Received Via Email from an Ohio Mother in Defense of Her Incarcerated Son

Date: Thu, 21 Apr 2011 07:58:23 -0400 [04/21/2011 04:58:23 AM PDT]
From: Cathy Xxxxxx <>
To: tony fantetti
Subject: please help

Hi Tony,
I am writing to you for my son, he doesn’t know that I’m doing this but we
all need some help. First a little background:

My son went to prison for possession of cocaine, while in prison we found
out that he had a son by a woman he dated. He had to pay back child support
for quite a few months that he was in prison, while we’re not happy about
that portion, we do believe in paying support.

My grandson mother was pregnant with another child when we found out that we
had a grandson. My grandsons brother was in foster care due to the mothers
heroine addiction, neglect and abuse, when my grandson was born he also went
into foster care. My grandson was almost a year old when we found out that
he was our grandson. We started visiting with our grandson every chance we
could. A few months after finding out we had a grandson, children’s
protective service was ready to integrate him back into his mother’s home.
She informed me that she didn’t think she could care for a newborn and 2
young boys, we offered for him to come and live with us until she was ready.
We went to court and the court was informed that my grandson would be living
with us, we thought everything was fine. During the following 6 months the
mother would visit irregularly and when she did take him for a weekend, she
would bring him back with very bad diaper rash, once with bruises and
scratches on his upper arms (as if someone had grabbed both his arms). I
started talking with the foster parent and the great grandfather of his
older brother and heard horrendous stories. Eight months after my grandson
coming to live with us, his mother brought him home with diaper rash so bad
that he was bleeding. The anger I had cannot be described, I called her and
told her that she couldn’t see him any more, I know I shouldn’t have because
we did not have custody, I was angry and not thinking. I took him to the
hospital and it was confirmed that he had severe diaper rash, the mother
came to the hospital with police in tow and took my grandson. My son was
still in prison.

She took my grandson in August, my husband and I filed for visitation. We
were granted visitation in October 2007, we were able to visit on the 1st
and 3rd weekends of the month. My son was released from prison January 2008.
In the timeframe between August and October, the mother charged me with
stalking and tried to get a protection order against me, it was dismissed
because she didn’t show up for court.

Present day: My son has had to file for visitation. He didn’t file before
because he take our grandson for one overnight on the weekends that we had
him. I’m am in the process of a criminal charge, at first I was charged with
Child Endangerment because I disciplined my grandson while he was visiting
with us, the Child Endangerment charges were dismissed. I am now being
charged with Assault and have a protection order against me. The mother
tried in October 2010 to take away our visitation but it was denied, no
modifications were made to our visitation. She is now trying again to take
away our visitation. We paid the fee for our son to file for visitation, we
know that if he is granted visitation it will take away ours but we know
that he will let us visit with him. We also paid the fee to get our
grandsons surname changed to that of his fathers. He had to get the case
continued to get a lawyer because even though my son was willing to have a
hyphenated surname with his name, then her maiden name, she would not agree
to that. She wants it to be her married surname and then my sons surname, of
course he doesn’t want that.

Even though our visitation is still in effect and I have stated that I will
not be present, the mother has refused my husband picking our grandson up
for visitation. We have filed contempt charges per the court judges advice.
She is stating all kinds of false allegations and is stating that our
grandson is terrified to come to our house, that my son is not his father,
that he is just the sperm donor, etc.

My son is currently unemployed and we cannot keep paying his lawyer fees
along with ours and he really needs legal help. Is there someone you can
recommend that will act for him in the Name Change case that will do this
pro bono??

We live in Ohio, my grandson is 5 years old now, they were never married. I
don’t know what other information you need in order to help us but am
willing to provide any that you need.

Thank you,



I’m sorry to say once again that I’ve been unsuccessful in my efforts (for reasons described in part in the previous post) to locate any pro bono attorneys. There are those who are lucky enough to find one, but I suspect that they’re few and far between.

That said, and given the mother of your grandson’s propensity to to stir legal trouble up by making allegations against you, if I were in your position, I’d keep a digital recorder with me at all times when I’m dealing with her. And that applies to recording telephone conversations with her in accordance with State law.

As far as the name change issue, I believe she’ll have to go through Probate Court for that as she (to my knowledge) just can’t change your grandson’s name from what’s on his birth certificate. If you were told otherwise by an attorney, please advise.

Rest assured that your grandson’s mother will not change in her behavior, and I mean that in more ways than one. More specifically, and given she was addicted to heroine, I believe her chances of a relapse are strong.

Once an addict always an addict (absent certain faith in my humble opinion), but the decision to stay clean can be forever, if it’s made one day at a time. What I’m driving at is twofold; the first being, help and encourage (without criticism but using “tough love”) your son to stay sober if he is not.

If you get word that his ex is using again, an anonymous complaint can be made against her with “‘Child Protective’ Services”(CPS). However, be aware that if in fact they find her to be using and they once again take your grandson into State Custody, your son needs to be prepared to file a motion for Change of Custody either by obtaining counsel (which it sounds like none of you can afford) or doing so pro se. Especially if she’s in jail. Reason being, CPS most likely will not make any attempt to place your grandson in your son’s custody should the aforementioned occur. This is because CPS is as anti-father as are the courts, but they too, and just like the CSEAs realize that there’s a financial profit to be “earned” by separating fathers from their children.

That’s due in part to the fact that the State of Ohio also financially profits by breaking up families and placing children in foster care. They in turn can force the biological parents (but usually the father) to pay “child support” to the State, in order to reimburse it for the monies they pay to the foster parents. Additionally, the State of Ohio profits off of those “child support” payments that are made.

Said corruption runs deep within the State of Ohio and partially explains how that precious child Marcus Fiesel was placed into the “care of” and subsequently murdered by such heinous monsters that were said to be his “foster parents.” Please know that such is not directed at the many good and loving foster parents out there.

Why not wait until she motions the proper court for the name change and involve yourself with that matter (and retain counsel then assuming you have the funds) instead of initiating an action on your own?

If at some point down the road your grandson is once again taken into State Custody and the State is refusing to place him in your son’s custody assuming he is in fact clean, please contact me.

Finally, instead of paying an attorney to have her held in contempt (whereby she’ll likely be found not guilty or slapped on the wrist at best) why not divert those funds to fighting her against the name change?


Tony Fantetti
Ohio Council  for Fathers Rights
Email: tony.fantetti(at)ocffr(dot)org

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2 Responses to Received Via Email from an Ohio Mother in Defense of Her Incarcerated Son

  1. Cathy Wxxxxx says:

    Hi Tony,
    I am happy to say that I was found not guilty of the Assault charge. We just had the visitation hearing today and my son is getting court ordered visitation, of course our visitation was cancelled. That’s okay, we know that we’ll get to see my grandson now. The mother however is trying to restrict my son bringing my grandson to my home, the judge is going to make a written decision on this. We did charge the mother with Contempt for denying our court ordered visitation, we asked for compensatory time, we are awaiting a decision on this also.

    I just spoke with a woman today who was a best friend to the mother, this woman stopped associating with the mother because the mother would not stop using drugs and mistreating the children. This woman has agreed to go to court with us against the mother. The accusations that the woman has told me about has been reported to Children’s Services on many occasions but alas nothing has been done. I am going to speak with my lawyer tomorrow to find out what the next step should be.

    I advised my son to drop the name change of his son because I didn’t think he had definitive reasons for doing so. We would much rather my grandson have his mother’s maiden name than to have his step-fathers surname.

    Thank you for your response

  2. Tony Fantetti says:

    You’re welcome and great news Cathy!

    I suspect that in time, a good opportunity for your son to obtain sole custody will present itself. Normally, I feel that in most cases joint-custody should be pursued as it truly is in the best interests of the children.

    However, if one parent (a mother or father) is alienating the children or interfering with “visitation,” then they are unfit to be a custodial parent and are therefore incapable of truly seeking out what’s best for the children involved.

    Lastly, your son should consider keeping a digital recorder with him at all times as well so as to protect himself from false charges of Domestic Violence etc.