The story below was posted as a comment by a father named Corey in April 2012.
Corey’s story is very moving and clearly illustrates how the State of Ohio’s draconian and very abusive “child support” tactics actually harm children. That’s no secret to the millions of fathers nationwide living the “child support” nightmare, however there are those “sheeple” who are both unknowingly and willfully blind to the lies, thievery, and injustices that drive Ohio’s “child support” system.
For those who don’t know, the reason I usually put quotes around “child support” is because studies have shown that it’s anything but in most cases. Mommy welfare and mommy support is what it really is. Unbiased studies have shown that at best, and in some cases, only 30-35% of “child support” is actually spent on the children. The rest of said payments actually support and in many cases, enhance, the noncustodial parent’s lifestyle.
Nationwide, 84% of noncustodial parents are mothers, and they are by far the greatest number of “child support” recipients. For those custodial fathers who wrongfully accept “child support?” Shame on you as well. There are some cases where “child support” is warranted. However, it’s not generally justified in the amounts warranted, regardless of how justifiable it may be.
It’s also worth mentioning that Ohio’s “child support” related statutes have changed somewhat in the past few years. Therefore, and for those who’ve not had a hearing recently and are either due one due to a qualifying change of circumstance, or the amount of time that’s passed (two years) since their last hearing, it may be worth it to go back and request a downward deviation for qualifying circumstances.
Corey’s story is below, and notice his living conditions as well as those of his daughter, and tell me; is that in his daughter’s best interests? Also, notice how his youngest child’s mom uses the child as a weapon by denying visitation to “punish” him for not doing what she wants and how his visitation time varies depending on the children’s mothers moods and needs. That’s a very common tactic and promotes Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS)
Also take notice of the sense of entitlement display by the youngest child’s mother. As soon as she gets word that Corey has purchased anything that betters his and his oldest daughter’s lifestyle, she demands more from him. Her arrogance and sense of entitlement is utterly astounding, especially given her own lifestyle which if it’s accurately described by Corey, is very comfortable, far more than is his.
What Corey stated here speaks volumes about the public’s deep-seated contempt for single fathers;
” gave her whatever I could when I had it, this was never enough and would use that fact that I had purchased these things as fact I could give her more. I’m sure some of you reading this would probably agree and start bashing me.
Although I don’t agree that he can or should give her more, the majority of the populace, especially child support moms, would agree and therefore bash him because he dares to “attempt” to better his and his daughter’s lives.
Finally, and before proceeding to Corey’s story, I’m quite certain that with regard to comments, the silence from the child support moms (I’m referring ONLY to those by choice and with no moral just cause for such) will be absolutely deafening;
“please all you self righteous deadbeat dad haters please tell me how I’m getting what I deserved for having kids. Tell me what a piece of shit dad i am. Please explain to me how this is all being done under the guise of what’s best in the kid’s interest.
The following is Corey’s story:
Hello, and welcome to my story.
I am a single father and have 4 kids with 2 different mothers. My oldest two with one mother and my youngest two with a second. With my oldest 2 I have full custody of our daughter and she has full custody of our son. She does not want child support from me because I am a good dad and despite our differences we have enough of a relationship that either of us have access to our children respectively and share in the raising of them. But because I am a working father and she receives SSI and state assistance the state reserved the right to come after me for child support. Since I was making less then my “expected worth” child support was based apoun what my “expected worth” was Totally ignoring the fact that I was also receiving support from the state in food stamps & medical (for my other 3 kids and GF that was a stay at home mom the entire relationship) since I was not making enough money to support myself and my children. I was ordered to pay support. I busted my ass to get this re looked into but since I had no money for a lawyer I was denied at every turn. I was forced to find a way to continue to survive and provide for all of my family.
A few years later my youngest kids mom decided that she wanted to sleep with my best friend after being together for 5 years…long story short, yet another split household (Me and my oldest daughter moved out and into low income housing and began to try and put our lives back together (again). We (the ex and I) were able to keep things “equitable” and verbally agreed that we shared 50/50 custody. I would take them one week, she the next. This continued on for a year or so until she moved in with her new BF and got married. This is when things started to get problematic and I would be denied time with the kids or “punished” for not being able to take our kids when she wanted. During this time I was laid off from my job with the federal government when the economy tanked. I was receiving unemployment, paying child support (still based on my “worth”), actively looking for work, fending off bill collectors, raising a daughter full time and staying active and involved with my 3 other kids (40 to 60% depending on the mothers moods and needs). When unemployment ran out I still could not find work (according to the national workforce centers I was in a group of unemployed Americans dubbed unemployable due to age, debt, economy and credit score!!). So I used my knowledge and experience as a computer tech and I opened my own computer repair business. I repaired computers from my home, subcontracted out to larger firms to do in home warranty repairs in remote locations. In no way was I living up to my “worth” but I was managing, I was holding it together, I was still a father doing the best I could with the cards I had. What little I got for tax refunds in that 3 years was purely based on EIC because I PHYSICLY had 1 child in the home (I used that money to try and stabilize my situation, make car repairs, went cloths shopping for all my kids, made up for b-days not properly celebrated and I did the unthinkable in one of my exes eyes…over those 3 years I bought a TV to replace my 10 year old one, a couch to replace my 14 year old one and a portable all-in-one washer and dryer). Once my youngest kids mom learned of this from that moment on she started to ask me for more and more money. I gave her whatever I could when I had it, this was never enough and would use that fact that I had purchased these things as fact I could give her more. I’m sure some of you reading this would probably agree and start bashing me. I also think it is rather important and enlightening to point out some facts.
During this time she is married and between them are making between 50-60K a year (gross) they have a house. In their garage they have ATV’s, snowmobiles, motorcycle and a boat. Over the last 5 years they have bought 3 couches (that I know of) and at least 1 TV, a new dodge charger, has a truck and a suv. They also have 4 kids in and out of the house. He has a daughter that lives with her mom and my ex has a daughter from a previous relationship and our two kids. They also enjoy regular road trips, vacations, concerts and date nights. Meanwhile I live in low income housing, I’m running my own business making 12-14k (gross), have a 97 Pontiac firebird (fully paid for), receiving medical assistance for my oldest daughter, and still managing to regularly have my kids and paying child support for my oldest son.
7-8 Months ago a friend referred me to a job opening as a home health aide; no experience necessary and they were in need. I had never done this, this was not my chosen “field” but a job is a job!!! So I applied and I GOT THE JOB!!! For the first time in 3 years I was looking at a dependable income. Not only was I now a full time employee but I was also working overnight shifts that were 1 week on 1 week off. Now I had a budget to work with and could try and put my life back together (again) and be even more available for my kids and dare I say it….I would be able to have a decent x-mass with my kids and b-day presents….yes these were things that were weighting heavy on me over those years and now I was going to be able to start to break even in life.
Until……She filed for child support on me and was asking the court for $450 a month. Shortly after that my car started to breakdown and the shop estimate would be 4k to fix. We went to court and the judged took her gross income and my gross income and combined and split down the middle. But because custody or visitation was never established by the court and despite the fact that I was able to prove over the last 6 months I have had the kids and have an active role in my kids lives she was awarded child support. The judge sighted that she was eligible to receive $411 a month but that he did not feel he could only leave me with $800 a month to live off of (which is almost $700 below the Federal poverty line for a house hold of 2). So he instead ordered me to pay $300 a month plus % of medical expenses and any child care costs she should incur (in the best interest of the kids). Effectively leaving me with $900 a month ($600 below federal poverty) minus whatever medical or child care expenses they incur since I will now be too broke to take care of them. Now it currently costs me $1400 a month for basic living expenses (rent, gas, insurance, utilities, and food). I will be $500 short every month.
While 3 of my kids are afforded the right to be financially supported by me and my time with them all but ignored my oldest daughter is afforded no such right. Because low income housing is determined by gross income my rent cannot be adjusted. Child support is taken out after taxes and there by dose not affect gross income. I was also told and I quote “Paying child support is not considered a basic living expense and is treated as a bill, something that can be ignored or not paid” Effectively making me pay %60 of my gross. I contacted food support and was told the exact same thing, child support dose not effect gross and I therefore make too much money to receive medical for myself or food stamps for my daughter and kids when there here (which by the way they don’t count as being in my house since the mother is presumed to have full custody).
With one stroke of a pen based on some ridiculous system I went from being an active father, full time employee and barely making ends meet to $600 behind on child support and next month I will not have enough money to pay for my BASIC needs and will be far enough behind on child support that I can be labeled a dead beat dad and taken to jail for failure to pay. Legal aid cannot help because they don’t do child support, I obviously cannot afford a lawyer and my future prospect is to lose my job because I cannot get to work, become homeless, go to jail for child support evasion and loose custody of my oldest daughter because I cannot properly support her in the eyes of social services. And as I am typing this my oldest daughter is standing behind me asking if there is anything to eat and my ex is asking me to find a babysitter for the kids (I have to work) so her and her husband can go out and celebrate……please all you self righteous deadbeat dad haters please tell me how I’m getting what I deserved for having kids. Tell me what a piece of shit dad i am. Please explain to me how this is all being done under the guise of what’s best in the kid’s interest.
There really is only one option, atleast maybe my daughter will have a chance at a decent life.