My Reasons for Founding Ohio Council for Fathers Rights

After my horrific introduction to Ohio’s “‘Child Support’ Extortion Agency” (CSEA) and Ohio’s Domestic Relations (aka “Family”) Court system, the kaleidoscope through which I viewed life was forever altered, and in a totally unchangeable way.

In truth, it’s extremely difficult for me to describe. My life at that point simply became surreal. As a person I existed, but as only a shell of what I once was. My ‘life’ was monotonous and very mundane, and I had only one goal each day as I dreadfully rolled out of bed, or wherever I found myself sleeping; put one foot before the other.

The reality and “awakening” of being dragged into the nightmare of playing the part of an unwilling actor in the double-featured horror show, otherwise known as Ohio’s “Child Support” Enforcement Agency and Ohio’s Domestic and Juvenile Relations (aka “Family”) Court system, can only be best described by me as told in the forthcoming.

You’ve lived your life as it were for 20, 30, 40 or so years. During that time, you’ve acquired and formed your morals, norms and mores, and developed your own healthy concept of what life is both in your own personal sense, as well as that of being a United States citizen who “has Constitutional rights.” Rights that can in no way be abridged or infringed upon, as you and society as a whole agree that they are both God-given and inalienable. Or so you thought; then comes the day  you’re served with a civil action and thereby are introduced to Ohio’s CSEA and in many cases “Family Court,” as the insanity only just begins.

If you were “fortunate” enough to have retained counsel, your initial shock is somewhat minimized. But only in a minuscule way, and just because someone else can speak for you so you therefore don’t have to. That, as you’re slumped in your chair in some legal meeting or court hearing, and while merely existing at that point in a quasi-conscious state whereby you ponder ever so deeply how it is that your view of reality itself could have been so utterly faltered and delusional as it was…and is. “My God!!!” only begins to describe your profound shock and your equally extensive unbelief and trepidation.

I can think of no greater shock or disillusionment than that exact moment at which you realize that the statement, “I’m an American, this can’t happen to me” has absolutely no meaning. And that to such an extent that not only does it ring hollow, said statement is sadly quite comical within the “Family Court” theater.

However, that makes perfect sense when one grasps the finality of the statement, “the ‘best interest’ of the child trumps all.” In short, you’ve just been introduced to a parallel universe that in most cases only comes to life and thereby into existence at a specific and very precise point in time; the birth of your first (and absolutely precious) child.

Although said universe comes into existence at that very moment and ever so closely parallels your existing life, it never collides with your sense of reality until in the case of fathers, the mother of your child determines that she know longer wants you not only in her life, but most importantly, in your child’s life.

However, said parallelism exists as such, and the worlds so close, that the line of separation defining both is as close as bone is to marrow and therefore unseen. Moreover, it is never, nor can it be, breached until said collision occurs. And that very destructive collision is always only one thought away. It’s at that very moment, when she unilaterally decides that “you’re out”, and although unknown to you at the time, the said parallel universe replaces your aforementioned sense of reality, and in a very emotionally violent manner.

And the incredibly turbulent, life-altering and increasingly destructive impact of those two worlds colliding will be felt by you for the first time, when you realize either via your attorney, or the Court or CESA through an order, that you’ll lose EVERYTHING you’ve spent a lifetime building. But most importantly, you’ll lose unfettered access to your children, as well as your God-given right to parent them.

Now, the court and the mother of your child will decide if, when and how you’ll see or talk to your children. And that, and for those who don’t know, is so the State of Ohio and her 88 County “Child Support” Enforcement Agencies can “financially profit” on the seemingly never ending destruction that will rain down upon you and yours lives for the next 18 to 25 or more years, as you’re subjugated and enslaved to a financially unbearable “child-support” order that by its very design, may put you behind bars for many years to come.

The absolute worst, most important, and heart-wrenching part of what I’ve described herein is this; all of that life-altering and utterly horrendous destruction that’s experienced by the father will also be experienced and felt ( but in a magnitude that’s exponential in nature) by the innocent and precious children involved. Those very children whom the State of Ohio, the Courts, and Ohio’s CSEAs claim to be only acting ‘in the best interests of’, and who have absolutely no say in the matter, and didn’t ask that their world be turned upside-down in the very hateful and self-centered manner whereby just that will be done.

And for what purpose is such ugly decimation and destruction heaped upon not only you, but more importantly your children? Simply because you made a choice to become a father. And it’s for that reason, coupled with the fact that I too grew up without a father, that I have this inexplicable compulsion to expose the unconscionable double-featured horror show that’s euphemistically known as Ohio’s “Family Court”system and it’s increasing punitive financial arm known as the Ohio “Child Support” Enforcement Agency (CSEA).

Tony Fantetti
Ohio Council for Fathers Rights
Email: tony.fantetti(at)ocffr(dot)org

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19 Responses to My Reasons for Founding Ohio Council for Fathers Rights

  1. Larry says:

    I would like to address something no one ever mentions. I was a victim of DV I was run over by my ex. At court my ex was fined a whopping 50 dollars where is I could walk on foot for 2 weeks. Then I became a victim again, by my advocate, I asked my advocate early on if she knew my exs attorney, the answer I was given was no. Turns out after research they did know each other for over 20 years. My exs attroney not only knows my advocate but they talked to each other during my exs DV case in which the attroney wasn’t even the attroney of record for the case. Then I find out that the attroney is on the domestic violence houses board of directors and has been for 15 years, and the director is also on a board the attroney has. Then I am at court defeending myself from my advocate saying that I was gong to shoot ex next time I was ran over, a comment I did not say and never would say. I even went so far as to call the DV house and tell them my advocate was angry at me and sad and talked to herself ect. At that something was going on with her and someone should check it out. No one did. She was shot and killed by her husband who then shot himself . I asked the new advocate if she has ever been to court and she tells me no that’s he first thing they teach you. You don’t testify against a victim. But I am a man so rules must be different. The system is broke until there is a way to protect victims from the good old boy or good old girl network where it’s who you know not what happen. It won’t ever be fair. How can a system be where there is no conflicts where victims are prejudiced against because of sex. I was a victim and I continue to be a victim until someone fixes the broken system we have in place.

  2. Laura says:

    I grew up in a time that when parents did get divorced, the dad gave the mom money to help feed and clothe the kids because dads worked, moms didn’t and it was the right thing for him to do to help provide for his children. Divorce didn’t happen all that often, anyway. Parents usually stayed together “for the sake of the kids” and got along as well as they could “for the sake of the kids”. Now that my oldest son is going through the hardest battle of his life trying to get his kids back from their mother, I look at things alot differently. Not all mothers are naturally, nuturing. Many fathers, like my son, are kind, patient, and level headed or at least until they get divorced with children. Then they are treated like they are the scum of the earth. In my son’s case, his wife left him. He was unemployed at the time and couldn’t find work. He came home one day to find her and the kids gone, the house ransacked of all things that were worth anything. She had moved out and gone to live with her chainsmoking parents. The marriage had been over for a long time, so the divorce was actually a godsend. We got him a lawyer who happily took our money and did manage to get him joint custody, but mom was the residential parent because she was an employed professional . For about 2 years this was, just okay. He got the kids every other weekend, found out about concerts and activities after the fact and rarely got a school picture. We were told by the woman we thought of as a daughter, if we wanted school pictures, we could purchase them. Recently, in talking with my grandkids, we found out that mom was interested in someone, someone she dispised years earlier, and was going to move herself and her kids out of the state and go and live with this guy. She filed the paperwork at the courthouse, sent my son a text she was leaving and taking the kids and 30 days later took off for another state and moved in with her new beau. She left her good paying job to go to no job, and went on assistance. My son got another lawyer, which he can’t afford and now neither can we. Paperwork was filed for her to bring the kids back and put them back in the school she ripped them out of. She didn’t so a contempt charge has been filed which the judge has signed at the pre-trial. Meanwhile, she married this already 3 time loser on a monday afternoon before the kids got home from school. She has done things so dispicable to turn the kids against their dad. They’re young and love their mom and since they live with her 26 days out of a month, she surely is right in everything she says and does, they think. There is so much i could write about the mother. Her love for money more than anything else in the world, her ability to lie, her ability to use people. And this was once someone i truly loved as one of my own. She bankrupted us by “borrowing” money that we will never see again. My son didn’t realize it and what she did with the money, we will never know. I’m sure she feels as though she deserved it somehow. After all my unemployed son was a bum and good for nothing. Even while he was on unemployment, he paid his support. He is in arrears for some because the unemployment ran out, and the support kept piling up anyway. We found out later, he ate rice and onions to survive. He no longer could see his kids as he wanted because he didn’t have any food to feed them. He was able to finally find a temp job and paid for their insurance and of course that support money to her. He had and still has very little to live on. His car needs repairs all the time. Luckily, he is handy and can do that if he has the money for the parts. Meanwhile she is sporting around in a brand new 4×4. The kids come to him filthy, their clothes so dirty they are stiff. The girl got sent home for head lice and the youngest boy got a “hygiene” packet from school. Now you tell me she is using his support money for the purpose it’s intended! the kids eat like they haven’t eaten in weeks when it’s his weekend. Mommy “cooks” them eggs, sandwiches and soup. Recently, the mom has filed charges that his contempt charge be dropped, and she is filing one on him for the back support. It’s not like she’s not getting it as she gets his tax return until it’s paid off. His lawyer is also not happy with the amount of money she’s being paid on his payment plan and is threatening to drop him as a client. 1 month before the trial and she’s going to drop him? Really? All in all, my son has every right to file the contempt charge on her as she left with no regard for his feelings and yet he’s the one that is being treated like he’s in the wrong. Now I’m his mother, and I may be a bit biased but this just isn’t right. Not every mother, is a good mother. Not every father, is a good father. This isn’t a one size fits all situation. My son will not have a life of his own until he can get his ex off his back and that won’t happen until the kids are 18 or out of school. A divorce is not the end of problems with an ex if there are kids involved. When support is given, it should be given on a swipe card so that with every swipe it’s recorded what was spent and for what and where. It shouldn’t go for car payments or designer coffees. All child support does is enable one parent to be the good parent because they can afford to do the fun stuff while the other one can barely feed themselves. Everyone knows that kids will levitate toward the parent who buys them the most. In their eyes money=love. My son is still struggling on. He has a new wife and her son loves him to pieces. His temp job turned into a permanent one. He still doesn’t have any money because his family plan insurance is so high (required in his custody paperwork) and his child support. By the way, the ex wants more money now too. She still is not working, the kids are not learning anything and one of the kids is failing everything in school. She moved them to a place that is impoverished and out in the middle of nowhere. The kids actually like it there because the boys can play with guns and knives whenever they want and the girl doesn’t have to do anything at all. Why would they want to live with daddy. He has rules, they have chores and the school there makes them wash and do homework. When the courts ask them where they want to live, what do you think they will say? I really feel for all you dads. You don’t have any rights at all. There are so many more things I could write about my son’s case. You probably wouldn’t believe it! This is his right to do this and yet he’s the one that has to follow all the rules. We need to fix the system.

    • Tony Fantetti says:

      Laura,

      Thanks for taking the time to share so much. Sadly, what you’ve described about your son’s situation is actually quite “normal,” and more so than most would believe.

      You mention that there’ so much more to your son’s case and that I probably wouldn’t believe it. Actually, I would, and most likely, I’ve heard it (and much worse) before.

      Narratives such as yours are common across all divides, and are wholly unrestricted with regard to class, education, location (with the exception of the Middle East), profession, socioeconomic status, race, but NOT gender.

      Said otherwise, this ugliness and vile child abuse (which is what it is when mothers or fathers behave as your sons ex does) is a global problem that predominately affects fathers.

      You’re 100% correct, we do need to fix the system, and thankfully there are a few national organizations that are making very slow but steady progress.

      The biggest impediment to progress are the fathers themselves and men in general. We don’t organize and band together as women’s groups have done. There are millions, of fathers nationwide living this same nightmare.

      They’re being bankrupted and in some cases made homeless due to being forced to pay huge and financially unbearable amounts of “child support”, that in “most” cases, the children involved never see one penny of over the course of years and sometimes decades.

      Said monies as you are witnessing, merely subsidize the lifestyle of some sorry and pathetic excuse for a mother (or father in some cases), who should have never been granted custody in the first place.

      The fact is, the “child support” paying parent is forced under the threat of a felony arrest and ensuing incarceration, to finance the fleecing of their own children.

      Even worse is that they have no say in their own child’s life and in cases such as your sons and millions of others, they must pay money to the incarnate of evil (the residential parent) who is actively and willingly trying to turn the children against them.

      One of the worst and most heart-breaking cases I was involved with involved a non-custodial mother out of Ohio whose ex husband, a rotten and evil man to the core, took everything material when he left after deceiving her into leaving town.

      There was a lot of money and many assets involved, and he was awarded all of it. She left the marriage with two suit cases of her clothes. The worst part of it was that he totally cut her off from her four children, and the psychological games that he played with her using her children as pawns were the most disgusting and equally vile things I’ve ever been told regarding a divorce.

      That mother had nothing on her side as her ex was politically connected in the county where he divorced her. Despite him being extremely wealthy and getting 100% if the marital assets, he stole even more from her through “child support.”

      She was working as a waitress and was forced to pay him ridiculous amounts of money as “child support.” I mention that story to point out that although it’s mostly fathers who are treated with contempt and hatred by “the system”, the State of Ohio, and Ohio’s 88 ‘Child Support’ Enforcement Agencies (CSEAs), there are mothers out there who are going through the same hell.

      Please tell your son to hang in there. I’ve been where he’s at and have experienced and lived through much of what he’s living. In the years to come, things will slowly start to improve. If we formed a “National Organization for Men,” things would get much better a lot faster. Reason being, politicians generally don’t ignore voting blocs, and the larger ones win.

      I couldn’t afford to eat much for many years after my divorce. I lost more than 30 pounds and lived of of ramen noodles and garbage picking. My “child support” order bankrupted me. He must remember and live by the phrase, “this too shall pass.”

      Sincerely,
      Tony

  3. H says:

    I would love to share my story and maybe get some advice in return. I am a single father who never married my daughter’s mother. I am very very involved in my daughter’s life, every aspect. I pay weekly support, have medical insurance and pay for other things I feel a father should regardless of an support order [lunch money,clothes,toys,daycare, etc]. I have “joint custody” of my daughter, not through the courts, but a verbal “agreement” her mother and I agreed to. My daughter is 8yrs old now and the joint custody has been going on almost immediately after we split up when she was 3. I understand in the long run and by experience I really don’t have any custody rights. Things for the most part are good with our arrangement “but” if she’s [daughters mom]having a bad day or plans for her come up on my planned days with my daughter than I’m quickly trumped. Example: Last year was supposed to be my Christmas but her family in Florida wanted her to come visit and she pretty much didn’t care about my plans so at the last day of school before Christmas break she showed up at school and told me she was taking my daughter to Florida and I pretty much had to run back home and grab my daughters gifts so she could open them because they were not coming back until the new year. She opened her gifts in the back seat of her moms car. I was emotionally devastated. When it comes to school, homework or anything that require a parents full attention, I’m there. I go to every PTC meeting. I’m more involved in my daughters life than her mother is. I would honestly say that out of a year, my daughter is with me 7 months. I know the “simple” solution would be getting a lawyer and filing for custody but I just don’t have the money to do so. The scariest part is that her mother recently told me that her job was going to be terminated in Feb. of 2014 and that she’s most likely will be moving to Florida. What rights if any do I have to stop or show that this move would be devastating to my daughter. Is there a program or group that can help me!!!! Also to make matters worse I’m in Ohio and as an unmarried father i basically have no rights! Thank you

    • Tony Fantetti says:

      H,

      By default, you have almost no rights as an unmarried father. When it comes to visitation with your daughter you have none. Your only “right” is to pay “child support.” Therefore, and unfortunately, you can’t stop the mother from moving. But for what it’s worth, nor could a divorced father who the courts have conferred rights upon.

      Mothers regularly defy court orders by moving children out of state and away from the fathers, and despite being in contempt of court in some cases for doing so, the courts generally look the other way and do nothing while both the father and the child(ren) suffer terribly from the emotional disconnect and from it, devastation.

      You would need a court order in place to have any chance of stopping her from moving, but as I said, even when such is the cases, many mothers up and leave (taking the child) anyway and suffer no consequences.

      I’m truly sorry you must endure this as I fully understand the psychological torment and the emotional devastation that you are experiencing.

      Tony Fantetti

  4. Derrick Rainey says:

    My kids mother wont let me see my son..i have proff i lived with and took care of the child for three years he is three years four months..i have fuled for visatation..i have a trial on aug.7..she has a lawyer i dont..i have proff i have given her money..thru moneny order recepits..and i have proff i been in the childs life since birth..i have a few felonys..i have a lil proff of the kids mother being unstable..diffrent kids by diffrent men etc..so the court papers i filed is that all i need to do..i singled the will of parternity at his birth..and hes cleary my child..what else could i do before the trial..

    • Tony Fantetti says:

      Derrick,

      I’m not an attorney and don’t give legal advice. What I am is a noncustodial father who has been dealing with the discrimination and hell of “Family court” for fourteen years now, and I’ve been where you are, defending myself in a courtroom against attorneys who are obviously trained in law. That said, it’s imperative that you learn how to defend yourself, especially in light of how young your child is. That said, I’m not clear as to what you are asking of me.
      First, if you are giving the mother money directly, STOP. Under Ohio law, any money that’s NOT paid through an Ohio Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA) or more appropriately Ohio’s Support Extortion Agency, is considered a “GIFT” and will be deemed as such by the court. So DO NOT give the mother money directly if your intent is to be paying “child support” with that money.

      You mention “proof” of the mother being unstable, what is that proof? For it to be considered in court, you need documentation and people to cross examine about those documents. If she’s paying for an attorney, I’d suggest you consider asking the court for a continuance on August 7th so she has to pay her attorney for that day and the day you come back for the hearing. Courts will generally grant one continuance, but not always. Also, you should make yourself aware of the standard visitation schedule in your county so you know what you’re asking the court for when you request visitation. What county are you in?

      Tony Fantetti

  5. Derrick Rainey says:

    What should i do before the trial i have for visatation for my kid…i have money orders proveing i took care of him i have been in the childs life since birth i have proff..and i siqned the will if parternity for my kid…i filed the motion i have no lawyer she does..what elese can i do before the trial..i have a few felonys..

  6. J says:

    What about a father, who is the custodial parent, but NEVER received one dime of child support or anything from the mother… who makes as much money as him. The mother is unstable and an admitted drug user, yet they still rule in her favor? She never exercised her visitation for over a year but then in court was awarded make up time, taking away the child for every school break for the next two years. All attorneys and judges identifying and feeling sorry for this mother who only even bothered to call once a month until the father with custody got remarried. Then she wanted to be mommy all of a sudden. It sounds insane right? None of this would have happened if you reverse gender roles. If she had custody he would have paid tens of thousands through the last 10 years. She was ordered that she didnt have to pay child support because she had to pay for transportation. Any fathers in the Newark Ohio area being forced to pay child support and transportation costs?? If you were a woman you wouldn’t have too. This is gender discrimination. Please contact me. I would like to figure out a way to appeal this court system.

  7. Gina McCoy for my son Steven says:

    Please contact me as soon as possible about a stark county family court issue with my grandson the judge suspended visits a guardian is involved and I have an attorney and I still have had no visits. Please call me at 3303243621 as soon as possible its been almost 2 months since I we have been permitted a visit

    • Tony Fantetti says:

      Gina,

      I rarely get involved in personal cases anymore given there are too many “takers” in this world. Please don’t take offense to that as it’s nothing against you or Steven. That said, what I would do is hold the attorney accountable. For what reason(s) were visits suspended, and what’s the GAL’s position with regard to visitation?

  8. J B says:

    So…what is the purpose of this website. Can it help?

    I have been through the same. Kicked out of the home I paid for while working full time, going to school while the other parent collected unemplyment and complained there wasn’t enough time of money. Then she had an affair, kicked me out so I slept in trunks in 90 degrees, on couches, etc. Then started working 2 full time jobs and giving her all of one paycheck to pay the bills.

    Long story short….she had me sign paperwork 1 hour after getting out of the hospital for a nervous breakdown, told me I would be in legal trouble if I didn’t, the court said I had to pay a ridiculous sum of money and still travel to see them, provide a place for them and pay for half of everything else. And if I worked another job to make up for it I had to give them that too.

    In the meantime, she has gone relationship to relationship, leaving the kids with babysitters, moving to different states to follow men…on and on and on.

    The story is so long and ridiculous, yet it seems it is all irrelevant. No one cares. No one cares about the neglect and apparently abuse (one boyfriend hit one of my kids with a belt and threw him across the room by his neck, another broke up with the mom because she wouldn’t beat them with belts) they are going through. They have had three years of broken promises from her…and they are suffering. They are emotionally destroyed. There is no hope in their eyes, no trust. They lost their grandmother, grandfather to who both died. 2 boyfriends who moved in and back out, their father getting kicked out, mom who can’t keep a home despite me adding far more than the court ordered. Moved around…and on and on and on.

    And I can’t do anything to fight it. I just get threatened.

    I am about to give up.

    • Tony Fantetti says:

      JB,

      I have spent years fighting the State of Ohio using this site, and radio, TV and newspaper through interviews and via other means. Additionally, my efforts have forced the State of Ohio to stop some of their disgusting abuse that they use to perpetrate against fathers. I also was actively involved in some people’s cases over the years, and what all of the aforementioned taught me is that many people will use others to no end for their own personal gain. And not only that, they’ll lie, cheat, and deceive to the ends of the earth if it helps their cause.

      I’ve been told more lies and offered more broken promises than I can count. As a result, and after spending thousands of my own dollars and thousands of hours after people actually had the unmitigated gall to place demands on me, I rearranged my priorities. To put it bluntly, I got real tired of being used by whiners and complainers who weren’t willing to do anything to change how things are. Despite the thousands of dollars in costs I’ve incurred in web hosting and other fees over the years, I’ve had a grand total of one donation.

      You ask what the purpose of this website it and, “can it help?” I ask you, help with what? Your question seems flippant if not outright disrespectful. Whether or not you intended it as such though, only you can say.

      Over the past few years I’ve limited my activities to helping others via emotional and moral support, as well as offering my own opinions with regard to situations when asked. And given some of the email responses I’ve received over the years, I see results that make this endeavor worth it. Although admittedly, I’ve been considering pulling the plug on this website. Doing so would save me time, money and the hassles of website management. Additionally, what I write here is not politically correct, and I can state with a high degree of confidence that it has hurt me professionally as well.

      So what’s the purpose of this site? That’s a legitimate question. As I’ve stated, my modus operandi has changed considerably over the years and since I started this nearly ten years ago. And it changed for the reasons stated, although I’m not saying I won’t become more active in my efforts again.

      This site provides a written record of the abuses of Ohio’s “child support” system and exposes it as the lying sham that it is. It also offers a place for people to vent and to get in touch with me for support as well as to get my opinion on others situations when asked. I also hope it serves as a deterrent to fathers, subjected to “child support” orders and visitation schedules who are considering suicide as an out.

      You stated in your post that no one cares and that’s not true. I do care, and that’s the very reason you were able to post here as you did. I do fully understand the emotional and psychological torment that’s routinely inflicted upon noncustodial moms and dads (and their children) who through no choice nor fault of their own in many cases are absolutely POWERLESS to step in and alter the course of their children’s lives for the better.

      But instead, and because some judicial black-hat decreed it, they must instead sit back and watch helplessly and hopelessly (although I try to provide hope), while their children are abused physically, mentally, and emotionally by the custodial parent and in some cases that persons live-in partner or new spouse.

      Go back and read your post JB. You stated,

      “They have had three years of broken promises from her…and they are suffering. They are emotionally destroyed. There is no hope in their eyes, no trust. They lost their grandmother, grandfather to who both died. 2 boyfriends who moved in and back out, their father getting kicked out, mom who can’t keep a home despite me adding far more than the court ordered. Moved around…and on and on and on.
      And I can’t do anything to fight it. I just get threatened.

      Yet in the very next (and last) line, you also said, “I am about to give up.”

      Now I ask you, how, after stating what you did above, can you even think about giving up on your children and leaving them with that sadistic and abusive woman who if what you’ve said is true, cares NOTHING about your children?

      Finally, this site is here to provide hope, clarity and direction for those willing to accept it. I get where you’re at, trust me, I really do. But the day will come, but only if you’re willing to wait, when your children WILL have the ability to contact you and seek your love, protection and advice. But the question that remains, given that you’re considering giving up, is, “will you be there for them?”

      I’ll tell you what I’ve told many others; your situation WILL get better in time. The day WILL come when you won’t have to go through your ex to talk to and or to see your children.

      Lastly, and depending on the laws where you reside, you should seriously consider recording every interaction with that woman so she can’t level false charges against you. IE claiming that you threatened her. Also, if you know that she or her boyfriends are abusing your children, why are you not contacting the children’s pediatrician, Child “Protective” Services or the police? Keep in mind that if the children are taken from her, the CPS would need to know how to contact you. In the very least, your contact information should be on record with your children’s pediatrician if you know who that is. But unfortunately most CPS offices rarely make an effort to locate a noncustodial father or even contact him when they know where he is.

      One more thing, instead of you adding far more than the court ordered as you said, perhaps you should consider setting up college or investment funds for your children? Your children are likely receiving nothing of the “child support” you pay and would therefore still be receiving nothing if you send extra money.

  9. Stephanie says:

    Tony, do you have a list of father’s rights attorney’s available for the state of Ohio. Do you have a recommendation of any attorney that you have come across that has winning statistics?

  10. Tony Fantetti says:

    Stephanie,

    I don’t have a list of attorneys unfortunately. And although having good representation is paramount, it’s simply not enough to overcome the built-in bias against fathers that the system has.

    But when it comes to getting what you can in spite of the bias, IE a reasonable “visitation” schedule etc, it’s imperative to have a good attorney arguing in your favor.

    In southwest Ohio, I recommend Thomas Eagle.

  11. Greg A. Clark says:

    Tony, thank you for being here for us to vent our frustrations. I wonder if we need to get some State of Ohio Representatives to draw up new laws to allow fathers to have equal rights with mothers. Maybe, I will try to contact one of them to see what can be done. Thanks again, Greg Clark

    • Tony Fantetti says:

      Greg,
      You’re very welcome. I keep this site up because I fully understand the hell that noncustodial fathers go through. What I experienced many years ago were the darkest days of my life. I’ve not forgotten about you. Although I must say I wish we’d met about 7 years ago. You would be amazed at the sheer number of people I’ve met over the years as a result of my advocacy on behalf of fathers, and how few would get involved. The answer does lie in legislation, however granting fathers equal rights to those of mothers is neither politically expedient nor likely to happen anytime soon. The anti-male fanatics such as NOW and other misandrous groups fight every attempt to give fathers equal standing with mothers. NOW claims it wants equal rights between the sexes, however we’re so far from that in reality.

      Just look at the tens of millions of women whom are financially dependent upon men, and in some cases leech of of men financially for DECADES. Such is done under the guise of “child support” which is nothing more than a mommy welfare system that’s paid and fully funded by fathers. “Child support”, especially in this day and age where more women than men have college degrees, is way past its time and needs to stop. I believe it was in the 1980’s that more women than men starting earning college degrees. With that said, why are so many women still DEPENDENT upon men for financial support, and TAKING that support under the false pretenses of supporting a child? Numerous studies have shown clearly and incontrovertibly that “child support” goes towards enhancing and supporting the custodial parent’s (mothers in 84% of cases nationwide) lifestyle. I have a very simple solution to all of the complaints voiced by child support moms (CSMs); GIVE THE FATHER FULL CUSTODY or stop your childish whining.

  12. Greg A. Clark says:

    Tony, I would briefly like to tell my story. I know it is not as tragic and sad as some of the others you have heard, but I think it shows the extent f the unfairness of our system. I retired from the Dayton Fire Department (firefighter) in 2005. My kids were 1 and 3 years old and I was 51. Even then I was with them most days as my wife worked. When I retired we decided that we would move to a better school district and I would stay with the kids and she would keep her job, which she liked, and she would take over paying for the health insurance through her work. I loved being a stay at home dad, I was with them every day, and they did not even go to preschool. The kids became very attached to me, and this started our problems as their mother became very jealous of this situation. I still payed all the bills, took care of the house and kids and had a great time doing so. This fact and her problem with money(what she made was hers and what I made was hers) became an obstacle she could not onercome so she divorced me. I pleaded for her to not do this,but the lure of free money, a new man and more control of the kids was too much. Even though I had been with the kids as a stay at home father, the Greene Co. Court stated that their studies showed that because of the age of the kids, they would be better off with the Mother for the majority of the school year. We would alternate weeks during the summer. I had told my lawyer that I did not want to have the children testify in court or use a guardian to determine who would be the better parent. The process of having your 11 year old boy and 9 year old girl taken away from me was devastating. I cried for days and briefly thought of suicide. I knew the kids still needed me. It has been almost 2 years now and every day I still struggle with how I was treated and the anger and hatred for her and the unfairness of the court system does not stop. My lawyer stated the he thinks the reason for so many divorces is that it is still a great deal for most women. My ex now has everything she ever needed. (the kids, a new boyfriend, and a large supply of free money.) Thanks for allowing us this space to vent, and I some how would like to be active in the search for equal rights for fathers. When my boy grows up and has kids of his own I do not want this happening to him. Greg Clark