The Lesser Known and Rarely Discussed “Other Woman” that many Single Dads couldn’t Live Without

The forthcoming is an email exchange between myself and a woman whose type I’ve really come to appreciate over the years.

“Shelly” and the women like her, are the cherished (by the new boyfriend/husband and his children)  and often times highly under-appreciated (not necessarily by their boyfriends or husbands, but by society as a whole) and rarely recognized “other women,” who quietly traverse life, minding their own business  until; …they meet that man.

“The one” who is failing miserably in his attempts to put his life back together after it, and those of his children, were shamelessly, selfishly and hatefully ripped apart and turned upside-down by a vengeful woman wielding “child support” and “family court” as her proven and very lethal weapons of mass destruction.

She is one whose appetite can’t and will never be satisfied by “child support, ” as inflicting misery and making miserable and destroying the lives of their exes (and their ex’s children via ‘collateral damage’) is all these women eat, sleep, breathe and “live” for.

However, and thankfully, there exists another type of woman that countless men (and their children) will forever be grateful for and indebted to, and they, and like the true heroines that they are,  who selflessly and heroically pick up the shattered pieces of the former life of not only of the men they so dearly love, but of their children. And in doing so, bring some semblance of normalcy into once shattered lives.

Few people, and with the exception of those other unsung heroines who themselves are quietly and busily putting the pieces of the lives of men they love (and the children of those men) back together, really understand the stresses involved with dating and or marrying a man whose ex-wife or ex-girlfriend only lives to make his life more miserable.

Additionally, it’s these same hero moms and hero girlfriends ( being women themselves)  who have a very keen and equally unique insight into the minds of those “exes” who ultimately train their warpaths directly on her. With she being the “other woman” (and often times after the fact) she’s hated her more than her ex, and for no other reason because she dares to love and assist he whom she  loves fondly refers to as “her man”.

And it’s the new wife or new girlfriend who with crystal clear clarity and see thru the hateful games of that woman who has set out, through “family court” and “child support” to destroy her man’s life.

She can see with utter clarity the pain and destruction that’s heaped upon the children as a result of her husband’s or boyfriend’s exes hateful and degenerative antics, and she too wonders how it is that the judge, magistrate, custody investigator, GAL, psychologist, et al,; all of those actors in the “family court” theater, how can they not see what she so clearly does?

That a woman, one who’s hell bent on destroying the life of her children’s father, and out of nothing more than sheer hatefulness, bitterness, and vindictiveness, is also destroying the lives of those precious and innocent children.Those very same that the “‘Child Support’ Enforcement Agency (CSEA) and each and every one of those “Family Court” actors claim to be acting “in the best interest of.”

However, those many state agents are so disgustingly blind to reality, that in their pathetic ignorance, the lives of so many children will be forever altered, and their psyches permanently damaged, as a direct result of the fecklessness of those pathetic, degenerate, wooden and perfunctory intermediaries who don’t just stand by as the dolts that they are, they practically bless the suffering and abuse that’s inflicted upon  innocent children. Those who are caught in the crossfire of their own mother’s vengeance, as it’s being exacted, at their expense, against their fathers.

And those dads would in many cases surely fall, and their children with them, but for those silent heroines, those women, just like Shelly who stand in and offer love and some sense of normalcy, to what otherwise would be very chaotic and hellish lives for dad and child alike.

So to Shelly and the many good and loving women and moms like her, please accept my thankfulness and gratitude for being who you are, as your selfless acts of love bring much needed normalcy and love to the lives of countless children and fathers, that would otherwise be dark and empty.

To my readers, notice what Shelly  is doing in the forthcoming email exchange. She’s doing what the many other good and loving dedicated and loyal girlfriends and wives of divorced and single dads are doing, picking up the pieces of lives that “Family Court” gratuitously leaves behind.

Tony Fantetti
Ohio Council for Fathers Rights

.—– Message from xxxxxxxx@xxxxxxxx.com —————————————-
Date: Thu, 20 Dec 2012 13:28:21 -0800 (PST)
From: Shelly Short <xxxxxxxx@xxxxxxxx.com>
Reply-To: Shelly Short <xxxxxxxx@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Father’s Rights ( or lack thereof)
To: “tony.fantetti@ocffr.org” <tony.fantetti@ocffr.org>
Tony,

I happened across your website after googling “homeless due to child support”. I’m not in Ohio, but having issues in DE and PA and can find no father’s rights groups for these states.I emailed SC Father’s Initiative (Keith Pounds) but got no reply.

In a nutshell, my boyfriend, whom I live with, after finally getting on his feet again, has recently started having about 1/2 his check taken for child support. He had moved to DE from PA in 2005, when his boy’s mother played a large role in helping him lose his job, 2 cars, housing, and of course finally his son.

Until late 2009 he lived on a relative’s sofa. Then he bought a $800 camper, and lived behind a chicken house for 6 months. Then he moved into my hell hole apartment until Feb. 2010, when we rented a decent 3 bedroom singlewide trailer in a good neighborhood so the kids would have a nice place to come to (his almost never due to a vengeful ex-girlfriend and a control freak maternal grandmother, and my son 50% of the time).

So now the one sues for more because her live-in gets thrown in jail (extensive criminal record) and PA grants it. He has an appeal the end of Feb. 2013. So for now he has no money for gas for the trip (600 miles every other weekend if they allow him visitation, you know, if it’s not an inconvenience to them) to see his children so I guess everyone gets what they want.

PA gets more federal money for their increased collection, the hateful women don’t have him “bothering” them any more, and they get more money. Oops, I forgot, he doesn’t have enough money to see his kids or even pay his bills, oh well, guess that’s in the best interest of the children.

Yes, he has a lawyer, and we are working on it, but I would really like to find a group or like minded people in our state, or if not maybe one needs to be started. By the way, if you wonder about a woman emailing you about this, when I separated from my husband in 2010, DE gave him massive child support from me but made me wait 15 months for a custody order so I could see my son.

I filed for 50/50 custody because I don’t believe in stripping fit parents from a child. And even though he makes more money than I do, I do not receive child support or alimony, I simply work my ass off. Please forgive the rant, I really am looking for contact info, but really needed to be heard. Good luck in getting the word out.

-Shelly Short

Hi Shelly,

Funny you mention Keith Pounds as I know and met him when I was in SC.  The states may be different, but as you know the stories are same. And the problem with father’s rights groups is the lack of funding.

They spend billions on enforcement, but only millions on helping fathers. It’s terrible. I don’t have the numbers readily available, but the ratio of enforcement to helping fathers is around .05%. By that I mean that out of the billions spent on enforcement, only about .05% of that same amount is spent on helping fathers.

In order to succeed as a father’s rights practitioner, you must have your own funding, as state and federal dollars are few and far between given that enforcement, and so as to squeeze blood from a turnip and thereby maximize the federal match, are where the monies are spent.

Most states don’t have anything for fathers. I don’t get involved with cases as I used to due to lack of time, so I focus on the moral support, and especially preventing suicides as that’s the only “logical out” for many who are so far behind that they’ll never climb out. Although slowly but surely, there are some national organizations that are making some good inroads with regard to legislation, and more specifically arrears.

There’s  a lot more that I wanted to do with the websites, as well as bring additional sites online, such as chat forums, but it’s a time issue as I’ve got to set the sites up myself.
I don’t question the moms who contact me Shelly. There’s only one thing worse than being a noncustodial father, and that’s being a noncustodial mother, as they have practically no support. I’ve met a few along the way and offered what I could.

The system is corrupt as you know, and I personally believe that in most cases, no “child support” should be awarded. Two fit parents should be granted equal joint custody, and each would support the child the 50% of the time they have them. I realize there would be exceptions to the rule, but they’d be just that, exceptions. However, the states would have none of it as they would no longer get their millions in federal funds.

The silver lining in the economy, is that I expect those federal dollars to eventually dry up with things as they are. And when they do, so will a lot of the ridiculous and unjust witch-hunts that we see today.

Do you mind if I post your email to the blog Shelly? I’ll remove your last name (and first if you prefer)  and use only the remaining details. If you don’t want your first name used, I’ll use “S.”

Regarding your boyfriends case, find out from the attorney if PA law allows the court to grant a deviation for the travel costs incurred for him to visit. If so, considering making the trip just once and save all the gas receipts.

And if a deviation is allowed under the law, submit the receipts and multiply them by the number of trips per month and ask for that amount as a deviation. The court would never grant what’s requested, but it may grant something. See what counsel advises in the matter.

Please advise your boyfriend  that he truly has my sympathies. The day will come when things will improve for both of you as well as the children.

Sincerely,

Tony Fantetti
Ohio Council for Fathers Rights

—– Message from <xxxxxxxx@xxxxxxxx.com> ———
Date: Tue, 25 Dec 2012 07:20:59 -0800 (PST)
From: Shelly Short <xxxxxxxx@xxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: Re: Father’s Rights ( or lack thereof)
To: Tony Fantetti <tony.fantetti(at)ocffr(dot)org>

Tony
Sure go ahead and post the email I don’t mind if you use my name. I did get one date wrong – we moved into our current house ( trailer ) in Feb 2011 not Feb 2010. I am sitting here right now watching a man pace like a caged animal because even though he has called his son repeatedly for the past month and left messages that he would be there today at 3 pm , according to the mother he never called and now he can’t see him and the cops can’t do much of anything.
Merry Christmas,
Shelly Short

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4 Responses to The Lesser Known and Rarely Discussed “Other Woman” that many Single Dads couldn’t Live Without

  1. Teresa Elliott says:

    I know the feeling,my fiancee is being dragged into court in Belmont County (for the 2nd time since 2010) for Contempt of Court.The 1st time we lived in Wv & proved with the help of Sen.Jay Rockofeller that the claimed $1600.00 arrears was actually only $212.00 because the BCSE aka CSEA is atleast 6 weeks behind on crediting payments made to them.Now here we go again Wv was taking it out of his paychecks & said in December 2012 that he had “satisfied his arrears” as of 12-31-2012 but Ohio due to lack of communication from state to state & a poorly maintained record of payments & behind like Wv was proven to be claims after Wv said $00.00 in arrears their backed up records say $850.00.Hmmmm,you just gotta love it when slow backed up Goverment Agencies are in control of innocent peoples lives & future that obviously cant keep up with their own records then think they have probable cause to sue you for what you’ve already paid.So by now they claim its over $1700.00 but in April his taxes paid $1200.00 then in May he sent $350.00. How can they not be held accountable for keeping the payment records up to date????? And if the state taking said $00.00 how far behind is Belmont County to claim $850.00 @$340.00 per month? This should be “malicious prosecution” if you ask me & bs.We’ve requested Audits from both states to prove once again that Belmont County CSEA is wrong.How many times should they get by with this & how many people who dont know they are behind on their records have gone to jail? When I finished paying my child support Wv sent me a check for $0.36 & a letter saying I had to cash it so THEY could maintain THEIR records,because Federal regulations make them keep up on records,what a joke! I still have that check & want to frame it.If these states dont keep our payment records up to date so they dont drag us in court for nothing then why should I held maintain theirs.Its too old to cash now.

    • Tony Fantetti says:

      Teresa,

      You would be amazed at the number of people who’ve told me the exact same story about Ohio’s poor record keeping. I firmly believe it’s in fact done intentionally in some cases by the State so that they continue “profiting” of extorted payments that are extracted under a very dark color of law, backed by the threat of incarceration for noncompliance.

      Sincerely,

      Tony

  2. Ann says:

    I agree, all this happens. It happens by the state to men and women. It is very sad. I went through it for years paying support, being homeless, now piecing together the dammage done to my grown kids. They have done the best considering. People don’t realize that this is a way ‘welfare’ is collected from workers, and the states profit. It needs to stop. If a person can’t work, they should not have to work. The courts have a circular business going, more conflict more business.

    • Tony Fantetti says:

      Ann,

      I’ve said many times that there’s only one thing worse than being a single father; being a single noncustodial mother. I say that because of the lack of support out there for single noncustodial moms.

      Sadly, in many cases and due to the custodial parent’s interference, the noncustodial parent (NCP) is left picking up and putting together the very badly damaged pieces of the lives of the children involved. Had the NCP been “allowed” to be involved with the child(ren)’s lives while they were growing up, their chances of being a well-adjusted productive adult would have been much greater.

      I wish that more single/remarried noncustodial mothers would speak out, as the media and public in general aren’t automatically dismissive of women’s comments. concerns, perspective like they are with men when it comes to single-parenting, divorce, custody etc.

      How long we you homeless?

      Tony Fantetti