Suicide Posing as Freedom for Fathers Unjustly Burdened with Lifetimes of “Child Support” but for Whom?

On occasion, and when I think many others will benefit from an exchange, I’ll post a users comment (and my response)  to the front page  OCFFR Blog and post it under every category as well to give it more exposure.

The following is one such exchange, and the user comments where posted by a teenaged Canadian Frenchman. And although I truly understand and can intellectualize why he presents suicide as a means for fathers to acquire “freedom”  I vehemently disagree with his conclusion that suicide is in fact the answer for  struggling dads.

There are indeed many fathers whom are unjustly saddled with “child support” debts that not only will they never have the means to pay, they’ll also be saddled with said debts for life.  Additionally, I fully understand the financial pressures and hardships of “child support” debt that one can’t pay; I personally lost three homes and was bankrupted by it as a direct result. And I recovered….But financially AND emotionally.

So had I committed suicide during the darkest days of my darkest years (and only God knows just how dark were those roads that I traveled during those many years of living hell), not only would I not have recovered financially as I have (and I credit God for the same), but I also wouldn’t be doing that which I am today. Additionally,  I also have good reason to believe that efforts to offer moral support to others via this website has prevented numerous suicides.

Sadly, there are still those who I believe still made the choice to find their freedom in the taking of their own life, such as this user who commented here in the Spring of 2012.

The following is the exchange (posted today) that I referenced, and it took place under this OCCFR Blog entry. I find the timing interesting, given the recent comment (at the bottom of page) posted here by Robert. And although I don’t know Robert and nor have I ever spoken to him, I firmly believe that he would agree with Kopf. That said, I would vehemently disagree with both if that were indeed the case.

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Posted by Kotf

Nothing to gain, Nothing more to lose….
Why even live if you cant be your own, wouldn’t you feel better dead?
That’s the point!
WHy even live if you wont ever see your child again!
She’ll make sure to say to your own child how a shitty father you are as he grow up, so why are you guys bothering?

Play your last card, Tell her that there is nothing more to gain If you cant see your own son grow up.
That it would be better for her to let you see your child than to never receive money ever again!

If she doesnt play with your rule well…
Ghost are no more different than you to the point that death is gain.
A part of her is livin inside you and once you’ll be gone, it’s going to hurt and destroy her.

Im french and still a teen sorry for mistakes.

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Posted by Kotf
2013/01/26 at 22:46 | In reply to Steve.

when will you finally awake, there’s a part of you that is craving for freedom, No matter how far you have been broken, it’s still here.
I dont know what I would do if I was you, But I know that nothing would ever stop me from being free, Even if it would cost life itself.
Remember one day, it’s going to be over and you wont have to pay Child support again.
Keep holding on into life knowing that you are not the only one fighting this fight. Do it because you are a man!
best wishes

I’m scared of women now, and that’s a good thing, so many great story written by real men!

Sorry for mistakes I’m french.

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Posted by Tony Fantetti
2013/01/27 at 10:29 | In reply to Kotf.

Kotf,

Thank you for your comments, they’re an interesting perspective and most appreciative. However, I must challenge you on your thinking as it appears that your position is one that proclaims that suicide is the “answer” and “way out” in times of extreme adversity, and I cannot subscribe to that. You position ‘freedom’ as the reward for taking ones own life, but fail to identify whom has been ‘freed’ as a result. The main points I take issue with regard to your position of suicide as the answer are these:

1. Are the children (especially) and the family members of the deceased (who took their own life) “free”, or will they be forever be enslaved by what they saw, felt, and will forever suffer with emotionally
as a result of a father’s suicide?

2. Once a child of a “child support” order is free from the entrapment of an emotionally and psychologically abusive custodial mother, one who interfered and denied custody to the point where the father was unwillingly forced out of a child’s life, said child is free to re-engage their father after they’ve grown and left the formerly unbreakable control of the mother’s home. However, if the father committed suicide, where does that leave the children whom are now free from their mother’s oppressive control and desire a relationship with their father? A grave site to visit and “bond” with?

3. Many of history’s great and well-known persons, such as Dewey Bozella Watchman Nee, Anne Frank, Corrie Ten Boom and many more would have amounted to next to nothing had they chosen “freedom” by committing suicide to escape their own horrendous situations. But again I ask, for whom would have suicide afforded freedom, those who took their lives, or those whose would have been freed (through the works of the aforementioned) had they not died by their own hands? Those I’ve mentioned changed the course of history because they made the selfless decision to stand strong, were determined not to succumb to defeat, and thereby freed others (and Dewey continues to) through their works.

4. Prior to speaking of the ‘freedom’ found in suicide, one must be sure that they’re on the right side of religion. I don’t believe that suicide in and of itself causes God to cast someone into Hell as some religions proclaim, however I do believe in Hell, and don’t care to find myself in it after my life expires. Please understand that I don’t ask you to subscribe to my beliefs, I merely point to them to illustrate that if one’s seat in Heaven isn’t yet guaranteed, and they are met with death, then Hell is where they ultimately will find themselves. And that’s anything but freedom.

So while I really appreciate your comments, and truly find them intriguing, I must disagree with your position on suicide. However, and with regard to your position on women, I think that you are very wise to be afraid of them. Personally, and given today’s nearly global anti-father climate, I think young men would be wise to forgo relationships and sex with women all together, and thereby live a life of solitude if they value their freedom.

To further explain my position; I certainly don’t think that all women are evil, however many are, just as many men are. But the danger of dating, falling into love and have a child with an evil woman, is the difference in many cases, between a lifetime of freedom, or a lifetime of servitude, financial and emotional slavery and bondage. In short, a man has everything to lose, and for a lifetime in some cases, if he picks the wrong woman. Therefore, and given today’s climate of misandry, my advise to men both young and old would be, “stay single and stay celibate, as you have everything to lose, for a lifetime in some cases, if you choose the wrong woman.”

Since you mentioned being French and given your email address, please visit the Canadian website fathersforlife.org, and more specifically the area Men who Broke.

Sincerely,

Tony Fantetti

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4 Responses to Suicide Posing as Freedom for Fathers Unjustly Burdened with Lifetimes of “Child Support” but for Whom?

  1. jason Ford says:

    Hello my name is jason I am a 32 yr old single father of a beautiful 12yr old daughter that I have sole custody of. I raise her alone she has not seen her mother or heard from her in nearly 4yrs.
    I also have another child from a mess short term relationship where I found out the mother was hooked on oxycodone I found this out before I found out she was pregnant. To make a long story short she had the child whom spent some time into the hospital due to the drug abuse. The child’s name is Jeremy he is now 3 and I have yet to ever meet him. I did however pay child support for Jeremy while he was in the care of his mother. About a year ago the grandmother took legal custody of Jeremy and at that time I was sent a refund check of 1 month of child support and was told by the enforcement agencies that I was to stop paying child support. Fast forward to now.. Myself and the mother are being forced to pay child support to the grandmother. I am being forced to not not only pay more than I paid the mother.. I am being forced to pay double what the mother is paying + I just received papers today saying that I am in the rears on child support nearly $4000.
    I was barely able to get by raising my daughter before when this hit. Now they are asking for more I will not even be able to keep a roof over her head and food on the table. Add in the fact that they are talking about taking all my taxes. I can’t do it I use that money throughout the year to get by. I don’t make alot of money.. I don’t receive child support for my daughter.. Nor do I receive any assistance. I’m at a loss I don’t know what to do.

    And situations like this are why some of us see suicide as some sort of freedom… Worse part about this situation is where would my daughter go if I go….

    • Tony Fantetti says:

      Jason,

      Are you truly considering putting your daughter in such a situation as this?
      “Worse part about this situation is where would my daughter go if I go….”

      If you don’t get a tax refund, they can’t seize it. There are ways to avoid having your income tax refunds intercepted.

      You can also file a motion to modify the support order. And to your point about being forced to pay more support than the mother, that’s by design and due to the discrimination against fathers that’s built into the system.

      Sincerely,

      Tony

  2. sharon smith says:

    my son is trying to find someone to help him with the same situation as far being able to afford paying bills and child support. they just took all of his taxes and paid them to her.she makes more money than him.we don’t know how she managed to get that amount is there anyone that can help him he cant afford a attorney.please e-mail me me and let us know.

    • Tony Fantetti says:

      Sharon,

      If I had only $1 for every person that asked for free counsel or an attorney at a reduced cost, I’d have a nice sum of money. I know of no one who’s willing to help financially struggling single fathers for a reduced fee. Custodial mothers on the other hand are appointment attorney’s for free to represent them in cases where felony criminal charges were brought forth for nonsupport of a minor child after a father loses his job through no fault of his own and is subsequently denied a reduction in his “child support” obligation.

      The best way for him to avoid having his income tax refunds intercepted and given to her is to not get an income tax in the first place. That can be accomplished by changing the amount tax withholding on his W-4 form. More information can be found on the IRS’ website.

      Tony