Before proceeding, I want to clarify the following; This article is not directed at mothers who divorced for legitimate reasons or are single through no fault of their own.
It’s directed at those “child support moms” who either chose to be a “single mom” because they didn’t (and don’t) want to marry the father of “their” children, or they divorced the father of their children out of nothing more than self-serving and selfish reasons (that were thinly veiled as “legitimate”), or they intentionally deceived the father of “their” children so as to become pregnant, and unknowing to him, and lastly, it’s directed at the most selfish and self-centered type of “single mom by choice.”
They are those women who have that “you go girl” attitude and thereby aren’t just proud about bringing fatherless children into the world, they’re incredibly ostentatious and extremely dogmatic as they pontificate their reasons why fathers “aren’t needed” to raise children. Sadly, and like most other “single moms by choice,” they too are wrongfully worshiped and idolized as heroines when in my humble opinion they are in fact villains as I’ll explain.
What is a villain? In a general sense, they are those who oppose a hero. Used in a sentence, we have for example this from an online dictionary: “Don’t try to make me the villain. It’s your own fault that you’re having these problems.”
I can remember a time when the norm was that mom was considered a nurturer, and dad was “Superman” or a “hero.” If you hurt or were sad, melancholy etc, you generally went to mom for comforting.
If you needed something fixed, or needed help with “the impossible” or needed protection from a bully etc, you went to dad because “dad could do anything” and was “the strongest man in the world,” end of story.
Today, and due to both feminism and a media that caters to feminists, we’re told (sometimes explicitly, other times implicitly) that dads are, “not needed,” “deadbeats”, “incompetent”, “lazy”, “ineffectual,” “uncaring,” “dolts” etc etc. In short, moms are sent from Heaven, while dads are agents of Satan, and (just like with Satan) the world would be a much better place without him.
So dad, (like Satan) is then “cast out” of the family, and the reasons for mom doing so are as innumerable as the stars, and justifiable simply because “mom says so.”
Additionally, some of the alleged reasons given by her are “to protect the children,” “because he’s a scoundrel”, “he scares me”, and “he scares the children,” “he’s “violent;”” and that despite there not being one shred of evidence to substantiate such an allegation in many cases.” In short, dad is said to be whatever mom claims he is, only much worse.
Why? Well, it’s very simple; for there to be a hero, there has to exist a villain. For instance, we hear so much about “the struggling single mom.” Most of the time, she’s said to be struggling to “provide for the children,” and she “does the best she can considering.” The problem in such a scenario? Nine times out of ten, we’re told it’s said to be “dad”, aka the “villain” who’s to blame for all of said single mom’s problems.
Even worse, and what we never hear from the media is that the majority of these moms “chose” to become single moms, and in many cases for reasons that were self-serving only when they kicked their father’s children out of their lives. We are therefore expected to pity and feel sorry for these same moms who then complain about the very situation that they alone created.
They unilaterally decided to kick dad out of his children’s lives, and then they blame him for their problems after they do so? Am I really the only one who has a problem with this? Does anyone else see the hypocrisy and wasted pity in such a scenario?
We’re told (by the media, politicians, celebrities etc) day in and day out that the biggest problem with “single dads” (who most by the way are NOT single by choice), is that they allegedly “don’t pay their child support”or they don’t “pay enough child support” and it’s therefore implied that single/divorced dads are “villains.”
Lets quickly deconstruct the “he doesn’t pay child support” or the “he doesn’t pay enough child support” whine that many a bleater incessantly complains about.
1. In the overwhelming majority of “single mom” cases, she chose to be a single mom. Hence the term I prefer, “single mom by choice.”
2. If you kicked the father of “your” children out of their lives, why don’t you also kick his wallet of your life as well, and support yourself with your own money as adults are expected to do?
3. I saw a study whereby it was determined that only about 30% of a father’s “child support” payments were actually spent on the child(ren). The rest supported the mother’s lifestyle. Additionally, 30% was said to be a “generous” amount.
4. Why should a father, whom you unilaterally kicked out of his children’s lives pay you anything? Said otherwise, why should you be financially rewarded for forcing your children to grow up without a father in their lives?
5. Instead of you being paid child support, how about you agree to give the father full custody, you pay him “no” child support whatsoever, and you visit the children in his house that you let him keep (along with the car) after you unilaterally decided you wanted a divorce and considering that he was against it?
6. In today’s times, it’s a statistical fact that now, more women than men are entering and graduating from college. Additionally, I believe that there are nearly equal numbers of men and women pursuing Engineering and Science degrees. So why are men still paying “child support” to women? After all, it’s equal rights right?
7. Mothers are said to be the “primary caregivers” of the children. Yet there’s about an equal number of men and women in the workforce, and more women than men attending college. That said, “daycare centers” are the primary caregivers of children in most households. Look around college campuses and you’ll see that more and more of them have clothing stores “for babies.” For what you say? Why it’s for the single mom by choice who’s collecting “child support” and going to college full time while the father of “her” children pays her “child support” and pays “her” daycare costs so she can attend classes all day while her children sit in daycare. Is that really just, equitable, fair, and most importantly in the best interest of the children?
If your answer to number 5 above is “no,” then please comment on this post and give me one substantiated and justifiable reason that you won’t agree to number 5 if your sole motive is not money, and therefore selfish greed at the expense of your children.
The definition of a wretch is, “: a miserable person : one who is profoundly unhappy or in great misfortune.” Many a single moms by choice do nothing but complain about how miserable their lives are, and because they allege, the father of their children either a) doesn’t pay “child support”, or b) doesn’t pay “enough” ‘child support’ according to her.
A wretch is also a synonym for villain. Additionally, and as I demonstrated earlier, a dictionary example of using villain in a sentence is this: “Don’t try to make me the villain. It’s your own fault that you’re having these problems.”
Time and time again, I see on TV, hear on radio, or read on blogs and in newspapers countless “single moms by choice”, or politicians and or Ohio Child Support Enforcement Agency (Ohio CSEA) officials (speaking on behalf of single moms by choice) blame single or divorced dads for a child support mom’s woes.
Additionally, and what the public doesn’t know, is that in many of those same cases, those single moms by choice won’t “allow” the father of her children to see or talk to them. And that, only because she’s so full of unanswered hatred and vengeance towards him, that she’ll punish him to no end and at all costs for her problems and her miserable conditions that she alone created but blames him for, because she unilaterally kicked him out of his child’s life.
What these single child support moms by choice truly need to come to terms with for the sake of the innocent and precious children involved (who didn’t ask to be thrust into any of this, and thereby have their worlds turned upside down and destroyed) is this; she must learn to love her children more than she hates their father. Until she does so, the innocent children will continue to suffer, and she’ll be incapable of acting in the their best interests.
In closing, this post is not meant to “bash moms” nor is my intent to engage in misogyny, for I am not a misogynist. Rather, I am a voice for the truth.
Additionally, I am one who can’t no longer sit silently while countless good and loving fathers are turned into “paying visitors” of their own children, and through no choice nor fault of their own.
Many fathers didn’t ask, nor did they ever agree to have their children ripped out of their lives. In the process, they’re vilified and marginalized by the press, public, politicians, and most importantly, by the very mothers who for no good or justifiable reason (and often times out of nothing more than self-serving greed) decided one day that “her” children would henceforth be “fatherless.”
Therefore, a mother who unilaterally and out of her own self-serving, selfish and unjustifiable reasons decides to be a “single mom by choice” is anything but a heroine in my humble opinion, she is to the contrary; a villain.
The true heroes are the fathers who through no choice of their own, and despite being kicked out of their children’s lives, go to great lengths and facing near impossible odds, will stop at nothing in their efforts to somehow stay involved in the lives of their precious kids.
So the next time you’re in the grocery store or at the movies, a school function, or wherever you are; look around you and observe just how many single moms you see and consider how many of those “chose” (through an unjustifiable self-serving reason or reasons only) to be single moms. Trust me when I say that you’ll see few wedding bands.
Obviously, you won’t know the reasons why she’s single, but I can tell you that if she chose to be single through divorce , then statistically speaking, her reasons for doing so were probably self-serving ones.
Next, look at the children with those moms and consider that they’ll either grow up fatherless, or have very little contact with their fathers because in many cases mom (out of nothing more than her self-serving reasons) decided that “her” children aren’t going to see their father, and he won’t be a part of their lives as would the father to children of a mother who chose to marry or stay married.
Considering this, “Don’t try to make me the villain. It’s your own fault that you’re having these problems”, this, “What is a villain? In a general sense, they are those who oppose a hero,” this, “The definition of a wretch is, “: a miserable person : one who is profoundly unhappy or in great misfortune,” and finally this, “A wretch is also a synonym for villain;” Is the single mom by choice as described herein in your opinion truly a heroine, or a villain?
Again, I do not direct what’s contained herein at widows or moms who really needed to divorce for good reason. What I’ve written is directed at “child support moms” and “single moms by choice” who are such without just cause.
Ohio Council for Fathers Rights