Editor’s Note: The single mom who wrote the piece below originally posted it as a comment to this lawsuit against the State of Ohio. However, I decided to post it on the front page as her words are very moving in my humble opinion.
I wanted to say some things about child support. I believe that children should be supported by both parents, not just one paying his or her ex monies that they can use however they feel they want too.
And for those parents who do pay child support it should never be so much money they cant live comfortably and provide for that same child in their own home as well. The whole child support system is in SERIOUS, DESPERATE need of reconfiguring.
I am a mother who was a single parent raising her children on very limited funds, child support was ordered but none has ever been received. But, I took care of my children on my little salary if I can do it on what I made anyone is able to do it as well!
I am not saying that it was fair or right to do it all by myself and their father not HELP support them some, just making a point we made it, and by the way I didnt get foodstamps- I worked made 7.50 hr and provided for a family of 4.
If my children would have received any child support it would be have been used on them as this money is NOT for me! I think I am one of the few mothers who may feel this way as I have seen so many women and some men mis-use the child support system and the money they should be using on their childrens’ needs, but use it for themselves.
I also want to say I am not tooting my own horn or trying to make myself look good, life was hard as a single parent sole provider but we made it and we were ok.
I have also taken notice how some women have said men should not have other families or basically should not go on with their lives because their child support to their child should be their number one priority-shame on you, you women who feel this way.
A man who is happy and moving on or having other children does not mean he wont love his other children, how about you, does this mean if you move on, remarry or have another relationship or child you may not fully love your first child(ren) how stupid to say or think!!!
I have also noticed because my husband and I have ex spouses who abuse the system- that the woman seems to feel she should have an entitlement because she has the children.
What my main beef is -is when either parent uses their children as a paycheck, or way of life for themselves and the child support system does absolutely nothing about it-they just make it easy to do and they should be punished as well, sitting there in their state job with excellent pay and benefits making life extremely hard for the parents who do try to support their children while the ex spouse, partner is living it up spending all this money that is supposed to be taking care of their children!!!
Where is the accountability to the children????Where? I know of a woman who lived off of her child for years- moved countless times in an out of homes rent free at times and for two years her child no longer lived with her and she was still collecting child support.
The father tried and tried to get it stopped through the county but the only thing they would tell him was to get a lawyer!!! hmm, thought they were supposed to be non biased (this is their claim) and tell me how it was in the best interest of the child for her to continue collecting the money and not go back to the father who had the child living with him full time and was basically paying double.
It took a small fortune to hire an attorney and get it stopped. Tell me how did she get away with it? The law is you tell the csea of your new address, your change of custody even if its not court ordered the physical custody has changed -you are to report!!!! This woman received thousands and thousands of dollars for those 2 yrs and her daughter NEVER received anything out of it at all!!!!
The court finally ordered a stop to her receiving the child support but she doesnt have to pay all of the money back- they sent them to mediation first and the man thought agreeing to less back would speed up the ending of payments still being taken from his check, did nothing of the sort just allowed her to get away with so much.
I just wish that the children- which are truly the ones who suffer most would stop being used as pawns, and paychecks but seen as the true things they are and that is precious children who need the love and support of both parents(in most cases, I know there are situations this is not best, abuse etc) and even though the parents are no longer together should find a way to get along to the absoute best way possible for their own childrens sake!!!
Ladies, who collect child support this is not an all out bash to you, I know there are other women out there who would never manipulate their children and do not use them as pawns and personal paychecks but honestly the majority do, and you know some yourself. I have seen it time and time again with my own eyes and heard it out of their mouths.
There isnt one of us who walks the face of this earth who is a perfect person or perfect parent we will and do make mistakes but listen, when you are a selfish or greedy parent your children suffer from this emotionally and sometimes physically (maybe no food, shelter etc) dont use your children as pawns or paychecks, and if you do receive child support REMEMBER its CHILD support not alimony and it should be used to provide for YOUR child(ren)
Hoping for Change