Happy Fathers Day

Today is Father’s Day,  a day that can be filled with conflicting emotions for some single dads. Overall, it’s generally considered a happy and blessed day for those dads who have access to their children and thereby can see and speak to them on a regular basis.

However, for those single dads who’ve been cursed with having to deal with an unrelenting custodial mother who stops at nothing in her efforts to completely force you out of your child’s life, then Father’s Day is one that’s filled with ambiguous feelings that left unchecked, will have you feeling bitter, angry, resentful and worst of all, severely depressed by day’s end.

There’s little else that’s worse than being a father who’s forced, by court order and against his will, to not be a father. And that’s exactly what court-ordered father absenteeism does to millions of good, loving and hurting dads. It actively prevents them (and under the penalty of incarceration for trying to “step up”) from being the involved good and loving fathers they desire so strongly to be.

Being forced against your will, as most single dads are, into being a single dad is an extremely difficult burden to bear. Most single dads came to be at the behest of a money grubbing mother (obviously not in all cases) that was and probably still is, hell bent on separating you from your children, and such was accomplished merely by the signature of some cold-hearted  black-hat judge. Proof that the pen is indeed mightier than the sword.

I truly wish all dads a the happiest of Father’s Day, but in doing so, do recognize just how incredibly painful a day it can be for those single dads who must battle a highly contentious mother for each and every moment, be that in person, on the phone or otherwise, with your child(ren).

Such adversity is more painful, difficult and depressing (to a crippling degree, and both emotionally and physically) than words could ever describe.  And understanding and comprehending the magnitude of the difficulty of the same is something that simply cannot be explained in order to assimilate; rather, it must be experienced in order to identify with.

To use an analogy, it’s like swimming. To understand, comprehend and feel what it’s like to swim can’t be explained, it must be experienced, period. And so it is with being a single dad separated from his children, and who didn’t ask nor agree to become such, as it was forced upon him unwillingly.

And what makes single fatherhood that’s forced upon someone a hell like no other, is when the custodial mother (or father in the case of some noncustodial single mothers) does all that is within her means to not only keep you separated from your children, but also does everything she can to sabotage all efforts by you to make contact with your children.

Dads react differently to combative single moms knowingly trying to sever the fathers contact and ties to his children. Some bury the accompanying and very painful emotions. Some dads “walk away” and resign themselves to a point later in life, usually when their children have become adults themselves, wherein they will re-initiate contact in the hopes of finally having a meaningful relationship with their children. While yet other fathers do the unthinkable, and that with which some have done shortly after posting to this site or contacting me; they commit suicide.

Please hear me when I say, “don’t EVER lose hope, and your children DO LOVE YOU and NEED YOU, and they also desire to HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU!” And that, despite what, and contrary to, their mother says. It’s critical that you don’t allow yourself to become defeated emotionally, and as a result, believe the lies yourself.

Fathers who commit suicide are fathers who have not only become despondent, they are those who’ve also succumbed to and believed the many lies that have been told to and about them by others. And others include their children’s mother, the media, and in some cases, their own friends and family.

Father’s Day is obviously supposed to be not only a happy and joyous day, but one that’s to be celebrated and lavished in emotionally by dads. However, it’s the polar opposite to desperate dads who’ve not only been forcefully separated from their children via their children’s mother through court-ordered father absenteeism, but whom also must fight what seems like a never-ending battle to maintain contact with their children.

If you are one of those fathers, please know that one day, things “will” change for the better. It may not be for years to come, but that day will indeed come, so long as you persevere and never lose hope.

Again, I wish all dads a very happy and joyous Father’s Day! But to you dads where today is anything but, please know this. I am thinking about how difficult are your hardships, struggles and difficulties, I understand how debilitating depression can be, I have been where you are, I’ve struggled as you have, and this I know to be true; the day WILL COME, that your own situation improves, your depression lifts, and you will finally have that relationship with your children that you’ve always desired.

And with each passing day, “that day” gets one day closer and will arrive, so long as you never lose hope and perseverance.

Happy Father’s Day!

Tony Fantetti
Ohio Council for Fathers Rights

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