose story is told by Hollywood in the movie The Pursuit of Happyness (sic).

The aforementioned are two shining examples that prove that how we parent; IE our style, our emotional investment in our children, how we connect to them, is far more important, more influential and has far greater impact than “what we parent with.” And by that I mean our income, our possessions, our wealth.

So what I hope you take away from this is that what matters most to your own children, dad, is who you are and how you relate to them, not what you have or what you can give to them in the physical sense. And although that applies to all fathers, I feel it’s imperative that poor single fathers really heed that. I think that they are susceptible to becoming despondent out of fear that their inability to meet all of their child’s basic physical needs such as food, shelter, and clothing will forever “damage” their children and prevent them from being successful when they become adults, and that’s the furthest thing from the truth.

So despite the fact that perhaps on Father’s Day, June 15, 2014, you may be poor, you may be homeless, and you may feel wholly inadequate as a father, and I truly hope for yours and your children’s sake that you don’t. But if you do, please look to the struggles that Chris Gardner went through as a poor and homeless single father and look to where that same father is today. Also know that what got Chris to where he is today was “HOPE” and his state of mind. It’s okay to struggle, it’s okay to feel fear, and it’s okay to have worries, but you don’t have to be a prisoner nor slave to any of those things. They are all a state of mind that you should never stop trying to overcome them. And so long as you have hope, you will overcome them.

In the mean time and as a father, just be there for your children and connect with them emotionally along the way, because in the end, and when they become adults themselves, what you don’t have today and what you couldn’t give them today in the physical sense won’t matter and won’t stop them from succeeding. Their success will come from you being a father and doing what fathers do best; being there for their children and loving them as you raise them. In doing that, and by also being emotionally involved and connected with your children to the best of your ability, perhaps one day your own son or daughter will be a world renowned pediatric brain surgeon, or will find a cure for all cancers, or perhaps will be the best president the United States has ever had.

Happy Father’s Day Dads!!

Tony Fantetti
Ohio Council for Father’s Rights

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Never Give up on Trying to See your Children and be a Father to them

I get it, trust me, I really  do. The stresses of trying to exercise your “visitation” aka parenting time as a noncustodial father (or mother) is no less stressful than a trip to hell and back with Satan tormenting you the entire time, when the custodial parent is combative, mentally ill, has a substance abuse problem, or simply likes confrontation and drama. In such cases, you’re often better off doing the exchange with Satan himself.

All kidding aside, some people can get physically ill from the stresses involved in trying to exercise parenting time when a such a custodial parent is involved. There is a tremendous amount of stress, anxiety and sometimes panic, especially when there’s a fear of false allegations or false charges being leveled against you by the custodial parent. In fact, some may choose to skip exercise parenting time altogether because of this, especially if they’ve been previously incarcerated on account of false allegations by the custodial mother.

Now think about this; if it’s that stressful on the father, think about how much more so it is on the children involved. That’s why it’s critically important for you to NEVER engage the mother (or father for you noncustodial moms) and argue back. Doing that not only further stresses the children, it also escalates the situation, and it creates hellish childhood memories that will forever be replayed in their minds, over and over again, and even as adults.

Please trust me on that, I came from a background as a child that clearly attests to that.  Don’t ever play a part in creating traumatizing memories for your children, as they will remember them for the rest of their lives. In high-conflict situations, the only role you should play is that of a quiet and comforting  parent, not the violent and escalating one.

It’s never okay to engage a combative custodial parent. The only exception I can think to that is if they’re putting your children in danger, and only to remove them from that danger and without breaking the law in the process. But rest assured, and as sure as the sun rises and sets, if the cops are called and you’re a father, you’re almost guaranteed to be going to jail unless you have a witness or video. You should never go alone to pick up your children if the aforementioned describes your situation.

Years of tense exchanges will surely wear someone down and can cause disconcertment and ambivalence whereas the opposite should be so for such an occasion. You should (and would normally) be very happy and excited in your anticipation pertaining to getting your child.

So when does it end, or at least change to such an extent that exercising your parenting time no longer becomes a prelude to a panic attack? As your children grow older. The day WILL COME when your child is psychologically capable of rising above the chaos, tension, and conflict that an abusive and drama-loving custodial parent creates and inflicts upon you and them when you are exchanging the children.

The day will also come that your children remember and recall the comfort they found in you and your environment  as you deescalated the many exchanges over the years. It may not feel like at the time when you’re in the thick of it, but you are helping your child just by remaining calm in those situations.

The best thing you can do, is to just be there for your children. As they mature and grow into adults themselves, the control that a psychologically abusive and high-conflict custodial parent exerts over them will fade.

This is why it’s so important that you never give up and stop trying to be a father to your children and thereby play a meaningful role in their life. There were times that I drove more than 550 miles after work on a Thursday night, nearly all night, across 4 states  (and I worked Friday),  so that I could exercise my parenting time with my daughter on a Friday night. I then made the same drive home the following Sunday morning so I could make it to work on Monday.

I made that drive for years. That was over 1100 miles driven over three days. I still must and do drive considerable distances (the same mileage)  to see my own daughter, and she’s worth every minute that I spend on the road and more. It usually takes me until Tuesday and sometimes Wednesday of the following week to get fully rested again.

With regard to physical separation from your child, it’s NEVER their fault, and we must do what we can as fathers to ensure that they don’t pay the price for that separation. If the custodial parent has moved your child away from you, or you were forced to move for employment reasons , or to avoid being indicted for felony criminal nonsupport or other reasons,  then you as a father (or mother) must make every effort to see your child nonetheless.

Many fathers give up out of physical, but mostly psychological exhaustion when faced with a combative, non-cooperative, and high-conflict custodial mother does everything within her power to keep him from exercising his parenting time, and this must never be. We as fathers should never just allow a mother to push us out of our children’s lives. We are obligated, out of the best interests of and well being for our children, to never stop trying.

And for those fathers who are suicidal and or giving up or on the verge of doing so, I must respectfully ask, “why?” I understand how emotionally draining it is to have to engage a non-cooperative and combative custodial parent, believe me, I do, but how can you ever even consider giving up?

Think about the torment that you face in just trying to see your children, as well as the torment you experience in not seeing them; now magnify that exponentially and add fear and unknown to that, to try and understand what your children are going through in NOT seeing you nor having any contact with you.

I’m convinced that our country is basking in the morally depraved state that it’s in today, because fathers have been pushed out of their children’s lives by both the courts and custodial mothers. And the result of decades of that is the very degenerate society that we live in today.

Again I ask you fathers who have given up or are considering giving up; how can you abandon your efforts to see your child, and through that, leave them ALONE with their mothers? I can’t imagine a world for them without their father, so how can you?

For you dads that this resonates with and speaks to, please reconsider.  Your children need you!! You do NOT have to FEEL or BELIEVE it for that statement to be true. It IS TRUE, as every child is born with an inner need and desire to know his or her parents.

To reignite that fire within yourself that will cause you to push forward, consider this; the day IS COMING when your child will be old enough and mature enough to not just express their desire to see you, but also demand their RIGHT to see you. And the more time that passes, the stronger that desire will become.

Moreover, the day will also come when your children will be old enough to push through the barriers, put in place by their custodial parent, that are preventing you from seeing or talking to them.  And when that day does come, because IT WILL, where will you be???

To you fathers contemplating suicide because it seems to be the only way out given the situation that you’re in (homeless, jobless, penniless, and perhaps incarcerated);  what becomes of the day that your child, after reaching the age whereby they can start out on their own, in a quest to see you, and they discover what you’ve done assuming you’ve followed through with it? Chances are, they’ll spend the rest of their lives sorting through that physiological mess you’ve left for them. And PLEASE know that I don’t say that out in indifference or hatefulness, and I have been where you are.

There’s an adage that says something  very well, and that’s beneficial to us all;  “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today. ” And if you think in a long term sense about your present situation, and through it, convince yourself that nothing will ever change, you’re unknowingly destroying your hope. And without hope, we as humans have nothing to carry us forward.

Try not to worry beyond today, as there’s no guarantee that tomorrow will ever come anyway. And today, make a promise to your child and to yourself, that you’ll never give up hope nor stop trying to see or talk to them. Because the truth is, and no matter how hopeless today may seem to you, that day WILL come when you’re child will become determined to see you, and such will happen. But you have to be there for that to happen, please decide today, for your child’s sake, that their father will be there when they come looking.

Sincerely,

Tony Fantetti
Email: tony.fantetti(at)ocffr(dot)org

Posted in Custody Issues, Miscellaneous, Suicide, Visitation | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

P&G’s Olympic-Sized Slap to all Father’s Faces Wins the Gold for Global Corporate Paternal Contempt

Congratulations to Cincinnati based Proctor and Gamble (P&G) for their slap to the faces of all dad’s around the world by once again willfully ignoring the contributions that loving fathers make to not only the world’s Olympians, but to the lives of the children whose fathers are “allowed” to be involved with them. Any father who has been divorced or never married fully understands the seriousness of my use of “allowed” with regard to rearing children as a single or divorced dad.

To Mr. Alan G. “AJ” Lafley, Chairman of the Board, President, and Chief Executive Officer of P&G, I’m curious, did your father contribute at all to your own success? Did any fathers contribute anything at all to the success of any of the many executive managers you’ve met and worked with from around the world during the course of your career?

Clearly men and fathers have contributed to the success of P&G as 30 of the 42 positions (including yours) on P&G’s executive team are currently held by men, and many of which I presume are fathers? Have they contributed anything whatsoever to the successes of their own children, or are they all deadbeats as P&G’s 50 “Thank You Mom” Olympics related videos on P&G’s YouTube Channel implies (through silent omission) that all fathers are?

I counted 50 Thank You Mom” Olympics related ads on P&G’s YouTube Channel and zero “Thank You Dads” ads. Conversely, a search on P&G’s YouTube channel acknowledging dads at all turned up one video that was uploaded about 2 weeks before Father’s Day of last year. And this targeted advertising towards mothers at the expense of the contributions of fathers, clearly and incontrovertibly puts P&G’s contempt towards fathers on full display for the world to see.

So what does this mean, am I making a mountain out of a molehill in writing about this obvious disparity regarding the value P&G places on the value of a mother’s contribution to child rearing (priceless) versus a father’s contribution (worthless) when using P&G’s advertising as the weighted value? And, am I now one of the very people (or groups as a father) of whom I used to complain about years ago as being “too sensitive” and “ridiculous” with regard to being easily offended? I think not.

What does a 50:1 ad ratio whereby P&G acknowledges the value of mothers versus that of fathers in both child rearing and raising an Olympian really tell us about P&G’s corporate philosophy regarding fathers, and to what capacity can you really judge a company’s corporate attitude towards one gender (moms) versus another (dads) by their advertising alone? A plenitude.

Reality is this; Corporations, via advertising, reach out vicariously (via the actors in advertising) to their most valued and equally coveted customer base. Moreover, it’s that same base which must be feverishly protected and retained at all costs, AND at the expense of others when it’s politically expedient and acceptable to do so. Especially, when said base is protected by political correctness and well represented on as mothers are.

Following that logic, and judging by P&G’s advertising alone, it’s abundantly clear that as a corporation placing a value on its customers, fathers are worthless and their contributions to earnings via consumption of P&G’s products is to be taken for granted, while antithetically, mothers are priceless and to be worshiped and wooed.

For those thinking that ‘worshiped” is too strong an adjective, consider P&G’s 50:1 advertising ratio, and the nature of said ads. The content of those adds DOES amount to the worship of mothers, and at the expense of fathers. Again, through silent omission when considering the message this undoubtedly sends to the impressionable minds of children, especially young ones. It says that moms are more valuable than dads, and if one looks around the world today, said statement is more true (in statement, not fact) today than ever before. But little minds know no different.

How so is such at the expense of fathers? It’s through the silent omission of the the fact that fathers deserve the same praise and worship that mothers regularly receive and it implies fathers play no meaningful role in rearing children and are therefore worthless. Also, the implication is that only mothers are responsible for raising Olympians. Not so you say? Really? What part of “Thank you mom” P&G advertising thanking her for all of ‘her’ efforts in building a child into Olympian leads anyone to believe that fathers had anything to do with raising that child into Olympic athlete? None of it. Again, it’s simply implied that fathers are worthless. That’s clearly the intent when ALL of the credit is given to moms, and it’s sickening and disgusting that in 2014 a global entity engages in such tasteless and offensive advertising for the sake of revenue.

By focusing on one gender (moms) as P&G overtly does, and building them up extensively as they do during Olympic events, it quietly but effectively and unequivocally diminishes the value of a father in raising and developing his children, and it’s a contemptuous and absolute affront to fathers worldwide. If you disagree with me and you’re thinking “ridiculous” then think the following through. Imagine if P&G’s ad ratio with regard to crediting fathers for raising an Olympian versus mothers were 50:1, do you think there would be outrage and boycotts? Do you think that such would make headlines around the nation if not the globe?

The answer to that is an absolute, unambiguous, and globally resounding YES! NOW would be on the warpath, feminist and misandrous groups (of which P&G should be included) from around the world would be in protests, in the streets and on the news, and with one feminist group after another organizing a global boycott of all P&G (and its subsidiaries) products.

Those same groups would be demanding that Lafley (aka “AJ”) not only issue an apology, but that he also resign because he’d be labeled a misogynist and therefore unfit to lead P&G in his current capacity. Additional demands would likely include company wide sensitivity training, and that Nancy K. Swanson be immediately promoted to Chairwoman of the Board, President, and Chief Executive Officer not because she’s competent to hold those positions (and I’m not saying that she’s not) but because she’s a woman and should therefore be promoted based on her gender due to P&G’s ‘insensitivity” towards mothers and thereby women.

Additionally, P&G undoubtedly cares nothing about pleasing its male base and fully takes their global revenue derived from fathers 100% for granted. Moreover, P&G’s contempt for fathers is astonishingly clear and is likely the very reason they generated their one token ad that ‘acknowledges’ a father’s contribution towards his child’s success.

Think this through, please. We live in a world of ‘offended classes.’ There are more politically correct classes than I care to enumerate, but no one can say anything today (whether it’s true or not is wholly irrelevant) without offending someone, and rest assured that those with the most political clout (of which women and mothers are) are sacred cash cows that are not to be offended by any means lest the offender incur their financial wrath.

So why does a global conglomerate like Procter and Gamble silently albeit very hatefully and maliciously covertly demean fathers worldwide, at the expense of children (through a false portrayal of the value of fathers), fawn over mothers, and through them, worship at the alter of feminism? It’s because they can, they must, and finally, because it pays immensely for them to do so.

To elaborate; P&G can and does (as evidenced by their advertising) demean and devalue fathers because in our society where everyone is offended by everything, there exists only one class of people who are not represented by a politically connected organization on neither a national or a global scale. A class that not only speaks as one, but more importantly votes as one either politically (as a voting bloc) or monetarily as a consumer group, and that class is fathers. But for fathers and men, corporations would be without anyone to portray as dolts, worthless, idiots and on and on for the sake of raising revenue via advertising. And trust me; the irony is not lost on the fact that men by far have the most representation when it comes to executive management positions. But politically and regarding consumership, we are wholly unrepresented.

Just look at how many companies demean and degrade fathers in their advertising. P&G is not alone, and although there are many others who treat fathers even worse, P&G is my focus here. Therefore, I won’t be enumerating all the others and will save that for another day. To my detractors, I say once again, try running a 50:1 advertising routine (on a global scale at that!) that credits only fathers for raising children and thereby producing an Olympic athlete and watch as “Rome starts burning” after being set ablaze (figuratively speaking of course) by feminists and other groups representing mothers around the world. The worst part is that today, most children are raised by day care centers, not their parents. Please know that I don’t say that to debase daycare workers.

If P&G truly valued women and mothers as much as they pretend to for the sole sake of revenue, then certainly the matrix of their executive management team would be comprised of more females. As I noted earlier, P&G’s executive management team contains 42 positions, and only 12 of those are held by women. That’s a slightly more than a quarter (28.6%) all executive management positions held by women while conversely 71.4% (nearly 3 times more) are held by men. And possibly less than that are being held by mothers. Moreover, P&G has had 12 CEOs in 12 decades, none of which were women. P&G has been around for nearly 170 years, and for not a single one of those years, has a woman ever been the CEO.

P&G must fawn over mothers as they do lest they fear a backlash for not appreciating a significant portion of its customer base and as a result, lose a significant source of revenue stream. They don’t fawn over fathers because doing so would anger their feminine base and cause a rage that would trigger the aforementioned backlash I described.

Therefore, and so as to feign their corporate “appreciation” for fathers, P&G does the bare minimal fawning dance that’s required to appease the tens of millions fathers who refuse to stand up for themselves as women do (and do very well I might add) whereby they demand respect as both women and mothers, and they will vote with their dollars so to speak to garner that respect.

That dance for P&G’s ‘appreciation’ of dads will only take place around Father’s Day (hence the one and only video in the 50:1 ratio I mentioned) because of two reasons; 1. Dads are paying attention that one day of the year (somewhat at least) and 2. The mothers and feminists will “allow” P&G to acknowledge dads on or near Father’s Day without penalizing them via protests and boycotts for daring to acknowledge the valuable role that fathers play in raising children, but not acknowledging mothers simultaneously.

And finally, P&G fawns over mothers (to the detriment of fathers by omission) as shown by their 50 “Thank you moms” advertisements to their one “Thank you dads” advertisements because it pays to do so by securing their feminine base through a false sense of appreciation that they convey for moms for the sole sake of revenue which in turns bolster earnings. Said otherwise, such advertisements convey a false sense of loyalty that’s directed towards mothers with the intent of building loyalty towards their brands.

I suspect that if I were to look into P&G’s charitable donations, there would exists a very long list of women’s/mother’s charitable organizations that are on the receiving end of P&G’s financial benevolence. That of course to make it appear as if they, as a corporation, truly cared. Such is done for that reason also because women, unlike men, tend to pay attention and want to see words backed by action.

However, if I were to look at the same list for donations made to men’s/father’s charitable organizations by P&G’s charitable foundations, I suspect that there would be few if any donations to the benefit of fathers.

My point? I have no doubt that as a corporation, P&G doesn’t care about mothers. After all corporations aren’t people, they are obviously entities that are run by people but devoid of feelings. Of course there are charitable organizations that do care for people though the work they carry out. Those however are non-profits of which P&G is not, it’s a Fortune 500 (ranked 28th in 2013) for-profit company. There’s nothing wrong with for profit, but it bears one point that plays into this post; P&G is in business to make money, end of story.

P&G as a for-profit (versus a non-profit) therefore doesn’t care about moms, dads, men or women period. P&G is a publicly owned corporation that’s obviously in business to generate revenue and earn a profit for the benefit of its shareholders. To do that, requires advertising and pandering through that advertising to increase revenue and thereby earnings and finally profits or rate of return.

The problem I have with Procter and Gamble as a corporation is not their pandering towards mothers, I get that, as every corporation panders to its customers. But where P&G intentionally and very hatefully crosses the line, and in doing so, severely denigrates the contribution and importance of fathers in their roles in raising children (and Olympic athletes), is via those “Thanks mom” Olympic related adds that intentionally portray a completely false narrative (and reality to the children watching them) that only mothers (and not fathers by any means whatsoever) contribute to the raising of children. That is an absolute insult to fathers around the world, and especially to the single fathers who by themselves, not only raised their own children (for those who did) but especially those who raised children that have or are participating in the Olympics.

It really speaks to how disgustingly low society has sunk to when a fortune 50 global conglomerate (P&G) brazenly, willingly and in the global theater completely marginalizes the role of fathers in the raising of their children for the sole purpose of pandering to women through mothers by creating these lying ads that portray fathers as worthless “do-nothings” with regard to child rearing. And that, for the sole purpose of generating additional revenue to grow earnings.

Mr. Langly sir, you are a despicable man for allowing Procter and Gamble advertisements that completely marginalize the role of fathers in raising their children to be run. I ask you again sir, did your father contribute anything, anything whatsoever to your successes? And if the answer is no, then the question I put to you is this; did any fathers contribute anything towards the childhoods and successes whatsoever of any of the 42 men and women on Procter and Gamble’s executive team? If your answer is yes sir, then why is it that as the CEO of P&G, your company has run 50 plus advertisements that imply that fathers have absolutely nothing to do with raising their children and contribute nothing to their successes?

Fatherhood today isn’t just in a critical state, its on life support. Contrary to the current false narrative fed to the public by feminists, the media and corporations like P&G that falsely portrays fathers as unecessary, worthless, indifferent and idiotic parents who want nothing to do with their children, (especially single fathers) just the opposite is true.

Most single, divorced, or never-married fathers are court-ordered absent fathers. By that I mean that court-ordered “visitation schedules” (or lack of thereof) prohibit (under the threat of contempt and thereby arrest and incarceration) fathers from spending much or in some cases, any time with their children. And study after study, unbiased and hundreds of them from around the world, clearly demonstrate just how destructive the lack of father’s involvement in child rearing is both to boys and girls. The list of damage (emotional and psychological) is as long as it is permanent, and yet many of us are kept away from our children, against our wishes, and via court order, and companies like Cincinnati based Procter and propagate that false narrative (that fathers are worthless) by airing 50 different aids that credit the raising of Olympic athletes to mothers only.

It’s time for the “political correctness” of insulting and marginalizing the roles of fathers in raising their children to stop. I for one will never again purchase any products made by P&G or any of its subsidiaries, nor will I ever again purchase P&G stock. What’s needed at this juncture is a boycott of all P&G (and its subsidiaries) products by fathers worldwide. No dad should accept P&G’s token Father’s Day ad as an acceptable form of gratitude in exchange for the billions of dollars in revenue that fathers bring to P&G. Additionally, no fathers should find as acceptable that no less than 50 P&G global ads are crediting the rearing of children to mothers only. That insinuation is an absolute affront to all fathers across the globe.

To all of you fathers of Olympic athletes; and especially to you single fathers of Olympic athletes who not only single-highhandedly raised your own children, but raised children who have or are participating in the Olympic games, CONGRATULATIONS and THANK YOU for being there as fathers for your children.

Sincerely,

Tony Fantetti
Ohio Council for Fathers Rights
Email: tony.fantetti(at)ocffr(dot)org

Posted in Misandry, Miscellaneous, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Why?

“Why?” Is a question that I hear fathers ask often, and in reference to the draconian tactics of Ohio’s 88 “Child Support” Enforcement Agencies (CSEAs), or as I’d prefer to call them, Ohio’s Child Support Extortion Agencies.

Such is asked because of the manner in which they abuse very good and loving noncustodial fathers and mothers in very vile and destructive manners. Even worse, is that it’s done with absolute impunity, as well as with equal amounts of arrogance and indifference.

The CSEAs and many of their employees care nothing of the noncustodial parents whom are referred to as obligors, and I believe they care even less about the custodial parents (obligees) and the children thereof. They are all of one concern; bleed as much as you can from noncustodial parents, by hook or by crook, and no matter what the costs.

Recent emails I’ve received have caused me to once again ponder the absolute emotionally paralyzing and equally terrifying hell that I found myself wandering in many years ago. A routine called “life” as a single father. One that I  was violently thrust  into against my will, and whereby the painfully emotional confusion that I found myself in would only multiply, exponentially, for many years to come. Thank God I didn’t know early on how bad things were going to get, or perhaps I wouldn’t be here today writing about that which I do.

I’ve put a lot of what I consider to be very personal and raw emotion on these pages over the years not only because I’m compelled to, but also because I want to. I know that some father, somewhere, especially one who’s contemplating taking his life because ‘the system’ (the ‘child support’ system) drove him to where he is, might find these words and they may be enough to spare another precious and innocent child from becoming fatherless due to a system induced suicide.

With that said, I’m going to share a recent response that I sent to a father who contacted me. What I hope to do is share his entire email with his permission, but that for another day. Like many fathers in emails before his, I saw a reflection of myself in those carefully chosen heartfelt words that he wrote to me. But the big difference is “that was then, and this is now.”

By that, I mean this; his words reminded me of who I was not just as a person, but more importantly as a man, and most importantly, as a father nine longs years ago. Despite nearly a decade having since passed, I will NEVER forget that hell, the daily emotional hell, depression, hopelessness, despair, loneliness, anger, madness, torment and more, that I felt as that thrall that I’d become the moment I was deemed to be a single father.

My email was as follows;

XXXX
I want to clarify this statement; “With regard to those suicidal thoughts, I’ve been EXACTLY where you are. That said, I don’t need to explain anymore than that, nor do you.” By that, I meant you didn’t have to discuss if you didn’t want to. I’m open to discussing whatever you wish.

Moreover, your last paragraph really moved me for many reasons, and you couldn’t be more right in your assertions. Regarding this, “Big nasty bold letters assigned to induce fear and dread. How can we as humans respond positively to such? I actually get sick in the stomach when I see letters from the CSEA.”  I’ll throw “panic attacks” (with no prior history) into that as well, when said letters arrive. Butterflies in the stomach, and more. I know it all. But “dread” sums it all up perfectly, and sadly.

Today? I laugh at the CSEA and their letters. I’ve threatened the Director of the Hamilton County CSEA with contempt. And she responded. We do have some power, but it won’t be found without hope.

My “out” was going to be the Iraq War (#2). Not sure if you read about that, but it’s on the blog somewhere. Never lose hope xxxx as that’s all that’s needed to put one foot before the other on those days when you’re capable of no more. And those WILL pass, trust me on that. You daughter needs a father. Look for studies on mother absenteeism and you’ll find few if any. Search on father absenteeism, and you’ll find countless studies that show  the effects (for a lifetime) are as deep and damaging as they are numerous, and on both boys and girls.

I’m not saying that mothers don’t play an incredibly important role in raising children as they obviously do. But that goes two ways (as it does with dads), and such is dependent whether or not she has her child’s best interests at heart. In the case of a manipulative ex, my experiences over the years have clearly shown that many of the same can’t see through their vindictiveness and hatred for dad to have even the slightest chance in acting on her child’s best interests. And in those cases, high-conflict, contention, parental alienation syndrome (PAS) all come into play, and risk damaging  the children involved, their psyche and emotions for a lifetime. In such situations, a father’s influence is needed more than ever for those children to have the best shot at life.

Another father reaching out to me whose nothing more than a reflection of myself nine years ago. I will NEVER forget how it felt, ever. And before I proceed, I’d like to take a moment to thank those heroine second wives, girlfriends, mothers, sisters, and in some cases, those awesome female friends who stand in for, reach out to, date, marry and other wise support those struggling ‘child support’ paying fathers who in some cases wouldn’t exist absent the support those just mentioned provide. Especially, you “second wives.” To say they’re absolutely incredible women is a serious understatement.

I can honestly say, that had I not met my present wife, I wouldn’t have started OCFFR, and nor would I have shared what have over the years. My wife truly ‘rebuilt me’ and restored my faith in all of you terrific women out there.

Back to where I left off; life as a newly single father, a CSEA thrall if you will, who has just been introduced to Ohio’s Domestic Relations Court, Juvenile Court, Ohio’s CSEAs, and civil law is most likely living in utter fear and terror of what’s next, is emotionally and intellectually paralyzed, believes himself to be an abject failure as a person, man and father, and has little or no hope in the future. And sadly, to that last point, he probably hopes and prays to whatever deity he (or she in the case of noncustodial moms) believes in, that he doesn’t live to see much of the future.

The initial shock and dismay one experiences after being emotionally and financially raped by Ohio’s CSEAs and Domestic Relations judges and magistrates is nothing short of mind and life altering. And that to such an extent ones psyche is forever braided with a distorted sense of reality that not only deeply affects who they are as a person, it also forever changes them to such an extent they (for a limited time at least) no longer recognize who they once were.

Allow me to elaborate on that point; anyone who has been through the CSEA hell, along with being a hated outcast that’s otherwise known as a ‘child support’ paying noncustodial parent, knows exactly what I’m talking about. That’s especially true of those who at one time had a lot in terms of material possessions, money, benefits etc. However, please know that such is not meant in any way to diminish the pain and suffering of those who lacked wealth or assets.

Because what we all have in common, and despite one’s social economic status is that we all (noncustodial parents) lost unfettered access to that which was MOST VALUABLE to all of us, our children. Truth be told, and given my difficult childhood, what I was able to attain, what I lost (due to ‘child support’ and divorce) and where I am today, I must admit that I have an affinity for the poor and uneducated.

So how does this all tie together? It’s a s simple as this; I feel the need to once again write about the struggles of single (and remarried) noncustodial, ‘child support’ paying moms and dads. Finding the will to get out of bed and only put one foot before the other for a day, can seem as daunting and frightening as climbing a mountain as one who’s afraid of heights.

Over the years, I’ve learned to listen to that inner voice that tells me, “just write.” Honestly, and if I’ve read what I’ve written slow enough to comprehend it, what’s on this page seems somewhat disorganized and incoherent if I do say so myself. Nonetheless, perhaps I’ll get an email at some point down the road where someone writes something to the effect of, “that’s just what I needed to hear.”

Before closing, I ask that you take the time to read what I’ve written on the About OCFFR page. On that page, I tried to convey, as best I could, the ugly, hateful, profound and devastating effects that Ohio’s Family Courts and 88 county CSEAs have on noncustodial, ‘child support’ paying fathers and mothers.

To answer the question of “Why?” I could write a book on that, but in short, it’s for two reasons; 1. the love of money, and 2. because we live in an unjust world. Listen to me; if you’re a depressed, despondent and hopeless shell of what you once were, and that because some cold and hardhearted judge or magistrate working in conjunction with Ohio’s CSEA has not only bankrupted you financially and emotionally, cost your everything you once had, stripped you of your dignity and worst of all, come between you and your child(ren) please know that you are NOT alone.

I and millions of others have been where you are and in some cases, in even worse places. PLEASE…I implore you for the sake of your children who love and need you, do NOT lose hope. In time, things will get better. In time, you will adjust, in time you’ll see a brighter future for yourself and your children, and in time, you’ll be glad if you’ve taken to heart what I’ve written here.

Finally, don’t ever see yourself as the person that your treated as. You are a good person, you are loved and your life is valuable. And given time, the day will come, if you’ll only allow it to, where you can look yourself in the mirror and not only say those same things, but more importantly, you’ll truly believe them.

Sincerely,

Tony Fantetti
Ohio Council for Fathers Rights
Email: tony.fantetti(at)ocffr(dot)org

Posted in Child Support, Miscellaneous, Suicide, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Why Your Comment Doesn’t Post and My Apology to My Readers

To my readers,

Please understand that what I do with regard to this website, blogging and helping others; mainly fathers, but also their wives, girlfriends, sisters, mothers, etc as well as non-custodial moms, is on my own time and at my own expense.

I always find it amusing when people (especially those single moms who hate and despise me) tell me, “I’m going to set my on blog up…”   “Good luck with that one,” is what I’m generally thinking…Sarcastically of course.

To my point. Thousands of hours and thousands of dollars is the cost of “just blogging” when you factor in content control, managing SPAM, mitigating security risks, owning your own domain and the associated email.

In short, there’s a lot more than just stringing some sentences together if you care in the least about being effective, changing the minds and thinking of those in disagreement, and making a difference. Additionally, a LOT of research is involved as one must be speaking the truth and with facts to back your words.

Anyone who has been following me since I “set up shop” knows that I’ve entered many periods of lull, that in one case, lasted more than a year. That’s a terrible thing to do if someone who reads me is depending on the emotional support that many of my posts deliver.

And truthfully, those lulls affect me DEEPLY in an emotional manner. In all honestly, I feel a lot of shame and guilt that in turn (and unfortunately) sometimes increases the length of my silence.

The cause of said lulls is usually manifold in most cases. I like many of you must work to eat, and my job is very demanding. Add to that this thing called “life”, my own case, and problems, encounters, etc in that realm affect not only what I can do here as a blogger, but more importantly how well I do it.

When I write, my heart and emotions must be in it. Especially if in the the piece I’m writing at the time, I’m trying to connect with my readers (especially struggling noncustodial single dads and moms)  on an emotional level.

If my “head’s not in the game,” when I’m writing,then I may as well be posting the alphabet, as the outcome would be the same; the piece will be heartless, ineffective and worthless crap, just like Ohio’s “Child” Support Enforcement Agencies (CSEA) and many of their overpaid employees. Or better yet, thugs.

Due to SPAM, and my efforts to stop it from taking over this site, anyone who has never posted here before will have their comment “flagged” by the SPAM filters. When that happens, I have to manually release the comment so it’ll post. And I generally follow that action up with an email to the person who wrote the comment. After the SPAM filter “knows” you. That flagging is no longer an issue.

Their are better ways to manage both comments and SPAM, and I really need to implement them here, but again, that takes time. I need to learn the technology and then implement the same. This site needs many updates and many changes to be made, however web design is not my forte.

I can code in the various website related languages, but I’m no expert in them, and I do it just enough that I forget what I’ve learned when the time comes to do it again. So take that one ‘simple’ thing, website maintenance and combine that with a blog post that takes 8 hours to write after research is factored in, or I’ve re-wrote the piece 90 times because I didn’t like the way it flowed.

Or, consider that I tried to “condense” the piece because it’s way way too long, I’ve stated the same point multiple times albeit in different ways, or it’s just too wordy. Repeating myself, being wordy, and going off point sadly are three of my “strong suits” by the way. And that’s  clearly unfortunate for both you and me.

Drawing on some older political drama involving ole Slick Willy, who I utterly detest and am absolutely no fan of but would welcome back with open arms over the current occupant of the White House; I could type a 25 page, single spaced exposition on the definition of the word ‘is.’  I’m not kidding.

But alas, see what I mean? The last two paragraphs were a total waste of cyber ink, I was beginning to drag you down that road, and I just got started, and you know what’s worse? I continue with this; a THIRD useless paragraph. I’m convinced it’s a sickness…

In closing I want to add there’s little that’s more frustrating than taking the time (especially lots of it) to think and write out a response to something, clicking “submit”, “ok” or whatever, and seeing that your comment did not post.

So please know that in regard to the OCFFR Blog, your comment will be posted.  it just may take some time, and unfortunately, more than “just a little” in some cases.

Sincerely,

Tony Fantetti

Posted in Athens County Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA), Attorneys; Retain or Refrain?, Belmont County Child Support Enforcment Agency (CSEA), Butler County Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA), Celebrities, Child Abuse, Child Support, Child Support Hurts, Child Support Moms (CSMs), Communications with the State of Ohio, Custody Issues, Cuyahoga County Ohio Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA), Darke County Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA), Domestic Violence, Emails from Others, Employment and Unemployment, Fathers Rights Advocates Organizations and Advocacy, Grandparents, Hamilton County, Hamilton County Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA), Humor Satire Sarcasm and Cynicism, Incarcerated Fathers, Incarceration and Prison, Judges and Magistrates, Military Mothers and Fathers, Misandry, Miscellaneous, Montgomery County Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA), Morality and Religion, National Child Support Enforcement Association (NCSEA), Notifications about Website and Blog Updates Issues and Changes, Ohio Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA), Ohio Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA) Abuses, Ohio Child Support Lawsuit, Ohio CSEA Directors Association (OCDA), Ohio Department of Jobs and Family Services (ODJFS), Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS), Parental Kidnapping, Police and Firemen, Politics, Refrain!, Retain, Single Moms, Single Moms "by Choice", Suicide, The State of Ohio, The Voices of Others, These are "Deadbeats?", This is in the "Best Interests of the Children?", Title-IV D of the Social Security Act, Trumbull County Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA), Uncategorized, Unconscionable Child Support Horror Stories, Visitation, Warren County Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA) | Tagged , , , | 10 Comments

Happy Fathers Day to all Dads!

Today is Father’s Day,  a day that can be filled with conflicting emotions for some single dads. Overall, it’s generally considered a happy and blessed day for those dads who have access to their children and thereby can see and speak to them on a regular basis.

However, for those single dads who’ve been cursed with having to deal with an unrelenting custodial mother who stops at nothing in her efforts to completely force you out of your child’s life, then Father’s Day is one that’s filled with ambiguous feelings that left unchecked, will have you feeling bitter, angry, resentful and worst of all, severely depressed by day’s end.

There’s little else that’s worse than being a father who’s forced, by court order and against his will, to not be a father. And that’s exactly what court-ordered father absenteeism does to millions of good, loving and hurting dads. It actively prevents them (and under the penalty of incarceration for trying to “step up”) from being the involved good and loving fathers they desire so strongly to be.

Being forced against your will, as most single dads are, into being a single dad is an extremely difficult burden to bear. Most single dads came to be at the behest of a money grubbing mother (obviously not in all cases) that was and probably still is, hell bent on separating you from your children, and such was accomplished merely by the signature of some cold-hearted  black-hat judge. Proof that the pen is indeed mightier than the sword.

I truly wish all dads a the happiest of Father’s Day, but in doing so, do recognize just how incredibly painful a day it can be for those single dads who must battle a highly contentious mother for each and every moment, be that in person, on the phone or otherwise, with your child(ren).

Such adversity is more painful, difficult and depressing (to a crippling degree, and both emotionally and physically) than words could ever describe.  And understanding and comprehending the magnitude of the difficulty of the same is something that simply cannot be explained in order to assimilate; rather, it must be experienced in order to identify with.

To use an analogy, it’s like swimming. To understand, comprehend and feel what it’s like to swim can’t be explained, it must be experienced, period. And so it is with being a single dad separated from his children, and who didn’t ask nor agree to become such, as it was forced upon him unwillingly.

And what makes single fatherhood that’s forced upon someone a hell like no other, is when the custodial mother (or father in the case of some noncustodial single mothers) does all that is within her means to not only keep you separated from your children, but also does everything she can to sabotage all efforts by you to make contact with your children.

Dads react differently to combative single moms knowingly trying to sever the fathers contact and ties to his children. Some bury the accompanying and very painful emotions. Some dads “walk away” and resign themselves to a point later in life, usually when their children have become adults themselves, wherein they will re-initiate contact in the hopes of finally having a meaningful relationship with their children. While yet other fathers do the unthinkable, and that with which some have done shortly after posting to this site or contacting me; they commit suicide.

Please hear me when I say, “don’t EVER lose hope, and your children DO LOVE YOU and NEED YOU, and they also desire to HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU!” And that, despite what, and contrary to, their mother says. It’s critical that you don’t allow yourself to become defeated emotionally, and as a result, believe the lies yourself.

Fathers who commit suicide are fathers who have not only become despondent, they are those who’ve also succumbed to and believed the many lies that have been told to and about them by others. And others include their children’s mother, the media, and in some cases, their own friends and family.

Father’s Day is obviously supposed to be not only a happy and joyous day, but one that’s to be celebrated and lavished in emotionally by dads. However, it’s the polar opposite to desperate dads who’ve not only been forcefully separated from their children via their children’s mother through court-ordered father absenteeism, but whom also must fight what seems like a never-ending battle to maintain contact with their children.

If you are one of those fathers, please know that one day, things “will” change for the better. It may not be for years to come, but that day will indeed come, so long as you persevere and never lose hope.

Again, I wish all dads a very happy and joyous Father’s Day! But to you dads where today is anything but, please know this. I am thinking about how difficult are your hardships, struggles and difficulties, I understand how debilitating depression can be, I have been where you are, I’ve struggled as you have, and this I know to be true; the day WILL COME, that your own situation improves, your depression lifts, and you will finally have that relationship with your children that you’ve always desired.

And with each passing day, “that day” gets one day closer and will arrive, so long as you never lose hope and perseverance.

Happy Father’s Day!

Tony Fantetti
Ohio Council for Fathers Rights

 

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Suicide Posing as Freedom for Fathers Unjustly Burdened with Lifetimes of “Child Support” but for Whom?

On occasion, and when I think many others will benefit from an exchange, I’ll post a users comment (and my response)  to the front page  OCFFR Blog and post it under every category as well to give it more exposure.

The following is one such exchange, and the user comments where posted by a teenaged Canadian Frenchman. And although I truly understand and can intellectualize why he presents suicide as a means for fathers to acquire “freedom”  I vehemently disagree with his conclusion that suicide is in fact the answer for  struggling dads.

There are indeed many fathers whom are unjustly saddled with “child support” debts that not only will they never have the means to pay, they’ll also be saddled with said debts for life.  Additionally, I fully understand the financial pressures and hardships of “child support” debt that one can’t pay; I personally lost three homes and was bankrupted by it as a direct result. And I recovered….But financially AND emotionally.

So had I committed suicide during the darkest days of my darkest years (and only God knows just how dark were those roads that I traveled during those many years of living hell), not only would I not have recovered financially as I have (and I credit God for the same), but I also wouldn’t be doing that which I am today. Additionally,  I also have good reason to believe that efforts to offer moral support to others via this website has prevented numerous suicides.

Sadly, there are still those who I believe still made the choice to find their freedom in the taking of their own life, such as this user who commented here in the Spring of 2012.

The following is the exchange (posted today) that I referenced, and it took place under this OCCFR Blog entry. I find the timing interesting, given the recent comment (at the bottom of page) posted here by Robert. And although I don’t know Robert and nor have I ever spoken to him, I firmly believe that he would agree with Kopf. That said, I would vehemently disagree with both if that were indeed the case.

_________________________

Posted by Kotf

Nothing to gain, Nothing more to lose….
Why even live if you cant be your own, wouldn’t you feel better dead?
That’s the point!
WHy even live if you wont ever see your child again!
She’ll make sure to say to your own child how a shitty father you are as he grow up, so why are you guys bothering?

Play your last card, Tell her that there is nothing more to gain If you cant see your own son grow up.
That it would be better for her to let you see your child than to never receive money ever again!

If she doesnt play with your rule well…
Ghost are no more different than you to the point that death is gain.
A part of her is livin inside you and once you’ll be gone, it’s going to hurt and destroy her.

Im french and still a teen sorry for mistakes.

____________________________

Posted by Kotf
2013/01/26 at 22:46 | In reply to Steve.

when will you finally awake, there’s a part of you that is craving for freedom, No matter how far you have been broken, it’s still here.
I dont know what I would do if I was you, But I know that nothing would ever stop me from being free, Even if it would cost life itself.
Remember one day, it’s going to be over and you wont have to pay Child support again.
Keep holding on into life knowing that you are not the only one fighting this fight. Do it because you are a man!
best wishes

I’m scared of women now, and that’s a good thing, so many great story written by real men!

Sorry for mistakes I’m french.

__________________________

Posted by Tony Fantetti
2013/01/27 at 10:29 | In reply to Kotf.

Kotf,

Thank you for your comments, they’re an interesting perspective and most appreciative. However, I must challenge you on your thinking as it appears that your position is one that proclaims that suicide is the “answer” and “way out” in times of extreme adversity, and I cannot subscribe to that. You position ‘freedom’ as the reward for taking ones own life, but fail to identify whom has been ‘freed’ as a result. The main points I take issue with regard to your position of suicide as the answer are these:

1. Are the children (especially) and the family members of the deceased (who took their own life) “free”, or will they be forever be enslaved by what they saw, felt, and will forever suffer with emotionally
as a result of a father’s suicide?

2. Once a child of a “child support” order is free from the entrapment of an emotionally and psychologically abusive custodial mother, one who interfered and denied custody to the point where the father was unwillingly forced out of a child’s life, said child is free to re-engage their father after they’ve grown and left the formerly unbreakable control of the mother’s home. However, if the father committed suicide, where does that leave the children whom are now free from their mother’s oppressive control and desire a relationship with their father? A grave site to visit and “bond” with?

3. Many of history’s great and well-known persons, such as Dewey Bozella Watchman Nee, Anne Frank, Corrie Ten Boom and many more would have amounted to next to nothing had they chosen “freedom” by committing suicide to escape their own horrendous situations. But again I ask, for whom would have suicide afforded freedom, those who took their lives, or those whose would have been freed (through the works of the aforementioned) had they not died by their own hands? Those I’ve mentioned changed the course of history because they made the selfless decision to stand strong, were determined not to succumb to defeat, and thereby freed others (and Dewey continues to) through their works.

4. Prior to speaking of the ‘freedom’ found in suicide, one must be sure that they’re on the right side of religion. I don’t believe that suicide in and of itself causes God to cast someone into Hell as some religions proclaim, however I do believe in Hell, and don’t care to find myself in it after my life expires. Please understand that I don’t ask you to subscribe to my beliefs, I merely point to them to illustrate that if one’s seat in Heaven isn’t yet guaranteed, and they are met with death, then Hell is where they ultimately will find themselves. And that’s anything but freedom.

So while I really appreciate your comments, and truly find them intriguing, I must disagree with your position on suicide. However, and with regard to your position on women, I think that you are very wise to be afraid of them. Personally, and given today’s nearly global anti-father climate, I think young men would be wise to forgo relationships and sex with women all together, and thereby live a life of solitude if they value their freedom.

To further explain my position; I certainly don’t think that all women are evil, however many are, just as many men are. But the danger of dating, falling into love and have a child with an evil woman, is the difference in many cases, between a lifetime of freedom, or a lifetime of servitude, financial and emotional slavery and bondage. In short, a man has everything to lose, and for a lifetime in some cases, if he picks the wrong woman. Therefore, and given today’s climate of misandry, my advise to men both young and old would be, “stay single and stay celibate, as you have everything to lose, for a lifetime in some cases, if you choose the wrong woman.”

Since you mentioned being French and given your email address, please visit the Canadian website fathersforlife.org, and more specifically the area Men who Broke.

Sincerely,

Tony Fantetti

Posted in Athens County Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA), Attorneys; Retain or Refrain?, Belmont County Child Support Enforcment Agency (CSEA), Butler County Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA), Celebrities, Child Abuse, Child Support, Child Support Hurts, Child Support Moms (CSMs), Communications with the State of Ohio, Custody Issues, Cuyahoga County Ohio Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA), Darke County Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA), Domestic Violence, Emails from Others, Employment and Unemployment, Fathers Rights Advocates Organizations and Advocacy, Grandparents, Hamilton County, Hamilton County Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA), Humor Satire Sarcasm and Cynicism, Incarcerated Fathers, Incarceration and Prison, Judges and Magistrates, Military Mothers and Fathers, Misandry, Miscellaneous, Montgomery County Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA), Morality and Religion, National Child Support Enforcement Association (NCSEA), Notifications about Website and Blog Updates Issues and Changes, Ohio Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA), Ohio Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA) Abuses, Ohio Child Support Lawsuit, Ohio CSEA Directors Association (OCDA), Ohio Department of Jobs and Family Services (ODJFS), Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS), Parental Kidnapping, Police and Firemen, Politics, Single Moms, Single Moms "by Choice", Suicide, The State of Ohio, The Voices of Others, These are "Deadbeats?", This is in the "Best Interests of the Children?", Title-IV D of the Social Security Act, Trumbull County Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA), Uncategorized, Unconscionable Child Support Horror Stories, Visitation, Warren County Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA) | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

The Lesser Known and Rarely Discussed “Other Woman” that many Single Dads couldn’t Live Without

The forthcoming is an email exchange between myself and a woman whose type I’ve really come to appreciate over the years.

“Shelly” and the women like her, are the cherished (by the new boyfriend/husband and his children)  and often times highly under-appreciated (not necessarily by their boyfriends or husbands, but by society as a whole) and rarely recognized “other women,” who quietly traverse life, minding their own business  until; …they meet that man.

“The one” who is failing miserably in his attempts to put his life back together after it, and those of his children, were shamelessly, selfishly and hatefully ripped apart and turned upside-down by a vengeful woman wielding “child support” and “family court” as her proven and very lethal weapons of mass destruction.

She is one whose appetite can’t and will never be satisfied by “child support, ” as inflicting misery and making miserable and destroying the lives of their exes (and their ex’s children via ‘collateral damage’) is all these women eat, sleep, breathe and “live” for.

However, and thankfully, there exists another type of woman that countless men (and their children) will forever be grateful for and indebted to, and they, and like the true heroines that they are,  who selflessly and heroically pick up the shattered pieces of the former life of not only of the men they so dearly love, but of their children. And in doing so, bring some semblance of normalcy into once shattered lives.

Few people, and with the exception of those other unsung heroines who themselves are quietly and busily putting the pieces of the lives of men they love (and the children of those men) back together, really understand the stresses involved with dating and or marrying a man whose ex-wife or ex-girlfriend only lives to make his life more miserable.

Additionally, it’s these same hero moms and hero girlfriends ( being women themselves)  who have a very keen and equally unique insight into the minds of those “exes” who ultimately train their warpaths directly on her. With she being the “other woman” (and often times after the fact) she’s hated her more than her ex, and for no other reason because she dares to love and assist he whom she  loves fondly refers to as “her man”.

And it’s the new wife or new girlfriend who with crystal clear clarity and see thru the hateful games of that woman who has set out, through “family court” and “child support” to destroy her man’s life.

She can see with utter clarity the pain and destruction that’s heaped upon the children as a result of her husband’s or boyfriend’s exes hateful and degenerative antics, and she too wonders how it is that the judge, magistrate, custody investigator, GAL, psychologist, et al,; all of those actors in the “family court” theater, how can they not see what she so clearly does?

That a woman, one who’s hell bent on destroying the life of her children’s father, and out of nothing more than sheer hatefulness, bitterness, and vindictiveness, is also destroying the lives of those precious and innocent children.Those very same that the “‘Child Support’ Enforcement Agency (CSEA) and each and every one of those “Family Court” actors claim to be acting “in the best interest of.”

However, those many state agents are so disgustingly blind to reality, that in their pathetic ignorance, the lives of so many children will be forever altered, and their psyches permanently damaged, as a direct result of the fecklessness of those pathetic, degenerate, wooden and perfunctory intermediaries who don’t just stand by as the dolts that they are, they practically bless the suffering and abuse that’s inflicted upon  innocent children. Those who are caught in the crossfire of their own mother’s vengeance, as it’s being exacted, at their expense, against their fathers.

And those dads would in many cases surely fall, and their children with them, but for those silent heroines, those women, just like Shelly who stand in and offer love and some sense of normalcy, to what otherwise would be very chaotic and hellish lives for dad and child alike.

So to Shelly and the many good and loving women and moms like her, please accept my thankfulness and gratitude for being who you are, as your selfless acts of love bring much needed normalcy and love to the lives of countless children and fathers, that would otherwise be dark and empty.

To my readers, notice what Shelly  is doing in the forthcoming email exchange. She’s doing what the many other good and loving dedicated and loyal girlfriends and wives of divorced and single dads are doing, picking up the pieces of lives that “Family Court” gratuitously leaves behind.

Tony Fantetti
Ohio Council for Fathers Rights

.—– Message from xxxxxxxx@xxxxxxxx.com —————————————-
Date: Thu, 20 Dec 2012 13:28:21 -0800 (PST)
From: Shelly Short <xxxxxxxx@xxxxxxxx.com>
Reply-To: Shelly Short <xxxxxxxx@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Father’s Rights ( or lack thereof)
To: “tony.fantetti@ocffr.org” <tony.fantetti@ocffr.org>
Tony,

I happened across your website after googling “homeless due to child support”. I’m not in Ohio, but having issues in DE and PA and can find no father’s rights groups for these states.I emailed SC Father’s Initiative (Keith Pounds) but got no reply.

In a nutshell, my boyfriend, whom I live with, after finally getting on his feet again, has recently started having about 1/2 his check taken for child support. He had moved to DE from PA in 2005, when his boy’s mother played a large role in helping him lose his job, 2 cars, housing, and of course finally his son.

Until late 2009 he lived on a relative’s sofa. Then he bought a $800 camper, and lived behind a chicken house for 6 months. Then he moved into my hell hole apartment until Feb. 2010, when we rented a decent 3 bedroom singlewide trailer in a good neighborhood so the kids would have a nice place to come to (his almost never due to a vengeful ex-girlfriend and a control freak maternal grandmother, and my son 50% of the time).

So now the one sues for more because her live-in gets thrown in jail (extensive criminal record) and PA grants it. He has an appeal the end of Feb. 2013. So for now he has no money for gas for the trip (600 miles every other weekend if they allow him visitation, you know, if it’s not an inconvenience to them) to see his children so I guess everyone gets what they want.

PA gets more federal money for their increased collection, the hateful women don’t have him “bothering” them any more, and they get more money. Oops, I forgot, he doesn’t have enough money to see his kids or even pay his bills, oh well, guess that’s in the best interest of the children.

Yes, he has a lawyer, and we are working on it, but I would really like to find a group or like minded people in our state, or if not maybe one needs to be started. By the way, if you wonder about a woman emailing you about this, when I separated from my husband in 2010, DE gave him massive child support from me but made me wait 15 months for a custody order so I could see my son.

I filed for 50/50 custody because I don’t believe in stripping fit parents from a child. And even though he makes more money than I do, I do not receive child support or alimony, I simply work my ass off. Please forgive the rant, I really am looking for contact info, but really needed to be heard. Good luck in getting the word out.

-Shelly Short

Hi Shelly,

Funny you mention Keith Pounds as I know and met him when I was in SC.  The states may be different, but as you know the stories are same. And the problem with father’s rights groups is the lack of funding.

They spend billions on enforcement, but only millions on helping fathers. It’s terrible. I don’t have the numbers readily available, but the ratio of enforcement to helping fathers is around .05%. By that I mean that out of the billions spent on enforcement, only about .05% of that same amount is spent on helping fathers.

In order to succeed as a father’s rights practitioner, you must have your own funding, as state and federal dollars are few and far between given that enforcement, and so as to squeeze blood from a turnip and thereby maximize the federal match, are where the monies are spent.

Most states don’t have anything for fathers. I don’t get involved with cases as I used to due to lack of time, so I focus on the moral support, and especially preventing suicides as that’s the only “logical out” for many who are so far behind that they’ll never climb out. Although slowly but surely, there are some national organizations that are making some good inroads with regard to legislation, and more specifically arrears.

There’s  a lot more that I wanted to do with the websites, as well as bring additional sites online, such as chat forums, but it’s a time issue as I’ve got to set the sites up myself.
I don’t question the moms who contact me Shelly. There’s only one thing worse than being a noncustodial father, and that’s being a noncustodial mother, as they have practically no support. I’ve met a few along the way and offered what I could.

The system is corrupt as you know, and I personally believe that in most cases, no “child support” should be awarded. Two fit parents should be granted equal joint custody, and each would support the child the 50% of the time they have them. I realize there would be exceptions to the rule, but they’d be just that, exceptions. However, the states would have none of it as they would no longer get their millions in federal funds.

The silver lining in the economy, is that I expect those federal dollars to eventually dry up with things as they are. And when they do, so will a lot of the ridiculous and unjust witch-hunts that we see today.

Do you mind if I post your email to the blog Shelly? I’ll remove your last name (and first if you prefer)  and use only the remaining details. If you don’t want your first name used, I’ll use “S.”

Regarding your boyfriends case, find out from the attorney if PA law allows the court to grant a deviation for the travel costs incurred for him to visit. If so, considering making the trip just once and save all the gas receipts.

And if a deviation is allowed under the law, submit the receipts and multiply them by the number of trips per month and ask for that amount as a deviation. The court would never grant what’s requested, but it may grant something. See what counsel advises in the matter.

Please advise your boyfriend  that he truly has my sympathies. The day will come when things will improve for both of you as well as the children.

Sincerely,

Tony Fantetti
Ohio Council for Fathers Rights

—– Message from <xxxxxxxx@xxxxxxxx.com> ———
Date: Tue, 25 Dec 2012 07:20:59 -0800 (PST)
From: Shelly Short <xxxxxxxx@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Re: Father’s Rights ( or lack thereof)
To: Tony Fantetti <tony.fantetti(at)ocffr(dot)org>

Tony
Sure go ahead and post the email I don’t mind if you use my name. I did get one date wrong – we moved into our current house ( trailer ) in Feb 2011 not Feb 2010. I am sitting here right now watching a man pace like a caged animal because even though he has called his son repeatedly for the past month and left messages that he would be there today at 3 pm , according to the mother he never called and now he can’t see him and the cops can’t do much of anything.
Merry Christmas,
Shelly Short

Posted in Child Support, Child Support Hurts, Emails from Others, This is in the "Best Interests of the Children?", Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Struggling Single Father Who is Penniless Hopeless and Despondent Decscribes the Life of Many

A single father just sent me the following brief albeit very profound email;

What do you do when they take so much support out of your check that it is literally pointless to try to work? When it costs you more in gas than what your paycheck is? What do you do when you are faced with being homeless in less than a month? When your phone is going to be shut off? I don’t see too many answers to these questions at this point.

Joe

My reply to Joe was as follows;

Joe,

I just wanted you to know that I received your email. I will do my best to respond later tonight by posting your email and my response (this one and what I’ll write later) on the blog. I will NOT identify you NOR disclose your email address.

If it’s okay with you, I’ll use only “Joe” as well as the body only of your email below. It’s important to put things like this on the blog so others around the world can see the hell that good and loving single (and remarried) fathers live in and go through, in order to be a part of our children’s lives.

Please listen to what I’m about to say; I know EXACTLY how you feel and I’ve been where you are. You CANNOT lose hope, and despite how hopeless your situation appears to you at this time. The day WILL COME that your situation starts improving.

Focus yourself on a better future, don’t focus on where you are today.

Sincerely,

Tony Fantetti
Ohio Council for Fathers Rights

And there you have it folks, in a nutshell. That’s the life that many (and I dare so most) single fathers are forced to live as a result of the unconscionable and immoral amounts of “child support” single fathers (under the threats of felony arrests, convictions and incarceration) are forced to pay.

Please bear with me as I digress for a bit.  I emphasize “child support” with quotes (almost always) because the money is rarely is spent on the child. It usually supports the noncustodial parent’s (a  ‘single mother’ 85% of the time) lifestyle  at the expense of the children.

Given that there are other issues I wish to address in this post besides a reply to Joe, I will divert from the nature of the email itself to explain other points, then will address Joe’s questions directly near the of this post.

There are studies out there (I apologize for not having links, but if you search hard enough you’ll find them) that state that only in about 35% of cases is the money actually spent on the child, and even then, only some of the funds are used to actually support the children.

It’s emails such as Joe’s, that fuels the indignation whereby my nearly unrestrained  wrath is unleashed on single moms (such as in the post directly below this one), who on a grand scale, unjustly and falsely label as “deadbeats” all single fathers who have unwillingly fallen behind on their “child support” obligations.

That louse with whom I had that exchange with, also went to “new depths of low” by asserting through an inference there exists no fathers who have been cut off from their children. Perhaps she would do well to open her misandrous eyes and read this piece by the highly regarded, extremely intelligent and well respected Wendy McElroy.

Back to not only Joe, but his children. We’re told that “child support” is in the best interest of the children. Really??? Joe is facing homelessness and is about to have his phone disconnected. Therefore, and presumably, his children will have no way to reach him.

Assuming he has a “visitation schedule” he will have no place for his children (nor himself) to stay after he’s homeless. Additionally, he’ll be without the means to contact his children after his phone is shut off for nonpayment. And finally, he has no money with which to buy food to feed himself or his kids.

Therefore, and as a direct result of being court-ordered to pay such an unconscionably high amount of “child support” because we’re told it’s “in the best interest of his children, Joe will be forced into homelessness, his phone will be disconnected for non-payment (so his children won’t be able to reach him), and because what remains of his paycheck isn’t enough to cover the cost of gas to get to work, we can probably correctly assume that he won’t have any money to purchase groceries for neither himself nor his children.

Now REMEMBER, we have been, and are CONTINUALLY told that this is in the “best interests of the children.” It’s therefore imperative that you understand and also remember that the State of Ohio “”PROFITS”” off of each and every one of not only Joe’s “child support” payments, but off of EVERY “child support” payment that’s made in the State of Ohio.

Moreover, the higher a fathers (or noncustodial mothers) “child support” payment is, the higher Ohio’s profit is from that very same order. I have therefore always maintained that “child support” is only in Ohio’s best financial interest. And that, at the expense, and on the backs of, Ohio’s precious and innocent children who are alleged to be the recipients of said orders, but that the aforementioned studies prove they rarely benefit from financially.

That the mother of Joe’s child(ren) and women like her who take so much (steal in my moral opinion) of their children’s father’s money that he’s left with almost nothing and will be homeless, destitute and penniless as a result, speaks volumes about their despicable lack of moral character and more importantly, their utter indolent indifference towards their child’s well being and best interest.

I allege indolent, because in my experience, nearly all of the mothers whose theft of the father’s income (through “child support”)  was so extreme that’s he’s ultimately bankrupted and homeless, the mother’s have been lazy slugs who did little or no work. Drug and/or alcohol addictions (on the mother’s part) were also a factor in many cases.

Indifferent because in cases such as Joe’s, the child’s relationship is severely and highly damaged as a direct result of the father’s indigence.

PLEASE NOTE that the last few paragraph’s are NOT meant as a broad indictment of all single moms, only those who steal so much of their children’s father’s income that they alone cause him to be financially destitute. I happily and willingly acknowledge that there are many good and loving single moms out there.

Now I will address you Joe directly and you asked me, “What do you do when they take so much support out of your check that it is literally pointless to try to work?” My genuine answer to you is that you keep working Joe. At this point, I suspect that just how incredibly stressful and dire your situation is most likely hasn’t fully sunk in because it sounds to me as if your still in emotional shock and utter disbelief.

You must believe that despite how completely isolated and alone you feel emotionally, there are millions of others who have and are going through EXACTLY what you are. I am one of those people Joe, and I can still very vividly asking my girlfriend (now my wife) 8 years ago, WHY AM I WORKING??? IT’S POINTLESS!!!

I like you Joe, went to work daily and worked up to 50 hours a week (I was a salaried employee) only to bring home nearly nothing after the $1,300 a month in “child support” and alimony (paid to someone more educated than myself) was deducted from my ‘net’ pay. I was not only not getting ahead, I was in the process of losing everything.

After 37 years of perfect credit (up to my divorce) I was then filing for bankruptcy and the foreclosure process on the three homes I owned back then had begun. So despite me getting up and going to work every day, I was falling further and further behind financially.

I was ultimately jailed, and fired from my job when the police (The Hamilton County “Fugitive Warrant Unit” went to my  place of employment to arrest me on a “CIVIL” contempt warrant related to my then pending divorce. I was ordered as part of the property trial to pay my daughter’s mother $50 per month in payments on $2,000 of “marital equity” that the court claimed existed one of my pre-marital rental properties where I was literally upside-down on after the housing bubble burst.

I pleaded with the judge to not order me to that payment not only because the equity didn’t exist, but because I had no money to pay with after that very same court ordered me to pay $1,300 per month in “child support” and alimony for one child-my very precious and equally awesome daughter whom I love very much and cherish more than words can describe.

When I didn’t make the payments after warning the court I couldn’t because they didn’t leave me enough of my own paycheck to pay with, I was found to be contempt and a warrant (Writ for Bodily Attachment) for my arrest was issued by the Domestic Relations judge.

Again, this was a “civil” warrant Joe. And when the police when to my place of employment, and right to my cubicle (I worked in a downtown office) to arrest me ( I was at the back fire exit watching them as the situation unfolded) my employer at the time fired me. They didn’t appreciate the cops coming to arrest me.

So after the court bankrupted me through my “child support” order, it then directly caused me to for the first time in my life, get terminated from a job, and they then jailed me because they were taking so much of my net pay for “child support”,  that I couldn’t pay the $50 per month I was ordered to on a pre-marital rental property where I was literally upside-down (as were most people) on the mortgage.  And this is the real-deal Joe, that really happened, you can’t make this stuff up!

As horrible and cold as this is going to sound Joe, please know that I’m sincere, and very cognizant of your feelings; with regard to working, please try to be thankful that you have a job, and even though you get no money for working because of how much your ex steals from you under the guise of “child support.”

You should have only a few goals right now.
1. STAY OUT OF JAIL and avoid a felony charge and conviction by paying your “child support” despite how immoral and criminal like that order is. And believe me, it’s my belief that morally, “child support” is the moral equivalency of theft, and I truly believe that it’s legalized thievery in most cases.

2. Find a place to live in the short term and consider your car if you have a safe place to park it when you sleep. Be aware of carbon monoxide poisoning if you’re running it for heat while you sleep in it.

3. Determine how you will pay for food.

4. Try to maintain some type of contact with your child(ren.)

5. No matter how badly you may be tempted, do not in any way disparage your ex in front of your child(ren), and refrain at all costs from arguing with her not only in front of the children) but at all, because it will do nothing but increase your stress levels exponentially.

I can’t stress this enough Joe; in spite of the fact that you aren’t making any money by working, and due to the excessive amounts of “child support” you must pay, you must keep working to avoid falling behind in your “child support” payments.

Statistically speaking, most of those (especially if you are someone who doesn’t make much money to begin with) who fall behind in their “child support” obligation and thereby go into arrears NEVER recover.

And the result for those that don’t is a felony indictment for criminal non-support of  a minor child, an ensuing felony conviction, and possible perpetual incarceration if the State of Ohio re-indicts you under a much more serious felony charge (since it’ll be your second charge) for criminal nonsupport of a minor child WHILE you’re incarcerated for your first offense!

That is no joke, and no exaggeration Joe! I’ve met fathers and wrote to them in jail who while they were incarcerated, were charged with a second more serious felony offense of criminal nonsupport of a minor child because they didn’t pay their “child support” while they were incarcerated.

And there’s a very good reason the State of Ohio does that. In doing so, they can assure that the incarcerated father will accrue such a high amount of “child support” arrears, interests and penalties, that they’ll for the rest of their lives, be paying “child support” on their “child.” And what that means, is for the rest of their lives, the State of Ohio will PROFIT off of that father’s payments.

You asked, “What do you do when you are faced with being homeless in less than a month?” Do you have any options at all Joe to live in someone’s basement, or on their couch, in their attic, or even in a tent on their property? Is there anyone at all, family or friend where you could live as described until you figure out a more permanent solution?

Another question you asked was, “What do you do when your phone is going to be shut off? You wouldn’t qualify for an  Obamaphone since you “make too much money”, so your options are very limited. Is there anyone in your life who you’re close enough to that they would put you on their cell phone plan?

I would like to know more about your situation so that I could perhaps suggest other solutions to you, are you willing to disclose more to me? Also, it would help if I knew where you were as there is some very limited help to fathers in some parts of Ohio.

In closing Joe. please know the following and BELIEVE it, as your life could depend on it depending on your mental state. I HAVE BEEN EXACTLY WHERE YOU ARE. And for a very long time in my life back then, each “light at the end of the tunnel” was yet another train coming at me head on, and that when it hit me, would deliver yet another payload of destruction that would rain down misery, tragedy and or chaos or all three in my already upside-down and destroyed world.

But PLEASE KNOW THIS…In time things WILL get better, your life WILL come back together, and life will be wonderful again. There is a saying, “this too shall pass”, and it shall. I know, because I’ve been where you are.

I’m willing to walk with you through this Joe if you’re only willing to discuss. You can reply to me here on the blog, by email, or not at all, it’s your choice.

But do know this; I’ve been where you are, things WILL get better, life WILL be fun and happy again, and I do care about you and what you’re going through.

Sincerely,

Tony Fantetti
Ohio Council for Fathers Rights
Email: tony.fantetti(at)ocffr(dot)org

Posted in Child Support, Child Support Moms (CSMs), Emails from Others, Employment and Unemployment, Incarceration and Prison, Miscellaneous, Ohio Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA), Ohio Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA) Abuses, Single Moms, Single Moms "by Choice", The Voices of Others, This is in the "Best Interests of the Children?", Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Single Working Mother Hatefully Denigrates all Single Fathers who’ve Fallen Behind on their “Child Support” Obligations

I generally don’t waste the precious time that I did “debating”  people such as the  contentious woman with whom I had the conversation with here. However, her unwarranted attack on myself and all single dads with her snide and hateful comments such as found in her last paragraph where she stated the following needed to be addressed:

“Ohioans would be more sympathetic if there were not so many dads who simply ignore their responsibility to their child[ren]. After all, they end up suffering the worst… and I hear no concern for the children of that in any of these posts.”

Amazingly, after she repeats the baseless and worn out lie that there’s these huge numbers of fathers who’ve walked out of their children’s lives, when the reality is, it’s women like her who after proclaiming their “for better or for worse” vow, kicked a father out of his children’s life.

And if that weren’t bad enough, the father must put up with being attacked, denigrated and engaged by women such as her, in his efforts to maintain some role in their children’s lives. For some dads, that’s too much to bear, and as Judge Judy (with more than 30 years on the bench in “Family Court”) has warned many a child support mom (CSM) in her courtroom, “your actions are going to cause that father to walk out of his children’s lives  when he can no longer deal with you and your antics.”

And in the cases where that happens, the CSM acts surprised, immediately assumes the role of a victim, and clamors to all who can’t escape her incessant whining, that her ex “is a deadbeat and has abandoned his children.” And all of that, without even a hint of shame or responsibly for having kicked and then chased that father out of his child’s life. The exchange is a very long one, but worth the read in that this woman’s attitude is EXACTLY what’s wrong in America today, and is the reason so many good an loving single fathers are viciously attacked by misadrists such as her as well as the general public and the media.

What unnerved me more than anything was the blog entry under which she placed her hateful comments. I re-posted that (it was an older entry) because there was a single father out there whom I believed (from my correspondence with him) was on the verge of or at least considering suicide.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________
single working mother says:

Another perspective, from a single, working [struggling] mother. First, it takes a LONG time of not paying to reach $20,000+ at 2-3 hundred a month. My ex has continually changed jobs, worked under the table, quit a job before the [legally mandatory wage garnishment in OH] of his $235/month. Now, 14 years later, he owes his son more than 34,000. All the while, I worked full time, provided insurance, obtained a MS – but left him to basically raise himself in order to fill in the gap left by that unpaid money/medical insurance. There are 2 sides to every coin.
NB Ohio law requires 2 things: 1-payments to be made via wage garnishment and 2-a biannual review (if requested by either party) that must be completed within 30 days of request.
Ohioans would be more sympathetic if there were not so many dads who simply ignore their responsibility to their child[ren]. After all, they end up suffering the worst… and I hear no concern for the children of that in any of these posts.

Tony Fantetti says:
November 16, 2012 at 17:46 (Edit)

Thanks for your response, but my first question to you is this; who left whom? Did your ex willingly walk out of your son’s life, or did you kick him out?

Next, if you kicked him out without morally just cause, then in my humble opinion you shouldn’t get one cent from your son’s father if he didn’t ask nor didn’t agree to be turned into a “paying visitor” ofhis own son.

Why should you or any mother be financially rewarded for kicking a father out of his child’s life? You shouldn’t and that’s exactly what “child support” does; it financially rewards mothers for kicking fathers out of the lives of their children. They should be punished for that, not rewarded for it. Doing that is sick, selfish, twisted and outright child abuse, to willingly and selfishly deprive a child of a father when there exists no morally just cause for doing so.

I can think of one way you could have avoided this whole mess; you could have simply given you son’s father full custody and paid him “child support.” How does that sit with you? I would assume not well as you wouldn’t financially profit off your son’s fatherlessness in that case would you?

Understand that the tone of my comments is so because I’m tired of child support moms (CSMs) complaining about not getting “child support” when they could’ve avoided that scenario quite easily by granting the father sole custody and paying him child support in the first place.

But that doesn’t work for most CSMs because it’s all about the money for them. They then cry and complain that, “the father doesn’t want to pay ‘child support’” and that “he only wants custody so he doesn’t have to pay ‘child support.’” However, what they won’t admit is that they want, demand and get sole custody for the very same reason they falsely accuse fathers of; money.

Unless you are morally justified in having sole custody, then what I’ve said here applies to you. You are one of those CSMs I speak out against and write about on this site, and your taking of “child  support” although legal, makes you no different than a common thief. Just because it’s legal doesn’t make it right.

It amazes me that you have the audacity, arrogance and disrespect to post such a shameful and baseless comment as the following, and speaks volumes about who you are as a person, and the morals you seemingly lack.
“Ohioans would be more sympathetic if there were not so many dads who simply ignore their responsibility to their child[ren]. After all, they end up suffering the worst… and I hear no concern for the children of that in any of these posts.”

So many dads who simply “ignore their responsibility to their children?” Would they also be those (84% of noncustodial parents nationwide, and whom you broadly, hatefully and falsely accuse of being “absent”)whereby most of them didn’t ask nor didn’t agree to be kicked out of their children’s lives and then financially raped for the next 18-26 years, and bankrupted as a result?

You “hear no concern for those children” because you clearly haven’t read enough about me nor enough of these posts to “find that concern” you falsely accuse me of lacking.

The only thing that unnerves me more than a deadbeat parent is someone like yourself who shamelessly levels false accusations not against me, but against that which I stand for, and those dads who themselves and their children are victims of greedy, selfish and thieving child support moms. Are you one if those CSMs? I ask, not accuse you of that, but would truly like to know.

Are those dads you referenced the same as those who child support moms have kicked out of their child’s lives then sit around and complain about that “child support” which supports little more than the mothers lifestyle as studies have shown?

To be frank, I’ve never penned a response to someone as I have to you, but I must admit that I don’t suffer fools well, and what you’ve falsely accused me if qualifies you for exactly that.

The answer to your dilemma if you will is really quite simple. If you don’t want to find yourself complaining about the lack of “child support” for years on end, and just as a child sometimes complains endlessly about things they alone have the power to change, allow the father to take sole custody and then you pay him child support instead of you strong-arming full custody and a tax-free financial windfall for 18-26 years. See how simple it really is?

Since you pretend to be so concerned about the children (but not concerned enough to not deprive a child of a father for life so you can financially profit?) and the “other side of the coin,” why didn’t you address those noncustodial mothers who don’t pay the custodial fathers child support?”

After all, statistically speaking as a percentage, and despite there being far fewer noncustodial mothers than there are noncustodial fathers, there are far more noncustodial mothers (compared to noncustodial fathers) who default on their child support orders. Funny how you lack concern there.

Lastly, how about you have the guts to post under your real name. How cowardly of you. And by the way, I believe there are far more single working fathers than there are mothers out there. The biggest difference between the two groups is that most of the fathers didn’t ask to be “single fathers.” They were unwillingly forced into that role by the many selfish and greedy “single mothers.”

Kind regards ma’am,

Tony Fantetti

single working mother says:
December 12, 2012 at 17:15 (Edit)

a) I did not “kick him out” of his son’s life. We mutually ended out relationship due to his infidelity, drinking, and occasional cocaine use.
b) I have -never-, I repeat, never, refused him the right to see his child.

As is more common in this day and age, when our relationship ended, he viewed our son as a part of that relationship and walked away from him. Leaving ME to support our child 100%. He was asked by a court to pay 235.16 per month. A pittance compared to the cost of food, clothes, the extra rent, insurance, day cares, ad naseum. At several points over the years, I refused to have the amount raised AND refused to allow the city to pursue federal charges against him – I DEFENDED the man – until it reached 30,000 and my son began to ask why his father never helped (while we clearly struggled).

NB. Child support is NOT money paid to a mother, it is money that is owed to THE CHILD to assist with their life. Over 14 years, he has sent exactly 798. Not ONE PENNY has been spent on me – we have bought clothes, shoes, school supplies, etc. Nor do I know any man that has been “kicked out” of his child’s life. Men have legal rights to their children, in court, unless there is justification to have that right revoked. For every case you site, I can tell you a story about an abused woman who still has share custody, or a deadbeat dad who shows up every few months to rip a child out of his routine, ad naseum.

But why I am posting here is beyond me. You clearly hate women, even [personally] attacking one you have never spoken with nor met. I mistakenly thought this so-called column was about bridging the gender gap for the sake of the children.

Tony Fantetti says:
December 13, 2012 at 20:28 (Edit)

Why you post here is beyond me as well ma’am. You insult me with one of the most disrespectful comments anyone has ever made to me, then act surprised and play the victim when I respond as you deserve.

Either you clearly no very little about me, or you intentionally provoked me with what you said. Nonetheless, you unjustly attacked me, and I’m sick and tired of people like you, and I’m more tired of being politically correct in my responses. So I therefore responded as I felt you deserved. And to be frank ma’am, I too cannot believe I continue to waste my time with you and wonder why I am doing so once again, but I digress.

Read what I wrote above, and you’ll see where time and again where I exempted you if what I said didn’t apply to you. Obviously though, some things did apply or you wouldn’t have gotten as angry as you did.

I have spent thousands of dollars of my own money and expended thousands of hours of my own time (and gone days without sleep) by serving others (both moms and dads) through what I do, and you have the unmitigated gall to wrongfully denigrate myself and all single fathers with your wholesale lies about “deadbeat dads”, falsely claiming I don’t care about the children, and your vile denial of fathers like me, who have been kicked out of their children’s lives.

But as I said, and as you refuse to accept, the fact is that when it comes to percentages, more noncustodial mothers default on their “child support” orders than do noncustodial fathers, yet you continue to reference the wholesale lie about these allegedly large numbers of “deadbeat dads.”

However, that doesn’t fit in with your biases and prejudices does it? If you want to falsely use the deadbeat label, than use it where it belongs; to describe the many deadbeat noncustodial mothers who fail to support their children and are rarely punished (unlike fathers) by the courts for not doing so, .

If your ignorance of the lack of “father’s rights” weren’t so offensive and insulting to millions of fathers and children around the globe, I’d find it both laughable and amusing. Yet through it, you continue your unwarranted insults not so much towards me, but against those many terrific, loving, and heartbroken single fathers out there who can’t see their children. And why? Because the mother, out of nothing more than hate, spite and vindictiveness, won’t allow them to see (nor talk) their precious children.

I personally have driven nearly 600 miles, one way, all night (through three states), and after working all day and having to work the next day to “visit” my daughter whom I love dearly, and only to be told, “you’re not getting her” by her mother. So you know what I did after I called the police so I’d have a witness to my presence? I drove the nearly 600 miles back home.

That happened repeatedly. But hey, according to you, someone who is in the know and here to educate me, an obvious inferior fool compared to you, there are no fathers who have been kicked out of their children’s lives right? Also according to you, I have “rights” as a father don’t I? Just because I have a court ordered “visitation” schedule, I “have rights” don’t I?

What was that you said again?

“Nor do I know any man that has been “kicked out” of his child’s life. Men have legal rights to their children, in court, unless there is justification to have that right revoked.”

By the way, and just to expose your ignorance for the sake of others; single fathers have NO “rights” to their children unless a judge specifically adjudicates the same through a “visitation” schedule.

But lo and behold, according to you, I and all single fathers have rights don’t we? And just because you said so correct? Lets see what the court said about my “rights” shall we? After I spent $4,000 on legal fees to file a motion to have the mother of my daughter held in contempt of my “visitation” schedule, and after I called the police officers as witnesses to testify that I drove nearly 600 miles through three states to see my daughter, what did the court say about her actions? “Not guilty.”

My daughter’s mother was declared not guilty of the contempt “allegations” I made, and that police officers witnessed and testified to. Imagine that huh? I drove all night and across three states to see my daughter and “exercise my rights”, and I was told by her mother, “you’re not seeing your daughter. But let me tell you ma’am, I thank God for these “rights” that you (you!) say I have. Where would I , and fathers like I be, if we didn’t have those rights that you’ve so kindly conferred upon us?

But single fathers without rights to their children don’t exist according to you; those same single fathers that I’ve spoken to, written to, heard crying and sobbing on the phone, and whom I’ve repeatedly visited in jail. And those same fathers who have posted to this blog out desperation and hopelessness before they killed themselves, it’s those same fathers you wrote about when you said this, Nor do I know any man that has been “kicked out” of his child’s life. Men have legal rights to their children, in court, unless there is justification to have that right revoked.

You then proceed with the usual propagandist crap and lies ma’am; the lying domestic violence statistics such as this;

“For every case you site, I can tell you a story about an abused woman who still has share custody, or a deadbeat dad who shows up every few months to rip a child out of his routine, ad naseum.”

And in many cases, they’re just that, “stories.” If you were truly interested in the truth about domestic violence ma’am, you’d speak of the hundreds of worldwide studies that show that a woman is at least as likely as a man to perpetuate domestic violence. But that doesn’t fit your narrative does it? You imply that all fathers are deadbeats, and all men are domestically violent aren’t they? Why don’t you mention domestic violence such as this? Or, how about you do a Google search such at this when you reference domestic violence?

So following your logic, you claim you know of no man that has been “kicked out of his child’s life,” and the not so subtle inference is that because you know of none, then none exist. Well, I personally know no murderers or rapists, so do they too don’t exist (according to your logic) right?

Finally, I’ll waste more of my precious time (why I don’t know) to address your last lying statement which was,

“But why I am posting here is beyond me. You clearly hate women, even [personally] attacking one you have never spoken with nor met. I mistakenly thought this so-called column was about bridging the gender gap for the sake of the children.”

First and foremost in addressing that, is your pathetic attempt to portray yourself as a victim after you came here only with the intent of trolling, then slung mud in my face by attacking me personally as a person who has dedicated the last seven years of his life (and thousands of dollars and thousands of hours) to helping fathers, mothers, and children.

So please ma’am, you’re ridiculous attempts to portray yourself as someone who wanted to engage in serious dialogue and thereby “bridge the gap” is insulting to everyone reading this. You don’t “bridge the gap” by attacking someone as you did me, and calling thousands of fathers you don’t know nor know nothing of their situations “deadbeats” because they are labeled as someone who fell behind in “child support” payments.

I don’t hate women as you falsely claim. As a normal heterosexual male, I am enchanted by women and and blessed to be married to a highly intelligent, utterly stunning, and absolutely brilliant and incredibly wise woman. In fact, she’s so wise that when she advised me in matters, I believe I’ve heeded her advise in 100% of the situations where I’ve sought her counsel. I heed her advise because I recognize and value her unparalleled wisdom.

Let’s talk about you. You didn’t mistakenly think think this “so-called column” was about bridging the gap, in fact your motives were to the contrary. You came here to attack myself and all single fathers just as you did, because you’re a very bitter, angry, vindictive and hateful women who most likely obsesses many times daily about the “child support” you don’t get.

Out of either willful or unknowing ignorance (it really doesn’t matter which) you cite false claims (that denigrate fathers and men) in an attempt to present them as facts, and in doing so insult every good and loving single father out there, and I won’t tolerate that. Truth be told ma’am, I do believe that you are so deluded that you truly believe that you’re who has been unjustly attacked and thereby wronged here. And it’s that very delusion that you live in, whereby I believe you find yourself where you are today with regard to certain aspects of your life.

It’s simply stunning to me that you attack both myself and all good and loving single fathers on my blog, and know neither myself nor any of those loving fathers you’ve labeled as “deadbeats”, then have the audacity to turn around and say that I’ve “personally attacked” a woman (you) whom I’ve never met. It’s just absolutely stunning to me that you don’t even see a hint of hypocrisy in your statement. Previously, I’ve had great dialogue with both single moms and single moms by choice, whereby each of us learned a great deal about the others situation. However those ladies (and unlike yourself) truly were interested in achieving meaningful results.

You are 100% correct in stating that I don’t know you personally ma’am, but by God I know your type and know enough of you from how you’ve attacked me (and single fathers) to know that I detest people (male and female ma’am) just like yourself.

In closing, I respectfully request that you never post here again ma’am. Oh, and regarding your “PS comment” where you said,
“PS. You are seriously out of touch with your “it’s all about the money for them” comment. Maybe you have married/dated some righteous trash in your lifetime – but for the women in my circle and experience, it’s all about the children for them.”

Please allow me to take the liberty to further enlighten you…You stated, “-but for the women in my circle and experience, it’s all about the children to them.” That claim ma’am is the height of of your hypocrisy; I assume that by those “in your circle” you’re referring to other single moms. Well, if it were truly “all about the children” they wouldn’t be single moms now would they? If it were “all about the children” they would have done everything in their power to keep their families intact so that their children would grow up with fathers in their lives correct?

I’m sure that most children who have been separated from their fathers, and due to their mother’s unilateral choice to be a single mom, would rather have had an intact family, with their father in the their home, and not a “child support” check (that few children benefit from) now wouldn’t they? But hey, their mothers, while acting in consideration of it being “all about the children” decided that they (the kids) were going to have “visitors” in their life in lieu of fathers right? That’s your idea of “it’s all about the children?” That’s some circle of friends you keep ma’am.

But wait a minute, maybe I do get it. In your circle and your experience; in every case where those you reference are single moms, the father is the low-life, degenerate partner in the relationship right? In every case, the father is the loser, the deadbeat, the drug addict, the abuser, the drunk, the cheater the low life? Wow, it just amazes me how in every case of divorce, in every case of single moms where the spouse didn’t pass away, the relationship failed because of the man, always.

Also, “incredulous”, is how I describe your accusation that I hate women ma’am. For I think it’s you who hate men, and that clearly showed in the first comment you posted where you attacked them and me, then tried to paint yourself the victim after doing so. And a couple of more things about your “story” I’d like to point out; you claimed, “you refused to allow the city to pursue federal charges” against your ex. There’s two things wrong with that statement; 1. Federal charges are not brought forth in “child support” matters, they are state charges. 2. City government is NOT involved in “child support” matters, county government is.

Additionally, your claims of a mutual separation agreement don’t make a bit of sense. You claim you came to a “mutual agreement” that included “child support” he was “asked by a court” to pay. Why would a man (or woman) even bother with coming to a “mutual” agreement with another person, and not uphold any portion of that agreement? In other words, why would someone who has absolutely no intention of keeping their end of a agreement, waste the time it takes to make an agreement to begin with? It seems to me they’d refuse to sit down and talk to begin with.

Moreover, you stated, “My ex has continually changed jobs, worked under the table, quit a job before the [legally mandatory wage garnishment in OH] of his $235/month”, yet he has done all of that in lieu of a mutual agreement (per your claims) between the two of you? Something with your story doesn’t add up here.

You claim to have a Master in Science, yet state that your ex’s refusal to pay a pittance of $235.16 in “child support” has caused you to struggle so much financially that even your son has noticed. A Master’s in Science and you’re not only “hurting” for money, a paltry $235.16/month has put you in dire financial straits? I pay far more than than each month and most likely make far less money that do you since I don’t possess a Master’s in Science, and yet I’m not in dire financial straits like you claim to be. You have to be earning $90,000+ per year with that degree, and yet you’re a “struggling single mom” as you claimed and identified yourself as???

I presume your wedding vows included “for better or for worse” as most do, however his alleged drinking, womanizing and cocaine use aren’t forgiven and thereby covered under “for better or for worse.” You also mentioned that your son “began to ask why his father never helped out while you clearly struggled.” Well how would you son know your ex wasn’t helping out financially unless you were bad-mouthing and denigrating your ex to your son? Is that an acceptable thing for a mother to do?

Someone’s  financial struggle could be caused my many things, drug/alcohol addiction, financial mismanagement, shopping or eating out too much, using credit cards, and on and on, the list is endless. Yet your son somehow knows that your financial struggles are due to your ex not paying “child support.” You were right when you stated, “there are two sides to every story.” It would be interesting to know what you son’s father would have to say.

You stated that, “Child support is NOT money paid to a mother, it is money that is owed to THE CHILD to assist with their life.” So, with that being the case ma’am, and with the “child support” money ONLY being used as you claim to assist with a child’s life, how is it possible that you’re this poor “struggling single mom,” and that your household is in utter and complete financial distress due to your ex not paying his “child support” that he owes to his son as you allege? Wouldn’t your son only be the one struggling since the dollars are only to be spent on him?

And yet you make it sound as it your entire world is caving in financially, and that, despite you possessing a Master’s in Science (a very high paying degree in our world of science in technology) all because your son isn’t receiving his “child support?” Perhaps what you need is to take a few college level classes in managing household finances?

There are exceedingly poor people, especially in Appalachia,who spend more than $235/mo (your missing monthly “child support” payment) to support their monthly tobacco usage and they aren’t struggling nearly as badly as you claim to be.

And ma’am, you claim that it “isn’t about the money.” Well, if it “isn’t about the money,” then why did you post here in the first place (and your first comment) where you were complaining about the money you were owed? I’ll tell you what, please disregard my request that you never post here again, and instead do so in an attempt to explain yourself and thereby educate me (an obvious moron compared to you) about your “struggling single mom” woes.

Regards,

Tony Fantetti

single working mother says:
December 12, 2012 at 17:18 (Edit)

PS. You are seriously out of touch with your “it’s all about the money for them” comment. Maybe you have married/dated some righteous trash in your lifetime – but for the women in my circle and experience, it’s all about the children for them.
Reply

Posted in Child Support Moms (CSMs), Misandry, Single Moms "by Choice", Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Lose Hope Your Children May Lose You and then Evil Triumphs

I do my best to refrain from saying the same things repeatedly. However, some things are so important they must repeatedly be said. To that end, please know that your children can never afford for their parent, especially single dads since there are few resources for you, to lose hope. If you as a single dad or as a single noncustodial mom lose hope, then your children may lose you due to your despair.

On that note, and especially given our economy which is the worst since the Great Depression, I fear that more and more single fathers are becoming despondent, and hence the reason I’ve taken a recent comment posted somewhere else in the blog and copied it (along with my comment) below. I’ve posted “Charles'” comment first, and then my response.

Finally, and quite tragically and equally sad, I believe that the father who posted the comment in this piece probably took his own life.

And it’s situations such as that, where more children become permanently fatherless, that I’m hoping to prevent by discussing hopelessness. Unless you’ve been there; to that very dark place where you are utterly hopeless, and where life has become nothing more than it taking everything you’ve got to merely place one foot before the other, then you don’t know what it’s like to be struggling to survive under the immense and emotionally crushing weight of a financially impossible and thereby unbearable “child support” order. Especially one where the recipient, like many many others, uses the money to support her own lifestyle while the children suffer and go without.
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Posted by Charles
2012/09/26 at 11:51

I’m at the end of the rope after dealing with my daughters crazy mom and family court and child support , they just doubled my monthly payments put me up to 76% of medical after insurance ,yes I do have insurance ,she’s self employed they said she dosent make enough money to figure child support so they put her at making minimum wage ,$16000year she gets credit for her other two kids something close to $8000 so that brings her to making $8000 a year ,,she showed that she made over $35000 last year but then she wrote of like $26000 ,she has a $500 month car allowance but they say she don’t make any money ,,this year ill make close to $25000 that’s with all the over time I’ve worked ,with insurance ,taxes ,doubled child support payments ,I will not be able to live ,not sure what my next step is ….

Charles,

Please understand that as hopeless as life may seem right now, at some point in the future things will improve, PLEASE trust me on that. I’ve been where you are, so I can truly emphasize with your regarding your distress, ex, child support and everything else. So PLEASE…Don’t ever lose hope. If you lose hope, you’ll have little to live for, and your daughter may lose you. I grew up without a father, so I understand what that emptiness is like.

And although my surrogate father “Steve” played the role of a father in my life stepped in and did a fantastic job, at age 45, I still think about and wonder who my biological father really was, and what he was like. He passed when I was nine, and he and my mother were divorced so I didn’t see him much and therefore really didn’t know him.

I really do understand what you’re going through and can truly empathize. I at one time had a perfect credit history, owned three homes, and had nearly $100,000 in securities. Additionally, I was well down the road to retiring with millions when I reached my mid-fifties.

That, until I was ordered to pay nearly $1300/mo in “child support” as well as provide health insurance and pay the out-of-pocket medical expenses for my daughter back in 2004.

In 2005, I filed for bankruptcy and had one home foreclosed. In 2007 the other two homes were foreclosed as well, and I was terminated for the first time ever from my employment.

My employer back then fired me after the Hamilton County Sheriff’s “Fugitive Warrant Unit” went to my place of employment to arrest me on a civil contempt warrant related to my divorce which was ongoing at the time.

I was found in contempt because the court ordered me to make monthly payments to my daughter’s mother for “equity” in a pre-marital rental property of mine that not only was she not entitled to, I was upside down on the mortgage due to the housing bubble bursting. There was therefore no equity in the property, none. But facts and truth never stop a court from abusing a good and loving father.

However, after being ordered to make monthly payments on the court’s fantasy equity in that home, I “couldn’t” do so due to about 65% of my net monthly pay being seized by the same court under the guise of “child support.”

So after the court literally bankrupted me through said “child support” order, that same court then jailed me for being so financially devastated and destitute that I had no money to pay what it ordered me to.

Oh, did I mention that given my “visitation” order at the time, I had my daughter with me exactly 50% of the time? It still confounds me that millions of single fathers, who didn’t ask for divorce and didn’t agree to give up their parental rights (the court forcibly stripped them of their rights against their will) are forced to pay “child support” to the mother when he has his children 50% of the time or more.

That in my humble and moral opinion is outright thievery on the mother’s part and is wrong. Just because it’s legal doesn’t make it right. Additionally, I believe that when they meet their maker, they will then be held accountable as justice is finally delivered on behalf of both father and children.

They can rationalize their theft of the father’s money through “child support” all they want as they delude themselves into thinking it’s righteous, however I believe God will judge otherwise, and with the ramifications being eternal. Please understand that I’m not proselytizing, I’m merely expressing my beliefs.

Back to where I left off; we had no heat in the house during most of the winters, and wore hats, gloves, and winter coats while inside the house during the winter months. And despite that, we were still cold…Always, and which brings about the forthcoming memory that I’ll always remember.

I will never, ever forget the day when my daughter (5 at the time) looked me straight in the eyes; we were sitting on the landing to the 3rd floor steps, talking and bonding while wearing our gloves, hats and winter coats as usual inside the home. She very innocently asked me “daddy, why is it always cold over here?”

I was speechless and I had no answer for her. It was cold, because I couldn’t afford to heat my home in winter. And as her father, I felt like a complete and utter loser as well as an abject failure who was in no way deserving of such a precious and terrific child. There I was, sitting with that precious child, who loved me unconditionally and meant the world to me, and she was forced to live in a home where winter temperatures inside the house where in the mid to low thirties.  I believed myself to be worth less than the trash that I was garbage picking with her at the time.

I was so beaten down and hopeless at one time that I called a National Guard recruiter and met with him. I took the entrance exam and scored high enough on it that given my background and education, he suggested I take an Engineering or IT type job in the Guard.

But I was having nothing of it and I told him, “no.” I further explained that before I’d sign the papers he’d have to guarantee me in writing that I’d get an infantry position and would be immediately deployed to Iraq patrolling the streets of Baghdad. When the shooting started, I wasn’t ducking.

I wanted that infantry position due to the high number of casualties, and therefore it appealed to me as a “honorable” way out. I want to go to Iraq, but I didn’t want to come home, and if I didn’t, then my daughter would have grown up believing that her father died a war hero.

But the night before I was to depart to Columbus OH with my recruiter to enlist, I called him and told him I’d changed my mind because “a five year old girl needed her daddy.”
I simply couldn’t bring myself, no matter how bad my own emotional pain, to leave my daughter alone in this world, especially given the conditions she lived under while not with me.

I had many incredibly long and hopeless years back then that were 100% caused by the State of Ohio’s and the court’s contemptuous, hateful, discriminatory and utterly vile treatment of good and loving fathers like us Charles.

I truly believe that the system intentionally beats fathers down until they’re destroyed emotionally, financially and physically. They look at fathers as nothing more than ATM machines that should be punished by any means possible if they “can’t”, not don’t want to, but “can’t” pay their “child support” orders.

If you disagree with me consider this; a child support order is basic math. A father (or noncustodial mother) must have the financial resources and thereby means to support themselves, or they can’t support themselves. It’s as simple as that statement.

However, you have these highly educated people, magistrates and judges, they are lawyers for heaven’s sake, and we’re expected to believe that they’re without the intellectual capacity to set reasonable “child support” orders whereby fathers can afford to pay it as well as afford to merely survive themselves?

But yet time and again, they continually set “child support” orders so high, that using only kindergarten math, any reasonable person can deduce that in many cases it’s impossible for fathers to pay as ordered, while simultaneously supporting himself or new household.  And such is demonstrated by the amounts on his income and expense affidavit.

That affidavit is filed along with proof of income and often times shows (as in my case) a negative amount in the income column after expenses are deducted. It clearly demonstrates that the father cannot afford to pay what he’s ordered to.

Yet time and again, and millions of times over, courts order fathers to pay such outrageous amounts of monthly “child support”, that it’s not uncommon for some to have less than $100 per MONTH to support themselves on. That’s “in the best interests of the children” how again?

To whom does that make sense? Why order someone to pay an amount of money falsely called “child support” when you’re staring right at documents (income and expense sheets, check stubs etc)  that demonstrate incontrovertibly that the fathers can’t afford to make the payments? Especially, knowing that the courts have the legislative authority to order a downward deviation in the calculated amount if the court feels there’s just cause or it’s in the best interest of the child?

How does any clear-thinking, logical, and rationally minded person look at a document that shows for instance, a father can only afford to pay $200 monthly in “child support” (and said amount would consume nearly their entire net pay) then order that he instead pay $2000 monthly? And that, while knowing it’s nearly impossible for him not to default on his order unless he commits criminal offenses in order to honor the obligation?

That right there describes the ‘thinking’ processes of tens of thousands of judges whose legal lunacy and faulty logic causes them to regularly issue financially impossible child support orders to fathers. Such are orders where monthly amounts are not only incredibly excessive, it was also never proven that they had the financial means to pay to begin with and that’s not the worst of it.

The most shocking of all is that in many cases,  it’s proven to the courts  that the father does NOT have the financial wherewithal to pay what he’s ordered to, and yet he’s still ordered to pay it. Mine is a perfect example. My income and expense statement was teetering on the edge of negative when my original order was being determined. The order was issued and I then went bankrupt and lost everything shortly thereafter.

So why do the courts, time and again, do this to fathers? The only answer I can arrive at using simple logic is that the courts and the State of Ohio, through their “child support” related statues, intentionally destroy the lives of father’s, and thereby the lives of their children.

Those are the very same children that the courts and the State of Ohio falsely claim to be protecting by using the phrase “it’s in the best interests of the children.” Said phrase is used not because the mouthpieces of ODJFS endlessly reciting it actually believe it. Nope, it’s constantly recycled verbally by  those state actors so as to enamor the public  (and the media) for the purposes of garnering their unconditional support for the destruction of countless father’s lives via “child support” payments and the system itself.

SeriouslyWho can realistically argue that bankrupting fathers, incarcerating them, forcing them into homelessness, or for those with roofs over their heads, forcing them (and their children) to endure Ohio winters without any heat in their home, all normal byproducts of financially unbearable “child support” orders, is in the best interest of any child?

No one can, no one has to, and hence the reason that despite those very inconvenient  truths, the practice of Ohio courts and Ohio’s CSEAs setting unconscionably high “child support” orders remains normal practice and continues today, nearly eight years after my original order was issued. Such is accomplished by diverting public attention from it using a straw man whereby they focus on and demonize the fathers who have fallen behind. They NEVER focus on or look at why he did, only that he dared to do it.

However, the only “why” I can use to explain the willful destruction of so many lives is the word “profit” since Ohio actually ‘earns’ a profit off of “child support” orders, and the higher that order is, the higher that profit is.

And I honestly think that’s it, that sums it up; filling Ohio’s coffers up off the backs of over a million good and loving Ohio fathers, and at the expense of the millions of Ohio’s fathers and their precious children who are falsely said to be the recipient of those “child support” orders.

Studies have shown and as most of us know; “child support” monies aren’t spent on the children of the order, they’re used to support the noncustodial parent’s lifestyle. Yes, there are some, not many, but some mothers who spend the money only on the children. However such instances are aberrations rather than the norm.

Charles, you have to do whatever you can to keep a roof over your head while simultaneously trying to play a meaningful role in your daughter’s life. And as difficult as that may be, you’re going to have to do so notwithstanding her mother’s hate and spitefulness.

I can tell from what you’ve said that her mother couldn’t care less about her, or she wouldn’t be bankrupting you by stealing your money through “child support.” That therefore speaks volumes about her lack of morals and character, so I expect that she’ll impede your efforts and stop at nothing to keep you out of your daughter’s life.

What that means is more stress for you and a harder road to travel, and as difficult as that may be, your daughter will need you exponentially more due to the conflict. Refrain from engaging her mother and remember to keep calm and mind your temper as hard as that may be.

Memories are created via words and actions. Do your best to always create positive memories for your daughter. When she looks back as a grown woman, you’ll want her to have nothing but good memories of you.

Kind words (or no words) and actions on your part with regard to your ex will bring that to fruition. Arguing with her mother, even when you’re attacked first won’t benefit your daughter. If there is conflict, let their memories of you being you silently walking away from it, not partaking of it. You may blow it on occasion, but strive to do better the next time as we’re all human and can only take so much.

I really don’t want to sound overwhelmingly negative, but conflict, even if you don’t respond in kind, is very stressful on you as I suspect you know.  But again, please trust me when I say I’ve been where you are, and things WILL get better in time.

I picked garbage (and my daughter was with me most of the time) for years  so that I could sell the items I found at yard sales. Although I lived on a busy street so that was very helpful.

But after I lost my last house, I was looking for a place to live in the woods in a tent after I lost my job. As bad as that sounds, and as horrible as it is to live that way, it may be something you might have to do temporarily if you can’t find a basement or car to sleep in, or couch to sleep on.

I had nothing, nowhere to go, and fell behind in my “child support” payments at one point. And when a father falls behind, be that because of unemployment, heart attack, cancer, car wreck, accident, etc, the State of Ohio will not give him one penny of assistance. Eventually, you’ll be shown a jail cell as your assistance and that’s it.

No food stamps, heat subsidies, rent subsides, welfare, etc, nothing. And when you’re penniless or homeless as a result of paying “child support,” so are your children, but the State of Ohio claims that such “is in the best interests of the children.”

Whatever you do, and despite what I’ve described; please don’t lose your hope Charles. IT WILL GET BETTER. Otherwise, if you lose hope, your mind will go places where it shouldn’t be, and your daughter will suffer in many ways as a result.

As bad as things are and as bad as they may get, if you hold onto your hope, then at some point that light at the end of the tunnel won’t be yet another train that hits you head on, it’ll signify a new (and wonderful) beginning where life is once again brightening up.

In closing, it concerns me is where you posted your comment Charles. And having walked alone down some very dark and creepy roads myself in the past, I wonder about some of the reasons that post appealed to you. With that said, what “next step” options are viable at this time? If you’d rather not discuss openly, then please email me. Your daughter needs you Charles,  and leaving her alone, without her father is neither a fair nor viable  option for her. She is innocent, precious, loves, misses and needs her daddy.

Sincerely,

Tony Fantetti
Ohio Council for Fathers Rights
Email: tony.fantetti(at)ocffr(dot)org

Posted in Child Support Moms (CSMs), Single Moms "by Choice", Suicide, The Voices of Others, This is in the "Best Interests of the Children?" | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Congratulations to Ted Cruz on His Texas Primary Win

Congratulations to Texas Senator to be Ted Cruz! Ted is a welcome addition to the other Tea Party Constitutional Conservatives up on the Hill.

I will readily admit that for the first time in my life, I willingly refrained from voting in the 2008 presidential election. There was absolutely no way I was casting my vote for John McCain. He’s a RHINO, a wretch, and I absolutely detest him.

Sarah Palin? No problem, I was willing to vote for her and would do so tomorrow as President. And that, despite my disagreement with her on some father’s rights issues. I won’t enumerate those grievances as I don’t want to tear her down. The liberal media does enough of that, and in a very vile, misogynistic, and disgusting way.

Notice how far Palin’s endorsement of Cruz went, and in the face of the Republican establishment which was dealt yet another blow by those of us who are sick and tired of the insider politics in Washington.

I’m a Constitutional Conservative Independent. A grass roots Tea Party member, a Reaganite. All one in the same I suppose. I normally don’t discuss my politics, nor do I ask that you agree with them. However, I mention them given the current state of the Union.

The clock is ticking, Rome is burning, and if true Constitutional Conservatives and other patriotic Americans don’t stop the bus from going over the cliff, then we as a nation will have far bigger and exponentially worse issues than those of father’s rights in the very near future.

I firmly believe that America is on the brink of destruction from within, and that November’s election is our absolute last chance to turn it around. I’m by no means no fan of Romney as he’s far from Conservative. But what he is not, is Obama, and I do believe that Romney (unlike Obama) truly loves America and ascribes to the Constitution as the foundation of our country.

Once again, congratulations Ted Cruz! You sir are a breath of fresh air, a Godsend, and wins such as yours give us true patriots hope for a future better America for both ourselves and our children and grandchildren.

Sincerely,

Tony Fantetti
Ohio Council for Fathers Rights
Email: tony.fantetti(at)ocffr(dot)org

Posted in Politics, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Not so Fast $6,000,000 Man Steve Austin Katie Holmes is Ohio’s $10,000,000 “Child Support Mom”

“Child support mom” (CSM), thief, daddy-welfare recipient, or financial dependent; which best describes Katie Holmes in using the courts to extort $10 million in “child support” from Tom Cruise over the next 12 years “for” daughter Suri? All of them.

First, if you’re thinking extort is a strong word, consider this; I suspect that Tom Cruise is not willingly paying Katie Holmes $10 million and that he’s doing so only under the threat or fear of a felony indictment for criminal nonsupport in California, or under the threat of having his reputation damaged pre-settlement. Please understand that I’m assuming that nonpayment is also a felony in New York as it is in Ohio.

So if it’s not willing on Tom Cruise’s part, and was in fact done under the threat or fear of the aforementioned, then he is being extorted, period. Disagree? Then please enumerate for me, valid moral reasons as to why Cruise should have to pay Holmes a sickening $10 million (or any money for that matter) for her to divorce him, take Suri out of his life, and thereby force him to finance the fleecing of his own daughter?

Why should any father have to finance the fleecing of their own children as 84% of us are nationwide? I have a novel idea, we dads will take full custody and you divorcing mothers or “child support moms” (CSMs) can pay us “child support.” I quote “child support” because studies show that in only about 30% of cases, the money is spent to support the custodial mother’s lifestyle and the child sees non of it. So it’s therefore anything but “child support.”

Better yet, we’ll forgo the child support in exchange for full custody. After all, most of us (70% nationwide), didn’t ask for divorce, it was the mothers who filed. And why not, when you know you can take the house, the car, the children and the father’s money all in one fell swoop? I’ll tell you why not, morals.

I have a better idea. Why didn’t Holmes agree to grant Cruise full custody as she demanded from him, and pay him “child support?” What’s good for the goose is good for the gander right? If an offer is said to be “good and acceptable” for one party in a settlement where both are standing on equal footing, then one can reasonably conclude that the same offer is good for the other party in that settlement right? Wrong! What’s “good, reasonable and acceptable” depends on your gender in this age where men and women are said to be equal.

In other words, if you’re the mother in a divorce, you know, the party generally telling the father, “me taking the kids, the house, the car and your money is the best offer you’re going to get” then what Cruise was offered is said to be “good and fair.” Take the same offer and switch the parties. Instead, imagine that Cruise is making the same offer to Holmes and you know what you’d hear from Holmes and most mothers? “I will in no way accept that offer! You can stick it where the sun doesn’t shine, it’s wholly unfair”…For a woman that is.

So why the difference? Why does Holmes, a supposed millionaire, get to reach into Cruise’s pocket, during a divorce settlement he didn’t ask for, and steal a $10 million wad of cash in the process? I’ll tell you why, because this has nothing to do with “child support” and everything to due with Holmes extracting “daddy support” from Cruise for the next 12 years because Holmes is quite incapable of supporting herself.

I’ll even go a step further and say that it’s possible, possible that Holmes only married Cruise so she could thereby lie with him and produce a child for the purpose of securing her retirement at the expense of Cruises loins. Stay with me on that, and as I divert from Ms. Holmes to explain some lesser known truths.

It’s a well known fact to any willing to recognize it, that there are legions of unscrupulous and immoral women worldwide who will stop at nothing in their attempts to become impregnated by a famous musician, baseball player, football player, basketball player and so on.

Such is done for the sole purpose of using their golden uterus to secure millions of dollars in “child support” from the aforementioned so that they can live in the lap of luxury and never have to work another day in their lives. Assuming of course that they ever worked a day in their life to begin with.

There are known and documented cases of women who have used a man’s semen to impregnate themselves without the knowledge nor the consent of the man with whom a sexual encountered occurred. Such has been done via retrieving discarded condoms after the fact, and after obviously having been used by the man with the intent of avoiding pregnancy.

Other women have pierced condoms with needles (and then gave them to a man) to become impregnated against his wishes and knowledge. Again, it’s done to deceive the man to acquire his sperm without his knowledge and consent so they can impregnate themselves. The means of deception are too numerous to mention, but the goal is always the same. For the woman to deceptively acquire a man’s sperm and impregnate herself without his knowledge for the sole purpose of collecting 18-26 years of “child support.”

When it comes to the State forcing a man to pay “child support”, how the recipient of that order was impregnated is irrelevant. It doesn’t matter if a man was deceived and his sperm used without his knowledge or consent. If DNA proves him to be the father of a child, then he will be forced to pay the mother “child support.” Period, end of story.

So for all of you men who are sexually active and reading this, I strongly advise you to pay heed to what I said. Use only your own condoms, never leave your wallet or your condoms where your girlfriend can access them, and ALWAYS discard them yourself in a non-retrievable manner.

Honestly, my advice to all of you is to not engage in any kind of sexual encounter whatsoever, as even oral fluids have been retrieved by some women to impregnate themselves against a man’s wishes and without his knowledge after the encounter.

What I’ve described is nothing new, and is more common than most people think. And although it may be new to you, don’t think it can’t happen to you, because I suspect that every guy it has happened to has thought the same.

Ask your self if a few moments of sexual gratification are worth 18-26 years of financial destruction and imprisonment, because that’s the least amount of time you’ll serving time (financially) for “child support.” Also ask yourself if it’s worth 18-26 years (minimum) of servitude whereby a “family court” judge will mandate a good portion of your life for you.

If sexual gratification is a must for you, then may I humbly suggest that you practice self-control and thereby abstinence, or at least practice solo? I personally feel that abstinence is the best moral choice, but I’m not here to judge you, only to protect you and preserve your financial future.

And as one speaking from experience, trust me when I say that you’ll likely go bankrupt and be penniless (literally) for years and even decades to come. God forbid you fall behind in your payments, because if you do, then statistically speaking you’ll likely never recover financially after all of the interest and penalties that will be tacked on.

Back to Katie Holmes. I truly believe that there’s a possibility (albeit a very small one) that Katie Holmes may have married Tom Cruise with the sole intent of bearing his child so that she could then divorce him and steal away part of his fortune. Put aside your thoughts that I’m out there or looney for a moment and consider the following before you dismiss me as ludicrous.

Katie Holmes is much-to-do about nothing when it comes to acting. Her greatest claim to fame is Tom Cruise himself. “Mrs. Tom Cruise” is what she’ll always be most famous for. At her age, it’s not likely she’s going to experience some high-paying breakout whereby she suddenly becomes an incredibly famous and highly sought after actress that gets paid obscene amounts of money. By Hollywood standards, Holmes is low-rent. I don’t mean that disrespectfully, but rather in a salary sense. In other words, she’s cheap when it comes to signing her.

Ironically, Holmes is also an Ohio native. And if there’s one state that I’m familiar with when it comes to under-handed and deceptive tactics by “child support moms” (CSMs) it’s Ohio. That’s NOT an indictment of all of Ohio’s single moms, only those who are single child support moms by choice, and without just moral cause. In other words, the likes of Katie Holmes.

So Ms. Holmes, I personally wish to congratulate you on your thievery. Yes, I said thievery and that’s only in reference to your stealing (I said stealing too and in the same context) of $10 million dollars from Tom Cruise under the guise of “child support.”

Do you know what that makes you Ms. Holmes? To my knowledge, you are the highest paid “child support mom” aka daddy welfare mom who’s native to the state of Ohio. Do tell Ms. Holmes, what’s it like to not only steal $10 million from a father, but to also kick a father out of his daughter’s life as you have Mr. Cruise from Suri’s?

Truth be told, Mr. Cruise and I are very different when it comes to religion and political ideology. But where we’re similar is fatherhood, and it’s father’s (and noncustodial moms) that I defend. As a father of a daughter myself, I know what it’s like to be kicked out of a daughter’s life. I know what it’s like to not have any idea whatsoever what my daughter does day in and day out. I know what it’s like to have no say in a daughter’s life.

And worse, I know what it’s like to finance the fleecing of my own daughter. The fact is Ms. Holmes, you knew who Tom Cruise was before you married him. You knew and understood Tom Cruise’s religion before you chose to lie with him and bring a precious little girl into the world.

Yet you divorced him, stole (in my moral opinion) $10 million from him under the guise of “child support”, and worst of all, unilaterally took Suri out of his life while knowing what she means to him. I suspect that your attorneys forced Mr. Cruise to agree to financing the fleecing of his own daughter by hinting to the damage his reputation would take if he didn’t agree. That’s both cold and immoral, and it makes you no different than a common thief in my opinion.

It’s also my belief that you’re stealing $10 million from him in “child support” not just so that you’ll never have to worry about working another day in your life, but also because you know that you’re incapable of supporting yourself. Said otherwise Ms. Holmes, you’re incapable of standing on your own two feet and are wholly dependent on Mr. Cruise’s income to support yourself financially. To all those detractors from that last point, if you truly believe that I’m so off base, then I implore you to log in and post a rebuttal.

Any person with a shred of decency and with good morals would not use the auspices of supporting a precious and innocent child to steal $10 million from another loving parent. I use the word steal because in my opinion, “child support” in most cases is nothing more than one parent using an innocent child to steal money from another parent. Just because it’s legal doesn’t make it morally right.

You Ms. Holmes are an affront to all good and loving single mothers who support their children equally. It’s simple, if you didn’t rely on Mr. Cruise’s money to make it financially, then you wouldn’t have demanded it. Any half-thinking person can conclude that the $10 million you stole from Mr. Cruise as “child support” is not going to be spent on Suri. It will surely be spent to support your lifestyle for the next 12 years at the expense of Suri and Mr. Cruise. Suri, because you’ve cheated her out of a father, and Tom, because you’ve cheated him out of daughter.

And the most vile, disgusting, and absolutely perverted part of it all, is that you are getting paid TEN MILLION DOLLARS to separate a loving father from his daughter, and will thereby destroy in an emotional manner, the lives of two people.

As I said earlier, you knew who Mr. Cruise was before you married him. Likewise, you knew full well what his religious beliefs were. Yet you divorce him and cite his religion, not abuse, not cheating, but religion as a reason to leave him and thereby force him to finance the fleecing of Suri.

With that said, I do believe that it’s entirely possible you married him with the intent of having a child with him so as to secure your own financial future by divorcing him. Additionally, I think your lack of value as a Hollywood actress supports that theory.

Whether my opinion expressed herein as it relates to you is right, wrong, or indifferent, one thing for certain is true; you Ms. Holmes are the “ten million dollar child support mom from Ohio.” You divorced yourself from Mr. Cruise Ms. Holmes, now divorce yourself from his money as any good and decent grown up mother would do. Go ahead Katie, divorce yourself from Tom’s income and thereby put your big-girl underwear on so that it can be said that you’re supporting yourself as any adult should and is expected to.

Tony Fantetti
Ohio Council for Fathers Rights
Email: tony.fantetti(at)ocffr(dot)org

Posted in Celebrities, Child Support Moms (CSMs), Single Moms "by Choice", This is in the "Best Interests of the Children?", Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

I Apologize to My Readers for the Long Period of Silence which Sadly Included Father’s Day

Please accept my humble and sincere apology for the long period of silence through which no posts were made to the blog, and likewise I was unable to return phone calls and emails. Although I won’t go into specifics, the last few months have been especially difficult for me. And it’s for that reason, the blog (and I) fell silent.

I debated posting a “Happy Fathers Day” piece, but I couldn’t. It’s not that I didn’t want to or that I didn’t hope it was truly happy and joyous occasion for all dads everywhere, because I did. However, I wasn’t in a position to post, and what I am not is a fake. I am who I am, and pretending to be that which I’m not doesn’t suit me well. Therefore, my ability to write and post a nice article on Father’s Day simply wasn’t there at that time. So although I truly hope that all of you dads reading this had a terrific Father’s Day, I was unable to express such then.

There are a lot of organizations and a lot of people doing what I do, writing about the horrors of “Family Court” and “child support.” However, what many people don’t realize is that I too am a father, I too am human (yes I’m serious), and that I (unlike many out there fighting this madness) do this on my own time, at my own expense, and with limited help that’s as unpredictable as the future. Additionally, I (and unlike many others) am actually living this nightmare myself as a father. Moreover, and unlike those who are paid to write, I’ve spent thousands of my own dollars and expended thousands of hours of my own time to further the cause for fathers and fatherhood and thereby help others. And I do so happily and gladly as I believe we should all share in each others struggles and shoulder one another’s burdens as much as one is able.

But what isn’t there for me is that same support that I’ve provided to so many. I don’t say that to garner sympathy nor to toot my own horn, but rather to point out that as divorced father who didn’t ask for divorce nor ask to be forced to finance the fleecing of my own daughter and to have her ripped out of my life, I too struggle at times.

There have been many times over the years where I’ve wanted to throw the towel in. I get frustrated, very frustrated, that so many fathers are so indifferent about changing and fighting against the horrific “child support” and “Family Court” systems to such an extent I literally want to scream at times. But I digress. If I stop doing what I do, then I’d be no different than those I’m complaining about in previous sentence. Additionally, and without fail, whenever those thoughts of quitting come to mind, a get an email from some mom, dad, wife, girlfriend, media personality and yes even single moms, that convinces me that I simply must once again place my right foot in front of the left; just one more time. And once more after that, and after that, and that…

My challenges have nothing to do with success. I’ve had many successes over the years in fighting against the State of Ohio and “the system.” Please allow me to correct that. God has allowed many successes through me because I’ve willingly and happily made myself a willing vessel for Him to work through. And truth be told, I wholeheartedly believe at least for now, that He put me on this earth at this specific point in history to speak out (unrestrained) about the horrors of the “child support” system, “Family Court”, and “single moms by choice” who do their utmost to falsely portray themselves as victims. Although I must admit that said charade continues to work well, and despite it being the furthest thing from the truth.

So with that having been said, I hope to contact soon those of you who’ve been reaching out to me. Additionally, I’ll do my best to resume normal (at least once a week, as I too must work) blogging whereby I discredit and hollow out those false and destituted cries of victimization by those self serving and self ascribed victims who are otherwise known as “single moms by choice.” Those mothers, who without any moral justification whatsoever, and in many cases out of nothing more than self serving reasons use the strong-arm of the courts to heartlessly and maliciously kick a father out of his child(ren)’s lives so that she can unilaterally seize his children and steal his income (yes, it’s THEFT. Just because it’s legal doesn’t make it right.) through what’s euphemistically known as “child support.”

In closing, I wish to point out (as I nearly always do) that what’s said in the previous paragraph is not directed at single moms are are morally justified as such.

Sincerely,

Tony Fantetti
Ohio Council for Fathers Rights

Posted in Child Abuse, Child Support Moms (CSMs), Miscellaneous, Morality and Religion, Single Moms "by Choice", Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

To DeadbeatDead: Please Don’t Take Your Own Life Your Children Need You

If you are the father below who posted the following comment on 4/16, I implore you to please contact me.

I am so sorry that I did not understand that which you said when I read your comment the first time. I have sent an email to the email address you registered to the Blog with and it contains my phone numbers.

If you used a bogus email address when you registered, then please email me at tony.fantetti@ocffr.org.

Please trust me when I say I know where you are, and that I truly understand where you’ve been. I also do not do well in those cages, but your life is worth so much more than that, and the day may come when your children come of age and try to locate you.

Please, if you’re still with us, contact me. I truly want to help you.
_______________________________________
The following was posted as a comment to the OCFFR Blog by DeadbeatDead on 4/16/2012:

When my Mom was dying in the April of 2003, my ex-wife used my leaving to see her as an excuse to move on….as in get a divorce. She was pregnant with a set of twins at the time. I didn’t understand it then and I damn sure don’t understand it now. However, you all are reading the words of someone who is about to travel down that road and by the time that you’ve read this; I will probably be eternally relieved from my pressures in life.

She changed her phone numbers, filed for the divorce and I didn’t even know the names of the kids until I got a letter from the Kern County Child Support Office. People told me to go on, to live my life and I attempted doing so. I met a nice woman who had two beautiful girls and we started a life together. The whole time I was looking over my shoulders and wondering even though that I am in South Carolina would California law make it’s way to that state. At this moment in time I didn’t know if the kids were mine or not. I felt like the walls were closing in on me when I had got a decent paying job that required for me to open up a bank account through their designated credit union and while they were running a credit report for me the woman told me that one ding in my credit is from the Texas Attorney General Office for Child Support.

Seven years later into my new relationship and out of nowhere my ex-wife shows up calling my Father. She stated that she has two twin boys and that they are mine. The reality came more clear when she sent me pictures in my cell phone. One of the kids in my mind kind of resembled me.

During my first conversation with my ex-wife after seven years of our separation she told me that she was cheating on her husband with a drug dealer named Kemal and that she was residing in Virginia Beach, Virginia. Her husband was a U.S. Marine by the name of Sharif and they have two twin girls together. She went on to tell me that while she was out spending the night at her boyfriend’s house that her husband came in and molested the boys while they were asleep.

One thing lead to another and she was about to be homeless. I’ve never met these kids before and she stated that she needed me to come pick them up before the State took custody of them.

I rented a Mustang and drove up to Virginia Beach from South Carolina at the last minute to pick them up. The plan was for me to hold them for the summer. However, when I obtained the kids and brought them back to live with me, their behavior wasn’t that of a five year old. They were acting more like two year olds. They didn’t even know how to wash, wipe their own butts or even eat with a fork. Come to find out that the allegations that were made against Sharif were false and that they were coached into making up these lies. I even attempted to contact the case worker in Virginia to clear that man’s name. It done me no good.

The state threatened to cut her money for the welfare that she was receiving and out of nowhere she blackmailed me with turning me in for non-support and having me incarcerated if I didn’t give the kids back to her. Fearful of jail I gave them back.

People told me to get a paternity test before I raised another finger or sent her another dime. I thought that I had a right to ask for one in this case. However, when I was coming back to my apartment one night some neighbors told me that the Sheriff’s Office was at my door and that they were looking for me. In that area, police ’roundup busts’ are common. In the midst of my running, the Family Courts finally tracked my social security number down and started deducting the full amount of my child support from my unemployment benefits.

Before I was captured by the officers I fled to a friend’s house in sheer panic. I went into hiding for months staying at hotel rooms and friend’s houses funded by my weekly unemployment benefits. The thoughts of being locked in a cage scared the ever loving shit out of me. I picked up on binge drinking and chain smoking cigarettes. With the only thing that kept me company was a computer I had done some Youtube videos about my views of the world until a friend of mine had told me to try live social broadcasting.

This kept me company for a while. I would play the role of a radio DJ and entertain a chat room of people from around the world. I finally found a place to reside where nobody could find me which would be the house that I grew up in. The only thing that took my mind off of the harsh reality was firing up my webcam and broadcasting to people around the world with my music and my personality. I would drink myself to sleep plenty of nights while talking to people via skype (an online telephone service) that I met on the internet.

One day that wasn’t enough. I was tired of going out on the town wondering if I had got questioned by any officer for my identification that they would see the warrant that was out for my arrest. I couldn’t even walk down the street or drive anywhere in fear that an officer might run my license plate in and pull me over.

When conversing one night I was told by a friend of mine that I met on the broadcast site to face the music and get it over with. The thought scared me. I contemplated for a week how I was going to end my own life. I went out that Monday and treated myself to a good meal, chatted with a friend on skype from a restaurant via my laptop and told her all kinds of things about me….my favorite place to go in my town and the things I like to do there. I pretty much gave her a virtual tour of my favorite coffee house.

Thursday was going to be the day that I made up in my mind to end it all. I had got to drinking and pretty much told my close friends that I was dead anyhow. That was going to be the night. I loaded the shotgun and put it under my chin. I went to pull the trigger and it wouldn’t fire.

I threw the gun down, stood up and with tears in my eyes I looked in the mirror. I couldn’t take the hurt anymore, I couldn’t take the pain or the stress. I pulled the title to my car out, signed the back of it and left the keys on the stove with a note to whatever family member wondered where I was. I didn’t want my family to find me in that house with my head blown off. I went to turn myself in and faced the music. With a beer buzz from the night before I stepped out into the warm spring sun and walked a mile from my house to the bus stop. I got on the bus and caught it to the main terminal in Downtown and walked up Main Street with the fear that I was facing coming more of a reality.

I remember walking across an interstate overpass and looking down at the interstate and thinking to myself that it could be much easier if I climbed the rail and jumped into oncoming traffic. But I kept moving forward.

I remember approaching the Detention Center. I lit a cigarette as I looked at the building. I walked closer and closer. When I got to the walkway a woman asked me if she could bum a smoke. I had nearly a full pack and I handed them all to her and told her that she could have them. A woman that was standing there with her (which was her mom) asked me why would I give away a whole pack of Newports being that they are expensive. I told her that I was turning myself in. She just ran up to me and hugged me as if she was a long lost family member. I stood outside and smoked one last cigarette before I walked in the lobby and seen the desk officer. I gave him my license and told him that I was turning myself in.

He took it to the back and came back outside and stood tall but not in a fearful way. About five minutes later a male Sheriff’s Deputy called my name, I walked up to him when he told me to face the glass door in front of me and put my hands behind my back.

He told me that I would have been better off turning myself in on a Monday being that I would probably not have to spend a weekend in jail. I remember telling the officer that I was going to kill myself the night before when something inside of me would rather face the music and live. He had taken down the numbers of the family members I had given them to let them know where I was and one of his primary concerns was if there was a loaded firearm in the house.

When walking to the detention center by the same officer and his female partner, they told me that everything was going to be alright and that she would be praying for me. When I was checked into the jail I was taken to what looked like a cage where the guy with no emotion to his face asked for every article of my clothing right down to my underwear and told me to bend over and cough. Then he handed me what they called a suicide smock or what is also known as a turtle suit.

He then shackled me from head to toe and escorted me to a room where there was nothing but a hole in the floor and fecal matter on the ceiling. This is when they gave me what they called lexapro….the generic brand that didn’t come out on the public market until last month and this was last year when I turned myself in. I was an experiment. I woke up in sweats and had panic attacks. I tried to sleep for the most of the time and when I thought I was asleep for hours, it was like only two hours.

Day number 2 in there I was wishing to dear God that the gun had have went off. It wasn’t until Monday when I could get released from that shit hole and it felt liberating to have been going in with the general population instead of being stuck in that goddamn room.

I found out that night that Osama Bin Laden was killed and people were celebrating. However, I had a court date the next day and I was trying to convince myself that everything was going to be alright. I didn’t sleep the night before. I spent it looking out of the window at the cars driving by and thought about the lyrics to the Johnny Cash song.

Tuesday I seen the Judge. They brought me in the court room wearing handcuffs and shackles. My lawyer was there and even he was about to be in tears from the pain that he had seen on my face.

The Judge had a reputation for being a bigot but somehow he had seen where my unemployment was paying the support and told me to try to get the order reduced. I was released a different person. I was traumatized by being in there. I AM NOT GOING BACK!!!!!

Since then my support came from my unemployment which the benefits are now exhausted. If I don’t find a job soon and now I’m in the midst of losing my place to stay; they will come looking for me again. However, I am not taking that chance. I would rather die than to go on living with that fear on my brain.

I am not a criminal. When you are in jail you see how inhumane that people can be. I feel sorry for people now more than ever that have to serve one minute in that shit hole. Boiled eggs and cold grits for breakfast, bologna sandwiches and a bag of chips for lunch, some kind of bullshit substance for dinner shitting on an iron toilet, no fucking cold water. That is not me and I will never be there again.

I just hope that one day our government ceases to victimize people like me. I am not a deadbeat Dad and even if I was, I am not a criminal deserving of that treatment. Women all day everyday can put their kids up for adoption, abort them and not have to worry about this kind of abuse throughout the course of their lives.

I wake up every morning wondering where these kids are. Will they ever see me again and how they are getting along. The legal system is not on my side on this one and why should they be?

I don’t want to live like this any longer. I am the richest poor man that anyone of you could ever know. I can be in an expensive resort one weekend and be in the ghettos of South Carolina the next. Those are just some of the curveballs life has thrown me.

Be that as it may, I want to bid you all a farewell and hope that your struggles are not as bad as mine have gotten.

_

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The Fading and Fizzling Effects of Mark Byron’s Cincinnati “Shooting Star” Like Case

Just two short months ago, the Mark Byron case was a world-wide internet sensation that for a very brief moment in time,  shined an incredibly bright spotlight on the throes and abuses that most fathers (both custodial and noncustodial) routinely face on a daily basis in “Family Court” courtrooms not only in Ohio, but around the world as well.

As one who’s been a father’s rights advocate since 2007, I knew immediately that with regard to “father’s rights” at least, the brief albeit very illustrious global spotlight that Bryon’s case shone down on 800 Broadway in Cincinnati Ohio (where Domestic Relations Court, as well as Byron’s and my own case is), would burn out not only quickly, but would also fizzle and sputter out without any lasting effect. That, as Byron’s 15 minutes of fame came to a yawning close while the last light of his global appeal forever faded away.

Unfortunately, that’s par for the course for most cases like Byron’s that happen to make that brief yet very frenzied appearance on TV screens and news headlines around the world. Truth be told, I almost posted this entry when his case went public, but doing so would have served no good purpose and was already known by most who follow the father’s rights movement anyway.

I made a half-hearted attempt to contact Byron myself early on, and I did so in the manner explained for two reasons. 1. To convince myself that I tried, and 2. I knew he probably wouldn’t respond for at least two reasons; those being that he was inundated with requests from others around the world, and two, his counsel would most likely have advised him to not speak with me had he wanted to do so.

Attorney’s are rarely eager to have their clients speak to or associate with anyone who’s affiliated with a father’s rights group for varying reasons. First, many attorneys mislead their clients (some intentionally, others out of ignorance) by telling them, “it’ll harm your case if the court knows you’re associated with “pick the name of any father’s rights organization and put it here.””

Rest assured that few things harm your case more than simply being a loving father. Another reason is because the attorneys themselves (many, but not all) are fearful of the court, and the fallout from angering the court by involving outside parties such as father’s rights organizations. Said otherwise, attorneys must also play politics if their desires include continuing to practice in those courtrooms so as to earn a living. One attorney in Ohio that this statement does not apply to is Thomas Eagle. Tom is a bulldog in court and stands down to no one in my opinion, and hence the reason he’s my attorney.

So given that I “tried” to contact Bryon, I can sleep guilt free in knowing that I did at least make an effort to get in touch with that Hamilton County father who had he taken me up on my offer and with my assistance, could have turned Cincinnati and 800 Broadway into a media frenzy that would have very beneficial to all Hamilton County fathers with cases in said locale.

To that end though, I have no doubts that Byron’s case would have certainly set an example for expected behavior for “the robes” at 800 Broadway. One that would have caused those judges and magistrates at Domestic Relations to think twice about crossing the line by overly and excessively denigrating and humiliating those good and loving fathers that appear before them.

However, and despite his success in forcing the court to back off on its wholly unconstitutional order, an incredibly great opportunity to advance the cause of all Hamilton County fathers was lost. Please know that I’m not faulting Bryon for not carrying the mantle on behalf of fathers. I’m merely making some points, as I do recognize that not every one shares a passion for advocacy.

But if you really want to shake a judge or any elected official up in the most effective way, gather large numbers to campaign against them both on the streets via demonstrations, as well as into their next election. Additionally,  involve the media to the fullest extent possible in those efforts.

Understand why I quantify the degree of abuse as I did earlier; it’s because most fathers are hatefully abused in more ways than one, and by most of the judges and magistrates in Hamilton County Domestic Relations Court. How can I make such a broad claim? It’s quite simple, my own case is under jurisdiction of that same court, and I’ve also communicated in some fashion with more than a thousand fathers about their cases.

It’s expected that most fathers will be discriminated against, talked down to, belittled, degraded and so on by most of the black hats in black and blue robes in courtrooms. So the same is always expected. However, when said abuse reaches the degree of insanity that it did in Byron’s case, it obviously gets noticed as it did.

So why did I contact Byron if I really didn’t want to expend the energy it would have required to get involved and thereby bring a lot more local media attention to his case? The truth is that I felt obligated to, but at the same time I’ve become somewhat cynical over the years.

That’s so because of what’s explained as follows. After years of getting involved in individual cases, I’ve come to the conclusion that about 99.9% of those who ask for help, and in some cases actually expect help (for free of course) are self-serving, self-seeking, and have absolutely no interest in getting involved in the movement, and thereby working to change the system as some of us tirelessly do.

Moreover, and what I find even more brazen is that many of the same actually believe that their case is most important, most unique, and therefore deserving of having time stand still so that their cries of injustice can be heard and thereby remedied by me of course.

But you’re probably thinking, “Byron didn’t contact you, it was you who contacted he.” And that’s true. What’s also true is that I did so for the sake of all fathers as well as the father’s rights movement itself, not for my own.

Therefore, I reached out to Byron because I knew that given the amount of attention already drawn to his case, there was an incredible opportunity to bring an immense and a “never before seen” type of pressure on 800 Broadway by putting a few hundred or perhaps a few thousand fathers in the streets of Cincinnati as I’d planned.

However, and as I explained, the window is short. So when there was no immediate response to my original inquiry, I withdrew my offer and wished Mr. Byron the best. Reason being, you have to act quickly in order to have the biggest impact. And after a couple of days passed, that opportunity was lost.

Had I been in Mr. Byron’s shoes, I would have handled the situation very differently. I would have defied that court order from day one. And based on this article, I think that Byron may have finally figured out that perhaps he should have done the same.

When I reached out to Bryon, my intent among other things was to advise him to disregard the court’s order (which is a “direct contempt”) by not posting any apologies. Free speech and first amendment issues aside, there’s no way given all the global attention being paid to Byron’s case, that Magistrate Meyers nor Judge Sieve was going to actually  jail him for his contempt, and despite him not following the court’s purge order.

I knew that, but obviously he didn’t at the time nor did his attorney Elizabeth “Becky” Ford in my opinion. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have posted 26 apologies as he did. Grant it, as an attorney, Ford couldn’t have ethically advised Byron to act in contempt. However,  it’s still my opinion that she too was oblivious to the reality early on that had Byron acted in contempt, he would have never seen the inside of jail cell.

I now believe that Byron has figured the same out recently; that he wouldn’t be jailed for not posting the apology. But I suspect that Ford would have advised to the contrary early on had I suggested Bryon disobey the court. And the reason I knew from the beginning that Bryon could have defied the court’s order and gotten away with it is because I’ve been advocating on behalf of father’s for nearly five years now.

And it’s the many experiences over the years that have taught me what is and isn’t effective at swaying courts. With that said, media cameras and public outrage go a long way in forcing judges and magistrates to back down when they’re wrong.

And if there’s one thing I know it’s this; a little negative publicity goes a long way, and a lot of negative publicity can stretch to the ends of the universe. If you think a lot of attention was paid to Bryon’s case to date, then multiply that exponentially to get the amount of attention it would have garnered had he not posted the apology at all, and then was incarcerated for it. After the first story about his case broke, he earned his “get out of jail free card” with regard to contempt for refusing to apologize as the court ordered. But it appears that he only just recently figured that out.

I wholeheartedly agree that what the court did to Byron was utterly contemptible, humiliating, and unconstitutional. And truth be told, I’ve only had one hearing before Magistrate Meyers (he’s not the presiding Magistrate in my case), and from what I personally experienced in his courtroom, I’m surprised he ordered Byron to apologize as he did. He seemed to be a decent magistrate when he heard one of my motions, but Byron’s case sheds a very different (and ugly) light on Meyers now.

And although Judge Sieve is the presiding judge over my case, I’ve not had any hearings in his court yet. But given his horrendous treatment of Byron, and the fact that he was once a “Domestic Violence” judge, I’m convinced he’s probably far more biased against fathers than is your typical judge or magistrate. Sieve is relatively new in that court as he replaced Judge Panioto who regularly fell asleep during my custody trials. Trials that are the most important one can attend as it affects the life of one or more children. What a disgrace he was, but I’ll save that for another day.

Although I suspect I’ll get hate emails or comments for what I’m about to say, I’m going to say it anyway because it’s who I am. So with that having been said, I’d like to restate that I most certainly do find it wrong and both patently and constitutionally offensive that Bryon was ordered to apologize as he was. Such an order from a court was an absolute affront to all fathers.

Byron claimed on his Facebook page to have defied the court because he decided to “stand up for our freedom of speech.”  That, after he “only” (my emphasis) posted the apology for 26 of the 30  days and thereby defied the court and was therefore in direct contempt.
Judge Sieve, learning of Bryon’s claim said the following to Byron as he admonished him for his contempt;

“In the course of history, there have been many champions of the First Amendment,” Sieve said of rights of free speech. “You, sir, are not one of them.

Judge Sieve also said to him,

“There is a certain monetary interest to be served in this media exploitation…”

And you know…I really,really hate to say this, but I agree with Sieve on this one. Had Byron had any interest whatsoever in “protecting free speech,” he would have defied the Judge’s order from day one as I personally would have done had I been in his situation.

Instead, and when it comes to motive, I think that perhaps Byron may have convicted himself with his own words, and in doing so, exposed his motive as well. How so you’re asking yourself? In the article linked to just above, Byron himself states, ”

““I’m sure they didn’t put me in jail (Monday) to keep it from getting bigger,” said Byron, who wore under his sports jacket a T-shirt that read “freespeech.”(sic)

So he’s sure he wouldn’t go to jail because he felt the court knew that “it would get bigger.” And when did Byron come to that conclusion that he wouldn’t be jailed for contempt? I’d say after about the 26th time he posted on his Facebook wall the apology that was written for him by the court?

With that having been said, if Byron were truly the “free speech advocate” he’s claiming to be, then in my humble opinion, he never would have posted any of the court ordered apologies to his Facebook wall. Nonetheless, and despite the fact that he posted 26 of the 30 apologies that he was ordered to, he only defies the court order after I believe he finally figured out that he could get away with contempt as he did.

Additionally, I’ve worked with countless fathers who because they don’t have the funds at their disposal that Mr. Byron does as a free lance photographer, they’re without counsel and therefore pro se. Said fathers are jailed, they can’t see their children, and many of the same have nothing to call a roof over their head because they’re truly indigent. And it’s they who are in need of donations for counsel, not the likes of Mr. Byron who’s experiencing what nearly every father in an Ohio court room experiences; discrimination, humiliation, degradation and so forth.

So seeing Byron attempt to capitalize financially off his “free speech issue” really gets under my skin. How about he donate what he’s received thus far to indigent fathers so they in turn can be represented by counsel as Byron is?

In closing, I find it troubling that he’s out profiting off of this incident after his chances of being jailed are none, and given the fact that he stood for nothing from day one through day 26 of his apology tour. And that, while he willingly obeyed the courts order out of fear of being jailed for contempt.

So with that having been said, any person who is truly standing in the name of a cause will stand for that cause no matter what the costs. But Byron didn’t do that; he “stood for that free speech cause” it appears to me at least, only after he concluded that he wouldn’t suffer any negative repercussions for doing so.

Finally, I wish to reiterate that I wholly believe that Mr. Byron was treated wrongfully by the court as well as humiliated beyond what many fathers are. It was wrong, the court was wrong, and he didn’t deserve to be treated as he was. Additionally, I wholeheartedly agree with what he said originally on Facebook; that being,

“… if you are an evil, vindictive woman who wants to ruin your husband’s life and take your son’s father away from him completely – all you need to do is say that you’re scared of your husband or domestic partner…”

Mr. Bryon is spot on with that assertion.

But given his recent actions after there’s no longer a threat of punishment, that causes me to wonder first and foremost who’s advising him, (is it Elizabeth “Becky” Ford only?) and secondly, what are his true motives? Because what he did on day 27 (defy the court in a direct contempt) would have been done on day one by anyone who’s truly standing in the name of a cause that they wholeheartedly and passionately believe in.

Said otherwise, a true advocate always stands for their cause, and that, even in the face of adversity when required. They don’t stand up after the fire has cleared, dust themselves off and say, “I’m here” after the fact.

Additionally, and because he’s now soliciting donations, it’s difficult not to question his motives. And I’m still not sure for what it is he’s deserving of donations? Most fathers experience much of what he is with the exception of the Facebook punishment. But the fact that he’s profiting off of a cause that really can’t be defined at this point causes wonder about his motives. Is he now taking up the cause of free speech, and as an advocate of the same?

Whatever the case may be, I think that in my humble opinion at least, Byron is getting some bad advice as his actions aren’t in line (nor have they been) with someone who’s trying to “make a statement only.”

Lastly, I never thought I’d see the day I’d agree with a Domestic Relations judge, and as I do with the comments made by Judge Sieve that I’ve quoted herein. So with that having been said, the one thing I’m happy about is the fact that I never intervened in Byron’s case.

Tony Fantetti
Ohio Council for Fathers Rights
Email: tony.fantetti(at)ocffr(dot)org

Posted in Hamilton County, Judges and Magistrates, Misandry, Politics, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Michigan Purposely Kicks Single Fathers Out of Food Stamp Program

Given how long it’s been since I’ve blogged, this article is not something I really want to spend precious time discussing. Especially in lieu of recent emails to me from desperate, hopeless, and despondent fathers who are contemplating suicide.

Only those noncustodial single moms and dads who have or are experiencing Ohio’s very hateful, despicable, and utterly horrifying “Family Court” (aka Domestic Relations) and “child support” systems can truly understand that which is the inexplicable; more specifically, the immeasurable and equally confusing psychological trauma, along with the mind-numbing stress, that’s very hatefully albeit happily inflicted upon noncustodial parents (NCPs)  out of  “the best interests of their children,” and at the hands of the Ohio Department of Jobs and Family Services (ODJFS)  Child Support Enforcement (aka extortion) Agency (CSEA).

Understand that non custodial single fathers in Ohio are not eligible for any state funded public assistance if they are only just one cent in arrears in their “child support” obligation. If you’re wondering why I put “child support” in quotes, it’s because the same is nothing more than “mommy support” and has little to do with supporting children. For more information  on that, please search this blog or Google studies on child support.

After I lost all three of my former homes to foreclosure post divorce, and after I filed for bankruptcy, was without heat in my “home” in winter, had to garbage pick along with my daughter for items to sell (said items included a bike I had given my daughter for Christmas one year) at yard sales so I could put food on the table, and after I was terminated from my job when the Hamilton County Sheriff’s “Fugitive Warrant Unit” went to my former place of employment to arrest me (hence the reason my employer terminated me), and after I was jailed for Civil Contempt because I couldn’t pay a divorce related debt due to my being indigent, I called Hamilton County ODJFS to seek help, hope and assistance.

I was penniless, nearly homeless, jobless, and at times without utilities and adequate food. But despite that, I had nowhere to turn. That was so because my “child support” order bankrupted me and caused me to lose everything (a nearly six figure portfolio as well) and I was already garbage picking in my efforts to provide for my daughter, I needed help. During the cold winter months, and while wearing coats, hats, and gloves inside our house, my daughter once asked me, while we were sitting on the steps talking; she looked directly into my eyes and asked, as we sat in an unheated home and through the fog of her breath, “daddy, why is it always cold over here?”

I was at a loss for words initially, and felt less than human and utterly inadequate and a failure as a father. So how does any of this relate to the State of Michigan and their food stamp program? It’s simple; I was a single father. And when I called ODJFS and asked for help after I explained the deplorable conditions my daughter was forced to live in and told them I was being extorted for nearly $1,300 per month in “child support,” I expected that I’d be helped.

Despite me being unemployed, and notwithstanding the fact that the system itself; and more specifically the presiding Judge in my case at the time (Judge Ronald Panioto) caused me to be terminated from my job by signing a bench warrant that called for my arrest. And that, because I was literally indigent and therefore unable to make monthly payments that he ordered me to on a non child support related debt.

So what did ODJFS offer me as I pleaded for public assistance to support my daughter, and that for the first time in my life and despite how degraded and humiliated I felt in doing so? NOTHING. Despite me explaining that my daughter was suffering as a result of my indigence, and that we needed food on the table and heat in our home, I was told that because I was a “deadbeat dad”, I was not eligible for any public assistance under any circumstances whatsoever, and no matter how destitute I was.

The term “deadbeat dad” wasn’t actually used, but the inference to the same was obvious. What I was in reality was a dead-broke dad who was made so not of my own choosing, but by an Ohio “Family Court” system that bankrupted me, then punished me as well as my daughter for being precisely that which the system itself caused me to be; bankrupt and unemployed.

What you need to take away from this is that after the system bankrupted me by seizing $1,300 per month of my net income under the guise of “child support,” it then in turn caused me to lose my job (due to a Civil Warrant for Contempt being executed at my place of employment at that time). It also caused me to lose all three of my homes that I owned at the time, and caused me to lose nearly $100,000 in savings. I was also incarcerated because the Court ordered me to pay an unjustified non-child support related debt that I couldn’t pay because I was unemployed (due to the warrant fiasco). That same court also denied my motion to reduce my “child support” obligation when I had zero income, and caused me to accumulate a “child support” arrears wherein the balance was overstated by the Hamilton County CSEA.

Did you comprehend what I said? The Court and the System first bankrupted me with the $1,300 per month “child support” order, then jailed me after I could no longer pay another non-child support related debt after the very same court (and judge) caused me to be fired by issuing a warrant for my arrest. Reason being, the warrant was served at my former place of employment, and after of which I was terminated by my employer because they didn’t appreciate the Hamilton County Sheriff’s “Fugitive Warrant Unit” interrupting their business operations while the police tried to arrest me at work.

Next, the system punished my daughter by refusing any and all public assistance to me such as food stamps, utility assistance, housing assistance, medical assistance etc, because I was at that time behind in my “child support” obligation. In short, the system alone caused me to fall behind, then punished myself and my daughter after I did so (and the system literally forced me to) by refusing to provide public aid that was available to anyone who wasn’t alleged to have a “child support” arrears.

So again you may be asking yourself, “what does any of what he just explained have to do with the State of Michigan’s food stamp program or single fathers?

My response to that question? Everything. I’m very familiar with Michigan’s “Family Courts” as well as that state’s contemptible and hateful treatment of single fathers (both custodial and noncustodial). Their very ugly and despicable decision to kick single fathers out of their food stamp program for college students, reeks of contempt and an utter disregard for the best interests of those Michigan children who live in single father households.

Additionally, take everything I’ve described in this post about what was done to both myself and my daughter at the hands of Ohio’s “Family Court” and CSEA that was said to be “in my daughter’s best interest”, remove all references to the two of us,   and replace the same with the names of any of the hundreds of thousands of Michigan’s single fathers and the children thereof, and you what you’ll find is the same story that I’ve told, repeating itself tens if not hundreds of thousands of times over. In other words, what’s described herein is the status quo, and barring Michigan’s single father college students (and thereby their children) from using food stamps won’t be a cause celebre for anyone given that it’s “ok” to treat single fathers as a worthless and irrelevant underclass when they’re in need of assistance for themselves and their children.

Try doing the same thing to single mothers, and you’ll immediately see in newspapers, online and on TVs everywhere, an incessant and sanctimonious lecturing from demagogues and “leaders” from one end of the political spectrum to the other, calling for the heads of those who made such an “insensitive, irresponsible and hateful decision.” The reality of that situation is simply this; doing the same to single mothers would be incredibly politically incorrect, and would therefore amount to political suicide. But single fathers? Denigrate, disparage and trash them to your hearts delight, because in the court of public opinion, not only is that okay, it’s both deserved and expected. Additionally, the same garners votes for politicians who engage in that type of repulsive and reprehensible behavior.

So back to my point about Michigan’s single fathers and their stories; the names may change, but the horror stories are often the same and nearly identical in many cases as those of single fathers in Ohio, across the nation, and around the globe with the exception in large part in the Middle East and Africa.

True stories of unwarranted, unjust, an undeserved systematic abuse of single fathers and their children by Michigan’s “Family Court. In the past, I’ve worked closely with some of Michigan’s Father’s rights advocates, and truth be told, the State of Michigan hates and despises single fathers and the children thereof (as evidenced by their treatment of the same) because doing so is a must if they wish to maximize their profit off of their “child support” program.

Michigan, like Ohio must choose between actually acting in the best interest of the children of broken homes and those of the “woe is me” “single moms by choice” (and without moral justification of the same), or profiting of the backs of those precious and innocent children of the same, and the choice is always a very clear one for the powers to be in both states; maximize the destruction in the lives of those children so as to maximize the state’s profit of off its “child support” program. One that truly couldn’t exist without the pain and suffering that exacted off the backs of millions of innocent children.

In short, the state must sell those children out by financially decimating the lives of all of Michigan’s noncustodial mothers and fathers, which thereby destroys the lives of the children that the state purports to be “acting in the best interest of.”

So here we see once again, the State of Michigan selectively (and unconstitutionally I suspect) punishing Michigan’s single fathers and their children, by kicking those fathers whom are college students out of the food stamp program that they used to be eligible for.

The following statement by Rep. David Agema is hypocritical at best, and is misandry and discriminatory against single fathers at worst.

“College students who do not really need assistance have been allowed to take advantage for far too long,” Agema said in a statement at the time of the state’s announcement. “Prevent Bridge card abuse will make sure assistance only goes to those who truly need help. This action will put a stop to this waste of taxpayer money.”

Agema’s comments are so despicable and so reprehensible that I could write a book on it, but I for brevities sake, I’ll keep it short. First and foremost, Agema follows the usual and worn out narrative that all single moms (and that includes single child support moms by choice) are good, and all single dads are bad. How is that you wonder? It’s simple, he makes the following declarative statements;
“”College students who do not really need assistance have been allowed to take advantage for far too long,”…””Prevent Bridge card abuse will make sure assistance only goes to those who truly need help.” And that, as the article states that “only only single moms and students who work 20 hours a week may be able to keep their benefits.”

So since single fathers aren’t exempted (to the extent that one can be) as single mothers are, we see the same old narrative being followed whereby single mothers are good, and single fathers are bad. How so? It’s simply implied by what’s stated in the article.

Don’t single moms also take advantage of the system? Why is it stated that single moms may be able to keep their benefits? Those same mothers would be those that in many cases are receiving ridiculous and unwarranted amounts of “child support” that in many cases, and as studies have shown, the children actually see little to none of that money because most of the money is spent to support a mother’s lifestyle, and some live lavishly because of it.

With that having been said, wouldn’t the single noncustodial fathers, some of whom are presumably being extorted of thousands of dollars per month in “child support” that’s given to single mothers by choice (some of whom are in college classrooms and living off of “child support) be more in need of food stamp assistance since they are forced to pay nearly all child rearing costs, health insurance and daycare costs that single mothers incur? Out of what little income some single fathers may have (up to 65% of their net pay) is being seized by the state of Michigan and given to the single moms by choice who as the “primary caregivers” of their children attend college full time while their children attend daycare full time. That said, who’s more deserving and in need of food stamp assistance again?

And what about the single custodial fathers who are attending college in Michigan and whom are barely getting by, or not getting by as they attend college in their attempts to make a better life for themselves and their children; aren’t they and their children in need of food stamp assistance and don’t they also deserve it? Obviously not from Michigan’s point of view since single mothers and not single fathers were specifically singled out as being in need of assistance.

Also, Michigan Department of Human Services Director Maura Corrigan is quoted in the article as saying, “”We want to encourage people to be self-sufficient, not to be dependent on the government.” Really??? And aren’t single mothers by choice as well as single mothers also people? If they are, then why isn’t Ms. Corrigan encouraging them to be self sufficient as Michigan single fathers are implicitly encouraged to do so? I ask that because single fathers weren’t singled out as “possible exceptions” to the new rule like single mothers were.

Single mothers by choice who are receiving “child support” live a life of dependency by living off of income that’s earned by the father(s) of their children. So with that having been said, isn’t the State of Michigan encouraging even more dependency if they allow “single moms” to be a protected class and thereby continue to receive food stamp benefits that single fathers presumably won’t be getting?

Truth be told, it’s hard to claim single status if you’re collecting hundreds or thousands of dollars a month in unwarranted and morally unjustifiable tax free “child support” dollars that are earned through labor that’s not your own. That is financial dependency, and regardless of how well one might deceive themselves by thinking otherwise.

So there you have it; yet another example of state sanctioned discrimination against a class of people (single fathers) that seeks to reward single mothers by choice for choosing, and without morally justifiable grounds, to separate in most cases, very loving fathers from the very precious and innocent children who love and miss them.

In most cases of fatherless children, neither the children nor the father involved asked nor deserved to be separated from each other. In more cases than not; it was the unilateral decision of a single mom “by choice” (otherwise known as a child support mom) who decided without any morally justifiable reasons, that “her children” would forever be separated from their own father. Additionally, and what I personally believe is an absolute affront to morals and justice itself, these same single moms by choice have the unmitigated and morally unjustified gall to steal that same fathers income that’s earned through labor off of his back. And that, through what’s euphemistically referred to as a court ordered “child support” order.

What that is in a moral sense is the unwarranted, unjustified, and immoral theft of another person’s money. As I’ve said in the past; just because it’s legal doesn’t make it right. And I firmly believe that many will be judged harshly by God for that when they’re called upon to give an account for how they lived their lives on earth.

In closing, please allow me to elaborate as to whom I refer to as a “child support mom” or a “single mom by choice.” First and foremost, I am not a misogynist. What I am is one who speaks the truth. And that truth is that in most cases, I believe that “child support” is in fact morally wrong, and is the literal theft of another person’s money through the strong-arm of the courts.

If you chose to be a single mom (or single dad) by choice, and without any morally justifiable cause, then you are in my humble opinion, no different than a common thief who steals from another if you are taking money through a “child support” order. If you unilaterally and without any morally justifiable causes caused the father (or mother) of your children to be a noncustodial parent,and you are simultaneously stealing their money through a “child support” order, then you are what you are; a thief.

If you desire to separate yourself from the the other parent to your children, then also separate yourself from their money, because you aren’t morally justified in taking it in most cases in my humble opinion.

Who are you to unilaterally decide to separate that parent from their children, and to also take their money in the process? Any person, who is of decent moral character would never engage in such turpitude. It’s horrendous enough to force someone into being a part-time parent against theirs and their children’s wishes. But it’s depraved and is an act of moral bankruptcy to also steal that persons income for up to 25 years in some cases. And it’s that theft for which I personally and humbly believe you’ll be judged and thereby punished severely by God.

At that time, I suspect that you’ll be willing to trade all the money in the world to not be that which I personally believe you’ll stand in judgement of being; a thief.

Tony Fantetti
Ohio Council for Fathers Rights
Email: tony.fantetti(at)ocffr(dot)org

Posted in Child Support, Child Support Moms (CSMs), Miscellaneous, Morality and Religion, Ohio Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA), Single Moms "by Choice", This is in the "Best Interests of the Children?", Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Good and Loving Ohio Father Asks “Why?”

The following is my emailed response to an Ohio father who moved here from Georgia and had custody through a Georgia court, of his two children whom he raised alone, and without any assistance from the mother of his children who also lived in Ohio.

Despite having already been granted full legal and residential custody of his children, an Ohio Court told him “you’re in Ohio now” when the children’s mother went to an Ohio court and said, “I’m the mother, I should have custody.

Not surprisingly, the Ohio Court, and with no legal authority whatsoever, granted her temporary custody of the children that he already had full custody of. How’s that for Ohio’s corrupted “Family Court” system.

As a result of Ohio asserting legal authority it didn’t have over that father’s Georgia case, the father (“Bill”) had to endure 5 separate custody trials that costs him between $40,000 and $45,000. And despite prevailing every time, he couldn’t get more than 2 1/2 days “visitation” every other week with a third child, a son, who was born in Ohio to a different mother.

Why? He proved himself to be a great father (hence the reason the Georgia court granted him full custody) and raised two children without assistance from their mother, and additionally he had a Georgia Court’s order that named him as the sole legal and residential parent.

There’s more to the story, and I hope that another organization (that I contacted) takes Bill’s case up and at least Blogs about it, as their writing is incredibly talented and offers a legal perspective as well given it’s done by an attorney.

Believe me when I say that I know the feeling when the light at the end of the tunnel is just that of another train that’s coming at you, head on, and to deliver yet another payload of destruction in life.

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Bill,

First and foremost, thanks for your acknowledgement and gratitude with regard to my advocacy, I sincerely appreciate your kind words. My advice to you is to take it one day at a time, as it will get better for you and your children in time, and please know that I’m being wholly sincere in saying that.

More than that, you need to find healthy ways to manage the crushing stress that’s brought about by the injustices and hatefulness of Ohio’s “Family Court” system.

I lost everything; 3 houses, a life time of perfect credit, my retirement savings, my job, my freedom (through incarceration for the first time in my life at the hands of “Family Court”) as well as, and most importantly, unfettered access to my precious daughter. But it’s not about me, it’s about all of us, and all of our children.

In all honesty, I’m thankful for what happened to me. Reason being, I can use it to demonstrate how broken and how unjust Ohio’s “Family Court” and “Child Support” Enforcement (aka Extortion) Agency are. Additionally, I can in turn use that to fight against the same which very hatefully, unjustly, and intentionally decimated both my daughter’s and my own life.

My “child support” order at one point was $1,400 per month. I went bankrupt as a result of it, and was destroyed financially to such as extent that I was forced to drive my cars on tires that were worn down so bad, that three of them literally exploded (on different occasions) while I was driving at 55 MPH or faster.

I couldn’t afford tires, so I did what anyone in that situation would be forced to do, I drove on them until they exploded. What other choice did I have? None. Due to my “child support” obligation at that time, I couldn’t afford to heat my home in winter where my daughter “visited” me, much less pay for car maintenance.

Additionally, there were times my daughter rode in that same vehicle. Was that in her’s or my own best interests, to have tire blowouts at high rates of speed? Of course not, but neither anyone within Ohio’s CSEA nor the Hamilton County Domestic Relations Court cared in the least.

Would anyone in “the system” had cared if my daughter would have been injured or one or both of us killed when those tires blew? Probably, but only in the sense to blame me for choosing to drive on those tires, and therefore “being a terrible and reckless father” for doing so.

You asked me, “Why?” The fact is, and as sick as it is, it’s because few within the system care about the fathers or the children of the same who are caught up in madness and insanity of “Family Court.” After seven years of enduring the insanity of it all myself, I’ve learned that the best way to manage the associated stress is to accept the system for what it is, and to simultaneously work tirelessly to change it.

In other words, it “is what it is” and accepting that fact is the first step to finding peace within yourself and thereby spreading the same throughout your own household. I understand that may sound ridiculous and very simple-minded, but please trust me when I say that there’s tremendous peace to be found in just accepting the system as the hateful, uncaring, and unjust out-of-control leviathan that it is.

Reason being, carrying around anger, hatred, resentment, bitterness, self-pity, etc harms only yourself and those around you, as well as gives the system even more power over your life.

Is the system wrong and unjust? Absolutely. Does it forever damage our children to such an extent it may in some way affect their psyche for the rest of their lives? I believe that’s a possibility.

But as the parent going through it, the best thing we can do for ourselves and our family (especially our children) is to accept the system for what it is, and to continuously work towards changing it.

Because stressing about it day in and day out, does nothing but increase the stress for you and all of those around you. Not to mention the damage to one’s health that stress causes.

The short answer to your question of “why?” is this; A PROFIT. It’s as simple as that. It pays the State of Ohio immensely, and through “child support” profits, to deem as many fathers as possible as noncustodial parents, and thereby force them to finance the fleecing of their own children.

Reason being, men tend to earn higher wages than do women. And the higher an obligor’s (aka child support payer) wage, the higher the State of Ohio’s profits off of the associated court-ordered “child support” payments.

I took the liberty to forward your story to a national father’s rights organization in the hopes that they’ll at least post a piece to their blog (with your permission) as they have the largest readership (with regards to father’s rights) in the world.

One of their writers (who’s also an attorney and a fantastic writer) expressed an interest to me in speaking with you about your story, so I therefore gave him your name and email address.

Sincerely,

Tony Fantetti
Ohio Council for Fathers Rights

Posted in Emails from Others, Miscellaneous, The State of Ohio, The Voices of Others, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Single Super Mom Struggles Morally with Child Support and Visitation

Some comments are so moving and compelling that I move them to the front page of the Blog. That, because I believe it’s imperative that as many as possible understand the moral dilemma that’s often faced by the many good and loving single moms out there. Those who deserve child support, and whom also must limit the father’s contact with the child(ren) involved so as to protect them and thereby act in the child(ren)’s best interest.

“Karen” is one such mom who posted what follows as a response to this post, and her original comment is found here, and although I re-posted it below, I’ve also made my comments throughout it. Finally, you may be thinking “well how do you know what she says is true, there are two sides to every story?” And indeed there are, three in fact; his side, her side, and the truth that’s found somewhere in between. That having been said, and despite it being human nature for all of us to “tilt the facts in our favor” when telling our side, I believe that Karen’s words are indeed truthful in context.

Finally, (and unfortunately) I’m well-versed in dealing with those whom are immersed in addiction (and in the various “drugs” of choice) and one thing is always true when it comes to dealing with an addict; the addict has only one and one concern; feeding their addiction. All else in life can usually “go to hell” as far as the addict is concerned.
_____________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________

Hi,

I’m a newly separated mom to a silly, sweet 20 month old girl.

Ziva was born before her father and I were married.
In her short life time, we’re married and now separated.

He’s a struggling, recovering, relapsing cocaine addict.
He is verbally and emotionally abusive.
He is a pathological liar.
Quality time with the baby is in front of primetime tv or football.
He has never had a regular responsibility with the baby – not bath, daycare pickup or dropoff, feedings / meals, diaper changes, bedtime stories.
Their one tradition was napping on Sunday mornings on the couch while I went grocery shopping.

I didn’t know of his habits when we met or before I got pregnant.
I take full responsibility for my decisions.
I allowed him to move in.
I paid all expenses during his unemployment during my pregnancy.
I chose to keep this baby – and she is the BEST part of my life!

Congratulations for making that decision Karen, none of us would be here had our own mothers not made that choice. -Tony Fantetti

I married him after knowing of his habit and hoping he’d keep his commitment to clean it up and be a father to our baby.
I witnessed his lack of ability or interest to parent the baby … and I made myself think it was okay that he “enjoyed” her while I cared for her.

Unfortuately that’s typical of co-dependent behavior and hence makes one an “enabler.” However, such is often done with the best of intentions.” -Tony Fantetti

He has never once taken her to the park, on a walk, for an ice cream, to the pool on his own.

We are both 40 years old.
This is second marriage / family for both of us.
We both have 2 older kids (ages 6-11).
We met through our kids at church.

I’m a college grad.
Held professional jobs in technology and now healthcare industry in quality improvement.
I make good money. But being solely responsible for fulltime daycare is a serious financial obligation.
I have drained my savings (built before this relationship), changed/lowered our standard of living and will now face debt just to make ends meet.

Re-read the paragraph just above Karen, that right there should remove any qualms you have about taking the father to court for child support. However, and as I explain below, that introduces a different problem should you decide to take that route. -Tony Fantetti

He’s a high school graduate and now has a town government job.
Our town does a “good job” of overlooking drugs, pornography, work sex relations, and felonies in their HR hiring process and the same plus taking liberties with “work hours” once on the job.
Meaning, he’s not at risk of losing this job … and so he’s not going anywhere.
He makes enough to pay rent $800 month to a co-worker who doesn’t allow children.
He has never offered to pay any portion of the baby’s basic needs: food, daycare, medical insurance, clothes.

And that right there, along with his unwillingness to spend any quality time with your daughter makes him a genuine and indifferent deadbeat parent. And it’s the likes of him that causes all good and loving noncustodial moms and dads to be demonized in both the court of law and the court of public opinion
-Tony Fantetti

He has never bought her a holiday gift. Collectively, he hasn’t spent more than $50 on her since birth.

That’s both vile and unconscionable Karen. -Tony Fantetti

I believe that I have the following options available (knowing the father) and need ethical / moral / legal help choosing a path, please.
a. I can avoid contact with him, and he will likely make no attempt to see his daughter in exchange for not being legally ordered to financially support her. I believe this may be in the best emotional interest of my baby – at least until she can decide for herself whether she has interest in knowing him.
b. I can file for custody and support and make a case that he have very limited supervised visitation (as he does with older children by court order) and allow the baby to “know” her father, permit him the choice and opportunity to reset priorities, and get “help” financially with her basic needs.
c. I can seek support and then relocate with work far, far away! (Kind of kidding … but not really).

Please note that with regard to a,b and c Karen, what I offer you, is my humble opinion that I personally believe (and hope) is also a morally just one.

a. I agree that given his addiction, that choice in my opinion is surely in Ziva’s best interest, and I wouldn’t trust him alone with her. And not necessarily just because of him, but also because of the other addicts he’s using with and whom would have access to her.

b. Yes you can, but here’s the problem with that; now you’re introducing the court into your life, and thereby relinquishing much decision making to it for the next 16+ years should you choose that. Statistics are on your side, as mothers are granted sole custody in about 84% of cases nationwide. But here’s the problem, you can request limited visitation, and you may in fact get it. But do you really want him having her while he’s using? Additionally, what if the court decided to grant him a standard visitation order? Although the flip side to that is that he might not take advantage of it anyway.

Once that visitation is ordered, you’ll have to comply. And if his behavior gets worse, and to the point where Ziva’s in danger, that order will be in effect until the court modifies it. That having been said, and unless you represent yourself, you’re looking at probably at least $10,000 in legal fees for a full blown custody trial. I suspect you can get temporary orders for perhaps $3,000 – $5,000, but that’s still a lot of money as you know.

But again, if things get bad, and a court-ordered visitation order is in place, you could opt to defy the visitation schedule (that’s legally wrong) but you’d be in contempt of court. However, and in most courts not just in Ohio but across the nation, the courts generally look the other way when a mother refuses to allow a father to exercise his visitation rights.

The odds are once again in your favor, and perhaps nothing would happen if you did that, but if you choose to defy a visitation order and the court didn’t just “slap you on the wrist” and look the other way, you could be slapped with a fine and jail time (although there’s a “purge” condition) and be forced to pay his attorney’s fees if you’re found guilty. Again, I’m “not” giving legal advice, just my opinion based on what I’ve seen in countless cases.

c. Yes, you could, but I think that’s the worst option and here’s why. Suppose he finally cleans himself up, for good, and wants to be actively involved in Ziva’s life? Long distances between a noncustodial parent and the child(ren) usually end up with that parent completely (and permanently) falling out of the child’s life.

Even in cases where there’s cooperative parenting between both the custodial and noncustodial parents “and” they’re both local, the statistics are staggering with regard to the noncustodial parents. The majority of them eventually fall out of the child’s life as it’s very difficult to maintain a strong and close relationship with a child based on “hours per month” in vistation time.

I speak from experience when I say this; whether my daughter is 500 miles away or right around the block, that feeling of court induced (in most cases) isolation that accompanies being an “every other weekend parent” puts thousands of miles of distance between a good and loving parent and their child.

The same would be true if the child was only one street away from the noncustodial parent, as the biggest problem is that they’re not involved (and not by their own choice, but buy both naturally occuring and vengeful separation) in day-to-day decision making that affects the child. In short, the noncustodial parent is unaware of perhaps 95% or more of the things going on in their child’s life and it’s truly sad as it’s not by choice, but merely the nature of the beast.

Rest assured that when Ziva becomes an adult, she’s going to want to know who her biological father is as there will be a hole in her heart. Should that happen, and he’s not interested, you’ll be (I can tell you’re the type with a good heart) guilt ridden for the rest of your life, and Ziva will forever be missing a piece of her life; her biological father.

And that may very well happen anyway if he never stops using, but let that be on his shoulders not yours. Then, you can still be there as that loving mother you’ve always been, to help Ziva through the painful rejection she’ll surely experience should he decide not to be a part of her life.
-Tony Fantetti

My fear is that seeking assistance with child expenses equates to a life of continued anger, entitlement, manipulation, drama. Maybe that’s inevitable?

In my opinion yes, it is inevitable, so long as he’s and addict who’s actively using. Chances are, everything that goes wrong in is life will be “your fault” anyway so long as he’s using. -Tony Fantetti

I read a lot of the posting on your site before writing. I have never depended on ANYONE for financial security. Not my own folks for college or weddings. Never had a honeymoon. Don’t get manicures. Don’t want to ever enter the pool of CSMs. But am very, very tired of being Super Mom … and think that maybe I shouldn’t have to carry the load alone. If he’s not equipped to parent, maybe his only contribution is financial. And it “buys” me time to parent, rather than looking for additional work or short-changing my daughter of life opportunities.

No, you “should not by any means” be forced to carry that load alone. If there’s a case for a mom who deserved child support, yours is it. And you’re right; it does buy you time to parent Ziva. She needs at least one good parent in her life as much as possible, and she’s not getting that if she has to be in extended daycare so you can earn more money by working additional hours just to make ends meet. If he decides (as he already has) that he doesn’t want to be sober and contribute to the time and costs of raising her, then that’s what court ordered child support is for.
-Tony Fantetti

Other considerations:
I am his second wife. He has court ordered child support for his other 2 children. It’s minimal (in my mind) at $160 / mo. But the mother has no living expenses and chooses not to work.
He regularly offers her additional money “under the table” for additional visitation time … and before our relationship … for sex. She often accepts it.
They take each other to court twice a year to fight over visitation. He consistently asks for more. And then consistently doesn’t show up for what little he’s granted.
He’s currently entitled to 2 weekends a month, but he only chooses to take his 1 hour weekly supervised visitation and no overnights.
He has IRS debt that is drawn from his income. He owes EVERYONE. He will always pay himself (drugs, dinners, entertainment first), others as ordered by law.

I am financially responsible for my older 2 children.
Their father pays child support as his income allows. It’s always used 100% on the kids.
And they know that Dad makes it possible for them to have karate or dance lessons or school book orders.
If it comes, it comes. If it doesn’t, we don’t count on it.
Their father does more for and with them now then he ever did when married.

Please help. Money is one issue … but my internal dilemma is really one of principal. Is it “right” that he should be held to some level of accountability to this child? Is it “protective” or “possessive” of me to want to distance my daughter from her father? Isn’t it better to be “happy” (away) than “right” (assisted)?

Yes it’s morally right and just that he should be held to equal accountability with regard to Ziva. As it presently stands, it’s you with 100% accountability and he at 0% and that is what’s not right and is therefore morally wrong.

“No”, in my humble opinion, if what you’ve stated is true, and he’s actively using coke, then no it’s not “protective” (in a wrong sense) or “possessive” of you to want to distance Ziva from him. I personally feel that it’s the right thing to do, but moving her away from him (over a long distance) wouldn’t be right in my humble opinion as the day could come when he cleans up, wants to see her, but can’t for financial or other reasons. -Tony Fantetti

This puzzles me Karen, and I believe that you probably already know the answer, but are just hoping it’s not what I suggest. You said, “Isn’t it better to be “happy” (away) than “right” (assisted)?”

Happy for whom, you or Ziva? At 20 months, she’s incapable of understanding what the difference is between “home in Ohio” or “home in Florida” would be. So “happy” with regard to Ziva and locale is irrelevant, because “home is home” to her.

But on the other hand, “happy for Karen” is a completely different story and one that is in fact directly related to locale. You’re dealing with a very emotionally abusive addict who’s also a pathological liar (as most addicts are) and who probably disgusts and sickens you to no end. But unfortunately, he’s the same one who is also the father of your daughter, and whom I also suspect that you may have had reservations about marrying to begin with.

Allow me to start with this Karen; no one, and I mean no one deserves the unwarranted and never-ending, very hateful, and equally ugly blame and emotional abuse, that an addict dishes out to those around them. However, there’s a big difference between getting away from it, and moving far away from it unless there’s a true fear of imminent bodily harm or ongoing job interference that would prohibit one from living locally.

With that having been said, and in my humble opinion, I believe that he should be made to pay for half of all daycare costs associated with you working at your primary job, and 100% of the daycare costs beyond that. Additionally, he should be forced to pay 50% of all other expenses associated directly with Ziva.

If that means you must use the Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA) to collect his financial responsibility through a child support order, then do it, and without any shame whatsoever, because you should have none. Although when and if that child support comes down, if you feel that the amount ordered is not morally just and is excessive, then you should return some of it. In short, you, not a judge or some CSEA case worker, must determine what a morally just amount of child support would be.

Also, you could try threatening him with taking him to court for child support, but don’t do so in a provoking way, just be matter of fact, and see where it goes. But since he’s snorting coke, the chances of him regularly sending you an amount that you decide is fair is about as good as hell freezing over. With him being an addict who’s using, putting his money up his nose to “create snowstorms” will be concern number one, not his financial responsibility towards his innocent, precious, and silly daughter.

What you can count on though is the one lie after another that he’ll tell you about the money he’s “going to send.” The lies will be regular, but the money won’t be, if at all.

That having been said, you working more hours to make ends meet is not morally right in my opinion. I don’t care if Ziva was an accident, at least half the costs of raising her is his responsibility. And in your case, I think the only chance of you seeing dime of that money is if the Child Support “Extortion” Agency takes it directly out of his check.

You don’t need the courts to collect that, just contact your local CSEA. You’d only need the court to establish a visitation schedule, and that’s his problem. In your case, and because he’s using, I think you need to decide what’s reasonable visitation, but never do so out of vengeance or hatred. Only do so out of Ziva’s best interest and your own personal safety, and don’t ever put yourself in harm’s way.

Finally, about moving far away with Ziva; I don’t think I need to answer that for you Karen. I get the sense you already know the answer to that. And that may change down the road. But for today, think 20 years down the road, and assume you did in fact move far away. And out of nowhere, Ziva asked you, “Mom, why did you move away from dad?” Think of that answer Karen. And after you told Ziva your reasons, would you wholeheartedly and without any doubt whatsoever believe yourself?

With respect to “option c” Karen and if you don’t mind my being honest, I don’t think you struggle with the idea of taking the money nor with moving far away Karen. I suspect that perhaps your struggle (for Ziva’s sake) lies with the morality of moving far away and without just cause for doing so having first been found in your own heart.

Sincerely,

Tony Fantetti
Ohio Council for Fathers Rights
Email: tony.fantetti(at)ocffr(dot)org

Posted in Child Support, Custody Issues, Morality and Religion, Single Moms, The Voices of Others, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Words of Wisdom from Single Mom who Raised Four Alone

Editor’s Note: The single mom who wrote the piece below originally posted it as a comment to this lawsuit against the State of Ohio.  However, I  decided to post it on the front page as her words are very moving in my humble opinion.

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I wanted to say some things about child support. I believe that children should be supported by both parents, not just one paying his or her ex monies that they can use however they feel they want too.

And for those parents who do pay child support it should never be so much money they cant live comfortably and provide for that same child in their own home as well. The whole child support system is in SERIOUS, DESPERATE need of reconfiguring.

I am a mother who was a single parent raising her children on very limited funds, child support was ordered but none has ever been received. But, I took care of my children on my little salary if I can do it on what I made anyone is able to do it as well!

I am not saying that it was fair or right to do it all by myself and their father not HELP support them some, just making a point we made it, and by the way I didnt get foodstamps- I worked made 7.50 hr and provided for a family of 4.

If my children would have received any child support it would be have been used on them as this money is NOT for me! I think I am one of the few mothers who may feel this way as I have seen so many women and some men mis-use the child support system and the money they should be using on their childrens’ needs, but use it for themselves.

I also want to say I am not tooting my own horn or trying to make myself look good, life was hard as a single parent sole provider but we made it and we were ok.

I have also taken notice how some women have said men should not have other families or basically should not go on with their lives because their child support to their child should be their number one priority-shame on you, you women who feel this way.

A man who is happy and moving on or having other children does not mean he wont love his other children, how about you, does this mean if you move on, remarry or have another relationship or child you may not fully love your first child(ren) how stupid to say or think!!!

I have also noticed because my husband and I have ex spouses who abuse the system- that the woman seems to feel she should have an entitlement because she has the children.

What my main beef is -is when either parent uses their children as a paycheck, or way of life for themselves and the child support system does absolutely nothing about it-they just make it easy to do and they should be punished as well, sitting there in their state job with excellent pay and benefits making life extremely hard for the parents who do try to support their children while the ex spouse, partner is living it up spending all this money that is supposed to be taking care of their children!!!

Where is the accountability to the children????Where? I know of a woman who lived off of her child for years- moved countless times in an out of homes rent free at times and for two years her child no longer lived with her and she was still collecting child support.

The father tried and tried to get it stopped through the county but the only thing they would tell him was to get a lawyer!!! hmm, thought they were supposed to be non biased (this is their claim) and tell me how it was in the best interest of the child for her to continue collecting the money and not go back to the father who had the child living with him full time and was basically paying double.

It took a small fortune to hire an attorney and get it stopped. Tell me how did she get away with it? The law is you tell the csea of your new address, your change of custody even if its not court ordered the physical custody has changed -you are to report!!!! This woman received thousands and thousands of dollars for those 2 yrs and her daughter NEVER received anything out of it at all!!!!

The court finally ordered a stop to her receiving the child support but she doesnt have to pay all of the money back- they sent them to mediation first and the man thought agreeing to less back would speed up the ending of payments still being taken from his check, did nothing of the sort just allowed her to get away with so much.

I just wish that the children- which are truly the ones who suffer most would stop being used as pawns, and paychecks but seen as the true things they are and that is precious children who need the love and support of both parents(in most cases, I know there are situations this is not best, abuse etc) and even though the parents are no longer together should find a way to get along to the absoute best way possible for their own childrens sake!!!

Ladies, who collect child support this is not an all out bash to you, I know there are other women out there who would never manipulate their children and do not use them as pawns and personal paychecks but honestly the majority do, and you know some yourself. I have seen it time and time again with my own eyes and heard it out of their mouths.

There isnt one of us who walks the face of this earth who is a perfect person or perfect parent we will and do make mistakes but listen, when you are a selfish or greedy parent your children suffer from this emotionally and sometimes physically (maybe no food, shelter etc) dont use your children as pawns or paychecks, and if you do receive child support REMEMBER its CHILD support not alimony and it should be used to provide for YOUR child(ren)

Hoping for Change

Posted in Child Support, Miscellaneous, Single Moms, The Voices of Others, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Three Child Support Moms (CSMs) Attempt to Defend the Indefensible – Themselves

First and foremost I wish to state that yes, I do recognize that there are many legitimate situations where child support is warranted, especially in the case of the true deadbeat parents (not just dads, but also moms) who like the animals that they are, have abandoned their children in all regards.

With having been said, I do not direct any of what I wrote herein to those good and loving single mothers receiving child support, who were forced to separate themselves and their children from their fathers due to circumstances that were beyond their control.

Therefore, if you’re reading this and you are indeed one of those moms, please know that none of what I’ve written is directed at you, nor does it in any way apply to you, as I fully believe that you had to act, in order to be acting in the best interest of your children as any good and loving mom would do.

What I state in the forthcoming is only directed to the likes of those I address below who appear to be a textbook example of true “child support moms” (CSMs).

CSMs are those who absolve themselves of all personal responsibility related to the birth of their children as if it “just happened”, and it’s always the ‘man’s fault’. In other words, they somehow got pregnant because of the man’s carelessness, but never their own.

They use phrases like, “he got me pregnant” as if they played no part in the process whatsoever. So what happened, did he walk by you and you suddenly became pregnant as if by magic? Did he sprinkle pixie dust on you whilst you were sleeping and that miraculously impregnated you? Were you a willing participant? Was he a magician? Was “your” baby conceived through immaculate conception?

They accuse the man “who got them pregnant” of being irresponsible for not using birth control, but they completely (and hypocritically) dismiss their own choice not to use their own birth control in the same situation wherein they became pregnant. Does that make sense to you?

“HE GOT ME PREGNANT” they scream as they’re pointing an accusatory finger in shame at him. From there and until they collect their last “child support” check, they play the role of a victim (and increasingly so) with each passing year as they demand more and more “child support.”

As if they were an unwilling and unknowing participant in an act of willful intercourse involving unprotected sex, or where birth control failed. “I need more ‘child support’. I’m a ‘single-mom’…by choice…funny how they always leave the most important detail out of that statement; by choice.

Next, and after hypocritically dismissing their own responsibility for getting pregnant “unexpectedly.”And that, while completely ignoring their unilateral decision to kick her child’s father out of their lives,  they then demand that the man involved not only pay 100% of the financial support for “their” child, but pay such exorbitant amounts of child support that it supports her lifestyle, and as if the child would see any of it anyway.

It’s often such ridiculous amounts of child support that in reality it’s nothing more than “mommy support” aka “mommy welfare” as it more than pays for all of the child’s expenses and all of hers too in some cases.

That having been said, the true financial cost of raising a child include nothing more than direct expenses that are spent on that child alone, and they should be shared equally by both parties involved.  What they don’t include are items such as, rent, a mortgage, utilities etc, as such supports the household. And everyone supporting such (including the child support paying noncustodial (NC) mom or dad) has those same expenses.

Finally, these same CSMs in many cases kick the father out of his child’s life, deny him “visitation” and or access to the child, and continue to demand more and more of his money (in the form of child support of course) that in most cases is never spent on the child, but is in fact “mommy support” or “mommy welfare” at dad’s expense.

The most hypocritical of it all, is that these very same CSMs went through the courts and DEMANDED sole custody of the children involved. I have a novel idea for you CSMs, stop complaining that you can’t steal enough in “child support” and instead give the father sole custody and you pay him nothing! Problem solved! See how easy that is? How does that work for you? What??? It doesn’t??? Why not??? Ohh,  you don’t want to lose your newfound tax-free (at dad’s expense of course) income windfall now do you???

Think about it. You would no longer have to complain about not receiving “child support” from the very same man whom you forcefully separated from his children (against his will in most cases) using the strong-arm of the courts.

That said, and given how many truly pressing issues there are that warrant my attention, I’d normally not waste precious time responding to a Conga Line of child support moms (CSMs) who are nothing more than rabble rousing income stealing whiners.

Three of them in fact, who conferred and decided to post nonsense as comments rather than well-reasoned and logical points with which to debate with. And there’s a very good reason they’ve posted such weak “arguments” as they have; it’s because there’s no defending those CSM’s despicable behavior, so they’re left with nothing to support their position.

So when one can’t defend on logic, merit, principle, and morals, what are they left with? Only the baseless attacking of that which they disagree with, because as the saying goes, “the truth hurts.”

With that having been said, I’ll respond to each posters comments this time, but am adding this disclaimer which is directed not only to three below who merely want to engage in childish tactics, but to others with the same mindset; I’m not going to make a habit out of wasting my time responding to stupid comments such as these.

I welcome debate, and I welcome opposing opinions. However, what I don’t welcome are the childish comments of those who lack the wherewithal to formulate a position based on merits, and whereby they’ve failed to state a factual position on which they disagree with me.

More specifically, the holier-than-thou childish comments such as the forthcoming that were posted as comments to this blog entry. are of the type to which I’m referring.

LeTisha
2011/10/14 at 07:51

“I would like to know how long has it been since the divorce…how old is the child(ren) with your first wife and why did you got get a ready made family that you had to support and end up having another kid when you already had a financial obligation that was burdensome? -LeTisha

Hi LeTisha,
My first response two your first two questions is that it’s none of your business. And truthfully? I’m utterly perplexed as to why you think it’s any of your business. To your next question, “why did you got get a ready made family that you had to support,” my response is, “that too is none of your business, but surprisingly, I still want to answer it.” That said, my answer is, “because I decided to.” I see absolutely no point in your question, no point whatsoever; and at it’s basic level, it makes zero sense and is utterly stupid.

Are you implying that because my ex-spouse broke a contract (a marriage is legally binding contract “don’t cha know?”) then used the courts to pilfer my income through “child support”, and removed my daughter from my life, that I should never marry, or perhaps not marry when I did? If that’s so, then to you I say this; That’s once again really stupid, and again-none of your business, and who are you to tell or suggest to me, or question me or any father with regard to what to do or not to do?

Why do you engage in sexual activity without employing proper birth control ahead of time? See how that “none of your business stuff” works? How about you mind your own business huh? Based on what you go on to say below, you’re obviously doing a very poor job at that.

Why did you have children? If you’re going to whine and complain about not being able to generate a profit with your uterus, after all, that’s all “child support” is in most cases, an unearned, undeserved profit that’s generated by a golden uterus, then don’t have children! How does that one work for ya?

If you choose to have children outside of marriage, or choose to unilaterally dissolve a marriage, then give the father full custody so you no longer have to boo-hoo about trying to collect “mommy welfare” which is all that “child support” is right? Lets not kid ourselves nor beat around the bush here okay? This is a blog where big people talk, so keep in mind that big people might say very harsh albeit wholly truthful things, because that’s what needs to be done to get the truth out there, got it?

So the child(ren) of your previous marriage should go without because you are remarried with a family to provide for? -LeTisha

Who said my daughter should go without, I didn’t? Additionally, who says she doesn’t go without and despite the “child support” that’s extorted from me? I didn’t. What you offer is nothing more than a bunch of baseless accusations and assumptions. Can you tell me that my daughter doesn’t want for nothing because of what I’m forced to pay monthly for having her taken out my life against my will? Do you know anything about how or where she lives or what she does or doesn’t have? Have you any sense whatsoever? Are you an idiot? Do you believe that a law should be mandated whereby one should have to pass an IQ test to bear children?

If your wife does not work then how is she received a tax return and $920.00 is a significant amount to receive from the Bush Stimulus package, meaning she was making a significant amount of money while employed. -LeTisha

Really? Say it ain’t so? Can you also tell me in what year she had to make that “significant amount of money” and if it could pay only the utilities and a $1,300/mo mortgage? Also, what were all of the guidelines behind the Bush tax cuts?

Secondly, how is you receive $1600.00 a month in unemployment compensation, with a family of 5 but don’t qualify for Medicaid ( even if you don’t your kids do and they pay for braces) or Foodstamps.. -LeTisha

I received $1,600.00 per month in unemployment compensation because I applied for it. Neat concept huh? Kinda like how all of you child support moms steal child support, by applying for it, right? In truth though, I only received $800.00 month, but thanks for asking, seriously. Although I hope my answer didn’t confound you as I sense that you’re easily turned in endless circles.

It was supposed to be $1,600.00 per month ($400.00 wk), but the State seized half of it ($1,600 – $800 = $800) for “child support.” And I didn’t qualify for Medicaid because I was said to have a “child support” (aka mommy support) arrears because they wouldn’t apply our seized tax returns. Therefore, that alleged arrears disqualified me from receiving any public assistance. And one more “small” reason I didn’t qualify? Uhm, I didn’t have custody? Do you get Medicaid or food stamps for your neighbor’s children? You know what? Don’t answer that…

I live in Ohio, make more than you do, and my one child qualifies for Medicaid…sorry but your story doesn’t seem to add up..seems as if you are looking for a pity party…I bet there is more to the story along with more income somewhere and that’s how your CS got increased..-LeTisha

On the income issue, how is it you foolishly assert that you “make more than me” when you in fact have absolutely no idea what my income is? What a foolish statement to make.

On the Medicaid issue, that’s the difference between you and I, and for that matter, between myself and most child support (aka mommy welfare) moms, I would never accept food stamps or “free” health care, because that child is yours and the father’s responsibility, not mine the taxpayer’s.

Not only do I happily support my own family, I’m now forced to support yours, and that’s wrong and both morally and financially very irresponsible of you. Have you no shame? Nor would I accept “child support” because I believe in personal responsibility, taking care of myself, and taking care of and financially supporting my own children. Neat concept huh? I can’t wait until that one catches on with you child support moms!
__________________________________

Kimberly York
2011/10/14 at 06:44

While I feel sorry for you I am on the otherside of the coin.
My son needs braces badly but, my x cant even pay the 154.00 a month child support. He quit his job back 10 years ago the day after childsupport was ordered and is working under the table.
He owes 20,558.00. In back childsupport I have had to work two jobs so my children could have the thing they need.
Im soory but here are a few questions on youre issues? Why are you in arrears, do you not feel any responsibility towards youre child?

Hi Kimberly! Who said I’m in arrears? Last time I checked, I was about $6,000 overpaid. See how ridiculous you look by dropping in like an idiot on a freak parade, not knowing anything about me, forming an opinion based on one post, then posting a comment (I use that term very loosely) about me?

While I feel sorry for you I am on the otherside of the coin. -Kimberly York

Oh no, you don’t Kimmy, and I wouldn’t brag about being a thief okay? Also, stop patronizing me as I’m a whole lot smarter than you think.

My son needs braces badly but, my x cant even pay the 154.00 a month child support. He quit his job back 10 years ago the day after childsupport was ordered and is working under the table. -Kimberly York

I think I can see why he’s your ex, but that aside, and assuming I’m wrong and you instead kicked him out of your son’s life and not the other way around, why should he have to pay you anything then? Why don’t you stop complaining and give your ex sole custody you mooch? That way, you don’t have to worry about collecting mommy welfare (oopsie, I mean “child support”) and then you can learn at what (28-34 years old?) to put your big girl undies on and support yourself?

Novel concept isn’t it? Instead of you child support moms (CSMs aka mommy welfare moms) constantly complaining about “child support” that God (and all of us) knows you spend on yourselves anyway, on things like cigarettes, beer, clothes, vacations, manicures, pedicures etc etc; you get a job and support your household on your own? Come on, think about it, you may actually like it as you’ll finally feel like an adult!

He owes 20,558.00. In back childsupport I have had to work two jobs so my children could have the thing they need. -Kimberly York

I don’t know Kimberly (can I call you Kim, it’s a lot less typing for me okay Kim?), it seems to me that you’ve just contradicted yourself. You say here that you’ve had to work two jobs so your children can have the things they need (by the way, welcome to the real world where the adults play!), yet just above, you state that your son “needs” braces “badly.” So obviously, you don’t provide the things your children need. Perhaps you need stop being so self-centered and get a third job or get two other jobs that pay better and start providing for your children?

And if you think I’m being facetious or sarcastic, think again. If that were my son, I’d be working three, four, five,  or however many jobs it took to get my son in braces, rather than wasting someone else’s time by complaining like a child on their blog about your ex not paying his “child support.” Truth be told Kimberly, I think there’s a good chance that you’re…….

So many of you child support moms talk out of both sides of your mouths just like you’re doing here. On one side, you complain that you don’t get your “child support” (aka mommy welfare) and that your exes don’t pay because they’re unemployed or whatever, but no matter what their reasons for not paying, they’re always inexcusable in the CSM’s eyes.

For example, a CSMs ex is involuntarily unemployed, so he can no longer (but wants to) pay his child support. In such scenarios, you CSMs scream, whine, complain and demand that he should go to jail because he’s not paying his child support, and that his unemployment is no excuse for not paying his support.

However, hypocrites such as yourself then turn around and say, “I can’t afford to pay for braces because my ex doesn’t pay his child support“, and you therefore choose not to pay for them. So your argument is that his involuntarily(in many cases)  unemployment is not a valid excuse for not paying you your mommy support, but on the same hand argue that you aren’t getting the braces because you aren’t getting the support?

Do you see the utter hypocrisy there? Lack of income (unemployment) in his case isn’t a valid excuse for him not paying child support, but lack of income (child support) in your case is a valid excuse for not paying for your son’s much needed braces?

In many areas $154.00 per month (which you in reality probably do get for child support) would pay for braces. But you ‘choosing’ not to get your son his much needed braces makes you appear more evil than he, because by our own admission he’s unemployed, and you admit to having two jobs (at some point) while your ex according to you has none.  If you really aren’t “passing Go” and collecting that free money, then cut back as needed to afford those braces hypocrite! I would if he were my child! You appear to be more of a deadbeat than he.

I would never deny my child something so important as braces on the sorry excuse that “you aren’t getting child support“, that’s inexcusable and despicable. So you choose to allow your child to go without a much needed orthodontic procedure and use the pathetic and irresponsible excuse, “I can’t get “my” child support?” There are many noncustodial moms and dads who are homeless, or they go without heat in winter or food on their own table  because they paid their child support. Do you see what I’m getting at? Of course you don’t, so I’ll explain it. Those child support paying parents put their child’s needs above their own.

Yet on the other side of your mouths, and out of utter selfishness and being self-centered, you whine about “not being able to afford braces” and why? Because, you can’t collect your “child support.” Guess what? That’s no excuse for making your son suffer by having to go without those braces in his mouth. Did you get that?

Go out and get another job or go out and pick garbage (just as I did to put food in my daughter’s mouth years ago) by selling what I pulled from others’ trash in yard sales. I know your type, and I know them all too well. Even if your ex paid what he was ordered to, you’d still be spending those “child support” dollars on yourself as I suspect you are now, and your son would still be without his braces. You’re despicable. Don’t bring a child into this world that you aren’t willing to support.

Even if your ex was paying what he was supposed to, you’d still be complaining that he didn’t pay enough and ‘your’ son still wouldn’t have his braces. I know your type, it’s all about you and your selfish greed for your own benefit.

Im soory but here are a few questions on youre issues? Why are you in arrears, do you not feel any responsibility towards youre child? -Kimberly York

You’re 100% correct, you are sorry, but more than you’ll ever know, trust me. Any parent that would deny their child braces as you are is indeed a sorry excuse for a parent. And read my blog before you post your mindless garbage as a comment, I’m not in arrears, I was nearly $8,0000 overpaid and am still nearly $6,000 so.

And I’m also “soory”why don’t you feel any responsibility for your son? Stay with me here okay? I know it’s going to be difficult for you, but I’m going to walk you through your logic here alright?

I personally no nothing of the details of your case, IE if you block “visitation” don’t allow your son to see or speak to his father, although I suspect you’ll allege “he wants nothing to do with ‘my’ son”. But please forgive me for my frankness, you strike me as the type to claim such while you’re intentionally and very purposefully preventing him from having a relationship with ‘your’ son.

That said, lets stipulate that your ex (or one night stand?) is really not paying child support and is therefore acting irresponsibly okay? Did you get that? I’m agreeing with you Kim.  So based on him being irresponsible by not paying you mommy support; I’m sorry, I mean “child support”, you argue that your son needs braces, but you can’t afford them. So neither you nor I approve of his irresponsibility, it’s inexcusable and it’s wrong.

But do you know what else I disapprove of? Your irresponsibility and selfishness. Just because your ex doesn’t pay his child support, doesn’t excuse your irresponsibility in choosing not to purchase braces for your son. Again, you admit, that he needs braces, but what you won’t admit is that you choose not to pay for his braces. Don’t tell me that between working two jobs, you can’t (or couldn’t) afford something so important to him. Don’t tell me that you can’t go without something like your new shoes, clothes, cigarettes, (you strike me as the smoking type, no pun intended) pop, cell phone, jewelery, beer, shopping trips, makeup, or any number of items that you purchase regularly with disposable income.

At it’s core, your logic is, “I’m not supporting my son (by refusing to get him braces) because my ex won’t support him, and that’s selfish, self-centered, despicable and very unloving. Why? It’s so because you’re choosing to allow your son to go to school or wherever without a mouth that’s in need of serious orthodontic work (remember, you said he needs braces) that you refuse to pay (by choosing not to afford them) for because your ex refuses to pay you. Your ex’s irresponsibility does NOT excuse yours. In fact, in my opinion, yours is worse because you know he needs braces and your ex may not if he’s not involved in your son’s life.

Who besides you (an utter hypocrite) implied or said that I didn’t feel any responsibility for my child? Do you feel any responsibility for your son? More specifically, to pay for his braces? Obviously not. Or do you attempt to justify such an hateful action by refusing his braces because you allege that your ex refuses to pay “child support.” Do you know what that makes you? Not only no better than him, but worse than him.

You talk about how you wont have any money to provide entertainment for youre child oooh that really makes me sorry for you, not. -Kimberly York

You “talk” and thereby through it, prove yourself to be a very childish, selfish, and mindless individual. You know who I feel sorry for? Your son, because he needs braces and you won’t pay for them. I wonder, is he extremely self-conscious about his smile that his mother doesn’t concern herself with?

You are currently living the way alot of us single moms live hope you enjoy it!!! -Kimberly York

Boo hoo, cry me a river huh? Those like you try as you may want to present yourself as some type of hero and victim, when in fact the opposite is true; you’re villains. Not only have most of you kicked the father out of “his” child’s lives, via the strong-arm of the court’s, you steal his income through mommy welfare (aka “child support”) spend the money on yourselves, raise the children in less than desirable (and in some cases utterly deplorable conditions) in fatherless havens that are anything but.

And if that weren’t bad enough, you get together, sit around, and complain about not being able to steal enough of his income through “child support,” and devise more ways (like lying about daycare) to do so.

Look around and see the decadence on display in America today. What do you see? Child after child that’s “fatherless” because many a CSM has decided that “her” child doesn’t need a father. Then, as the child grows up, they witness first hand the misandry that’s so prevalent in those fatherless pits where behind one door after the next (just like a Price is Right horror show) is just another pathetic CSM who chose to deprive her child(ren) of a father. Then they wonder why so many boys grow up with discipline problems, get into trouble, are no respecter of persons and ultimately end up incarcerated.

Why is it you fathers think you can have all the fun with youre children but no of the finacial responsibility. -Kimberly York

Who besides a child support mom like yourself would foolishly claim that the hell we must go through (because of CSMs such as you) in order to see and be a part of our precious child’s life is “having all the fun?” Do you really think that dealing with a CSM such as yourself is a fun process for the father or the children involved? Why do you child support moms all think that kicking a father out of his child’s life, stealing his income, and preventing him from having contact with his child is OK, justifiable, righteous and fun?

My x says hes making me rich if he pays his support. Believe me 154.00 a month isnt making me rich by any means and just barily pays for my sons school lunches. Grow up, put youre big boy pants on and go out there and find a job maybe two like some of us single moms have to and support youre children!!!!!

And that’s what it’s all about isn’t it? Getting rich off of a father’s money through extorted “child support” right? All of which is you spend on yourself to begin with in about 65% of cases as studies have shown. Here’s you, a CSM who refuses to get her son braces, lecturing me, a father who’s about $6,000 overpaid in “child support” about supporting “youre (sic) children?”

How about you stop complaining about how much money you can’t steal from the man who statistically speaking you probably kicked out or your son’s life, get off your lazy rear end, get another job and get your son the braces he so desperately needs? I would work ten jobs if that’s what it took to get my child in braces rather than deny them as you willingly do.

Perhaps it’s you who is the deadbeat, because $154 per month would pay for braces. And if you’re “so poor”, then why aren’t you packing your son’s lunches, is it because the taxpayers are paying for those too? Also, funny how you can afford a computer system and monthly high speed internet service, but you “can’t afford” your son’s braces. I bet you also have cable tv or satellite don’t you you thieving hypocrite.

bri
2011/10/14 at 00:06
Only problem with your story is…… and it’s a sincere question but if you were working why did they show up to your job and arrest you? I am truly sorry but NO C.S.E does that if you’re paying even a minimal portion of your income. Might be a little more to the story????????? Maybe you fell on hard times….. But somehow you still got behind and obviously failed to support your daughter, at all, for at least 3 months. I know the laws of support enforcement. When you failed to support your daughter those months, we you supporting yourself and new family? That my friend….. is wrong. Now I’m sure I’m like soooo way off on this but truth is…. Even if you pay 5 dollars a month, every month, they won’t arrest you. That is fact.

Only problem with you “bri” is your limited intellectual capacity. My story doesn’t add up, or are you without the necessary cognitive ability to do the addition? It makes perfect sense if you have intelligence, read more than post on the blog, then make a fool of yourself by commenting like a child.

I am truly sorry but NO C.S.E does that if you’re paying even a minimal portion of your income. -bri

Yes, you’re correct bri, you are truly sorry. It’s so obvious that you’re so because I can tell that you’re such without ever having met you. That aside, who said the C.S.E. did that? I didn’t. In fact, I believe I said “the system” did right? Can you read, or do you just make things up as you go along?

Also, since you make the false claim that “NO C.S.E. does that if you’re paying even a minimal portion of your income,” can you tell my why any child support payment that’s even $1 less than the amount is considered a missed payment in Ohio? Can you tell me why there are currently fathers in Ohio prisons who did pay “a minimal portion of their income?” Of course you can’t, you’re a lying idiot.

Can you explain to me what a “purge order” is and what happens when you can’t, not don’t want to, but can’t comply? Of course you can’t, because you don’t even know what I’m talking about do you? Nope, just like your friend above, you just make things up and because “you” assert “that’s a fact”,  and you’re really foolish enough to believe that not just I, but others will actually believe you right?

You know what the “fact” is here? You’re so full of it that not only are your eyes are brown, you don’t even know what you’re talking about. That bri, is the only fact in your “story.” You nothing about the law or child support collections. You’re simply the typical far less than stellar CSM who is most likely a terrible and abusive parent.

“But somehow you still got behind and obviously failed to support your daughter, at all, for at least 3 months.-bri”

Is that so bri? Were you there? Do you know me personally? What is “supporting your daughter,” what does that mean? I’ll tell you what it means coming from a thieving child support mom (CSM) such as yourself; what it means is a leeching CSM such as you didn’t get her stolen monthly “child support” stipend.

Your greedy motives are so exceedingly blatant, that they’re as clearly bright and illuminant as is the North Star. You know why? I’ll explain it to you using your own words to convict you of being the vile and loathsome wretch that you are.

Take notice of your words just above where you state, “…and obviously failed to support your daughter at all for at least three months.” It’s interesting how you equate entirely “supporting” a child with only dollars. Allow me to explain that to you. You accuse me (fallaciously and falsely I might add) of failing to support my daughter “at all.” Obviously, your idea of supporting a child entirely (within the scope of the duties as a noncustodial parent) is limited to only sending money to a leech like you under the pretense of “child support.”

That said, isn’t talking with, encouraging, spending time with, playing with dolls, and having tea parties with my daughter also supporting her? Not in your eyes is it, you money grubbing reprobate. How about helping her with her homework, buying her clothes, putting food on the table, providing a roof over her head, aren’t all of those things supporting her? Nope, not in the eyes of a vile child support mom like you though right? To a degenerate such as you, “supporting a child” is nothing more than you collecting child support that’s used for your own purposes, not those of the child(ren) involved.

I don’t know you, I’ve never met you, but I do know this; any “parent” who equates supporting a child with sending money (aka mommy welfare/’child support) only, is usually the same type of parent who at the receiving end of those dollars is most likely spending them all on herself. You know how I know that? It’s simple. Any decent good and loving noncustodial parent who has any morals and would never make a comment that by its context clearly asserts that the only way to “support” a child is with money.

How about you talk to some kids who were raised by wealthy parents, and had everything they could ever want for, with the exception of that which mattered most; their parents. They had parents, but their parents were  never around and therefore chose to employ handlers (nannies, housekeepers etc) for their children and the handlers became surrogate parents to the kids.

So do you think children in those situations would define “supporting them” as only providing them money after they were provided with everything they ever wanted in a materialistic sense? You selfish CSMs who do nothing but spend the “child support” on themselves are so easy to spot, because you always equate supporting (in its entirety) a child with only money.

I know the laws of support enforcement. When you failed to support your daughter those months, we you supporting yourself and new family? That my friend….. is wrong. Now I’m sure I’m like soooo way off on this but truth is…. Even if you pay 5 dollars a month, every month, they won’t arrest you. That is fact.-bri

No, you don’t know the laws of support enforcement as you’re not even from Ohio you lying filth. You also lie about your inference that I wasn’t paying support at that time because I was. Had you read other posts before making an utter fool of yourself as you so clearly have, you would have learned that I was jailed for contempt on a matter that was NOT related to “child support.” Additionally, I was in fact overpaid at that time as well where you assumed I was jailed for nonsupport when I in fact wasn’t.  Do you see how that works you ignorant buffoon?

Would you like for me to continue to demonstrate just how immeasurably stupid the rest of your “logic” is as you ramble on in your incoherent and inherent stupidity?

You also said, “When you failed to support your daughter those months, we (sic) you supporting yourself and new family? That my friend….. is wrong.-bri” Even though I didn’t fail to support my daughter in any manner (despite you defining support as only mommy welfare at the teat of an ex) during the time you inferred that I did, you assert that, “it’s wrong” to support myself and new family.

First, define support genius. Is “support” picking garbage to put food on the table? Is support no utilities? Also, did I choose to kick my daughter out of my life so that I could be extorted for “child support?” Did I choose to have my contact with my daughter limited to certain days and times of the week? Did I walk out of my daughter’s life, or was I kicked out through the strong-arm of the court and thereby unwillingly forced into limited contact via a “visitation order?”

No you clown, I didn’t go willingly. So why is it when a pathetic thieving child support mom such as yourself unilaterally decides to kick a father out of his child’s life against his will and by using the strong-arm of the courts, that you should be paid and thereby financially rewarded for your vile and despicable actions? Actions whereby you’ve unilaterally decided to cheat yet another child out of a father while they grow up?

That aside, do you assert that I shouldn’t provide a roof over my “new families” head, and that I shouldn’t feed them or myself so we all can starve to death? Because as you asked, “When you failed to support your daughter those months, we (sic) you supporting yourself and new family? That my friend….. is wrong.-bri” Really??? Is that wrong bri??? What should I have done (aside from the fact that I’ve always supported my daughter) walked my new wonderful new wife and stepsons off of a cliff?

In closing, and to all of my readers, please know and understand the following. I am not a misogynist. I’m married to a beautiful and wonderful woman (whose two sons I’m very proud to call my stepsons)  and have an incredibly lovely and precious daughter.

I do recognize that there are also “child support dads” out there (although they are far fewer numbers since about 84% of moms nationwide have sole custody), and that some fathers also engage in the despicable actions as described herein. So what I’ve written here is directed at them as well.

I also believe that there are cases where child support is warranted. Although I italicize child support because studies have shown that in most cases, little to none of the “child support” dollars is actually spent on the children themselves, but rather it goes to support the custodial mom’s or dad’s lifestyle.

With that having been said, it’s important that you know that because of what I do as a father’s rights advocate (and I do help noncustodial moms too), and in about 99.9% of the cases I’ve been involved with, it involves those pathetic excuses for parents such as LeTisha, bri, and Kimberly.

I know their type, and I can spot them “hundreds of miles of comments away.” They are the type who use their children as pawns, interfere with the father’s “visitation” and all forms of his attempted contact with his child(ren). They bad  mouth the fathers of their children in front of the kids, spend all “child support” monies on themselves, use filthy language around their children, scream and yell at their children, engage in parental alienation and  gleefully and pervertedly employ many other forms of emotional and psychological abuse, use the children (and their physical and emotional well being)  to “get at” their fathers, and are all around horrible and destructive parents.

That does not mean that all custodial moms are as these three stooges are because they’re not. I believe that the majority of custodial moms are very good and loving moms, and that they do everything within their power to ensure that their children’s father play a meaningful role in his life. I also acknowledge that there are many moms who divorced for legitimate reasons.

However, that doesn’t mean that I condone the majority of cases where a mother kicked a father out of hers and her children’s lives in a unilateral decision (hers) and whereby she now collects excessive amounts of child support from him. In most cases, I believe that such is morally wrong and is no different than stealing. Especially those where the father didn’t ask to be (nor played a part in) being kicked out of his child’s life and then was forced to finance the fleecing of his own children through “child support. It’s theft, plain and simple, in most cases. Just because it’s legal doesn’t mean it’s morally right and just.

If you want to divorce, fine. But that doesn’t give you a moral nor an ethical right to take sole custody of the children involved and then steal (I honestly believe it’s the equivalent of theft in many cases) child support from him. Give dad sole custody then you don’t have to worry about “child support.” I’m sorry, but it is as simple as that.

Finally, I wrote this post well over a week ago, and considered whether or not I should post it as I worried about how unprofessional it might appear given that I did engage in a certain level of personal attacks, as that truly isn’t like me.

I have no qualms about attacking organizations and have always gone to great lengths to avoid direct and personal attacks on people themselves, as I believe that to be wrong and unprofessional. So much so, that with regard to this particular post and what I’ve said, I waited to post it because of my ambivalence.

However, and even after closer than two weeks of this being in draft, I’m still just as ambivalent about posting it as I was the day I began writing it. Despite seeking my wife’s guidance and opinion of which I value and cherish immensely as she’s a very wise woman, I’m still no less conflicted about posting this.

Reason being, and although I don’t intend to offend or in any way insult good and loving single moms by choice who were forced to be so after acting in the best interests of their children, my fear is that some may misconstrue what I’ve said as being directed at them, and it’s not.

Nonetheless, I’ve decided to post this because given how bad things are “in the trenches”, and considering that some fathers are driven to suicide in their efforts to maintain a relationship with their children.  Their decision to take their lives is often helped along by too many years of having to go through mothers like those I’ve addressed above in their attempts to be a good and loving father to their children. That having been said, there’s too much at stake for noncustodial mothers and fathers alike (and more importantly their children) for me to be mousey.

Sincerely,

Tony Fantetti
Ohio Council for Fathers Rights
Email: tony.fantetti(at)ocffr(dot)org

Posted in Child Support Moms (CSMs), Humor Satire Sarcasm and Cynicism, Misandry, Miscellaneous, Single Moms "by Choice", The Voices of Others, This is in the "Best Interests of the Children?", Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

The Ohio Department of Jobs and Family Services (ODJFS) is Sued for ‘Stealing’ $84,506.14

As if the class action lawsuit filed by Matthew Dunlop against the Ohio Department of Jobs and Family Services (ODJFS) didn’t already shed a very truthful and exceedingly ugly light on the Ohio Child Support Enforcement Agencies (CSEAs) nearly criminal child support collection practices, the most recent lawsuit exposes what I’d call a blatantly criminal albeit state-sanctioned enterprise.

James Cullinan an Ohio father has filed this case against the State of Ohio’s Department of Jobs and Family Services for wrongfully and what appears to be (to me at least)  illegally, taking more than $84,000 from Cullinan by double-collecting his child support payments over a period of about six years as alleged in his complaint.

Cullinan states in the complaint that he was ordered to pay $1,330.78 per month in child support in the summer 0f 1999. Additionally, he set up a separate bank account whereby through that account, the bank sent his child support payments directly to ODJFS.

Nonetheless, and despite there being no mention of Cullinan ever being behind in his obligation, and notwithstanding him already making the payments, ODJFS issued a wage withholding order to his employer in November 2004 whereby they began helping themselves to an additional $1,330.78 per month from Cullinan’s pay.

Before I continue, if you question my assertion (that reflects my opinion only)  that the State of Ohio through ODJFS stole that money, please stop and consider the following.

First, if any bank, or fitness club, or auto dealer, etc, that for years collected a double monthly payment on a loan or contract etc whereby they took from someone $84,000 that they weren’t entitled to, their CEO (and perhaps others) would be immediately arrested and criminally charged with ether fraud, or theft by deception, fraudulent conversion or something of the sort.

Secondly, despite the State of Ohio knowing they were double-collecting child support from Cullinan, they continued to do so, then refused to refund his money. How do I know they refused you wonder? It’s simple, had the State complied, Cullinan’s civil complaint wouldn’t have been filed and therefore pending in the Ohio Court of Claims as it is now.

Think about this; Matthew Dunlop filed his recent class action lawsuit, now Cullinan steps forward and demonstrates with his case that Ohio may have stolen more than $84,000 from him, so what else is out there that we don’t know about? Are we to believe that this is just another isolated case where mistakes were “unintentionally” made? I think not.

With the way Ohio has very aggressively and very hatefully collected missed child support payments over the past decade, rest assured that the State combs the accounts regulary for “deadbeats.” There’s no not noticing regular overpayments and excessive credit balances that ODJFS at this point to me at least appears to be willingly building up for the sole purpose of increasing their child support profits.

I have maintained for years that the State of Ohio through its live televised  “deadbeat dad” roundups, wanted billboards, wanted pizza boxes, wanted posters, wanted web sites etc, engaged in those practices not out of the “best interest of the children” as they always falsely proclaimed; but rather, they did so only to hide their very corrupt profiteering from their “child support” collections efforts.

Over the last decade, the State of Ohio has profited from child support collections in excess of $500,000,000. Or stated otherwise, a half billion dollars in profits at the emotional and physical expense of Ohio’s precious and innocent children. In reality, their profits are probably closer to one billion, but who’s counting?

How is over-collecting child support at the expense of the children you ask? It’s emotionally and physically so due to the horrendous conditions that many noncustodial parents (NCPs) are forced to live in after being bankrupted (or in the very least financially decimated) by their unbearable child support orders. And if they’re living that way, then so are their children when they visit with them.

There were many parents like myself who after meeting their child support obligtion (and due to incredibly high child support orders) had  very little money left over with which they could actually support themselves and their wonderful children. “Existing” without heat, utilities, or adequate food supplies, shelter, clothing or other basic necessities is not to be equated nor confused with sufficiently supporting oneself.

Many like me lost their homes, some were forced into homelessness (and therefore could no longer have their children “visit” them), many had no heat in their “homes” during Ohio’s brutally cold Midwest winters. So is that really in a child’s “best interest” when they have to sleep in a house with no heat (and in some cases no utilities whatsoever) because the NCP has little to no money left to support themselves after they’ve had their child support deducted from their net pay? Or, if they can’t afford to buy food when they’re left with $10 per week to “support” themselves after child support is deducted from their check?

Others like me had to “garbage pick” multiple nights per week in order to have items to sell at “yard sales” so as to put food on the table. Children like my daughter had to pick bugs out of the food they were eating because the NCP couldn’t afford to throw away food that was found to have bugs in it. Is eating bugs really in a child’s best interest as the State would have us believe?

Make no mistake, Ohio’s child support collections efforts have never been about “the best interests of the children.” In fact it’s quite to the contrary, as their collection efforts have always been in Ohio’s best financial interest at the emotional and physical expense (as I’ve described herein) of Ohio’s precious children.

I’ve argued for years (and truthfully so) that Ohio has demonized all NCPs (especially fathers, aka those villainous “deadbeat ‘”dads'”) in newspapers, on TV, billboards etc,  in order to demonize them and thereby hide their Machiavellian child support collection tactics from a very naive populace.

By using their disingenuous mantra “the best interest of the children” as their
cause celebre to very hatefully, haughtily and shamelessly make synonymous  “deadbeat dad” with all single fathers, Ohio could (and did) both brazenly and arrogantly, bash those loving  fathers in nearly all public forums and with absolute impunity.

It’s exceedingly important that you understand that Ohio had to create a straw man (the very elusive and equally mythological “deadbeat dad”) so as to hide their “illegal” (as demonstrated by the recent lawsuits) seizing of monies that were not child support, but stolen nonetheless and labeled as such in order to effect said theft under a very dark color of law.

And that, while on one hand Ohio in a very perverted manner pretended to commiserate with the millions of Ohio children who were from broken homes and in many cases, were reeling emotionally and in utter turmoil from having experienced the horrific effects of having their worlds turned upside-down through no fault of their own. But with the other hand, the State of Ohio was shamelessly and crookedly shaking down their dads in thousands of cases (114,000 is the estimate) by mining his pockets for dollars that were far in excess of his and her (for noncustodial (NC) moms) child support obligation.

The State’s vile, despicable and perverted actions were waylaid against hundreds of thousands of Ohio’s very loving and innocent NC mothers and fathers in a very fallacious manner. And one that was undertaken with the sole intent of wrongfully and inaccurately publicly demonizing them in order to imbue the public with an insatiable and seething hatred of all fathers (who were labeled  “deadbeat dads”) that fell behind unwilling or otherwise, in their child support obligations.

To this very day, there’s absolutely no tolerance by the public for any father who has unwillingly fallen behind in his child support obligation, and despite us presently living in the worst economy and the highest extended unemployment in roughly 80 years.

So what’s a child support paying father to do after he’s laid off through no fault of his own, his company has closed, moved its operations overseas, and he has zero chance of finding a like job in for instance a highly specialized field? Why he’s to go to jail of course. Shame on him! Don’t believe me? Well, it’s not my opinion, but start polling others and you’ll likely find it’s that of most of the populace’s.

In the court of public opinion, it’s okay if a mother spends child support monies on herself, or she refuses to purchase for a child involved with those child support dollars, braces because she “can’t afford it”, or because her car broke down, or some other unexpected bill or a calamity has befallen her. That’s so because the public tends to be very propitious towards “single moms” while being incredibly hateful towards single dads, many of whom didn’t ask (nor choose) to be single in the first place. It was unwillingly forced upon them (and their children) by single moms in many cases.

And that, despite the fact that in the majority of cases, the mom chose to be a “single mom” by divorcing the father of ‘her’ children or by otherwise kicking him out of their child’s life. Fathers on the other hand are regularly pilloried by the public, media etc. Don’t believe me? Then start paying attention to commercials, TV shows, and ads and you’ll see for yourself how dads and men in general are treated as wooden and perfunctory dolts who’re incapable of accomplishing anything notable or worthwhile.

In fact, in more cases than not, the child support paying father would be demonized and blamed for “not paying enough child support” if a single-mom-by-choice claimed she couldn’t afford braces for her child despite her monthly child support award being enough to do just that. And that would be so notwithstanding the fact that the father is (and has) paid everything as ordered by the court since the inception of the court’s support order.

So why is that so? I’ll tell you why. For over ten years, the State of Ohio has done nothing but publicly impinge Ohio’s single fathers by very publicly (and wrongfully) maligning, castigating and denigrating Ohio’s single dads to create what I said; a straw man whereby Ohio could quietly and elusively rip off and steal from fathers such and Dunlop and Cullinan so as to financially profit (through Ohio’s two percent processing fee and the “Federal Incentive Match” search the blog for those words for an explanation of it) to form a very negative image of single dads in the minds of the public.

That was necessary in order to get the public on board and comfortable with today’s
de facto standard of not just bashing and denigrating single dads, but doing so while gleefully jubilating in the ideology that single dads are essentially the incarnate of evil. By imbuing the public with that perception (just look around you, it’s everywhere) they are in their ignorance convinced that single dads are disinterested in child rearing, don’t love their children, are incapable of being an effective parent and are therefore to be relegated to the status of trash in the court of public opinion.

By doing that, any single father who was to come forward publicly or otherwise to to complain of abuse by the courts, by the Child Support Enforcement Agencies (CSEAs),  or of financial hardships and bankruptcy as a result of a crushing and exceedingly high “child support” obligation was said to be a “deadbeat” who just wanted to “get out of supporting his children.” And when in fact it’s very much to the contrary.

Think about that for a moment; as parents, there are thousands if not tens or hundreds of thousands of things we do for our children over the course of their lives. Child support for the noncustodial parent(NCP) is only one of  those thousands of things, so why don’t we hear about the other thousands of loving deeds an NCP does for their children? 

I’ll tell you why, it’s only because the State of Ohio doesn’t earn a financial profit (to the tune of hundreds of millions of dollars)  off of the other thousands of loving deeds an NCP happily performs while supporting their child(ren). However, child support profits pay Ohio and it pays dearly as explained, and to the tune of $223,000,000 in 2004 which I believe was Ohio’s “most profitable” year ever.

That having been said, a very naive populace has been conditioned by Ohio (through various campaigns over the years) to hate single fathers, denigrate them, and look upon them as nothing more than an ATM machine. That’s so because it’s implied that there’s nothing else they can (or want to)  offer their children. 

That’s a wholesale lie, and it  couldn’t be further from the truth. But that thinking has been sold to (and bought by) the public by various Ohio pitchmen (IE Kim Newsom Bridge’s Ohio CSEA Director’s Association (OCDA) and ODJFS) for more than a decade now.

To put it in perspective, consider how politicians manipulate the media to malign and falsely portray their opponents. Well, the State of Ohio has done the same for more than ten years, only their opponent, the very target of Ohio’s exceedingly abusive and hateful propoganda, has been the hundreds of thousands of very good and equally loving single fathers who want nothing more than to love and support their children in all regards. Not just through child support payments.

However, with the filing of Dunlop’s and Cullinan’s lawsuits against ODJFS, Ohio’s very deceptive, draconian, highly abusive and seemingly illegal and possibly criminal “child support” collections practices are going to be brought to light in a court of law.

With those two cases having been filed, it causes one to wonder just how many more “aberrations” are out there in Ohio. If the allegations against ODJFS, were made against you, I, or some private entity, it  would surely land one or more persons behind bars.

And that, under some felony indictment that contained the words “criminal”, fraud”, “inducement”, or “theft” among others. Mak eno mistake, the State is going to have a very difficult time keeping hidden (as they’ve done so well thus far) their highly questionable and quite possibly criminal and illegal “child support” collection tactics. Tactics whereby it appears they’ve thus far they’ve stolen from loving Ohio fathers hundreds of thousands (if not millions) of dollars that the State was never legally authorized to take.

So tell me,  who are “the bad guys” now? Is it Ohio’s many good and loving single fathers, or is it the State’s numerous actors in the child support theatre, who out of Ohio’s best financial interests only, and interests that can only be achieved at the emotional and physical expense of Ohio’s precious and innocent children, are literally ripping off and stealing from the paycheck of Ohio’s struggling single fathers?

And thereby, through those same father’s bank accounts and paychecks the State is stealing directly from the very children that Ohio purports to be acting, “only in the best interests of.” That’s so,  because now those fathers don’t have those monies (that the State ‘stole’) to spend on their children as they see fit so as to act in their best interests. And why don’t they? Only because the State pilfered them to earn a profit off of the backs of Ohio’s precious children.

Tony Fantetti
Ohio Council for Fathers Rights
Email: tony.fantetti(at)ocffr(dot)org

so as to create
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Did Kim Newsom Bridges Admit that Ohio Sabotages the Employment Efforts of Noncustodial Parent’s?

This article ran in the Columbus Dispatch on September 25, 2011.

First, I’d like to point out that although Ohio’s new child support statutes are a step in the right direction,  they do have a very long way to go before they can be said to be in the best interests of the children. Additionally, the State has an equally long way to go with regard to how terribly they treat good and loving noncustodial parents (NCPs) who want to pay their child support but simply can’t.

Any reasonable and caring person can deduce through simple logic that with Ohio having one of the worst economies in the nation, coupled with the worst national unemployment rates and the highest foreclosure rates since the Great Depression, there are lots of NCPs who are struggling just to put food on the table and maintain a roof over their heads.

Let’s not forget that the very same children for whom a child support order was issued, are those who also visit their loving noncustodial parent (NCP) in those same homes where that parent is simply trying to exist.

And what a sad environment for a child to be introduced to; one where those good and loving NCPs struggle immensely to present some sense of normalcy for their precious children while struggling terribly to put food on the table and a roof over theirs and their child’s head.

So what’s Ohio’s answer to that NCP who lost their job through no fault of their own and thereby fell behind in their financially unbearable child support obligation? And that, along with falling behind on the rent, mortgage, utilities, insurance, credit cards, phone, auto payment, medical bills, tuition, health insurance, taxes and everything else they’re obligated to pay? Ohio, and by their own admission, sabotages that NCP’s employment efforts.

But hey, look on the bright side right? And that “bright side” is that Ohio only sabotages an NCP’s employment as a “last resort.” What’s that last resort? Well usually where it hits the NCP the hardest, and when it hurts the most; after they’ve probably lost about everything, have absolutely no income, and need a job more then ever.

Does it ever occur to Ms. Brown or Ms. Newsom Bridges that those NCPs who don’t pay half of their monthly support obligation have absolutely no income, are probably sleeping on a friends or family member’s couch (if they’re “lucky”) or are homeless and can’t pay for anything? Of course it doesn’t. Read on, and you’ll see how Newsom Bridges can’t resist speaking ill of all of Ohio’s NCPs.

When NCPs are driven into joblessness and thereby sometimes homelessness through no fault of their own, does it really make sense for Ohio to punish them for their inability to pay financially crippling amounts of child support? More importantly, how is their homelessness, or incarceration (for failure to pay child support), or Ohio intentionally sabotaging their employment efforts in any way in “the best interests of their children?”

It’s not, plain and simple. But Ohio doesn’t care, as they only care about a profit as I explain in the forthcoming.

The fact is, and what most of the public is unaware of is this; Ohio, as do the other 49 states,  all profit immensely off of their annual state wide child support collections. Said profit is paid to them by your Social Security payroll taxes that you pay for your retirement. In 2004 alone, Ohio profited to the the tune of $223,000,000 dollars.

That profit is paid to the states by the Federal Government through what’s known as the “Federal Incentive Match” and is undoubtedly the strongest motivating factor behind Ohio’s highly punitive and very hateful child support collection efforts.

From the link above, it shows in Part (4) INCENTIVE BASE AMOUNT that three of the five (B,C,D) performance measures (these determine Ohio’s annual profit amount) are based on Ohio’s annual collection amounts. Another (A) is based on paternity establishment performance level. And it’s for that reason (paternity establishment) that Ohio knows and doesn’t care that many fathers who are proven (through DNA) not to be a child’s father must pay tens of thousands of dollars in “child support” for children who are known not to be theirs.

That’s not true, you say? Ohio’s CSEAs don’t force a man to pay child support for a child whereby it’s proven through DNA (and known to the CSEAs and courts) that he couldn’t possibly have fathered? Think again! Watch the video in this link, and you’ll see a CSEA attorney arguing just that at between the seven and eight minute mark.

It’s important to understand that the CSEA attorney arguing the State’s case, Kevin R Filiatraut, readily admits that he knows that the man he’s trying to legally extort $46,000 in “child support” from is PROVEN through DNA, to not be the biological father of the child of which he’s said to owe $46,000 in back support for.

That to me is utterly incredible and speaks volumes about Mr. Filiatraut’s lack of morals and character. If that were me in his position, I’d never persecute an innocent man as he so willingly does. If that would mean termination, then so be it. To Mr. Filiatraut; you sir are an evil, vile and immoral wretch in my humble opinion.

And if that doesn’t prove incontrovertibly that Ohio’s incredibly abusive and life destroying child support collection practices are all about Ohio’s best financial interests at the emotional and physical expense of the children involved with a support order, then I don’t know what does.

Reading the article in the link I provided in the first paragraph, either (it’s not clear which one) Kim Newsom Bridges or Susan Brown , Director of the Franklin County Child Support Enforcement Agency says this:

“If an obligor has paid half of their support, we aren’t likely to suspend their license,” she said. “It’s better for us to get some money in the household than none, and to sabotage someone’s effort to do that is a measure of last resort.

Did you catch that? She (either Brown or Newsom again, it’s not clear who’s saying it) admits in a back-handed manner that Ohio actually sabotages an NCP’s effort to obtain employment! That’s vile, it’s wanton, and and it’s utterly despicable! But of course Ohio would have you believe that it’s in the child’s best interest. Huh???

Now, you may be thinking, “why would Ohio sabotage an NCP’s employment efforts when you claimed in the preceding that three of the five (B,C,D) Federal Incentive Match performance metrics are based on child support collection?”

My answer to that? “D.” Performance metric D is: The arrearage payment performance level. When an NCP is forced into an arrearage situation, especially in this current economic environment, it’s very difficult, especially for a low-income wage earner to ever overcome that arrears. Why? Because of the interest and penalties that the CSEA tacks on.

Additionally, low income parents are without the necessary financial resources to retain counsel and thereby stop Ohio’s CSEAs from withholding incorrect child support amounts from paychecks, over-collecting on existing orders, and collecting from those where no order exist. And hence some of the very foundations of this lawsuit filed against the Ohio Department of Jobs and Family Services (ODJFS).

It’s a known fact that the majority of unpaid child support is owed by those who can’t pay, and what happens when you don’t pay? Subjective interest compounds over and over. I use the word subjective, because you will owe what Ohio says you owe, period.

Think about it, how in the world does a life-long minimum wage earner end up owing $125,000 or $150,000 in back child support? Interest and penalties that the CSEA adds to their original balance and then compounds regularly.

The result? Those low income wage earners will owe and will be paying on child support for the rest of their lives. In reality, their true arrears was probably $25,000 or possibly less.

Are you starting to see how this all works? Rest assured that if those same low income wage earners ever win the lottery or are left an inheritance or file for tax returns, the State of Ohio will seize all of it and in turn profit off of each and every one of those child support dollars that indigent NCP will most likely be paying for the rest of their lives.

In the mean time, Ohio suspends their licenses (so much for truck drivers, taxi drivers, pizza delivery drivers, school bus drivers, etc working and earning a wage  huh?), incarcerates them, forces them into an underground economy, forces them into bankruptcy and homelessness and forces them to live life on the run because they’re tired of being jailed.

So who wins, the children whose NCP (that Ohio has caused to be a “deadbeat”) and who has dropped out of their lives because they’re on the run, or the State of Ohio through their “profits” that they’ll collect on every dollar they manage to seize from that parent for the rest of his or her life?

Ohio of course. And because their best financial interests are, and can only be served, at the emotional (and sometimes physical) expense of some innocent Ohio child who never asked (nor did they have any say) about being thrust into Ohio’s financial wonderland.

So here we have it, a representative of the State of Ohio (either Newsom or Brown) openly admits to the Columbus Dispatch that Ohio in fact sabotages a noncustodial parents employment efforts. Even worse, that’s done at the emotional expense of the children involved.

And if that weren’t perverse enough the article quotes Kim Newsom Bridges as saying,

“But she’s not convinced the changes will help increase child-support collections, which have dropped in recent years.

For instance, if parents know they have to pay only half of their court-ordered support to avoid sanctions, that may be all they pay.”

Instead of taking the high road, Newsom doesn’t seem capable of passing on the opportunity to once again demonize all noncustodial parents with her filthy, wholly unprofessional, and snarky remark,

“…if parents know they have to pay only half of their court-ordered support to avoid sanctions, that may be all they pay.”

Is that so Ms. Bridges? How dare you insult Ohio’s more than 900,000 noncustodial parents! Most of whom like myself are very loving parents, and never asked to be kicked out of our children’s lives. Additionally, we are then forced under constant threats of arrest and incarceration to finance the fleecing of our children so that you, in your position at the Ohio CSEA Director’s Association (OCDA) can in turn maximize the State of Ohio’s financial “profit” at the emotional and physical expense of our innocent children.

Your behavior and highly unprofessional words are completely unwarranted, yet wholly expected and par for the course Ms. Newsom Bridges. For years, agencies under your direction have repeatedly publicly insulted good and loving noncustodial parents. They’ve  called us “deadbeats”, referred to us as “turnips” in your “getting blood from a turnip” campaign run at the Ohio CSEA Director’s Association (OCDA). An agency, where under your direction, Ohio’s very hateful and highly abusive child support collection practices are honed and refined at the expense of our children. Is that not so?

Additionally, there are many NCPs like myself who are overpaid thousands of dollars in child support. Where’s our money, and why do those like me have to keep paying child support each and every month, and despite the nearly $8,000 I was overpaid at one point?

I’ll tell you why Ms. Bridges, so your agency can maximize Ohio’s annual Federal Incentive Match at my daughter’s expense right? Those child support debits just keep coming and coming, each and every month, and despite my approximate $6,000 current over-payment Why? Only so that those monies can be used enhance Ohio’s profit from B and C found here right?

And as if that weren’t immoral enough, I must pay the State of Ohio a 2% “processing fee” ($160) to get my own money back due to what was once a nearly $8,000 overpayment. And will I be paid interest on those monies that I’ll have been without for nearly eight years? Of course not. At 4% interest, I should have at least been paid
$1,500 for the use of my money?

Why must I pay a processing fee to get my own money back? So that my monies can further enhance B and C as explained, but additionally, so I’ll have to pay Ohio’s 2% poundage fee twice to the CSEA, once when I made the overpayment, and a second time when my overpayment is returned to me. And that is a fact isn’t it Ms. Bridges? Whose “best interest” is that in again Ms. Bridges?

Finally, lets not forget how the State of Ohio collects its Federal Incentive Match twice on my over-payment; The first time by collecting the overpaid monies, and the second time my forcing myself (and thousands of others I suspect) to keep paying “child support.” And that, even with a current over-payment on the books (in which case Ohio goes to great lengths to hide from the Obligor, hence another reason the recent class action suit was filed) so that the CSEA can collect our “child support” payments a second time, and then pay those very same monies back to us.

That way, the money passes through the CSEA’s  filthy hands twice, (so they can in turn boost their B,C and D performance metrics as explained) and collect a 2% “poundage fee” so that those with over-payments can have their own money back.

I have only one more question for you in closing Ms. Newsom Bridges. How is what I just described, those very actions by Ohio’s 88 Child Support Enforcement (or should that be Extortion?) Agency, (CSEA) not considered criminal fraud and racketeering, is it not so because it’s done under a very dark color of law?

Tony Fantetti
Ohio Council for Fathers Rights
Email: tony.fantetti(at)ocffr(dot)org

Posted in Child Support, Ohio Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA), Ohio Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA) Abuses, Ohio CSEA Directors Association (OCDA), Ohio Department of Jobs and Family Services (ODJFS), The State of Ohio, This is in the "Best Interests of the Children?", Title-IV D of the Social Security Act, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Why Didn’t My Comment Post to the Blog?

Please note that due to the incredible amount of SPAM that “bots” and humans attempt to post to the OCFFR Blog, many legitimate comments by readers are inadvertently trapped by the Blog’s SPAM filters after being improperly flagged as SPAM.

Unfortunately, this is the main downside to deploying SPAM filters in order to minimize SPAM. That said, it’s always best to register and thereby create a User ID to post comments under. By doing that, the SPAM filter will eventually “recognize” you and your comments will always post immediately.

Please note that we do not gather personal information about you. Also, we neither sell your information nor disclose your identity when you register for an account to post comments here.

Moreover, there are times when I wish to speak to and or correspond with people about their cases, or about what they’ve posted here, so it’s helpful if you use a valid email address when you register. Absent that, I have no way to contact you.

Finally, if you are someone who vehemently disagrees with what I write, please know that your comments are more than welcome too, as I love nothing more than to “debate” those see things differently than do I.

It is said that, “in the end times, what is right will seem wrong, and what is wrong will seem right.” That having been said, I firmly believe that in many situations, “child support” is morally wrong (unless it’s agreed to by both parties) as it’s nothing more than the immoral theft of another’s money. Just because it’s legal, doesn’t make it right.

No noncustodial parent (NCP) be they a noncustodial mom or dad, should ever be forced to finance the fleecing of their own child(ren) if they haven’t willingly, by words or by actions, walked away from their children. And that’s all child support is in many cases; the financial fleecing of another, as those monies are usually used as “ex” (ex-spouse, ex-girlfriend, ex-boyfriend) support and that’s wrong.

Again, I reiterate; unless the noncustodial parent is a willing deadbeat (dead broke doesn’t equate to deadbeat), then stealing “child support” from them via the strong-arm of the court is immoral and wrong in my humble opinion.

Sincerely,

Tony Fantetti
Ohio Council for Fathers Rights
Email: tony.fantetti(at)ocffr(dot)org

Posted in Notifications about Website and Blog Updates Issues and Changes | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Ohio Answers Child Support Class Action Complaint

After reading through Ohio’s response (filed as a Motion to Dismiss requesting Summary Judgment) to Matt Dunlop’s Class Action Lawsuit, it’s my humble opinion that MPP Law has Ohio dead to rights with regard to the allegations in Mr. Dunlop’s Complaint.

Michael Dewine, Ohio Attorney General, postures (very weakly I might add) in his argument that the Ohio Court of Claims (where the suit was filed) does not have jurisdiction over child support matters. Dewine’s argument in my humble opinion is utterly baseless and is an absolute red herring that I suspect he prays (and not in a legal sense) the Court will take; hook, line and sinker.

Reason being, the lawsuit isn’t about Ohio collecting “child support” monies, it’s about Ohio seizing monies to which it had no legal authority to take. Monies that are in fact far in excess of those entangled in child support obligations that many noncustodial parents (aka obligors) have been court-ordered to pay.

Speaking bluntly, the State of Ohio is clearly stealing money from about 114,000 people. If you or I did that, we’d immediately be arrested and subsequently indicted, convicted and incarcerated for felony theft.

Also found in the State’s preposterous Motion to Dismiss, is the State arguing (in 12 very long, boring, and repetitive pages) that the Ohio Court of Claims lacks the necessary jurisdiction to make determination and orders concerning child support matters, and that’s a completely moot point. Moreover, anything to the contrary is not a foundation for any of the allegations made by Dunlop in his Complaint. So again, the State argues with nothing more than a straw man.

Dunlop’s lawsuit isn’t about child support or “child support matters,” it’s about Ohio stealing monies that you and I would assuredly go to jail for taking, if it were us who were in fact doing the stealing.

As if the aforementioned weren’t ridiculous enough, Ohio Attorney General Michael Dewine argues that perhaps such “overpayments” should be “held for future expenses”. Really? Mr. Dewine, please direct me to where in Ohio statutes, any judge is granted statutory authority to retain illegally seized monies should a currently unknown but possible future expense be incurred?

In Dewine’s Memorandum in Support of his Motion to Dismiss, he once again argues, “…this Court does not have jurisdiction over child support.” Again, I must point out that Dunlop’s case is not about the Ohio Department of Jobs and Family Services (ODJFS) collecting child support, but rather it’s only about ODJFS taking money that has nothing to do with child support and it’s therefore “stealing” under threats of arrest and incarceration against those being stolen from.

In the last paragraph on page five, Dewine argues that Dunlop’s assertion that ODJFS intentionally misrepresented the true status of his account (by reporting his balance as “$0″ online) is undercut. That, because Dunlop admits that after he requested a written summary of his account, it was provided to him and it “clearly showed” an overpayment. So for those who don’t know they’re overpaid? Well too bad I guess that some will forever be out that money, but no harm done because they never knew right? Is that not how it works Mr. Dewine?

Do you see how that despicable thievery by the State of Ohio appears to be justified in Mr. Dewine’s eyes? His argument is that because Dunlop was provided an accurate written summary of his account only after he requested it, the State is not intentionally misrepresenting the status of his and another 114,000 or so other obligor accounts.

Dewine completely ignores the fact that 1. Online, Dunlop’s balance says “$0.”
2. When Dunlop would inquire about his balance over the phone, he was told his balance was “$0.” 3. Had Dunlop not asked for a written summary of his account, would he have ever known he was overpaid by more than $1,000 as he is? Do truth, honesty and integrity matter to Dewine or the State of Ohio? Need I really answer that?

I find Mr. Dewine’s defense of ODJFS’ practice of intentionally hiding overpayments from obigors to be utterly vile, immoral, despicable and completely void of character and integrity. As if the State stealing non-child support related money from obligors wasn’t immoral enough, Dewine then defends the State’s practice of hiding the money from those they stole it from.

Has society degenerated and thereby descended into such an immoral abyss that such a practice is carried out not only without even a hint of shame, but it’s also actually defended by a State’s Attorney General who by definition is a state’s chief law enforcement officer?

After reading through Dewine’s entire motion, one can easily see that the basis of Ohio’s request for Summary Judgment is such that the Ohio Court of Claims lacks jurisdiction over “child support matters,” but such an argument is completely irrelevant as I explained.

Worse yet, is that Dewine defends Ohio’s practice of deceiving obligors about being overpaid thousands of dollars in child support and falsely claims that such people can “find relief” in a Court of Domestic Relations. That at it’s core is a bald face lie that’s shown to be so whereby Dewine is convicted by his own words as explained in the forthcoming.

In the second to last paragraph on page two he says in reference to the Court, “…exercise its discretion in determining whether or not the overpayment should be retained for future potential expenses.”

Do you understand what he’s alluding to? The fact that a Domestic Relations Court will decide if an overpayment will be returned to an obligor, or simply kept because some unknown (at that time) and possible (but not identified) expense may arise in the future. In such cases,the obligor won’t get their money back that was wrongfully taken from them to begin with.

I personally was nearly $8,000 overpaid in my child support obligation at one time. That’s close to $8,000 of which I need now to buy a reliable car that we’re in desperate need of. However, that “remedy” that Dewine alludes to has been explored by me, and it cost me nearly $5,000 in legal fees to ask the Court for permission to get my own money back. How many of you can just do without $8,000 of your own money, and especially in these terrible economic times?

The Court’s response? I may pay $100 per month less in my monthly “child support” payment until that $8,000 is down to $0. As if doing without that money and having it returned to me gradually (which wasn’t how it was taken) over the course of the nearly seven years it’ll take for me to get those funds back isn’t bad enough, I must also pay the State of Ohio a 2% processing fee ($160) to get my own money back. Moreover, if the obligee under my order were to suddenly vacate the earth prior to me getting my $8,000 back or if there were a change of custody before that overpayment was $0, my wife, my daughter and myself would forever be out that money.

Is that fair, equitable and just? I think not and truly hope that you feel the same way. Is that in my daughter’s “best interest?” Of course it’s not. There are many things I’d love to do with her as well as buy her with that money (which is mine of course), but I can’t, because I can’t get it back.

It’s not in mine, nor is it in my family’s best interest that I don’t get my money back. But what it is in, is Ohio’s best financial interest (and that at the expense of my daughter’s best interest) to wrongfully seize that money to begin with, then to charge me a 2% processing fee (that Ohio collects) so that I can have my own money back.

Am I such a prude that only I define Ohio’s and Mike Dewine’s behavior as lawlessness given that it’s in my humble opinion no less than state sanctioned theft?

Tony Fantetti
Ohio Council for Fathers Rights
Email: tony.fantetti(at)ocffr(dot)org

Posted in Athens County Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA), Attorneys; Retain or Refrain?, Belmont County Child Support Enforcment Agency (CSEA), Butler County Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA), Celebrities, Child Abuse, Child Support, Child Support Hurts, Child Support Moms (CSMs), Communications with the State of Ohio, Custody Issues, Cuyahoga County Ohio Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA), Darke County Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA), Domestic Violence, Emails from Others, Employment and Unemployment, Fathers Rights Advocates Organizations and Advocacy, Grandparents, Hamilton County, Hamilton County Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA), Humor Satire Sarcasm and Cynicism, Incarcerated Fathers, Incarceration and Prison, Judges and Magistrates, Military Mothers and Fathers, Misandry, Miscellaneous, Montgomery County Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA), National Child Support Enforcement Association (NCSEA), Notifications about Website and Blog Updates Issues and Changes, Ohio Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA), Ohio Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA) Abuses, Ohio Child Support Lawsuit, Ohio CSEA Directors Association (OCDA), Ohio Department of Jobs and Family Services (ODJFS), Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS), Parental Kidnapping, Police and Firemen, Politics, Refrain!, Retain, Single Moms "by Choice", Suicide, The State of Ohio, The Voices of Others, These are "Deadbeats?", This is in the "Best Interests of the Children?", Title-IV D of the Social Security Act, Trumbull County Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA), Uncategorized, Unconscionable Child Support Horror Stories, Visitation, Warren County Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA) | Tagged , , , , , | 21 Comments

Despite Being Sued Ohio Still Won’t Return “Child Support” Overpayments

The following is an email (and my reply) that I just received from an Ohio father who’s nearly $1,000 overpaid on his child support.

Think about that for a moment; a class action lawsuit (referenced below) was filed against the State of Ohio’s Ohio Department of Jobs and Family Services (ODJFS) on May 7, 2011, and what does ODJFS do? It keeps collecting child support from fathers who in some cases don’t owe any, and in others are overpaid like the one below is.

This is precisely why the child support lawsuit must prevail, to stop Ohio’s outright thievery of funds from noncustodial parents that it’s not entitled to.

In a case such as this one and many others, if the noncustodial mother were to pass, or if there were a change of custody, that father would never be refunded his overpayment.

Is that right, fair, equitable, or just? More importantly, how is that in the “best interest” of his daughter? It’s not, it’s in Ohio’s best financial interest at the expense of his daughter as that’s money (his) that he could be spending on her as he chooses.

Tony Fantetti
Ohio Council for Fathers Rights
Email: tony.fantetti(at)ocffr(dot)org

Quoting xxxx xxxxxxxxx <xxxxxx@yahoo.com>:

Hello.

My name is xxxx xxxxxxxxx. I live in xxxxxxxxx Ohio. On Friday i found out that xxxxxx County has been taking out too much money from my pay. The overpayment is almost $1000.00 They told me i cant have it back till my daughter turns 18 in two yrs just in case i wouldnt be able to make my monthly payment. 4 yrs a go i was unemployed. so when i got a job they issued a 2nd pay order to the place i work for to make the back support up. My new case worker on Friday said the 2nd order was never canciled when i caught up so now i have the 1000 over payment. Any ideas on what to do about this? Im going Monday morning to have a face to face and ask for a admin hearing. Thanks

xxxx xxxxxxxxx

_______________________________________

xxxxx,

Absent a court order, it’s highly unlikely that the CSEA will refund your overpayment. I know that, as I have a nearly $7,000 overpayment they wouldn’t return to me, and they just kept collecting despite that.

Given that a class action lawsuit has been filed against Ohio for over collecting “child support,” I’d follow the case in the forthcoming link to see what becomes of it. I’ll be posting updates to the blog as it progresses.

http://www.ocffr.org/blog/2011/07/09/ohio-child-support-lawsuit-odjfs-accused-of-knowingly-over-collecting-in-class-action-complaint-3/

Sincerely,
Tony Fantetti
Ohio Council for Fathers Rights

Posted in Ohio Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA), Ohio Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA) Abuses, The State of Ohio, The Voices of Others, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | 15 Comments

Only One Person Can Help Everyone Overcome “The System”

The exchange posted below is one between myself and a father who recently commented here on the Blog.

I feel it’s imperative to repost it here because until noncustodial parents (NCPs) begin to very carefully intellectualize, comprehend, and finally, act upon what’s discussed in that exchange; NCPs en masse will continue their very frustrating and equally vain search for that imaginary “magic bullet” that never has and never will exist.

That magical and mythological bullet is the one that addresses each and every hardship, roadblock, and injustice that many NCPs endure at the hands of their exes, the courts, the CSEAs, and all others who are the embodiment of Ohio’s Family Court System.

Moreover, what must also be intellectualized and understood to the same degree by every NCP, is that when it comes to “child support”, many of those who are the incarnate of the system couldn’t care less about them, their children, their hardships, nor the hardships that their children face because of their financially unbearable child support order.

Even worse, is that they care just as little about the fact that some fathers will eventually kill themselves after having been driving to the edge of sanity by the very same; those who also very piously and falsely claim to be acting only, “in the best interests of the children.”

So another child will grow up fatherless because he committed suicide after being driven to it by Ohio’s Family Courts and the Ohio Department of Jobs and Family Services (ODJFS) CSEAs, and they care not. That’s inhumane, despicable, and utterly disgusting.

They care nothing for him nor his children, as they care only about maximizing the Ohio Department of Jobs and Family Services (ODJFS) Federal Incentive Match (paid though a worker’s Social Security payroll tax) that’s strong-armed from NCPs through ODJFS’ collection agent; Ohio’s”Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA).

Ohio’s CSEA in my humble opinion is better known as Ohio’s Child Support Extortion Agency. I make that claim because they’ll shakedown innocents who don’t even owe child support or have a child support order in place. This recently filed lawsuit exposes Ohio’s illegal tactical shakedown methods in great detail. Personally, and by my moral standards, Ohio’s CSEA is operating an illegal and government sanctioned extortion ring.

People truly need to understand in depth just how corrupt, morally bankrupt, debased and contemptuously hateful towards NCPs (and their children) that Ohio’s CSEA is. An understanding of that is required before they can truly comprehend and thereby accept why most of the ODJFS and the CSEA incarnates couldn’t care less about them being homeless, without heat during Ohio’s brutally cold winters, and unable to feed themselves or their children that “visit” them.

The forthcoming is the exchange between Carl T. W. and myself. Please know that I find what he describes to be very sad. I do not say what I do because I’m calloused, cold-hearted, or indifferent towards him or his situation as that couldn’t be further from the truth. I Feel badly for him and his innocent and precious daughter, and truly empathize with him.

POSTED BY CARL T. W. :

I’m in a different situation yet similar in the way that the Ohio “Child Support” System is screwing me over thick and thin. It may be a different story then some of the people posting here but I’m not sure how long before I’m in their position as well. To the story, I’ve been paying child support since last year and have never missed a payment. The only reason I had arreages is because the judge back dated the C.S. amount and calculated it to over $1000. I live in Ohio now back with family and my ex wife lives in Florida. I PAY for plane tickets to see my daughter every summer…and try to for christmas (although with the way C.S. is screwing me as of late I don’t know if that’ll happen this year and the judge nor C.S. seems to care). Recently they’ve been taking over $100 more than they are supposed too out of the checks I get from work (Where I work is as a longshoremen and I don’t get that much work at all and since the original court order for support my Unemployment benefits have gone down $100.) I actually have a lawyer who is trying to get us into a hearing asap, in which case I’m sure the courts delay these hearings as much as they can. Today I just read that they have a $65.00 amount ordered every week to take from my unemployment which is only $183.00. The original child support amount is $290.27 and they have already taken my income tax check this year and over paid themselves for my arreages. They took $390 from my work checks for the month of June and I wasn’t receiving unemployments for 2 1/2 weeks of it so i think the most I got for the month of June was $200 if I was lucky. My 190$ gross checks get knocked down to 150 without C.S. …with C.S. I’m left with a measely 50$. Now if I go back to work and they take from my work checks….AND unemployment I don’t even know how I’m going to afford to eat for the week and MY DAUGHTER IS WITH ME FOR THE SUMMER! What is the justice in this? I have bills like everyone else and have never missed a payment when it comes to the “regular time” I’ve had to pay and not the backdated amount the judge chose out of thin air. Now I’m running on fumes….I’m scrambling to find a job…I have a seek work order to find a consistent full time job and I do what I’m supposed to do. I apply to more than 20 jobs a month and why? So they can raise my support order when I do finally get an interview and get a full time job. I just don’t get where the logical thinking is in this system and if anyone knows of ANY HELP someone in my position can receive please let me know. I’m desperate at this point.

MY RESPONSE:

Carl,

Contrary to your claim of “there’s no logic in this”, there in fact is; It’s called a “profit,” and the more “child support” the State of Ohio wrongfully seizes from you, the more profit they earn.

You also asked, “Now if I go back to work and they take from my work checks….AND unemployment I don’t even know how I’m going to afford to eat for the week and MY DAUGHTER IS WITH ME FOR THE SUMMER! What is the justice in this?”

You already know the answer to that, so I suspect you’re asking it out of utter frustration. There’s none, and the State of Ohio doesn’t care, nor do they care in the least about your daughter or you seeing your daughter. They care about one thing and one alone; ‘profit.’

The only way they can earn said profit is to collect ‘child support’, and that, lawfully or not. It doesn’t matter to Ohio as they will and do unlawfully collect what they’re not entitled too as alleged in this recently filed class action lawsuit whereby ODJFS among others is listed as a Defendant.

Please know that I mean no disrespect in saying what I’m about to, nor is it my intent to marginalize your situation as I’ve been where you are and can therefore truly empathize. However, until more people “get it” and truly believe the following and then get involved as a result, things won’t change.

Your situation is no different than countless others Carl. Most believe that their own situation is unique and that it’s only they who are “getting taken” by the system and that couldn’t be further from the truth. Additionally, and most importantly, you need to get involved. I’ve told the same to countless people over the years and only a small percentage actually do engage themselves.

That must change for the system to change. If you want help, you have to help yourself by getting actively involved in changing the system. The emails (and blog posts) I get from others asking for help are as endless as they are countless. If those same number of people had gotten involved since I started the organization in 2007, I believe that things would be different today.

That said, if you want help, help yourself; and you help yourself by getting involved. Again, I mean no disrespect towards you in stating that. It’s simply the truth and the only way to change “the system.”

If you don’t believe me, then consider this; there are hundreds of thousands (and probably) millions of “child support” paying noncustodial parents such as you who truly need help. To help them, either someone must provide free legal counsel, free housing, free money etc, or someone (the same people perhaps?) need to change the system.

What few consider when asking for free legal counsel for example is that attorneys, just like you and the rest of us, have bills, must provide for their families, and have to work too. Therefore, it’s honestly impossible (and at it’s core illogical) to think that there exists some organization or some attorneys and or law firms that can endlessly provide free legal counsel. Anyone who were to do that would be in dire straits and in need of help themselves as they too must earn a living.

Now do you understand why I say to everyone who asks me for help, “The best way to get help is to help yourselves by getting involved?”

There’s an upcoming and incredible opportunity that I’m presently working on that I know will in fact change the system. I’m working with others to form a national non-profit organization that will seek to address the very issues that you, I, and millions of other ‘child support’ paying noncustodial parents around the nation are facing. Are you interested in joining? Rest assured that said effort will change the system on a national level, but to do be effective in doing so, others must help themselves (merely by joining) to get the help they’re seeking.

Sincerely,
Tony Fantetti

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

Ohio Child Support Lawsuit: ODJFS Accused of Knowingly Over Collecting in Class Action Complaint

Editor’s Note: This is a re-post of blog entry from May 10, 2011

The lawsuit below was filed by Matt Dunlop of Ohio. Ohio’s “child support” system is indeed in disrepute when the State of Ohio not only profits off of broken families, but in fact publicly rejoices in doing so while also simultaneously demonizing good and loving noncustodial (NC) fathers and mothers in the process. Understand that such demonizing is required so the State of Ohio can keep their profiteering hidden from public view.

Said profits to this day continue to be earned by the State, and out of nothing more than the Ohio Department of Jobs and ‘Family Servcies’ (ODFJS) promoting Ohio’s best financial interests above and beyond the genuine best interests of Ohio’s precious children. Even more deplorable and despicable than that, is that such can only be attained at the emotional expense of Ohio’s entirely innocent and very vulnerable children as both interests are mutually exclusive.

When I first learned that Dunlop v ODJFS (L0290829)was in the making and that the Ohio Department of Jobs and Family Services was to be named as a Defendant, I was far beyond elated. In all truthfulness, my mood immediately elevated as my mind shifted to that of dreamlike state where I was basking in nirvana.

Admittedly, I can be quite lively in my depictions of things at times. But make no mistake, after I learned of the nature of the Complaint, I truly felt as I’ve described.

Even more fulfilling, is seeing “DOES 1 through 300, inclusive, Defendants” listed under ODJFS in the above-referenced complaint, and I eagerly anticipate seeing Kimberly Newsom-Bridges name occupying one of those DOES slots.

Ms. Newsom-Bridges is in my own humble and untrained legal opinion one of the ringleaders in what I refer to as Ohio’s “Legalized Ring of Thievery” that’s otherwise euphemistically known as Ohio’s “Child Support” Enforcement Agency (CSEA).

Personally, I prefer to use the acronym Ohio CSEA to described what it really means, as well as what they truly stand for, and that’s the Ohio Child Support Extortion Agency. Rest assured that they will forcefully, and under a very dark color of law, shakedown anyone that they can get their filthy, greedy, “88-county hands” on. Included in said extortion are those innocent victims of paternity fraud whereby it’s proven in Court that said fathers cannot possibly be the parent of the children that they’re ordered to pay “child support” for.

And the CSEA couldn’t care less about the truth in that matter, as they care only about the profit they extract from those “fathers” who are extorted by the Ohio CSEA under the constant threat of arrest, incarceration, liens, bank account/security accounts and asset seizures for “support” for children that aren’t theirs. Don’t forget now, that Ohio’s CSEAs claim that their actions are “in the best interests of the children?” Really??? Just how is seizing the money of someone who’s known to NOT be the father “in the best interest of the children?” Please, do tell? Perhaps I’ll email Ms. Kimberly Newsom-Bridges, Director of the OCDA, President of the NCSEA and ask her?

Back to my state of mind when I was informed of the impending suit, and to continue from where I left off above; I was enamored with a blissful sense of justice for the first time in about seven years when I first learned of MPP’s intent to file the complaint. Those seven years have been a very long and horrific span of time that began after Ohio’s “Child Support” House-of-Horrors opened its doors and forced me in so as to partake in their ongoing freak-show. Said inclusion was effected via the strong arm of the Domestic Relations Court whereby to this day it extracts my continual albeit unwilling participation. You must understand that you can’t just “quit playing,” as to quit, eventually ends in incarceration for those who no longer want to play.

I will forever and very vividly remember the heightened and overwhelming sense of positive emotions I was feeling while participating in discussions and learning for the first time that the complaint was to be filed. I can only begin to describe it from the perspective of one who’s been given another chance at life after having experienced years of very exacting (both emotionally and financially) and monumental continual failures that were not caused by their own actions, but by those associated with, “the system” and with unjust blame for such being placed squarely at the innocent’s feet.

More specifically, failures such as a painful and forced separation from one’s children, bankruptcy, loss of driver’s license, homelessness, loss of employment, ruined credit, being unemployable. Those and other ills that were waylaid upon good and loving fathers (and noncustodial mothers) by Ohio’s “child support” system. Such is done by those who are tasked with the destructive duties of destroying the lives of noncustodial parents (NCPs) in their abusive efforts to bleed those loving parents dry in their efforts to “get blood from a turnip.”

Next, you were wrongfully and very publicly humiliated as a “deadbeat dad” on TV, billboards, pizza boxes and via other very public means, after the State of Ohio and her many CSEA minions destroyed your life, and in turn the lives of your innocent children. That, because those now very confused and frightened little Ohio children had their entire lives and worlds very hatefully and inhumanely turned upside-down as a direct result of those contemptuously willful CSEA and ODJFS actions. Just picture little toddlers pointing at the TV and screaming hysterically, “MOMMY WHY ARE THEY TAKING DADDY AWAY???” as they watched in horror as said terrifying pandemonium played out right before their eyes in the swirl of flashing red and blue lights on the TV in front of them.

That was done so the State of Ohio can “profit” off of the backs of Ohio’s precious and innocent children by using them to shakedown their NCPs and in many cases bankrupting them. That allows Ohio to maximize its “share” of the Federal Government’s Title IV-D Section 451 Federal Incentive Match that we as taxpayers fund through our Social Security payroll tax, and as described in Title IV Part D Section 451 of the Social Security Act.

So what about this civil action lead to my immediate escape into a Utopian dreamworld after I learned of it? It’s simple; justice. This case is proof positive of what I’ve been saying for years, and that being, “Ohio’s increasingly abusive and punitive “child-support” collections efforts have nothing to do with the old worn-out (only in the sense that the the State of Ohio uses it and what they mean by it) phrase, “it’s in the best interests of the children.”

Ohio and her 88 county collection’s agents otherwise known as the “Child Support” Enforcement Agency care nothing about the children they purport to “collect on behalf of” and instead have used those very same children for decades to demonize alleged “deadbeat dads” and thereby distract the public from the following very inconvenient truth; Ohio has “earned” hundreds of millions in dollars in “profits” off of “child support” collections over the years. In truth, I suspect that number is closer to one billion dollars.

The motive behind their decades-long and increasingly hateful and abusive campaign whereby they’ve wrongfully maligned (and ruined) many innocent good and loving noncustodial mothers and fathers, can be easily exposed with Ohio’s own statutes as read here where they state in part in ORC 3119.07:

“(A) Except when the parents have split parental rights and responsibilities, a parent’s child support obligation for a child for whom the parent is the residential parent and legal custodian shall be presumed to be spent on that childand shall not become part of a child support order, and a parent’s child support obligation for a child for whom the parent is not the residential parent and legal custodian shall become part of a child support order.”

Please allow me to elaborate on two things in that statute. First, the word “shall” in a legal sense means “you must,” and it’s important to comprehend what that really means.

For example, the Judges and Magistrates of the Courts as well as all CSEA personnel must assume that every dollar of every “child support” payment made to the custodial parent (CP) is in fact spent on the children of that order.

Said otherwise, and from a legal perspective (and not from one of reality), there is no legal mechanism to think otherwise and therefore said statement is accepted as an incontrovertible fact. Additionally, it would still be so even if the custodial parent were to stand up in open court and declare under oath, “I don’t spend a dime of that money on my children!”

So with all of the aforementioned persons/institutions being instructed by Ohio statute to “think a certain way”, simple logic and reality dictate otherwise; the fact that in most cases, “child support” dollars are NOT spent on the children of that order and are in fact spent by the custodial parent to support their own lifestyle.

And please, don’t comment here and say, “but they have to pay rent or a mortgage, provide clothing for the child, food, pay auto insurance etc etc etc” because so does the noncustodial “child-support” paying parent (aka the Obligor of an order) who in addition to what’s enumerated, must also provide health insurance that is some cases in nearly $1,000/month or more.

I personally have seen many “Child Support Moms” swipe their Ohio e-Quickpay “child support” debit card at the checkout line to purchase beer, cigarettes, liquor, and a host of other items that one could reasonably assume aren’t for a child. Not only that, those same debit cards can be used in bars, restaurants, casinos, strip clubs, to book travel, airfare and anywhere MasterCard is accepted.

Next, I read a study a couple of years ago that I unfortunately can’t locate that was undertaken by a third-party without any outward biases. Said study overwhelmingly concluded that no more than 30-35% (and that was considered a generous number) of “child support” payments were in fact spent on the children of the order. The rest of the money was spent to support the CP’s lifestyle.

Also, factor in that there are many known and documented cases where the children of a “child support” order are living with the noncustodial father, and that, while he makes “child support” payments to the custodial mother. Remember, ODJFS clamors that this is “in the best interest of the children.” Really? How?

The point I’m leading up to is this; how can the State of Ohio, ODJFS or Ohio’s CSEAs even begin to claim that they’re acting “in the best interests of the children” in effecting their abusive “child support” collection methods whereby they bankrupt, humiliate and incarcerate good and loving noncustodial mothers and fathers, when in fact they have no idea whatsoever where, or on whom, those “child support” dollars are spent?

Remember, they’re instructed by statute to take the position that the monies (all of it) are in fact spent on the children of the order, when in truth not only do they not know, they don’t even care! All ODJFS cares about is collecting as much money as possible (annually, since the match is based on annual collections) given that the amount of their Federal Incentive Match is directly proportional to their annual statewide “child support” collections. Now do you understand why Ohio regularly over-collects as well as collects from some who don’t even owe?

Moreover, not only does statute “tell them how to think” in regard to money spent, Ohio’s “child support” statutes have no provision whatsoever that even allows the Courts or CSEAs to demand to know where the monies are being spent. Said otherwise, no one save for God and the custodial parent knows, or for that matter is allowed to know, where those “child support” dollars are spent.

Using simple logic, and given that Ohio’s CSEAs claim to only be acting “in the best interest of the children” in their abusive and draconian collections efforts that lead to the filing of the lawsuit, how can they possibly be making such a claim without even knowing where those billions of dollars they’re collecting are being spent?

I’ll answer that; they can’t, they know they can’t, and most importantly they don’t care that they can’t, because they have only one goal and one alone: Maximize Ohio’s annual statewide “child support” collections, and at any cost. That, only so they in turn can maximize Ohio’s share of the Federal Government’s annual Federal Incentive match that’s described in the link above to Title IV Part D Section 451 of the Social Security Act.

If you doubt the claims I’ve made with regard to the reasons regarding how abusive Ohio’s CSEAs have been and continue to be, and you are therefore suspect of me, then ask yourself this; did you even know that the State of Ohio “earns” a profit off of each and every “child support” payment that’s made in Ohio? If not, then why not?

Additionally, the reason I almost always put quotes around the words “child support” is because I do live in a reality where I recognize that a LOT of custodial parents are making a lot of money via “child support” off the backs of their own precious children and not spending even a dime of it on those same children whose very lives have been destroyed by it. That said, I refuse to call “child support” what it’s not-“support for the children.”

Sincerely,

Tony Fantetti
Ohio Council for Fathers Rights
Email: tony.fantetti(at)ocffr(dot)org

Posted in Athens County Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA), Attorneys; Retain or Refrain?, Belmont County Child Support Enforcment Agency (CSEA), Butler County Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA), Celebrities, Child Abuse, Child Support, Child Support Hurts, Child Support Moms (CSMs), Communications with the State of Ohio, Custody Issues, Cuyahoga County Ohio Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA), Darke County Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA), Domestic Violence, Emails from Others, Employment and Unemployment, Fathers Rights Advocates Organizations and Advocacy, Grandparents, Hamilton County, Hamilton County Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA), Humor Satire Sarcasm and Cynicism, Incarcerated Fathers, Incarceration and Prison, Judges and Magistrates, Military Mothers and Fathers, Misandry, Miscellaneous, Montgomery County Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA), National Child Support Enforcement Association (NCSEA), Notifications about Website and Blog Updates Issues and Changes, Ohio Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA), Ohio Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA) Abuses, Ohio Child Support Lawsuit, Ohio CSEA Directors Association (OCDA), Ohio Department of Jobs and Family Services (ODJFS), Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS), Parental Kidnapping, Police and Firemen, Politics, Refrain!, Retain, Single Moms "by Choice", Suicide, The State of Ohio, The Voices of Others, These are "Deadbeats?", This is in the "Best Interests of the Children?", Title-IV D of the Social Security Act, Trumbull County Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA), Uncategorized, Unconscionable Child Support Horror Stories, Visitation, Warren County Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA) | Tagged , , , , , | 9 Comments

Ohio Child Support Lawsuit: ODJFS Accused of Knowingly Over Collecting in Class Action Complaint

Editor’s Note: This is a repost of a blog entry that was made on May 10, 2011.

The lawsuit below was filed by Matt Dunlop of Ohio. If you believe that the bond between parent and child must be protected at all cost, and not broken and infringed upon so states like Ohio can “earn” a profit off of the backs of Ohio’s innocent and precious children through “child support” collections, then we implore you to please join ACFC today and get involved today, as the children need your help.

Ohio’s “child support” system is indeed in disrepute when the State of Ohio not only profits off of broken families, but in fact publicly rejoices in doing so while also simultaneously demonizing good and loving noncustodial (NC) fathers and mothers in the process. Understand that such demonizing is required so the State of Ohio can keep their profiteering hidden from public view.

Said profits to this day continue to be earned by the State, and out of nothing more than the Ohio Department of Jobs and ‘Family Servcies’ (ODFJS) promoting Ohio’s best financial interests above and beyond the genuine best interests of Ohio’s precious children. Even more deplorable and despicable than that,  is that such can only be attained at the emotional expense of Ohio’s entirely innocent and very vulnerable  children as both interests are mutually exclusive.

When I first learned that Dunlop v ODJFS (L0290829) was in the making and that the Ohio Department of Jobs and Family Services was to be named as a Defendant, I was far beyond elated. In all truthfulness, my mood immediately elevated as my mind shifted to that of dreamlike state where I was basking in nirvana.

Admittedly, I can be quite lively in my depictions of things at times. But make no mistake, after I learned of the nature of the Complaint, I truly felt as I’ve described.

Even more fulfilling, is seeing “DOES 1 through 300, inclusive, Defendants” listed under ODJFS in the above-referenced complaint, and I eagerly anticipate seeing Kimberly Newsom-Bridges name occupying one of those DOES slots.

Ms. Newsom-Bridges is in my own humble and untrained legal opinion one of the ringleaders in what I refer to as Ohio’s “Legalized Ring of Thievery” that’s otherwise euphemistically known as Ohio’s “Child Support” Enforcement Agency (CSEA).

Personally, I prefer to use the acronym Ohio CSEA to described what it really means, as well as what they truly stand for, and that’s the Ohio Child Support Extortion Agency. Rest assured that they will forcefully, under the threat of contempt, arrest, incarceration and under a very dark color of law, shakedown anyone that they can get their filthy, greedy, “88-county hands” on. Included in said extortion are those innocent victims of paternity fraud whereby it’s proven in Court that said fathers cannot possibly be the parent of the children that they’re ordered to pay “child support” for.

And the CSEA couldn’t care less about the truth in that matter, as they care only about the profit they extract from those “fathers” who are extorted by the Ohio CSEA under the constant threat of arrest, incarceration, liens, bank account/security accounts and asset seizures for “support” for children that aren’t theirs. Don’t forget now, that Ohio’s CSEAs claim that their actions are “in the best interests of the children?” Really??? Just how is seizing the money of someone who’s known to NOT be the father “in the best interest of the children?” Please, do tell? Perhaps I’ll email Ms. Kimberly Newsom-Bridges, Director of the OCDA, President of the NCSEA and ask her?

Back to my state of mind when I was informed of the impending suit, and to continue from where I left off above; I was enamored with a blissful sense of justice for the first time in about seven years when I first learned of MPP’s intent to file the complaint.  Those seven years have been a very long and horrific span of time that began after Ohio’s “Child Support” House-of-Horrors opened its doors and forced me in so as to partake in their ongoing freak-show. Said inclusion was effected via the strong arm of the Domestic Relations Court whereby to this day it extracts my continual albeit unwilling participation. You must understand that you can’t just “quit playing,” as to quit, eventually ends in incarceration for those who no longer want to play.

I will forever and very vividly remember the heightened and overwhelming sense of positive emotions I was feeling while participating in discussions and learning for the first time that the complaint was to be filed. I can only begin to describe it from the perspective of one who’s been given another chance at life after having experienced years of very exacting (both emotionally and financially) and monumental continual failures that were not caused by their own actions, but by those associated with, “the system” and with unjust blame for such being placed squarely at the innocent’s feet.

More specifically,  failures such as a painful and forced separation from one’s children, bankruptcy, loss of driver’s license, homelessness, loss of employment, ruined credit, being unemployable. Those and other ills that were waylaid upon good and loving fathers (and noncustodial mothers) by Ohio’s “child support” system. Such is done by those who are tasked with the destructive duties of destroying the lives of noncustodial parents (NCPs) in their abusive efforts to bleed those loving parents dry in their efforts to “get blood from a turnip.”

Next, you were wrongfully and very publicly humiliated as a “deadbeat dad” on TV, billboards, pizza boxes and via other very public means, after the State of Ohio and her many CSEA minions destroyed your life, and in turn the lives of your innocent children. That, because those now very confused and frightened little Ohio children had their entire lives and worlds very hatefully and inhumanely turned upside-down as a direct result of those contemptuously willful CSEA and ODJFS actions. Just picture little toddlers pointing at the TV and screaming hysterically, “MOMMY WHY ARE THEY TAKING DADDY AWAY???” as they watched in horror as said terrifying pandemonium played out right before their eyes in the swirl of flashing red and blue lights on the TV in front of them.

That was done so the State of Ohio can “profit” off of the backs of Ohio’s precious and innocent children by using them to shakedown their NCPs and in many cases bankrupting them. That allows Ohio to maximize its “share” of the Federal Government’s Title IV-D Section 451 Federal Incentive Match that we as taxpayers fund through our Social Security payroll tax, and as described in Title IV Part D Section 451 of the Social Security Act.

So what about this civil action lead to my immediate escape into a Utopian dreamworld after I learned of it? It’s simple; justice. This case is proof positive of what I’ve been saying for years, and that being, “Ohio’s increasingly abusive and punitive “child-support” collections efforts have nothing to do with the old worn-out (only in the sense that the the State of Ohio uses it and what they mean by it)  phrase, “it’s in the best interests of the children.”

Ohio and her 88 county collection’s agents otherwise known as the “Child Support” Enforcement Agency care nothing about the children they purport to “collect on behalf of” and instead have used those very same children for decades to demonize alleged “deadbeat dads” and thereby distract the public from the following very inconvenient truth; Ohio has “earned” hundreds of millions in dollars in “profits” off of “child support” collections over the years. In truth, I suspect that number is closer to one billion dollars.

The motive behind their decades-long and increasingly hateful and abusive campaign whereby they’ve wrongfully maligned (and ruined) many innocent good and loving noncustodial mothers and fathers, can be easily exposed with Ohio’s own statutes as read here where they state in part in ORC 3119.07:

“(A) Except when the parents have split parental rights and responsibilities, a parent’s child support obligation for a child for whom the parent is the residential parent and legal custodian shall be presumed to be spent on that child and shall not become part of a child support order, and a parent’s child support obligation for a child for whom the parent is not the residential parent and legal custodian shall become part of a child support order.”

Please allow me to elaborate on two things in that statute. First, the word “shall” in a legal sense means “you must,” and it’s important to comprehend what that really means.
For example, the Judges and Magistrates of the Courts as well as all CSEA personnel must assume that every dollar of every “child support” payment made to the custodial parent (CP) is in fact spent on the children of that order.

Said otherwise, and from a legal perspective (and not from one of reality), there is no legal mechanism to think otherwise and therefore said statement is accepted as an incontrovertible fact. Additionally, it would still be so even if the custodial parent were to stand up in open court and declare under oath, “I don’t spend a dime of that money on my children!”

So with all of the aforementioned persons/institutions being instructed by Ohio statute to “think a certain way”, simple logic and reality dictate otherwise; the fact that in most cases, “child support” dollars are NOT spent on the children of that order and are in fact spent by the custodial parent to support their own lifestyle.

And please, don’t comment here and say, “but they have to pay rent or a mortgage, provide clothing for the child, food, pay auto insurance etc etc etc” because so does the noncustodial “child-support” paying parent (aka the Obligor of an order) who in addition to what’s enumerated, must also provide health insurance that is some cases in nearly $1,000/month or more.

I personally have seen many “Child Support Moms” swipe their Ohio e-Quickpay “child support” debit card at the checkout line to purchase beer, cigarettes, liquor, and a host of other items that one could reasonably assume aren’t for a child. Not only that, those same debit cards can be used in bars, restaurants, casinos, strip clubs, to book travel, airfare and anywhere MasterCard is accepted.

Next, I read a study a couple of years ago that I unfortunately can’t locate that was undertaken by a third-party without any outward biases. Said study overwhelmingly concluded that no more than 30-35% (and that was considered a generous number) of “child support” payments were in fact spent on the children of the order. The rest of the money was spent to support the CP’s lifestyle.

Also, factor in that there are many known and documented cases where the children of a “child support” order are living with the noncustodial father, and that, while he makes “child support” payments to the custodial mother. Remember, ODJFS clamors that this is “in the best interest of the children.” Really? How?

The point I’m leading up to is this; how can the State of Ohio, ODJFS or Ohio’s CSEAs even begin to claim that they’re acting “in the best interests of the children” in effecting their abusive “child support” collection methods whereby they bankrupt, humiliate and incarcerate good and loving noncustodial mothers and fathers, when in fact they have no idea whatsoever where, or on whom, those “child support” dollars are spent?

Remember, they’re instructed by statute to take the position that the monies (all of it) are in fact spent on the children of the order, when in truth not only do they not know, they don’t even care! All ODJFS cares about is collecting as much money as possible (annually, since the match is based on annual collections)  given that the amount of their Federal Incentive Match is directly proportional to their annual statewide “child support” collections.  Now do you understand why Ohio regularly over-collects as well as collects from some who don’t even owe?

Moreover, not only does statute “tell them how to think” in regard to money spent, Ohio’s “child support” statutes have no provision whatsoever that even allows the Courts or CSEAs to demand to know where the monies are being spent. Said otherwise, no one save for God and the custodial parent knows, or for that matter is allowed to know, where those “child support” dollars are spent.

Using simple logic, and given that Ohio’s CSEAs claim to only be acting “in the best interest of the children” in their abusive and draconian collections efforts that lead to the filing of the lawsuit, how can they possibly be making such a claim without even knowing where those billions of dollars they’re collecting are being spent?

I’ll answer that; they can’t, they know they can’t, and most importantly they don’t care that they can’t, because they have only one goal and one alone: Maximize Ohio’s annual statewide “child support” collections, and at any cost. That, only so they in turn can maximize Ohio’s share of the Federal Government’s annual Federal Incentive match that’s described in the link above to Title IV Part D Section 451 of the Social Security Act.

If you doubt the claims I’ve made with regard to the reasons regarding how abusive Ohio’s CSEAs have been and continue to be, and you are therefore suspect of me, then ask yourself this; did you even know that the State of Ohio “earns” a profit off of each and every “child support” payment that’s made in Ohio? If not, then why not?

Additionally, the reason I almost always put quotes around the words “child support” is because I do live in a reality where I recognize that a LOT of custodial parents are making a lot of money via “child support” off the backs of their own precious children and not spending even a dime of it on those same children whose very lives have been destroyed by it. That said, I refuse to call “child support” what it’s not-“support for the children.”

Sincerely,

Tony Fantetti
Ohio Council for Fathers Rights
Email: tony.fantetti(at)ocffr(dot)org

Posted in Athens County Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA), Attorneys; Retain or Refrain?, Belmont County Child Support Enforcment Agency (CSEA), Butler County Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA), Celebrities, Child Abuse, Child Support, Child Support Hurts, Child Support Moms (CSMs), Communications with the State of Ohio, Custody Issues, Cuyahoga County Ohio Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA), Darke County Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA), Domestic Violence, Emails from Others, Employment and Unemployment, Fathers Rights Advocates Organizations and Advocacy, Grandparents, Hamilton County, Hamilton County Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA), Humor Satire Sarcasm and Cynicism, Incarcerated Fathers, Incarceration and Prison, Judges and Magistrates, Military Mothers and Fathers, Misandry, Miscellaneous, Montgomery County Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA), National Child Support Enforcement Association (NCSEA), Notifications about Website and Blog Updates Issues and Changes, Ohio Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA), Ohio Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA) Abuses, Ohio Child Support Lawsuit, Ohio CSEA Directors Association (OCDA), Ohio Department of Jobs and Family Services (ODJFS), Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS), Parental Kidnapping, Police and Firemen, Politics, Refrain!, Retain, Single Moms "by Choice", Suicide, The State of Ohio, The Voices of Others, These are "Deadbeats?", This is in the "Best Interests of the Children?", Title-IV D of the Social Security Act, Trumbull County Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA), Uncategorized, Unconscionable Child Support Horror Stories, Visitation, Warren County Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA) | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Ohio Moves to Separate Children from Fathers by Defunding Fatherhood Program

Since founding this organization in 2007, I’ve always maintained that Ohio’s highly abusive (and as alleged  in this recently filed lawsuit;  fraudulent and wrongfully collected) ‘child support’ collections efforts aren’t effected “in the best interests of the children” as the State falsely purports. Rather, I’ve argued time and again, and with evidentiary support for my position, that such was and is done only out of the Ohio’s best financial interests. Said interests are achieved at the emotional expense and on the backs of the children from Ohio’s many broken families.

Remember, Ohio has steadfastly maintained for more than a decade that they aggressively pursue those who are behind  in their child support obligations out of “the best interests of the children.” This includes those loving fathers who through no fault of their own, and for reasons such as unemployment, hospitalization cancer, heart attack etc couldn’t meet said obligation and despite wanting very badly to do so.

Ohio’s response to those good and loving fathers? The State suspended their driver’s licenses and thereby prevented those dads from driving to see their children. It suspended their professional licenses, so those dads (and noncustodial moms) who were truck drivers, attorneys, nurses, doctors, professional surveyors, professional engineers, postal carriers, and teachers couldn’t work. How does one meet their support obligation when their ability to work depends on the very license that was suspended? Or, how do you work, when you’re prohibited by the State from driving to work?

In some cases, Ohio incarcerated some dads to “punish them” and teach them to pay their child support. So the State, takes away their ability to drive to work by suspending drivers licenses. For those who could overcome that barrier by walking, riding a bike or taking the bus to work, Ohio also suspended their State mandated license that’s required for them to legally work, and so that they can’t work. Lastly, some are then indicted and subsequently convicted and incarcerated for Felony Criminal Nonsupport of a Minor Child.

For those professional workers who’s career requires their criminal history that’s free from felony charges and or convictions as a condition of employment, they’ll never work again in that field, ever. Additionally, and after they’re incarcerated and under Ohio Law, their children are forbidden from visiting them in jail because they’re the victim of his crime. Really? How exactly does this and what’s said in the prior two paragraphs in anyway benefit the children involved? Simply because it’s said to, and has been so for more than two decades by the State of Ohio,  that such is done “only in the best interests of the children?”

I’ve deconstructed that lie time and again with substantiating facts, and will do so again now, but with additional rebuttals I’ve not used in the past. I personally understand the depth and magnitude of the great lengths Ohio has gone to in its efforts to promote its false propaganda in order to hide its child support profiteering from the public. The most significant and heart-wrenching method was also that which was not coincidentally most effective; demonize all child support paying fathers.

That was done through televised “deadbeat dad” roundups. Imagine the horror of a young child as they watched their own innocent father get arrested and taken away by police on television, or seeing their father on billboards or pizza boxes. Make no mistake, there’s nothing about that where anyone can logically claim that such is good for any child. Using common sense, how can anyone arrive at a conclusion other than the one whereby they think to themselves, “that’s not right”, and therefore acknowledge that it’s indeed harmful to those children who see their fathers demonized in such manners?

In reference to my earlier promise to produce more facts that in my opinion, unequivocally substantiates my claim that Ohio falsely claims to be acting “in the best interest of the children” in effecting their child support collections efforts , please carefully consider the remainder of what’s written herein.

First, the “best interest of the child” is mutually exclusive to the Ohio’s best financial interest, as the later cannot be achieved without harming the former. That’s because the two are diametrically opposed as explained in the forthcoming.

The following is a well known fact that’s both widely and publicly acknowledged by the Ohio Department of Jobs and Family Services (ODJFS), the Ohio CSEA Directors’ Association (OCDA) and the National Child Support Enforcement Association (NCSEA);
Ohio (as do all states) literally earns a profit from EVERY child support dollar that’s collected by the 88 county Child Support Enforcement Agencies (CSEAs).

Said profit is earned by two things; one is through the 2% processing fee (aka poundage fee) that the obligor (aka child support paying non-custodial parent) must pay to the CSEA for the privilege of being required by law to pay their “child support” obligation through a CSEA. Understand that such is done for a very good reason as it lays the foundation for maximizing the profit the State earns through method number two which is also the most lucrative; the annual “Federal Incentive Match” that the NCSEA is so desperately trying to save here as it’s without doubt, their very golden goose.

The Federal Incentive Match is paid by you, the taxpayer, through your Social Security payroll tax. Yet another reason Social Security is insolvent. I say that, because there exists no trust fund where said funds are held. If you disagree with that, then please comment here and post the account number of it to refute my claim.

Additionally, the amount of those annual Federal matching dollars is directly proportional to the total annual amount of Ohio’s statewide child support collections. Said otherwise, the more total support dollars Ohio collects statewide on an annual basis, the more they will earn in profits through their Federal matching contribution. Put simply, the more they collect, the more they earn in federally funded (by you the taxpayer) profits. You must understand that to understand what follows.

Putting all of their propaganda and euphemisms aside, there exists only one way for Ohio to maximize its annual statewide child support collections, and that’s to mine the pockets of more and non-custodial parents (obligors) by “squeezing them” through all means be they legal or otherwise. I would like to add that the aforementioned civil action is a testament to that as the nature of that complaint is that Ohio wrongfully over-collected more than 100 million dollars in child support that many obligors weren’t required to pay. Even worse, is that Ohio charged those same obligors a 2% processing  fee to essentially steal money they were never entitled too. Why would Ohio do that? I would hope your honestly answering that question for yourself by now.

How can Ohio “squeeze” non-custodial parents without the public taking notice? By spreading false propaganda that includes demonizing all child support paying parents with campaigns such as televised “Deadbeat Dad” roundups, wanted posters, wanted billboards, pizza boxes etc.

Additionally, by waging the aforementioned propaganda war against the many innocents who lost their jobs through no fault of their own or were hospitalized, sick, paralyzed and or on disability and therefore couldn’t (but wanted to) pay their support obligation. Such actions were (and still are) undertaken while simultaneously falsely claiming to be doing the same only in the “best interests of the children.” In doing that, the public was (and is) deceived and therefore cheered it on and supported every hateful bit of all of it. Additionally, the media, and without question, fed (and continues to)  the propaganda to the public and presented it as  factual.

Ohio continues to demonize everyone who fell behind, and regardless of their unintended reasons for doing so. Moreover, the public and the press all gleefully and proudly continue to play along for the most part, however due to the efforts of many organizations, that’s starting to change.

So why does Ohio suspend professional licenses and drivers licenses of those who are working, or seeking work, and trying to meet their obligation? It’s simple, money, and lots more of it.

Now, remember that we’re told by the State that suspending said licenses (and thereby preventing noncustodial fathers from seeing their children in some cases) is “in the best interests of the children.” Aside from the fact that it’s certainly not, as anyone with any common sense can deduce, there’s a truthful and more sinister reason why that’s done. It’s called a profit. Those same people have to pay large amounts of money to the State in order to reinstate those suspended licenses.

Obviously, preventing a father from driving so his children can see him, or preventing him from working so he can financially support them is in no way in the best interests of the children. It’s quite to the contrary ,and is in fact in Ohio’s best financial interests which can only be achieved at the emotional expense of the children. How is that you ask? Actively preventing children from seeing their father by suspending his driver’s license is both child abuse as well as emotionally damaging. Who benefits from such, the children or the State of Ohio? Additionally, who has to suffer so that the State can benefit? The children. How does the State benefit? Through those suspended license reinstatement fees levied and collected. How do the children benefit from the same? They don’t, they suffer as a direct result of it.  How? Their fathers can’t drive to visit them, and he can’t work to provide financial support for them.

I offer you another example that proves the same. Why are those child support dollars paid over 18 years with canceled checks to prove it deemed “gifts” and the obligor assigned an arrears (well in excess of $100,000 in some cases) at the stroke of a pen when a judge or CSEA official merely declares it’s so, and without the required supporting evidentiary facts in some cases? For a profit. How’s that “in the best interest of the children?” It’s not, they suffer. How so? When their dads go bankrupt, some become homeless, they can’t put food on the table, and they’re unable to provide for their children. Who benefits? The State. How? They profit. At whose expense? The children, the father, and the new family that father is also supporting.

As I said earlier the State’s financial interests and the children’s best interests are both mutually exclusive and diametrically opposed. The children must suffer in order for the State to profit.

To further drive that point home, consider that there exists under Ohio’s statutes the Ohio Commission on Fatherhood that was established in 1998 to advance Fatherhood in the State if Ohio. Truth be told, I personally consider some of what the Fatherhood Commission promotes to be an affront to all fathers. For instance “building the parenting skills of fathers” and “reconcile fathers with their families.”

Both of those in my humble opinion are based on two very insulting assumptions about fathers as a whole; 1. Fathers can’t parent by nature and therefore must be told how to do so, and 2. Fathers are purposefully and willfully absent from their children’s lives and that’s the very wholesale lie that’s been pandered by the State for more than a decade to demonize all fathers. Most fathers who are separated from their children are so because the courts have ordered it through “visitation” schedules. Additionally, and quite tragically, there are many mothers who won’t allow a father to visit his children.

If you scroll to the last sentence of the last paragraph titled Healthy Marriage and Responsible Fatherhood Grants on the US Department Health and Human Services website it reads,

“The $75 million in Responsible Fatherhood funds may be used for fatherhood activities intended to promote or sustain marriage, responsible parenting, economic stability, and media campaigns that reach families with important messages about responsible fatherhood.

“That $75 million is half of what’s allocated as explained in the first line of that same paragraph where it states,

“The FY 2012 budget proposes continued funding of $150 million to support Healthy Marriages and Responsible Fatherhood to be administered by HHS’ Office of Family Assistance within the Administration for Children and Families. These funds will be split equally among Healthy Marriage and Responsible Fatherhood activities.

The chart on this page shows that expenditures (total “enforcement” dollars) spent by the Federal Government to enforce child support orders in 2010 was $5.77 billion dollars. As shown above, the amount of expenditures to reconnect fathers with their children and “teach fathers how to parent” is a paltry $75 million dollars. Stated otherwise it’s a 50:1 ratio when comparing the amount spent on support enforcement versus that spent on reconnecting fathers with their children.

Keep in mind that the $75 million being spent is done so by lecturing fathers, or in my opinion, degrading them as most fathers didn’t choose to be separated from their children. They’re separated through force, and under the threat of arrest and contempt in some cases by the courts whereby on a national level 84% of mothers are awarded sole custody of the children by the courts, while the father is turned into a paying visitor to them.

When one considers that the number one reason children grow up without a father in their lives is because of the court-ordered separation of a father from his children, or stated otherwise, court-ordered father absenteeism, then one can begin to understand how I consider that  $75 million spent on Fatherhood programs is in some cases an insult to those dads who didn’t ask to be, nor did they ever want to be, separated from their children.

So where does the State of Ohio factor into this equation? The answer can be found right here. If Ohio were truly concerned about the “best interest of the children” would they really defund the only program in the state that aims to reconnect fathers with their children? Of course not; they’d find other areas to make cuts such as in child support enforcement.

Why is the State choosing to defund the only Fatherhood program of which one purpose is to reconnect children with their fathers instead of cutting child support enforcement by the same amount, which would in turn save the Ohio Commission on Fatherhood instead of eliminating its existence? One word; profit.

Given that the State profits off of each and every child support dollar that’s collected, the last thing Ohio will do it cut back on its enforcement program because not only does it pay, it pays dearly. It’s also in the credit column in the same ledger where the Ohio Commission on Fatherhood is in the debit column.  So what’s juxtaposed there is a profit versus a “loss,” and fathers and their children must lose in order for the State of Ohio to profit off of their misery.

As shown here at the very bottom in Table F titled “Incentive Pool Payment, FY 2000-2010″ the total incentive match for fiscal year 2010 is $504,000,000. And that pool is the “prize” that Ohio and every state chases each year. Additionally, the metrics that define “who wins how much” is all based on enforcement measures only. The criteria for the Federal Incentive Match can only be met through punitive measures.  So $504,000,000 is awarded to those who effect the most profitable punitive measures against fathers, while a mere $75,000,000 is awarded under the auspices of those trying to help fathers. We musn’t forget that in total, there’s $5.77 billion spent to punish fathers.

Consider that the States through the courts forcefully separate single fathers from their children via full custody awards to mothers in 84% of all contested custody cases nationwide. The courts will sometimes order “visitation” schedules (child support is always awarded and without regard to visitation rights) where a father is given permission to see his children.

Grant it, the amount of time he’s allowed to spend with them in many cases is next to nothing. With that in mind, consider that other fathers (and for no good or justifiable reason) are not allowed to see or contact their children, and if he violates that order, he’s subject to contempt, fines, arrest and finally, incarceration. That’s so, even if he only tries to contact them.

It’s that right there; lecturing fathers about “responsible fatherhood” (which is one goal of “responsible fatherhood programs”) that’s reeks of contemptuous hypocrisy of the highest order. How is that you ask? It is so because the majority of “absent fathers” have been ordered by the courts to either not have any contact with their children, or to have little contact with them. A father who has been granted a visitation schedule of every other weekend or a mere few hours per month is for the most part, an absent father, but not by his choice.

Add to the mix those custodial mothers who willfully and hatefully prevent a father from seeing his children (and I do recognize that some custodial fathers do the same and it’s just as inexcusable) and one can easily see that it’s the courts, through the enforcement of very anti-father state statutes, that have caused most of the father absenteeism that’s so prevalent today.

From the preceding, one can logically conclude that the State and Federal Governments, as well as the courts, care next to nothing about that father and child bond, or father and child friendly policies such as reconnecting children with the fathers they so dearly miss. Nor do they care anything about the fact that those fathers that said governments and courts sanctimoniously lecture about “responsible fatherhood” are in fact the very same who are also the victims of court-ordered father absenteeism.

Tony Fantetti
Ohio Council for Fathers Rights
Email: tony.fantetti(at)ocffr(dot)org

Posted in Fathers Rights Advocates Organizations and Advocacy, Ohio Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA), Ohio Department of Jobs and Family Services (ODJFS), The State of Ohio, This is in the "Best Interests of the Children?", Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Why The System is as it is and Won’t Change…Yet

They’re endless, “about me,” all that matters, and the reason Ohio’s “Family Court” system and the “Child Support” Enforcement Agency (CSEA) are as they are.

They truly believe their situation to be unique, the most important of all, and deserving of mine and others immediate attention. They promise everything and in nearly every case deliver nothing. They scream the loudest, believe that they should be heard, and that because they’re situation is “different.”

Who are they? They are predictable, make the same empty promise, are not to be believed in most cases, and contact me daily via emails that have the same two worn-out lines; “what can I do to get involved” and “please help.” The first is an insincere offer that only serves as an introduction to the latter which is the real motive behind their email.

“What can I do to get involved” is  truly a head fake that’s really a false cover for “my case is unique, I’m being abused, and I therefore deserve your undivided attention and unlimited resources, all for free of course. “Please help” is really why they’re contacting those that they are.

Am I being uncaring, cold, and flippant? Nope, only truthful in stating why “the System” is so anti-father, anti-noncustodial parent, and why things don’t change.

If many of those who’ve approached me over the last four years had the attitude of serving others instead of looking to better their own case by using others, things might very well be different today.

Understand that there are millions out there who fire off emails every day to some father’s rights (or the like) organization who seek only to help themselves and not others. That therein is the very problem that allows the present lunacy and contempt for noncustodial parents and their children by “the System” to perpetuate.

Nearly every noncustodial mom and dad has their own visitation and child support horror stories and they’re indeed truly sad. Some are incredibly heartbreaking, while others are downright disturbing and unnerving.

However, even more sad in some cases is the fact that so few are willing to chart their own (and their child’s, especially those with sons) course by getting involved so as to change the course of theirs and their child’s future. Why is that so? Simply because those very same people are those who are desperately needed in a vast mutiny to force the necessary change.

So to those who are always pleading “I need help” I ask, do you, and more importantly, do you really mean that? If you did, you would get involved as that’s the best way to help yourself. Things will continue to be as they are until you decide enough is enough and finally become active in fighting against this.

But so it is and will be; millions will continue to ask for help, while only a few of the same will get actively involved. Worse is that they don’t realize that getting involved is to help both themselves and others, who’ll in turn do the same. When that happens we’ll see great changes for the better, and such will truly be in the best interest of the children.

There’s a new organization currently being formed on a national level that will make a significant difference and will surely be a force to be reckoned with. The domain is in place, the charter is being written, a trademark is in progress, the web site is under construction, and Board members under consideration. Are you interested? I’d like to see a million members join and believe that’s easily attainable given what we’ll be standing for.

To those who’re presently assisting with that, I want to say “thank you!” Especially you “M!” In truth, you’re the first person I’ve met who possesses the same tenacity, fire and compassion as do I!

To those who read what I’ve written and say, “I don’t have time,” I ask, is that so? If you don’t have time to join and get involved, then please don’t complain nor ask others to help you as that makes you a hypocrite. To me at least, because your lack of doing so is precisely why you’re in the very position that you find yourself in as you expect others to help you? Who are you helping?

Additionally, there are those working in excess of 70 and 80 hours a week who are assisting and getting involved, so I ask you this, “do you really think that they ‘have the time?’” They have full-time jobs, children to tend to, court hearings etc etc and yet they choose to get involved because they don’t want to pass this ugliness on to their own children.

Think about it; the “child support” and Family Court juggernaut has moved forward unfettered for decades. It continues to leave in its a wake, a huge path of destruction that has decimated the lives of so many innocent and precious children who don’t have a voice in this. Their lives have been very hatefully and contemptuously waylaid in a very wanton and disgusting manner by the very system that purports to only be acting “in their best interests.” No, not true; that system only acts out of its own best financial interest which is only attainable at the expense of the children’s best interests as the two are mutually exclusive.

I believe that it’s every parent’s (especially noncustodial parents) responsibility to be an advocate for their children and thereby be one of those voices that’s working to change this very broken system as that same system is acting against the children.

Don’t believe me? How does incarcerating a child’s father for failing to pay child support after he lost his job through no fault of his own in the worst economy since the Great Depression help the child? How does suspending the same fathers drivers license so he can’t drive and “visit” his child help the child? How does suspending his professional license so he can’t go out and find a new job to start paying his “child support” help the child? Now tell me it’s all only “in the best interests of the children.”

That system operates as it does today because of those who think to themselves, “I don’t have time to assist, I don’t know how to assist,” or “others will assist so I don’t need to assist.” That thinking (all of it) couldn’t be further from the truth, and changing it begins with a simple yet very sincere, “how can “I” help?”

I do recognize that there are yet others who due to emotional and or mental problems can’t assist and that’s okay. But for those who say they’re “too stressed,” please trust me when I say you’ll truly find great relief, peace, and satisfaction in the helping of others, especially those who can’t help themselves.

Finally, donations are needed now to assist with web hosting fees and domain name purchases. Therefore, if you’re willing to assist on behalf of yourself, your children and or others, please contact me at the email below and advise as to how your willing to do so, and be that with your time, skills, financially,  all three, or “how can I help?”

Remember, change in this area is not going to come willingly by the State of Ohio, as there’s too much money (through their “child support” profits) involved for them to willingly change. Especially, in this economy. The State of Ohio has a budget too, and it doesn’t look good either.

Therefore, the hundreds of millions of dollars Ohio earns annually through statewide “child support” collections is not a sum of money that the State is going to willingly give up. Kim Newsom-Bridges and the legally sanctioned “rings of thievery” (as I refer to them, they aren’t so legally, but are so in spirit in my humble opinion) that are otherwise known as the Ohio “Child Support” Directors Association and the National “Child Support” Enforcement Association, will fight tooth and nail to keep earning their “child support” profit off not only the backs of broken families, but most importantly, off the backs of the innocent and precious children of those same families. You know them,  they’re those whom said agencies claim to only be “acting in the best interests of;” they are your beloved children.

Sincerely,

Tony Fantetti
Ohio Council for Fathers Rights
Email: tony.fantetti(at)ocffr(dot)org

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Homeless “Child-Support” Paying Ohio Police Officers Sleeping in Cars and Basements

I’ve heard countless stories over the years. Some were so shocking in nature that not only was I truly disturbed by them, they actually changed me. Truth be told, I’ve learned to harden my emotions as a result. Not from an empathetic perspective, but from that of a self-preservation point of view whereby I think less about what I know.

To elaborate, I’m the type of person who hyper-analyzes things. So if I didn’t force myself to forget things at times, I’d never sleep as my mind would race incessantly as I laid in bed at night pondering the “what type of person” and “who could do such a thing” type of questions.

That said, just when I think I’ve got a firm grasp on just how hateful and out-of-control the ODJFS and their financial strong-arm otherwise known as the “Child Support” Enforcement Agency (CSEA) as well as Ohio’s “Family Courts” are, someone else tells me their story. As a result, yet another layer in the depth of ugliness as it pertains to “the Family Law system” in Ohio is laid bare and thereby made painfully real to me. And I do mean painfully because this arouses such a fierce indignation in me that I’m incensed beyond what words can describe.

To convey what I’m trying to otherwise, consider this analogy. It’s like peeling an onion, only backwards. Where you layer instead of peel, but you don’t know you’re doing it until you find that next layer. Instead of getting to the core as you would when you peel, you find that you’re “peeling outward” or layering as the onion is getting bigger rather than smaller. Now apply that thinking to determining the depth of inhumanity and ugliness that’s carried out as Ohio’s CSEAs execute their functions to earn their profit on “child support” collections. In short, it’s without bounds.

I had a conversation with an Ohio Police Officer over the weekend that in truth made me so angry, that I wanted to scream out of my anger and frustration over what he was telling me. As stated earlier, I’ve heard a lot over the years, but when one considers that policemen (and by that I include policewomen) lay their lives on the line every day so that we and our children may live safely, a whole new dimension of heartless inhumanity, one that’s completely abhorrent to reason, is brought to light as it pertains to the ODJFS’ CSEAs.

Picture someone who’s homeless and sleeping in their car or in the basement of a building and that’s truly a sad thing to contemplate. Now picture that someone being a Police Officer sleeping in his car, or in the basement of a Police Station because after his “child support” is deducted from his salary that he earns by risking his life every minute of every day that he works, he has no money to pay rent. He’s been made homeless after losing everything (including most importantly unfettered access to his children) after Ohio’s CSEA order him to pay “child support.” Now, you shouldn’t just be angry after learning of that, you should be incensed beyond consolation, because that’s exactly the type of story that officer related to me during our conversation.

When it comes to the insanity of living through the first few years of dealing with Ohio’s “child support”and Domestic and/or Juvenile Relations Courts as a “child-support” paying non-custodial father in Ohio, the words demented, lunacy, insanity and hell only begin to describe the madness of the world you live in. That, as your dignity, your God-given right to be a father to your children, nearly all of your possessions and a very large portion of your net pay are all stripped from you. And for what??? what “crime” did you commit that you are so deserving of such hateful treatment that many jail inmates actually end up having more than you?

It’s simple. You made the brave decision to become a father, and in the America we live in today, becoming a single father (even through no choice nor fault of your own) doesn’t mean you deserve to be treated like a criminal, because you won’t, you’ll be treated far worse than any criminal in the Criminal Justice System and here’s why; they have rights, whereas you as a single or divorced dad do not!

Knowing how my thinking and mindset were turned inside-out and upside-down when I was first introduced to “the system” following my divorce, and considering what it took me just to get out of bed each day and merely put one foot before the other, I can’t even begin to fathom how much worse, exponentially worse, it must be for a Police Officer to have to perform their job with the full weight of Ohio’s “Family” Courts and the “Child Support” Extortion (aka Enforcement) Agency hell bearing down on their lives daily.

Add to that, a Police Officer who has no home and can’t afford to pay any rent because he doesn’t have enough money left from his own paycheck to pay rent after his “child support” deduction is taken out. He therefore must sleep in his car, or in his friends basement or the basement of the station because he has no place to call home. Understand that he can’t just work more hours to get ahead, that doesn’t work, and here’s why; “the more you make, the more they take.”

So if he puts in an additional 20-30 hours in overtime, they’ll raise his child support so much, that his net pay wouldn’t be much different than it was before. So what’s the point of risking ones life so much more to net only a minute amount of additional money each week? There is none. Even worse, if his hours get cut because the City he works for wants to save money, it’s most likely that the courts won’t lower his “child support” order after those overtime hours dry up. The court or CSEA would then declare him to be “voluntarily underemployed” and therefore order him to keep paying the higher “child support” amount.

As if being forced to play “Family Court” and then going to work and pretending to be normal wasn’t bad enough, imagine sleeping in your car all night, driving to the Police Station to shower and dress, and then going out and dealing with dangerous criminals and thugs for the next 8-15 hours. Even worse, and while all that weight bears on your mind from being homeless, not being able to see your precious children and having to deal with the harassment of your ex who’s using the Courts and the CSEA as her war hammer, imagine having to deal with some psychotic meth or crackhead who’s threatening your life with a gun, and where one mistake could cost you your life.

Now, that officer’s children whom the Ohio Department of Jobs and Family Services collection agent, the CSEAs claim to acting in “the best interest of” in bankrupting that policeman through his “child support” order, would be fatherless. Would the CSEA or Court care if that happened? Of course not.

Well, allow me to take that back, as the CSEA would care in the sense that it would affect their bottom line as they could no longer profit off of his “child support” payments through their Title IV D Federal Incentive Match. Please know that as sick and disgusting as that sounds and is, I do not take lightly what I’m saying, nor am I making light of such a serious scenario. To the contrary, I’m trying to illustrate just how sick Ohio’s “child support” system is and mean what I’ve said.

The officer also told me of how the Court was harassing him about his work schedule that he obviously had no control over. He was lectured about how he was expected to be on-time for “visitation” and that he needed to have a more flexible work schedule. Who has heard of anything more stupid than telling a police officer that they must have a “flexible work schedule?” Huh? So does one infer from such a stupid statement that he would be expected to walk away from a crime scene, or stop pursuing a felony suspect because he had to leave for “visitation?” What if he’s in the middle of arresting a suspect, and has only one handcuff on and “quitting time” arrives. Does, he remove the one handcuff and turn the criminal loose as he says to them, “maybe next time, but for now, it’s quittin time because the Court said so!”

Understand that I’m not being sarcastic or facetious in writing that. Rather, I’m using that paradox to expose a critically important truth as it demonstrates just how out-of-touch as well as how culpable the Courts are, not only in their failure to address the anti-father bias in Ohio’s Domestic Relations Courts, but also in contributing to it. That in and of itself clearly demonstrates just how far from reality as well as how deep into oblivion the Courts have descended in their inability to address the needs of single and divorcing Ohio fathers. How, in a sane world, can a judicial official make such a ridiculous statement to a father who’s a police officer?

That aside, I wonder if those same stupid statements would still apply if that officer were in the midst of protecting that judge or one of his family? I highly doubt it.

I’m not sure I can think of anything lower than a society that couldn’t care less about our brave policemen and women, who as a direct result of being extorted out of exorbitant amounts of “child support,” are left homeless, must sleep in the basement of a district police station, have to take buses or taxis to work (because they can’t afford a car) and who are so close to losing it, that they’re told by their superiors that they must “get help” or face losing their jobs. But what I can think of is the reason why, which is, “for the love of money is the root of all evil.”

I can’t say what city this officer is from, but I know that more and more of his colleagues will be coming to this Blog and there’s much I have to say to all of you. First and foremost, thank you for laying your lives on the line each day to keep us and our children safe.

Next, please know that I have been where some of you are, and where others will unfortunately be. I know that sick and disgusting feeling that can overcome you at the mere thought of having to get out of bed each day, and after Ohio’s CSEAs and “Family” Courts have destroyed your life, your finances, and most of all wrecked your relationship with your children whom are also innocent victims in a very ugly game that’s “for profit.’

Please know that you are not alone, are not going crazy, don’t deserve all that’s been heaped upon you and that there are those (including myself) who do care. I myself, and after a few years of “the system” met with a National Guard Recruiter and was going to enlist and go to Iraq for “death by war,” because I’d been driven over the edge by all that I encountered. The night before I was to go to Columbus to sign the papers, I called my recruiter to advise him I’d changed my mind and explained that, “I have a five year old girl who needs her daddy.”

I too have sat alone in the dark, crying and praying for death because I wouldn’t take my own life. I regularly cursed God and shook my fists at him in defiance and that’s okay.

Never forget that your children need you and love you. No matter how bad things are, nor how bad things get, there is an end to the madness. And please, trust me when I say I know what it feels like to see that light at the end of the tunnel only to realize it’s yet another train coming at you head on, and that at the point of impact, will deliver yet another huge payload of destruction that will once again shake the foundation of your world, and everything you thought you once believed in. And to such an extent that you don’t even know who you are anymore.

As the Officer I spoke to explained to me, “our wives and girlfriends get upset because we can’t talk about or jobs with them. It’s not that we don’t want to, we just can’t because they wouldn’t understand. You’d have to experience it, be a police officer, to understand it.” Well, so it is with the House-of-Horrors that’s otherwise known as Ohio’s CSEAs and Family Courts. Others have to experience that hell for themselves to understand it or even believe in it. I have, and I do.

Please know that there are plans in the works to form another organization on a national level that will deal with these atrocities that have been, and are inflicted upon non-custodial mothers and fathers alike. It’s in that organization that I believe we’ll make great strides in tearing down this very hateful system that proudly profits off of the backs of broken families and the innocent children thereof. We have to be successful, because we CAN’T pass this very broken system onto our own children. That’s especially true for those of you with sons. Can you imagine your own son having to experience what you do when he’s an adult with children of his own?

In support of said organization, another website will be coming online that will explain more in greater detail. In the meantime, I’d like to get to know as many of you as possible. Although my contact number is no longer public, I’ve instructed the officer I spoke with to freely give it to all of you.

That said, if you ever find yourself “there” and thinking thoughts you shouldn’t be thinking, please call me any time, day or night. Thank you for doing what you do and PLEASE stay safe out there, you’re children love you, need you, and miss you.

Sincerely,

Tony Fantetti
Ohio Council for Fathers Rights
Email: tony.fantetti(at)ocffr(dot)org

Posted in Miscellaneous, Suicide | 7 Comments

Ohio Child Support Lawsuit: ODJFS Accused of Knowingly Over Collecting in Class Action Complaint

The lawsuit below was filed by Matt Dunlop of Ohio.

Ohio’s “child support” system is indeed in disrepute when the State of Ohio not only profits off of broken families, but in fact publicly rejoices in doing so while also simultaneously demonizing good and loving noncustodial (NC) fathers and mothers in the process. Understand that such demonizing is required so the State of Ohio can keep their profiteering hidden from public view.

Said profits to this day continue to be earned by the State, and out of nothing more than the Ohio Department of Jobs and ‘Family Servcies’ (ODFJS) promoting Ohio’s best financial interests above and beyond the genuine best interests of Ohio’s precious children. Even more deplorable and despicable than that, is that such can only be attained at the emotional expense of Ohio’s entirely innocent and very vulnerable children as both interests are mutually exclusive.
END NOTE
__________________________________________________________

When I first learned that Dunlop v ODJFS (L0290829)was in the making and that the Ohio Department of Jobs and Family Services was to be named as a Defendant, I was far beyond elated. In all truthfulness, my mood immediately elevated as my mind shifted to that of dreamlike state where I was basking in nirvana.

Admittedly, I can be quite lively in my depictions of things at times. But make no mistake, after I learned of the nature of the Complaint, I truly felt as I’ve described.

Even more fulfilling, is seeing “DOES 1 through 300, inclusive, Defendants” listed under ODJFS in the above-referenced complaint, and I eagerly anticipate seeing Kimberly Newsom-Bridges name occupying one of those DOES slots.

Ms. Newsom-Bridges is in my own humble and untrained legal opinion one of the ringleaders in what I refer to as Ohio’s “Legalized Ring of Thievery” that’s otherwise euphemistically known as Ohio’s “Child Support” Enforcement Agency (CSEA).

Personally, I prefer to use the acronym Ohio CSEA to described what it really means, as well as what they truly stand for, and that’s the Ohio Child Support Extortion Agency. Rest assured that they will forcefully, and under a very dark color of law, shakedown anyone that they can get their filthy, greedy, “88-county hands” on. Included in said extortion are those innocent victims of paternity fraud whereby it’s proven in Court that said fathers cannot possibly be the parent of the children that they’re ordered to pay “child support” for.

And the CSEA couldn’t care less about the truth in that matter, as they care only about the profit they extract from those “fathers” who are extorted by the Ohio CSEA under the constant threat of arrest, incarceration, liens, bank account/security accounts and asset seizures for “support” for children that aren’t theirs. Don’t forget now, that Ohio’s CSEAs claim that their actions are “in the best interests of the children?” Really??? Just how is seizing the money of someone who’s known to NOT be the father “in the best interest of the children?” Please, do tell? Perhaps I’ll email Ms. Kimberly Newsom-Bridges, Director of the OCDA, President of the NCSEA and ask her?

Back to my state of mind when I was informed of the impending suit, and to continue from where I left off above; I was enamored with a blissful sense of justice for the first time in about seven years when I first learned of MPP’s intent to file the complaint. Those seven years have been a very long and horrific span of time that began after Ohio’s “Child Support” House-of-Horrors opened its doors and forced me in so as to partake in their ongoing freak-show. Said inclusion was effected via the strong arm of the Domestic Relations Court whereby to this day it extracts my continual albeit unwilling participation. You must understand that you can’t just “quit playing,” as to quit, eventually ends in incarceration for those who no longer want to play.

I will forever and very vividly remember the heightened and overwhelming sense of positive emotions I was feeling while participating in discussions and learning for the first time that the complaint was to be filed. I can only begin to describe it from the perspective of one who’s been given another chance at life after having experienced years of very exacting (both emotionally and financially) and monumental continual failures that were not caused by their own actions, but by those associated with, “the system” and with unjust blame for such being placed squarely at the innocent’s feet.

More specifically, failures such as a painful and forced separation from one’s children, bankruptcy, loss of driver’s license, homelessness, loss of employment, ruined credit, being unemployable. Those and other ills that were waylaid upon good and loving fathers (and noncustodial mothers) by Ohio’s “child support” system. Such is done by those who are tasked with the destructive duties of destroying the lives of noncustodial parents (NCPs) in their abusive efforts to bleed those loving parents dry in their efforts to “get blood from a turnip.”

Next, you were wrongfully and very publicly humiliated as a “deadbeat dad” on TV, billboards, pizza boxes and via other very public means, after the State of Ohio and her many CSEA minions destroyed your life, and in turn the lives of your innocent children. That, because those now very confused and frightened little Ohio children had their entire lives and worlds very hatefully and inhumanely turned upside-down as a direct result of those contemptuously willful CSEA and ODJFS actions. Just picture little toddlers pointing at the TV and screaming hysterically, “MOMMY WHY ARE THEY TAKING DADDY AWAY???” as they watched in horror as said terrifying pandemonium played out right before their eyes in the swirl of flashing red and blue lights on the TV in front of them.

That was done so the State of Ohio can “profit” off of the backs of Ohio’s precious and innocent children by using them to shakedown their NCPs and in many cases bankrupting them. That allows Ohio to maximize its “share” of the Federal Government’s Title IV-D Section 451 Federal Incentive Match that we as taxpayers fund through our Social Security payroll tax, and as described in Title IV Part D Section 451 of the Social Security Act.

So what about this civil action lead to my immediate escape into a Utopian dreamworld after I learned of it? It’s simple; justice. This case is proof positive of what I’ve been saying for years, and that being, “Ohio’s increasingly abusive and punitive “child-support” collections efforts have nothing to do with the old worn-out (only in the sense that the the State of Ohio uses it and what they mean by it) phrase, “it’s in the best interests of the children.”

Ohio and her 88 county collection’s agents otherwise known as the “Child Support” Enforcement Agency care nothing about the children they purport to “collect on behalf of” and instead have used those very same children for decades to demonize alleged “deadbeat dads” and thereby distract the public from the following very inconvenient truth;Ohio has “earned” hundreds of millions in dollars in “profits” off of “child support” collections over the years. In truth, I suspect that number is closer to one billion dollars.

The motive behind their decades-long and increasingly hateful and abusive campaign whereby they’ve wrongfully maligned (and ruined) many innocent good and loving noncustodial mothers and fathers, can be easily exposed with Ohio’s own statutes as read here where they state in part in ORC 3119.07:

“(A) Except when the parents have split parental rights and responsibilities, a parent’s child support obligation for a child for whom the parent is the residential parent and legal custodian shall be presumed to be spent on that childand shall not become part of a child support order, and a parent’s child support obligation for a child for whom the parent is not the residential parent and legal custodian shall become part of a child support order.”

Please allow me to elaborate on two things in that statute. First, the word “shall” in a legal sense means “you must,” and it’s important to comprehend what that really means.
For example, the Judges and Magistrates of the Courts as well as all CSEA personnel must assume that every dollar of every “child support” payment made to the custodial parent (CP) is in fact spent on the children of that order.

Said otherwise, and from a legal perspective (and not from one of reality), there is no legal mechanism to think otherwise and therefore said statement is accepted as an incontrovertible fact. Additionally, it would still be so even if the custodial parent were to stand up in open court and declare under oath, “I don’t spend a dime of that money on my children!”

So with all of the aforementioned persons/institutions being instructed by Ohio statute to “think a certain way”, simple logic and reality dictate otherwise; the fact that in most cases, “child support” dollars are NOT spent on the children of that order and are in fact spent by the custodial parent to support their own lifestyle.

And please, don’t comment here and say, “but they have to pay rent or a mortgage, provide clothing for the child, food, pay auto insurance etc etc etc” because so does the noncustodial “child-support” paying parent (aka the Obligor of an order) who in addition to what’s enumerated, must also provide health insurance that is some cases in nearly $1,000/month or more.

I personally have seen many “Child Support Moms” swipe their Ohio e-Quickpay “child support” debit card at the checkout line to purchase beer, cigarettes, liquor, and a host of other items that one could reasonably assume aren’t for a child. Not only that, those same debit cards can be used in bars, restaurants, casinos, strip clubs, to book travel, airfare and anywhere MasterCard is accepted.

Next, I read a study a couple of years ago that I unfortunately can’t locate that was undertaken by a third-party without any outward biases. Said study overwhelmingly concluded that no more than 30-35% (and that was considered a generous number) of “child support” payments were in fact spent on the children of the order. The rest of the money was spent to support the CP’s lifestyle.

Also, factor in that there are many known and documented cases where the children of a “child support” order are living with the noncustodial father, and that, while he makes “child support” payments to the custodial mother. Remember, ODJFS clamors that this is “in the best interest of the children.” Really? How?

The point I’m leading up to is this; how can the State of Ohio, ODJFS or Ohio’s CSEAs even begin to claim that they’re acting “in the best interests of the children” in effecting their abusive “child support” collection methods whereby they bankrupt, humiliate and incarcerate good and loving noncustodial mothers and fathers, when in fact they have no idea whatsoever where, or on whom, those “child support” dollars are spent?

Remember, they’re instructed by statute to take the position that the monies (all of it) are in fact spent on the children of the order, when in truth not only do they not know, they don’t even care! All ODJFS cares about is collecting as much money as possible (annually, since the match is based on annual collections) given that the amount of their Federal Incentive Match is directly proportional to their annual statewide “child support” collections. Now do you understand why Ohio regularly over-collects as well as collects from some who don’t even owe?

Moreover, not only does statute “tell them how to think” in regard to money spent, Ohio’s “child support” statutes have no provision whatsoever that even allows the Courts or CSEAs to demand to know where the monies are being spent.Said otherwise, no one save for God and the custodial parentknows, or for that matter is allowed to know, where those “child support” dollars are spent.

Using simple logic, and given that Ohio’s CSEAs claim to only be acting “in the best interest of the children” in their abusive and draconian collections efforts that lead to the filing of the lawsuit, how can they possibly be making such a claim without even knowing where those billions of dollars they’re collecting are being spent?

I’ll answer that; they can’t, they know they can’t, and most importantly they don’t care that they can’t, because they have only one goal and one alone: Maximize Ohio’s annual statewide “child support” collections, and at any cost. That, only so they in turn can maximize Ohio’s share of the Federal Government’s annual Federal Incentive match that’s described in the link above to Title IV Part D Section 451 of the Social Security Act.

If you doubt the claims I’ve made with regard to the reasons regarding how abusive Ohio’s CSEAs have been and continue to be, and you are therefore suspect of me, then ask yourself this; did you even know that the State of Ohio “earns” a profit off of each and every “child support” payment that’s made in Ohio? If not, then why not?

Additionally, the reason I almost always put quotes around the words “child support” is because I do live in a reality where I recognize that a LOT of custodial parents are making a lot of money via “child support” off the backs of their own precious children and not spending even a dime of it on those same children whose very lives have been destroyed by it. That said, I refuse to call “child support” what it’s not-“support for the children.”

Sincerely,

Tony Fantetti
Ohio Council for Fathers Rights
Email: tony.fantetti(at)ocffr(dot)org

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Protecting and Provisioning for Children as the End of “The Age of America” Dawns

Despite having been aware of the possibility (for quite some time) of “The Age of America” coming to an end, I’m still somewhat surprised to see this being reported by the media. Additionally, and since I saved this post to a draft days ago, other stories foretelling the same, have come out as well.

I generally refrain from discussing politics (as both Republicans and Democrats with respect to their policy are both very anti-father); nonetheless, I felt that what’s discussed in the aforementioned link is worth discussing here.

First, and to you naysayers and those with their heads in the sand, I say “good luck, because I believe at this point that you’re really going to need it.” That aside, there’s a much bigger issue at stake that’s exponentially more important; that being, how will this affect the children of “fatherless” families. More specifically, families where the father has been kicked out of the children’s lives by their “single mom by choice”  mothers utilizing their strong-arm tactics otherwise known as the “Family Courts.”

It’s no secret that more and more people are living in RV parks, are homeless and even living in shanty towns similar to those erected during the Great Depression. So when the US economy crashes as a result of the US Dollar being replaced as the world’s reserve currency (some put this even five years out, but I believe we’ll possibly experience this in 2012 or 2013 at the latest), the fallout from said scenario will be very swift, and very ugly. In short I suspect that there will be complete pandemonium and to a lesser extent anarchy as a direct result. That, at least until the IMF steps in to “stabilize” the situation.

After that occurs, we’ll be left with rebuilding what once was, but perhaps to a lesser degree as a country as a whole. Said otherwise, I doubt (at least in my lifetime) that America will ever be again what it once was. Admittedly, I’m not an Economist, but I at one time was a very active (and quite successful) investor. To such an extent that if I still had the assets I once did, I’m certain that I would’ve made a considerable amount of money since this “recession” began and would thereby be looking forward to retirement, but on account of the reality of what’s described herein.

That said, it’s my humble opinion that after America’s credit rating is downgraded (our debt already has been) and the dollar loses its status as the world’s reserve currency, we’ll experience various degrees of anarchy that I believe will be driven in part by a lack of food and basic necessities. And that, is where the protection and provisioning of a father will surely be missed, and to a greater extent desired by the children of the so many mothers who in many cases and for self-serving and utterly selfish reasons only, unilaterally decided that “their” children would grow up without a loving father who’d otherwise have been actively (and with unfettered access) engaged in their lives.

In a sense, but not without true regret and a heartfelt regard for how terrible things may end up getting for the children involved, I suspect that many fathers would welcome such a scenario, albeit with a highly ambivalent sense of deliverance. One that’s driven by an insatiable desire for justice, and that for the many wrongs and injustices that for years have been committed against them by those “mothers” who while wielding their “Family Court” war-hammers, forcefully ejected said fathers out of their children’s lives.

To get more to my point, when and if there are gangs of unchallenged and out-of-control street-roving thugs who through threats and acts of violence take what’s not theirs, and when and if food is in short supply, who’ll be there to protect and provide for the children?

Is mom going to do it? This is not a question of desire, as I believe that 99.9% of moms would sacrifice their lives (as would dads) in a heartbeat for their children.  But rather, this is a question of “can” they protect and provide for their children as could a father in such a scenario? My answer to that question is a very emphatic “NO!”

Do I state such because I’m a misogynist? Absolutely not; I speak that for what it is, and despite what were told by the media and father-hating feminists. It’s so simply because it’s because of how God wired us as the polar opposites that we are, and it’s therefore and incontrovertible fact in my humble opinion.

Men/fathers by design can kill, protect and provide in ways that most women can’t and would find repulsive, and save for those ladies who’re the exceptions to that rule, most men discharge said duties more effectively and efficiently than do most women. Do I also recognize that women/moms contribute equally unique skills and abilities and discharge those attributes to much better degree than do men/fathers? Of course I do.

I saw a very interesting study within the last year that delved into how men and women respond to an immediate physical threat. I wish I had it to link to, but was only able to find what appeared to be the feminist driven crap that says they, “respond the same” or “women respond better.” That aside, said study looked at how men and women responded to a situation whereby there’s an immediate threat of physical harm.

I believe the study indicated that the female response geared more towards exiting the situation as quickly as possible and thereby escaping the threat, while the male response was to the contrary, and was geared towards him immediately assessing the situation to determine how fast he should neutralize the threat. Both of course are very reasonable and equally valid responses, albeit they’re obviously very different in nature. In such a scenario, I’d say that most men can successfully effect either response. However, most women could not, as they simply do not possess the required necessary physical attributes to neutralize a threat should the situation require that it be done through physical strength alone.

Taking that a step further, and I suspect that criminal convictions and present jail populations would confirm this; a man is more likely to discharge deadly force than is a woman. Be that his reasons were justified or not is moot, as the fact remains that a man will kill much quicker, more often and in various situations than will a woman. Don’t believe me without statistics to back that up? Then just ask any feminist or the head of any Domestic Violence organization as they’ll satiate you with how “evil, hateful and equally dangerous “all” men are.”

In closing, and if the end of “The Age of America” indeed comes upon us in the manner I’ve described herein. And if mass anarchy in fact comes to life whereby protection and provisioning will only come to those who are willing and able to physically seize it; then please tell me who, and with so many court-ordered absent fathers in this country, will be there to defend and provide for the children if indeed the dawn of the end of “The Age of America” cracks in utter anarchy?

Sincerely,

Tony Fantetti
Ohio Council for Fathers Rights
Email: tony.fantetti(at)ocffr(dot)org

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Received Via Email from an Ohio Mother in Defense of Her Incarcerated Son

Date: Thu, 21 Apr 2011 07:58:23 -0400 [04/21/2011 04:58:23 AM PDT]
From: Cathy Xxxxxx <XXXXXXXX@zoomtown.com>
To: tony fantetti
Subject: please help

Hi Tony,
I am writing to you for my son, he doesn’t know that I’m doing this but we
all need some help. First a little background:

My son went to prison for possession of cocaine, while in prison we found
out that he had a son by a woman he dated. He had to pay back child support
for quite a few months that he was in prison, while we’re not happy about
that portion, we do believe in paying support.

My grandson mother was pregnant with another child when we found out that we
had a grandson. My grandsons brother was in foster care due to the mothers
heroine addiction, neglect and abuse, when my grandson was born he also went
into foster care. My grandson was almost a year old when we found out that
he was our grandson. We started visiting with our grandson every chance we
could. A few months after finding out we had a grandson, children’s
protective service was ready to integrate him back into his mother’s home.
She informed me that she didn’t think she could care for a newborn and 2
young boys, we offered for him to come and live with us until she was ready.
We went to court and the court was informed that my grandson would be living
with us, we thought everything was fine. During the following 6 months the
mother would visit irregularly and when she did take him for a weekend, she
would bring him back with very bad diaper rash, once with bruises and
scratches on his upper arms (as if someone had grabbed both his arms). I
started talking with the foster parent and the great grandfather of his
older brother and heard horrendous stories. Eight months after my grandson
coming to live with us, his mother brought him home with diaper rash so bad
that he was bleeding. The anger I had cannot be described, I called her and
told her that she couldn’t see him any more, I know I shouldn’t have because
we did not have custody, I was angry and not thinking. I took him to the
hospital and it was confirmed that he had severe diaper rash, the mother
came to the hospital with police in tow and took my grandson. My son was
still in prison.

She took my grandson in August, my husband and I filed for visitation. We
were granted visitation in October 2007, we were able to visit on the 1st
and 3rd weekends of the month. My son was released from prison January 2008.
In the timeframe between August and October, the mother charged me with
stalking and tried to get a protection order against me, it was dismissed
because she didn’t show up for court.

Present day: My son has had to file for visitation. He didn’t file before
because he take our grandson for one overnight on the weekends that we had
him. I’m am in the process of a criminal charge, at first I was charged with
Child Endangerment because I disciplined my grandson while he was visiting
with us, the Child Endangerment charges were dismissed. I am now being
charged with Assault and have a protection order against me. The mother
tried in October 2010 to take away our visitation but it was denied, no
modifications were made to our visitation. She is now trying again to take
away our visitation. We paid the fee for our son to file for visitation, we
know that if he is granted visitation it will take away ours but we know
that he will let us visit with him. We also paid the fee to get our
grandsons surname changed to that of his fathers. He had to get the case
continued to get a lawyer because even though my son was willing to have a
hyphenated surname with his name, then her maiden name, she would not agree
to that. She wants it to be her married surname and then my sons surname, of
course he doesn’t want that.

Even though our visitation is still in effect and I have stated that I will
not be present, the mother has refused my husband picking our grandson up
for visitation. We have filed contempt charges per the court judges advice.
She is stating all kinds of false allegations and is stating that our
grandson is terrified to come to our house, that my son is not his father,
that he is just the sperm donor, etc.

My son is currently unemployed and we cannot keep paying his lawyer fees
along with ours and he really needs legal help. Is there someone you can
recommend that will act for him in the Name Change case that will do this
pro bono??

We live in Ohio, my grandson is 5 years old now, they were never married. I
don’t know what other information you need in order to help us but am
willing to provide any that you need.

Thank you,

Cathy
—————————————————————————————————————————–

Cathy,

I’m sorry to say once again that I’ve been unsuccessful in my efforts (for reasons described in part in the previous post) to locate any pro bono attorneys. There are those who are lucky enough to find one, but I suspect that they’re few and far between.

That said, and given the mother of your grandson’s propensity to to stir legal trouble up by making allegations against you, if I were in your position, I’d keep a digital recorder with me at all times when I’m dealing with her. And that applies to recording telephone conversations with her in accordance with State law.

As far as the name change issue, I believe she’ll have to go through Probate Court for that as she (to my knowledge) just can’t change your grandson’s name from what’s on his birth certificate. If you were told otherwise by an attorney, please advise.

Rest assured that your grandson’s mother will not change in her behavior, and I mean that in more ways than one. More specifically, and given she was addicted to heroine, I believe her chances of a relapse are strong.

Once an addict always an addict (absent certain faith in my humble opinion), but the decision to stay clean can be forever, if it’s made one day at a time. What I’m driving at is twofold; the first being, help and encourage (without criticism but using “tough love”) your son to stay sober if he is not.

If you get word that his ex is using again, an anonymous complaint can be made against her with “‘Child Protective’ Services”(CPS). However, be aware that if in fact they find her to be using and they once again take your grandson into State Custody, your son needs to be prepared to file a motion for Change of Custody either by obtaining counsel (which it sounds like none of you can afford) or doing so pro se. Especially if she’s in jail. Reason being, CPS most likely will not make any attempt to place your grandson in your son’s custody should the aforementioned occur. This is because CPS is as anti-father as are the courts, but they too, and just like the CSEAs realize that there’s a financial profit to be “earned” by separating fathers from their children.

That’s due in part to the fact that the State of Ohio also financially profits by breaking up families and placing children in foster care. They in turn can force the biological parents (but usually the father) to pay “child support” to the State, in order to reimburse it for the monies they pay to the foster parents. Additionally, the State of Ohio profits off of those “child support” payments that are made.

Said corruption runs deep within the State of Ohio and partially explains how that precious child Marcus Fiesel was placed into the “care of” and subsequently murdered by such heinous monsters that were said to be his “foster parents.” Please know that such is not directed at the many good and loving foster parents out there.

Why not wait until she motions the proper court for the name change and involve yourself with that matter (and retain counsel then assuming you have the funds) instead of initiating an action on your own?

If at some point down the road your grandson is once again taken into State Custody and the State is refusing to place him in your son’s custody assuming he is in fact clean, please contact me.

Finally, instead of paying an attorney to have her held in contempt (whereby she’ll likely be found not guilty or slapped on the wrist at best) why not divert those funds to fighting her against the name change?

Sincerely,

Tony Fantetti
Ohio Council  for Fathers Rights
Email: tony.fantetti(at)ocffr(dot)org

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Received Via Email from a Hamilton County Father

Date: Tue, 26 Apr 2011 18:17:03 -0400 [03:17:03 PM PDT]
From: Txxxx Xxxxxxx <xxxxxx@gmail.com>
To: ‘Tony Fantetti’ <tony.fantetti@ocffr.org>
Subject: RE: Ohio Council for Fathers Rights website

Hi Tony,

Thanks for providing this informative site, organization, and your blog.I’m researching a possible appeal for a custody trial in Hamilton County that seemed mine to lose. xxxxxx xxxx xxxxxxxx xxxxxx xxxxx xxxxx, however I received a phone call this afternoon from my oldest son (xx) who was in tears and inconsolable, as his mother told him he and his brother and sister would be staying with her, and they would be seeing much less of me.

Of course, xxxx xxx xxxxxxxx xxxxxxxx xxxx, but if what my son told me is accurate, I am shocked. I had lies thrown at me during and before trial, unproven accusations of relations with a minor leveled at me by the mother and a neighbor of her’s (who’s sexual advances I rebuffed, hence her lies and accusations), and backed by no proof whatsoever other than allegation and misinterpreted email.

Meanwhile, the custody investigation came down strongly in my favor saying we should form a shared parenting plan; the kids should spend the majority of the time with me, and attend the local public school in my neighborhood. She accused me of doing drugs and she, herself was found to have drugs in her drug screen (and even admitted to the custody investigator she had done them – I tested clean), and had attempted to bring a strange man into the home one morning at 8am immediately after I dropped my daughter off, both very intoxicated and bringing in more alcohol – and a photograph of her attempting to bring the man into the home was presented as evidence.

Again, xxxx xxxxx xxxx xxx the mother was requesting
full custody, and I presented a shared parenting plan that reflected the suggestions of the court appointed custody investigator. What worries me is that my son told me ‘mom said we would be staying with her and won’t see you as much’…  I wonder, if what my son says is accurate, is this typical behavior of ‘family court’ judges to apparently disregard the recommendations of their very own court employees?  I’m sure the fact that the ex is an ‘artist’ and makes very little money has a great deal to do with a ruling that will keep me and my money wrapped up in the child support
system.

The magistrate (Newberry) we have seems to be fair – even lowering my initial support payments that were set far too high by a temporary magistrate when this all began. However, I certainly have my doubts about the ability of the judge to make a reasonable decision, again, if what my son says is accurate. The judge is brand-new to the bench (having been a magistrate prior to January), and the judge was switched mid-stream (from Panioto, who retired, to Sieve).

Depending on xxxxx xxxx   xxxxxxx, I may decide to appeal. My son is distraught at the thought of having to live with his mom – he and I are far too alike, and we both fear she will take out her animosity on him in the future.  And if I do appeal, I’m afraid I can no longer afford my attorney. I felt he made a good case for me, but I can’t afford to spend more money on
him if he is not thoroughly invested in my dilemma, which I suspect he may not be. I noticed in another post you referenced a list of ‘retain or refrain’ attorneys, but I could not find it on your site, other than one ‘refrain’. Also, any information on anyone willing to help me file my appeal inexpensively would be greatly appreciated. The ex had full control over our
finances, and did a spectacular job of ruining our credit, both jointly and my own personal credit, which I didn’t have an opportunity to rebuild, as I mentioned, she had full control over our finances.

I have been funding the divorce proceedings by borrowing money from my parents, who are on a fixed income, and can’t do so any longer. I myself am living in the good graces of my parents who are allowing me to stay in their old house so I am not destitute. At the end of my two-week pay cycle, I’m down to about $15 bucks, if I’m lucky.

Any additional money I have goes toward keeping groceries in
the house for the kids when they’re here, and buying them second-hand clothing from the thrift store, as she refuses to let them bring clothes (bought with money I earned when I lived there) to my home.

This sickens me, as I have always been very close to my children. I cooked dinner for the family virtually every night after work, when she sat on her rear and made ‘art’ which is too overpriced to sell in this economy. I put them to bed every night, took them to the park, the zoo, taught my boys to
ride their bikes, and took them to scouts and campouts.

She never attended any of those things. xxx xxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxx. You know what he asked the boys? He asked what they thought of March madness basketball. Never once asked them where they wanted to stay, where they wanted to go to school, whose home provides them more (they have their own rooms where I live now). He didn’t bother to ask
them who took them to their sports practices and games, or to scouts, or to sleepovers with friends. If he had, it would have exposed her lies about how she ‘did it all’. She didn’t – I don’t begrudge what she has done for them, but she lied on the stand (and had others do so too) and said I was never there for my kids. I have always been there for my kids – always.

Yes, I strayed from her in our marriage, but not in the way she accused me of, and I was always there for my children. But she wishes to use my love for my kids as a weapon against me.

I definitely feel there was bias on behalf of the judge, as in researching him, he is a catholic school grad. There’s nothing wrong with that, except for the fact that catholic school vs. public school is a major issue in this case, and the fact that we could never afford catholic school. Oh – did I mention she is on food stamps because she refuses to get a real job?

Well, sorry for my rant. Thanks for any information you can provide, and for the resources you’ve already provided here on your site. I wish I had found it months ago…

Regards,

Txxxxx

—————————————————————————————————————————–

“T”,

Thanks for taking the time to email me your story. Sadly, it’s replete with “more of the same” and another good example of why the mother in approximately 83% of cases nationwide, is awarded sole custody of the children.

I personally had Panioto as a judge and although in some respects felt he truly wanted to do the right thing, I’m convinced he had either dementia, the beginnings of Alzheimer’s, or was on a medication that adversely impacted his ability to sufficiently preside over trials, and therefore was incapable of properly discharging his duties.

Quite frankly, I was going to out him to the media for the terrible injustices he committed against my daughter in my most recent custody trial. And that, by completely disregarding her testimony and while knowing that she was coached (but not by me) and for routinely falling asleep on the bench during said trial. Those were the good parts. I will for now withhold the truly horrendous things he did as they truly continue to endanger my daughter’s life in a very real sense.

It was funny how the opposing counsel’s cross-examination of what I did in this organization was allowed as my attorney’s objection on the grounds of relevance was “overruled.” However, very pertinent testimony under cross on my daughter’s mothers part (and that was to my benefit) was silenced as her attorney’s objection on the grounds of relevance was sustained. Truth be told, I may day write a book and describe (in considerable detail) what happened then.

That said, how does it apply to your case? Well, I too now have Sieve presiding over my case, and if Panioto was bad, Sieve will be ten times worse and here’s why; I’m told (and ASSUMING it’s true, so in defense of him, I must point out that I’ve not verified this personally) that he did nothing but hear “Domestic Violence” cases in Domestic Relations whereby he rubber-stamped Protection Orders. Assuming that’s indeed a fact, there’s zero hope for any fathers in his court. Reason being, his attitude will be “All mothers are truthful and good, all fathers are liars and bad.”

As far as appealing the decision, don’t waste your money. The appellate judges in the decisions I’ve read have specifically stated that they “will not substitute their interpretation of the “best interests of the children” for that of the trial court. Said otherwise, the appellate courts feel that such a determination can only best be made by the trial court judges/magistrates as they are intimate with the details of the case. I even went so far as to get my own attorney’s opinion and he says it’s “extremely difficult” to have a custody ruling overturned.

However, he did say that he’s successfully had some custody decisions successfully overturned on appeals based on technicalities. Based on what you told me in a follow-up email, perhaps you might have a chance at being successful. His contact information can be found here if you wish to run it by him. I can tell you that between attorney’s fees, filing fees and transcripts, an appeal would probably cost you about $5,000 more.

I truly wish I knew of some attorneys who would be willing to work on a pro bono basis, but knowing how many indigent fathers are out there (and how many make requests of me alone) I think many attorneys would themselves be indigent if they took on pro bono cases. I’m sorry I don’t have anything better to offer on that front. I suspect that if I were at least a 501c, I’d stand a better chance of locating some attorneys who’d work on a pro bono basis on occasion.

You asked if it’s normal for a Court to ignore its own Custody Investigator’s (CI) recommendation, and I say, “absolutely.” There’s not a CI in Ohio that in my opinion can overcome the anti-father bias and prejudice that many judges have.

Although, there was a father in Butler County Ohio who not surprisingly was involved  in a very heated contested custody trial. A court appointed Psychologist interviewed both father and mother as well as all of the kids involved. He found (and wrote in his report) in part that, “the mother was psychologically unfit to parent the children, was attempting to alienate the children from the father, she was psychologically damaging to the children, and she was abusing drugs.” I personally read through the case documents myself.

Now, given the terrible circumstances involved in that case, you can probably take one guess at who got awarded “full-custody” of the children involved and be right. And if your guess was “the father”, you’re dead wrong. The “mother” was awarded sole custody.

I personally only know of one Hamilton County father with sole custody (that’s not to say there aren’t more) and I believe the only reason he was awarded custody was because the mother was an absent drug addict. And when the father filed repeated motions to have her held in contempt for not paying child support guess what happened? Judge Tolbert (Administrative Judge) threatened to throw HIM in jail, and numerous times!

This is what we as fathers are up against. A father emailed me a few months back complaining that his attorney “sold him down river” and “tricked him” into accepting a shared-parenting (aka joint custody) agreement. I was floored, and really need to post that one to the blog, minus his identifiable information of course.

T, you felt a bias was there with the judge, because it was there. For those of you out there reading this, if you know of any father-friendly judges, please contact me.

The stories of mothers lying on the stand and leveling false accusations of physically/sexual abuse is all to common and rarely punished by the courts when it’s discovered. And that, despite perjury being a felony that’s punishable by up to five years in prison.

The reason I believe that Judge Sieve didn’t ask your sons any pertinent questions and instead relied on questions such as their fondness of March Madness is because he couldn’t care less as his mind was made up. She was getting full custody and you were/are paying “child support.”

Additionally, he doesn’t care that she doesn’t work and collects welfare because “that’s her choice.” If a father as the obligor of a “child support” order makes the same choice, he goes to jail, no questions asked.

When I at one time was arguing pro se in front of Judge Panitio  regarding Objections to the Magistrate’s Decision I filed in response to a motion to reduce (“child support”) that was denied, I argued that I was bankrupted and couldn’t afford it, and it was true. You know what he said to me as he peered down at me from his high perch on the bench? “You’re wife (referring to my present wife) needs to go out and get a better job (she was an EMT at the time) so you can pay more “child support.”

I blew a gasket at that point. He and I already didn’t “click” because we’re both Italian, but after he uttered that filth, I unleashed a verbal tirade at him whereby I said in part, “I don’t care if you are a Judge, you WILL NOT talk about my wife in the manner that you are, and you can hold me in contempt and throw me in jail for all I care, because you’re out of line.” Surprisingly enough, he apologized.

I truly know how you feel right now. After my last custody trial whereby my legal fees have approached nearly $30,000 (that could have funded my daughter’s college education) since this all began, I felt like I’d been kicked in the stomach by a mule after that ruling. Reason being, all indications were that Panioto was going to rule in my favor, but he literally forgot how he intended to rule as he’d delayed issuing his final ruling until the end of Summer 2009.

I can still very clearly see that oblivious (and stupid) look on his face after he finished fumbling through all the trial notes and papers he had on the bench that pertained to my case and then looked up (and down at us) and asked out of utter bewilderment, “why are we even here”, I wanted to cry after my heart started beating again.

That said, let it go T. There’s no sense in replaying any of it in your head and playing the “what-if” game. Reason being, and truth be told, a father could have a video tape of a his ex attempting to murder his children, and I believe there are judges out there who would make excuses for her behavior and thereby grant such a mother sole custody in some cases. And as sad as it is, I’m not being facetious.

In closing, what I find most repulsive about this madness is how those feckless, wooden and perfunctory Ohio “Family Court” judges, and without any consideration for the “best interests of the children” whatsoever, will gleefully, proudly, and in some cases knowingly place the children into the sole custody of a “mother” who’ll out of her insatiable appetite for vengeance and spite will do nothing but use the children to punish the father.

Rest assured that just as the sun rises and sets each and every day, and so long as the father never bad-mouths the mother in front of the children (an act that is always inappropriate and wrong) the children will grow up and one day hate her.

As I’ve said before, mothers who are hell-bent on effecting their vengeance out of nothing more than their seething hatred for the men they chose to lie down with and create children, need to learn to love their children more than they hate the fathers thereof before they can even comprehend and thereby effect the “best interests” of those very children that they claim to love.

Sincerely,

Tony Fantetti
Ohio Council for Fathers Rights
Email: tony.fantetti(at)ocffr(dot)org

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My Reasons for Founding Ohio Council for Fathers Rights

After my horrific introduction to Ohio’s “‘Child Support’ Extortion Agency” (CSEA) and Ohio’s Domestic Relations (aka “Family”) Court system, the kaleidoscope through which I viewed life was forever altered, and in a totally unchangeable way.

In truth, it’s extremely difficult for me to describe. My life at that point simply became surreal. As a person I existed, but as only a shell of what I once was. My ‘life’ was monotonous and very mundane, and I had only one goal each day as I dreadfully rolled out of bed, or wherever I found myself sleeping; put one foot before the other.

The reality and “awakening” of being dragged into the nightmare of playing the part of an unwilling actor in the double-featured horror show, otherwise known as Ohio’s “Child Support” Enforcement Agency and Ohio’s Domestic and Juvenile Relations (aka “Family”) Court system, can only be best described by me as told in the forthcoming.

You’ve lived your life as it were for 20, 30, 40 or so years. During that time, you’ve acquired and formed your morals, norms and mores, and developed your own healthy concept of what life is both in your own personal sense, as well as that of being a United States citizen who “has Constitutional rights.” Rights that can in no way be abridged or infringed upon, as you and society as a whole agree that they are both God-given and inalienable. Or so you thought; then comes the day  you’re served with a civil action and thereby are introduced to Ohio’s CSEA and in many cases “Family Court,” as the insanity only just begins.

If you were “fortunate” enough to have retained counsel, your initial shock is somewhat minimized. But only in a minuscule way, and just because someone else can speak for you so you therefore don’t have to. That, as you’re slumped in your chair in some legal meeting or court hearing, and while merely existing at that point in a quasi-conscious state whereby you ponder ever so deeply how it is that your view of reality itself could have been so utterly faltered and delusional as it was…and is. “My God!!!” only begins to describe your profound shock and your equally extensive unbelief and trepidation.

I can think of no greater shock or disillusionment than that exact moment at which you realize that the statement, “I’m an American, this can’t happen to me” has absolutely no meaning. And that to such an extent that not only does it ring hollow, said statement is sadly quite comical within the “Family Court” theater.

However, that makes perfect sense when one grasps the finality of the statement, “the ‘best interest’ of the child trumps all.” In short, you’ve just been introduced to a parallel universe that in most cases only comes to life and thereby into existence at a specific and very precise point in time; the birth of your first (and absolutely precious) child.

Although said universe comes into existence at that very moment and ever so closely parallels your existing life, it never collides with your sense of reality until in the case of fathers, the mother of your child determines that she know longer wants you not only in her life, but most importantly, in your child’s life.

However, said parallelism exists as such, and the worlds so close, that the line of separation defining both is as close as bone is to marrow and therefore unseen. Moreover, it is never, nor can it be, breached until said collision occurs. And that very destructive collision is always only one thought away. It’s at that very moment, when she unilaterally decides that “you’re out”, and although unknown to you at the time, the said parallel universe replaces your aforementioned sense of reality, and in a very emotionally violent manner.

And the incredibly turbulent, life-altering and increasingly destructive impact of those two worlds colliding will be felt by you for the first time, when you realize either via your attorney, or the Court or CESA through an order, that you’ll lose EVERYTHING you’ve spent a lifetime building. But most importantly, you’ll lose unfettered access to your children, as well as your God-given right to parent them.

Now, the court and the mother of your child will decide if, when and how you’ll see or talk to your children. And that, and for those who don’t know, is so the State of Ohio and her 88 County “Child Support” Enforcement Agencies can “financially profit” on the seemingly never ending destruction that will rain down upon you and yours lives for the next 18 to 25 or more years, as you’re subjugated and enslaved to a financially unbearable “child-support” order that by its very design, may put you behind bars for many years to come.

The absolute worst, most important, and heart-wrenching part of what I’ve described herein is this; all of that life-altering and utterly horrendous destruction that’s experienced by the father will also be experienced and felt ( but in a magnitude that’s exponential in nature) by the innocent and precious children involved. Those very children whom the State of Ohio, the Courts, and Ohio’s CSEAs claim to be only acting ‘in the best interests of’, and who have absolutely no say in the matter, and didn’t ask that their world be turned upside-down in the very hateful and self-centered manner whereby just that will be done.

And for what purpose is such ugly decimation and destruction heaped upon not only you, but more importantly your children? Simply because you made a choice to become a father. And it’s for that reason, coupled with the fact that I too grew up without a father, that I have this inexplicable compulsion to expose the unconscionable double-featured horror show that’s euphemistically known as Ohio’s “Family Court”system and it’s increasing punitive financial arm known as the Ohio “Child Support” Enforcement Agency (CSEA).

Tony Fantetti
Ohio Council for Fathers Rights
Email: tony.fantetti(at)ocffr(dot)org

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